Beyond The Hand Of Fear
by Garfield71
Summary: So Doc 4 and Sarah just returned to the Tardis from their visit to Castria in Hand of Fear. It's the episode where 4 takes Sarah home and screws it up. But what if this adventure had ended very differently for some reason? Will be rated M in later chapters
1. Chapter 1

1

"Goodbye Castria!" The Doctor took one last glance at the barren landscape on the console screen, then turned away with disgust. The merry tone in his voice gave it away, he was more than happy to leave that bleak chunk of rock in space behind, along with Eldrad, it's malevolent inhabitant.

"Do you think Eldrad is dead then?" Sarah shuddered. Chills were still shaking her despite the Doctor's much too large coat that was loosely draped around her shoulders. She rubbed her hands, asking herself is she'd ever feel warm again.

Finally they were in flight, away from the wretched place and the adrenaline from the fight to the death wore off, leaving him exhausted, emotionally empty. "Oh, I doubt it. Very difficult to kill!" the Timelord mused. Suddenly, with an erratic outburst the Tardis lurched sideways so violently that both of them hastily grabbed the next best piece of railing to stay on their feet.

"Oh easy, very easy," he muttered in an attempt to appease his sentient ship. "These temperatures must have affected the thermal couplings," he muttered, fiddling with some switches and levers in an attempt to fix the problem.

Sarah wasn't so sure that this was due to the temperatures. It seemed like Doctor's ship quite often bucked and jolted on purpose but when she she mentioned it he always went to ridiculous lengths to excuse her antics. Exhausted and still frozen stiff she watched the Doctor with some disdain. "Yes, I know how she feels. I think Castria must be the coldest place in the galaxy!" she complained with another fit of shivers.

"Rubbish, I've been to much colder places!" he dismissed her.

"Oh, big deal, it's all right for you. But I'm human. We are not so thick skinned!" Sarah snapped back, wondering like quite a few times lately what had gotten into her Time Lord friend. At the moment she was just too exhausted to take too good to one of his unpredictable moody fits. She sighed, having an argument with him was so hopeless, anything you threw at him just dripped off.

She watched how he let himself down to the floor and stuck his head under the console, in an instant completely absorbed in his ship's affairs which were obviously much more important business for him than her well being. But as if this hadn't been enough ignorance next he began to demand his tools. This was great, Sarah thought with some bitterness, just great. For once she needed to pour out her heart to a friend, she needed his understanding, being comforted, being warmed after only just surviving this latest adventures. And now this!

"What did you say?" he absentmindedly asked, voice muffled by the console.

He was just so thick! Thick and stubborn and unfeeling! She felt being degraded to nothing more than just a lackey to the high and mighty Lord of Time. It didn't usually bother her so much to be turned into his humble assistant after a life as a fiercely independent journalist, but after today's events it was just too much! Oh how she sometimes missed the gentleman in ruffles and velvet he used to be in his previous incarnation. Back then at least he had style and manners, after the regeneration he had turned into one big, immature, self centred jerk!

"Thick Skinned!" she shouted at him, but his head had already vanished in an opening in the foot of the console and his mind was light years away.

"Oh good, good!" he muttered. He had at least noticed that she spoke to him, but the message had clearly been lost somewhere on the way between his timelordy eardrums and brains. She picked up the tool kit and handed him what he had asked for even if she felt much more like throwing it out of the next window. Of course the console room didn't have windows that could be used for that purpose, she realized with some regret.

"You know, I might as well talk to the moon, you don't even listen to me!"

He just babbled on, rummaging around in the cavity of the Tardis console, declaring his demand for another tool.

With a desperate sigh she dug through the bag and gave him what he wanted. She huddled deeper into his coat and crouched down at the foot of the console in a little heap of misery.

"Oh I must be mad! I'm sick of being cold and wet, hypnotised left and rigth and center," she ranted. "I'm sick of being shot at by bug eyed monsters, never knowing if I'm coming or going or being!"

He just held out his hand in request of the next tool.

Oh she could as well talk to the moon! He was hopeless! Utterly hopeless! An utterly uncivilised space hobo! "I want a bath, look at my hair! I want to feel like a human again!"

His head shortly emerged from the hole and he stretched out his hand, obviously still not paying attention to what she had to say. "Forget the Sius Plug, I'll have the Sonic Screwdriver." With those words the mop of curls vanished in the opening again.

"And I'm sick of that Sonic Screwdriver!" She still handed it to him, but fuming with rage now.

"I'm gonna pack my goodies and I'm going home!" she finally declared, having had enough of his antics. And she meant it!

No reaction.

When she had previously thought, that this man had some kind of affection for her she must have been fooling herself she bitterly concluded. No wonder, aunt Lavinia had always warned her that men were no good. It obviously it didn't even matter whether they came from a hippie community on earth or from anywhere else in the universe.

"I SAID, I'M GOING TO PACK MY GOODIES AND I AM GOING HOME!"

There was no reaction!

With an outburst of fury she jumped to her feet."Excuse me!" she snapped at him. The Doctor's bulky form was in her way. With one long stride she stepped over his midriff and rushed out, smashing the door to vent off her outrage.

"What have you said?" The Doctor's head emerged from the opening in the console.

"I don't know, why she's going on like this!" he grumbled, then he discovered that Sarah had left the console room.

Overwhelming shame for treating her like that boiled up in his mind. But it would be easier for her he tried to rationalize his cruel behaviour using the cold Time Lord logic they had taught him at the academy.

Today was the day! He got up and slowly, with aching hearts set the coordinates for South Croydon, leaning heavily on the railing of the wood panelled console. He didn't have to put up the show for much longer now. Thinking about it his head drooped and he rubbed his weary face. Like so many times in the recent past he chastised himself for the stupid, undignified, utterly disturbing amount of feelings that this young human had managed to evoke in him, and that threatened to cripple his ability to think rationally.

Some time ago, he had worked out a credible excuse, no, not an excuse, a mean lie to give him a good reason to drop her off at home. Since then he'd been waiting for the right occasion. A few times he'd been so close to doing it, but so far whenever he had been face to face with her he had bottled out. He cringed. What a coward he was! But today he wouldn't even need a lie. Two or three times she had already announced the wish to leave but in the end never suited the action to the word. With bitterness he admitted that he had successfully driven her to the point where she seemed to be fairly serious about it. He felt like a jerk. No, was a jerk, putting his loyal friend off like that. The most miserable creature this side of the Milky Way. He knew he could face down Daleks, Cybermen, Makra, mad scientists and natural disasters. What he as unable to face was his own feelings. This was just no good, it couldn't continue, because it was breaking him apart. He was hardly the expert at self discipline, but he braced himself for what had to be done.

"Hem, hem!" Sarah cleared her throat loudly to announce her return and the door fell shut with a satisfactorily loud thud. Still leaning over the console, the Doctor plucked up all his courage, he dreaded to face her. And suddenly, when he saw the weary expression on her face he was suddenly completely unable to keep up the gruff show.

"You're a good girl, Sarah!" he started hesitantly, clumsily, voice clogged, deliberately not turning to look at her. He had planned to wordlessly open her the door and then take off. But he couldn't. Once more he looked at her and his determination faltered. He was simply unable to deliver the final blow to their friendship. Not when he had to look into her eyes. The lie! Stupid as it was, it was his last straw now! He had to make sure that she left him. If possible without breaking her heart, too.

"It's too late to apologize! I'm packed. I wanna go!" she yelled.

"How did you know?" He asked her, voice low, finally turning to face his ultimate nemesis. He knew her all too well and could guess how she was going to react. He was desperately hoping that he was able to pull off the innocent act convincingly enough, hoping that she would still remember him as some sort of friend, and maybe, eventually forgive him.

"What?" she asked, and all her anger melted away under his gaze, just as he had predicted.

Sarah knew she couldn't be mad at this impossible, arrogant, overgrown child of a man, but she also knew, she'd never be able to withstand him when he looked at her like that.

"I had a call from Gallifrey," he lied, quietly, his hearts bleeding, unsure if he'd ever be able to ever forgive himself.

"So?" she asked, uncertainty in her voice now where it had been angry only moments before, not quite sure what to make of this.

"So I can't take you with me. You've got to leave."

"Oh!" she exclaimed, "come on! I can't miss Gallifrey. I was only joking!" she exclaimed hopefully, honestly regretting her hasty outburst of frustration, but the sad, serious look in those expressive grey-blue eyes, that she loved so much, told her that this was for real. "I didn't mean it! Hey, you are not going to regenerate again, are you?" she continued, shaken, not really knowing what to say, the realisation that this might be really the end of her travels, of her time with him, what he really meant to her hitting her like a brick.

"Not this time. I don't know what is going to happen," was all he muttered in reply.

He was suddenly so serious and thoughtful in a way, she had rarely ever seen on him before, and that all of a sudden frightened her.

"You are playing one of your jokes on me, trying to make me stay, right," she clutched the last straw, still hoping.

"No. I've received a call. And as a Time Lord I have to obey." He nearly choked on every single, hypocritical word.

"Alone!" she asked, almost desperate now.

"Yes," he replied, sharper than he had intended, glad that the light in his secondary console room was so subdued that his watery eyes were hidden in the shades. He tore himself away from her, the necessities of his ship giving him a welcomed reason to busy himself, a tear or two trickled down his face and fell unseen onto the control panel.

"Well, then, I'll be off," she replied, a kind of shock state now setting in. "Maybe... maybe you can just drop in for a visit! You'll always be welcome." She knew he was a restless wanderer, not a person who sentimentally held onto things, but still she desperately hoped that this wasn't goodbye forever. "And I give your love to Harry, and the Brigadier, oh, and I will tell professor Watson that you are all right."

The Doctor hardly paid attention to what she said. "We have landed, Sarah," he finally told her, voice low, still with his back to her, unable to face her, the fact that she forgave him so easily hurting him like a stab in the guts.

"What?"

"We have landed!" the Doctor repeated quietly.

"Where?"

"South Croydon, Hill View Road to be exact." So this was the last act. Before the curtain dropped. Soon it was over.

"That's my home. Well...I'll be off then,", she tried to give her voice a cheerful note, but it faltered, she was just too overwhelmed by this hasty farewell. She hesitated, then shed out of the Doctor's coat and handed it back to him. Then silently picked up her few belongings.

"Don't forget me," was all she managed.

"Sarah, don't you forget me." He uttered a sad little laugh at the idea that he could ever forget her. So many occasions came to his mind where he had been less than kind and attentive to her. She definitely deserved better. But still he sincerely hoped that she'd always hold him dear, somewhere in that big single heart of hers.

She just shook her head, with a sad little half smile, giving in to of his request, "Bye Doctor," she muttered, full of gratitude for the amazing time he had shared with her. It dawned on her that it would take a long time to get over all this, to settle down in a normal human life, to get over him.

The warmth of her farewell was nearly too much for him. With a heartbroken "bye," he put on his coat, this was not the moment to let himself go. Later he would have enough time to to break down, to rest in the zero room, to seek solace in solitude or in distraction, but not right now. He took one long last look at her how she walked up the steps to the door to etch this view into his memory forever.

Sarah turned back, "you know, travel does broaden..."

She swayed. Staggering forward she got hold of the wall to steady herself.

The Doctor's hearts seemed to skip a beat. With a few long strides he was at her side, caught her in mid fall and eased her to the floor as violent tremors began to shake her slender frame.


	2. Chapter 2

"Sarah! Sarah, can you hear me?" he crooned, patting her cheek.

Moments ago he had wanted her out of his life, now he was overwhelmed with worry for her. If she had collapsed only one minute later, after he had left, alone on that street... He couldn't even think of what could have happened then. It would have been his fault, he chided himself.

Her cheek was cold and sweaty under his palm. She was staring up at him with an eerily empty expression, he found some recognition in her eyes but she hardly responded. In a fit of despair he swooped her up in his arms. Holding her trembling body close to him he rushed out of the console room, took the next staircase down two steps at once, then hasted down another corridor, through the door to the med bay, into to a large, circular room with a scanner at the centre. Gently he lowered her limp body on the table beneath the bulky piece of technology that hung from the ceiling like a high tech stalagtite.

In a frenzy he operated the controls and soon the results were flickering over the screen. With a frown he learned that she had neither been poisoned, nor was she the victim of any kind of radiation, nor of anything else the even his advanced equipment could detect. But when the screen showed a three dimensional scan of her brain the image began to flash red in several places. Her brain activity was abnormally high but he couldn't find any physical reason for it.

The conclusion he came to this was a very nasty one and unsettling him to the marrow. There was one thing she had been exposed to:

Eldrad.

Had he caused the damage when he possessed her? He cursed himself for his self absorbed stupidity, that her complaints hadn't been alarmed him. Tenderly he stroked her cheek, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. "You're going to sleep now, and when you wake up you'll feel much better. I promise!"

He pushed aside all his worries, as they would only impair his efforts and took her head in both of his hands. His trembling fingers found the best spots at her temples, he closed his eyes, and concentrated. Quickly he found the barrier, gently pushed through it and let his consciousness slip into her mind. There was no need to go looking for the trouble, waves of fear and confusion crashed through her consciousness with the force of a storm. He was nearly washed away by the chaos that raged through her neuronal patterns when for a moment he opened up his mind a bit too much. He reinforced his defences and dug deeper into her consciousness until he found the right spot, he took a deep breath, then gave her tormented soul peace, sending her to a state of deep unconsciousness.

When this was accomplished he gritted his teeth. Probing further he quickly he found the source of Sarah's seizure. Some of the relays where the consciousness linked into the central nervous system were in complete chaos, sending shock waves of erratic electric impulses through her brain. With great concern he watched the complex and still deteriorating mental activities and was for a moment lost, uncertain if he could help her at all. She was definitely on a downward spiral and he had no idea how much time she still had. For a moment he contemplated taking her her to the healers of Vors, or to the telepaths of Shaalaambhg V, or even to Gallifrey to give her the proper treatment but while he was busy piloting the Tardis she would lose precious time and the Timelords would probably just laugh when he brought one of his `pet` humans for medical treatments anyway .

Very carefully he touched the damaged spots, doing his best to coax them back into a state of balance. Minutes felt like hours in his desperate struggle to get the hang of it and he let out a gasp of relief when finally, after a while that felt like eternity it began to take effect. But even if he could temporarily stabilize her, the result was fragile, so he decided to bunk in the treatment room with her, to be close by and repeat treatment over and over again. After some hours the intervals in which she needed his intervention slowly, gradually began to get longer,.

The Doctor had no idea for how long he would have to keep up with this break-neck routine. Fortunately after a day she began to show some signs of progress which should have eased his worries. But treating her, tending to all her needs was not just straining for his telepathic senses, very often he got so torn and desperate over his feelings for her it that he couldn't hold back tears. Every time he entered that med bay room, every time he saw her so helpless, melded his mind with hers was a stab in his chest. He entertained the thought of bringing her to a medical facility that could treat her. But in the end it was his fault he chided himself, he had almost killed her, so it was only fair that he burdened himself with the responsibility to help her get better.

A lot of the time he spent sitting slumped down the old armchair that he had dragged to her bedside, her tiny hand limp in his. Only occasionally he lurked back to his own quarters or to the zero room for some rest or to cry out his pain and frustration.

It was on day four, while checked on her IV line, when to his utter surprise the Doctor noticed a slight twitching of her eyelid. She blinked and with a little moan tried to focus on her surrounding.

"Sarah, you are awake?" he blurted out. The question was silly, but it was the only thing that wanted to come to his mind.

ooooooooooooooo

The voice somewhere near was very familiar. The figure next to her bed swam into focus when she blinked those leaden eyelids a few more times. The place was somehow familiar, too, although she was too confused to give it a name. She definitely recognized the tall figure in the white shirt and the mop of unruly curls that beamed the widest, most heart warming smile down at her.

"Doctor! What happened?" she croaked when she had collected enough strenth.

„We were in the console room and you passed out, Sarah. How do you feel?" He muttered, his deep, velvety voice inexplicably easing her fear.

„Cold, I'm so, so cold". She felt him rustling with some blankets, pulling them up to her nose.

„Not like that, Doctor, it's … it's inside." she managed, shivering.

„Okay. I see. It's a bit early for you to wake up," he whispered in her ear, voice a tiny little bit hoarse and ringing with affection. Ever so gently he laid his hand on her cheek, stroking over her eyebrow with one long finger. When she looked him in the eyes, she saw all the tenderness and care there. And for a moment there was something else, something troubled. He was afraid! Because of her? Panic welled up in her mind, this place was the sick bay! Did she have a dangerous disease?

„How about some more sleep, my Sarah, mmh?" he mumbled and she felt his hands warm on her cheeks. That moment she knew he was going to hypnotise her again, but before she could protest she passed out and couldn't notice how he tenderly pressed his lips to her forehead and then with a wince crumpled down in his chair, burying his hands in his curls, racked with sobs, tortured by longing and guilt.

A while later he tore himself away from the still figure on the bed and left the room. He had to get a grip on himself! He really had to. He made sure that she was well and slept and then went to his bathroom and took a shower. He turned on the cold water and stood there, under the ice cold torrent for a long time, gasping and shuddering and then retreated to the zero room, the most peaceful place on his faithful Tardis, before he had to check on his patient again.

Sitting at her side he contemplated his options. Taking her back to earth, when she was fully healed but still unconscious was one option. He could leave her safely with her friends at UNIT headquarters and then quietly disappear. It would have been the wisest decision. But when had he ever acted wisely in this incarnation? He felt quite guilty and completely unable to try dumping her a second time. Not after this. Even if it was hardly the same, but he wasn't in an overly rational state of mind these days.

oooooooooooooo

When Sarah finally woke up, the first thing she noticed was the light fragrance in the air. It smelled very familiar. When she opened her eyes and tried to trace its origin she found a big bouquet of gorgeous, pink and magenta Metebelis roses on her night stand. She had the vague feeling that she had woken up from a very bad dream and was glad to find herself in her room, in her own bed on the Tardis, not in some dungeon on one of those botched excursions.

Only moments later the Doctor stuck his head into the room, when he saw that Sarah was awake he entered and sat down at her bedside, taking her hand to check her pulse. "Sarah, how are you? Does anything hurt? Cold?"

"Drained. Just drained," she replied with a sigh after considering her present state of body and mind for some moments. She tried to sit up but the Doctor wouldn't allow it, the weight of his hand being enough to hold her down on her pillows. She vaguely remembered how the cold had taken her over and shuddered. "What happened to me? It was so cold! I just remember that I was in the console room, freezing to death."

"Eldrad happened to you, Sarah," he quietly explained. "He caused some damage when he possessed you. You felt cold, but that was more than physical cold"

"And it's gone now," Sarah gasped, shuddering, more bad memories returning.

"Mmh, yes. It is." A fresh pang of guilt flooded his mind, but he hastily suppressed it."Don't worry, in a few days you'll be as good as new. Can I bring you something? Anything? Food, something to read, whatever? Anything that makes you feel better?"

She couldn't help noticing that he looked tired and oddly worried. "Doctor, am I really all right," she asked with growing suspicion.

"Ah, yes, yes. Your are. I checked you up several times, just to make sure. I swear! Please stop worrying." he replied, one of his jolly grins spreading on his face, dispelling the worn expression on his face.

Probably he was just tired from taking care for her. She thought about his offer for a moment. "I'd really love a mug of hot chocolate. Maybe that manages to warm me from within."

With a mumbled "hmph" he jumped to his feet.

„Wait!" He stopped in his tracks and turned back. „How long have I been unconscious?" She looked down at the sleeve of the Pooh Bear pyjamas she was wearing. Her favourite pyjamas, she fondly noticed.

„Oh, a couple of days," he replied with a sheepish grin, rubbing the back of his neck.

„And you have been nursing me?"

„Erm... yes." He blushed a tiny little bit around the nose and looked deliberately down at his shoes.

„Yes I did. I hope that's not a problem for you."

„Ah... no, of course it isn't." She didn't exactly have an idea what this sudden and unusual reaction of his meant. Maybe Time Lords were a prudish people? In fact, even in hot climate, she'd never seen him dressed in less than his usual long trousers and shirt. She giggled at this discovery. After the experience of having lived in a hippie community in a squatted house for a while, she found his obvious puritanism really sweet. And her giggling caused the Doctor to blush even more!

"Thank you so much for taking care for me, Doctor. And I don't mind that you've had a look at the rest of me, so to say," she soothed him and gave him a fond smile.

A small part of him was relieved to know that Sarah was in such good shape after everything she'd been through, the greater part of him wanted to run.

"I'll get your chocolate!"

He left her room head over heels. Sarah had to stifle a fit of laughter about this newly found weak spot of her fearless Time Lord friend. It was sweet revenge for his less than considerate behaviour sometimes. And it was the best medicine to raise her spirit.

A while later he returned with a tray. It turned out to be an overbed table laden with a pot of hot chocolate, some delicacies and a few books from the library when he placed it on her bed but he seemed rather unwilling to keep her company, making an excuse that he had to do some repair work on the Tardis. He visited later to check on her again, helped her to the bath room, waited outside like a proper gentleman, and then lead her back to the sofa.

„Doctor, what about the call," she finally asked him when she had made herself comfortable with some pillows, the Doctor fussing over her blanket.

"Ah, what?" He looked up in surprise, giving her a goggle eyed stare.

Sarah got the feeling that she had caught him completely unprepared. "You know, the Time Lords, calling you home," she pointed out.

His face went blank. "Oh that," he burst out after an all too long moment, when he had caught himself. "Well, um... I could delay it. Time travel and all..." He gave her an assuring grin but looked eerily twitchy.

"But you have to answer that call later, and then I have to leave you, right," Sarah anxiously demanded to know.

"Ah...erm... Yes. I have," he replied rather irritably.

Sarah contemplated her alien friend for a long moment. "Doctor, what's wrong with you," she finally retorted, she couldn't help but growing suspicious about his odd behaviour.

At that moment he knew he should have dropped her off at UNIT headquarters, unconscious. Now it was too late! "Ah..., nothing!" he spouted out, inwardly squirming, outwardly struggling to keep up a straight face but obviously failing to convince her, the urge to run building up once more.

"Doctor, I don't believe a word of what you say," she replied crisply, now entirely convinced that he wasn't honest with her.

Now he definitely blushed. "I've got to go!" he burst out.

"You can talk about it! Really! Whatever it is, I'm your friend!" But he just fled her room as if it was a pit of poisonous snakes, without hearing out the end of the sentence.

She shook her head, exasperated about his odd behaviour. She poured herself a cup of chocolate and nibbled at one of the biscuits. The amount of insecurity he suddenly displayed was astounding and when she thought about it she knew of only one disease that caused this unusual assortment of symptoms. At least in humans. But could it be? Maybe he was telling her the truth about the call? But then how did that fit together with his odd behaviour around her. The stuttering and stumbling. The blushing. Avoiding her. She had never, ever in her life expected to see her Time Lord friend succumbing to what she suspected right now. And it stirred up quite an amount of emotions in herself. If she was right and the story with the call was just a ruse as she believed it was.

For some time she contemplated what he actually meant to her. Yes, he was self centred, childish, irresponsible, rude. But he was also the most loyal, sweet, funny, gentle, unique person she had ever met. If she was honest, she couldn't even imagine anymore what a life without him might be like. She came to the conclusion that she didn't find the idea that he might have fallen in love with her her too outrageous or shocking. After all, she was a woman and he was a man. She had had a ridiculous school girl crush on him for a while when he was in his last body. And although he certainly wasn't handsome in the ordinary sense, in her eyes his charm, wit and charisma more than made up for that. Was he a reasonable choice for a relationship? She had no idea. If he hadn't been an alien of course, and not that she was at the moment looking for a relationship. But yes, if she listened to what her heart was telling her she found him kind of attractive. Although, unlike in his last incarnation, with his childish quirks most of the time it was somewhat hard to see him as a man. These thoughts swirled in her mind until she felt dizzy and her brain was at the point of exploding with conflicting emotions.

She saw him with wholly different eyes when he later entered her room to bring her dinner, but he was all composed and dismissive when she gently addressed him. Gone to were the caring mother hen antics he had shown earlier that day. Slowly she grew a tiny little bit fed up being the receiving end of his irrational behaviour and she certainly didn't like to be lied to.

She pointing at the chair next to the sofa. "Sit! We have to talk," she ordered in the most stern voice she could manage.

What surprised her the most was that he didn't flee the room. He just stood there, petrified, the inner conflict that tore up his mind vividly mirrored on his tired, lined face, but then, with the look of a convicted man facing a firing squadron he obeyed. She couldn't help noticing, how he inched away from her on his chair as far as possible.


	3. Chapter 3

3

So there it was. The moment of truth that he dreaded so much. Of course she had noticed that he hadn't been honest with her and he expected the worst. After everything he had put her through she was the one person in the universe that deserved that for once he took responsibility for his actions. And she deserved the truth, at least as much of the truth that he felt able to share with her. She had every right to be mad at him. And when this here was over she'd probably want him out of her life anyway. He swallowed hard and steeled himself for what was to come.

"Really, if you are in trouble you can talk about it. I'm your friend, you know. That's what friends are there for," he heard her croon.

That was not what he had expected! No, this was even worse than the bucket load of accusations and nagging. For a moment he was so flabbergasted that his countenance derailed, but he quickly caught himself. He didn't react, just stared a hole into the wall behind her as if that was able to save him, a petrified expression on his face.

She reached over and took his hand in hers. His muscles tensed under the light touch of her warm fingers. She felt his hesitation, the urge to pull away, but he didn't. Afraid to upset him she quickly retreated her hand. It further confirmed her suspicions, apparently, he had somehow been able to handle it as long as it had been his secret, now, because he knew she was smelling the rat, it seemed he was at the brink of unravelling.

"So Time Lords do fall in love, don't they?" Sarah finally whispered so very gently that it hit him in the guts like the boot of an angry Judoon. Gentle understanding was the last thing he had expected, but now it was too late and he was trapped. If he ran she'd know it anyway and denying it would be fairly useless, too. He gaped at her like a toad, his eyes wide and bulging with panic and he uttered some constricted, croaking sounds that she took with some imagination as a "yes."

"And they can have a problem with it?"

He nodded vigorously under her soft, probing gaze, somewhat relieved that she had so easily come to the right conclusions without needing any embarrassing, stammered explanations from him.

So it was true. And what surprised her the most was that he even admitted it. Even if she had suspected it, this revelation came as a bit of a shock for her. She guessed that he must have been really desperate for some time. What explained some of his more inconsiderate behaviour lately.

„And they might have a problem, when they fall for somebody not of their own species," she probed further, cautiously, trying to narrow down the exact nature of his problem, watching him crumple down on his chair a bit more.

With a little whimper he lowered his gaze, confirming her suspicion.

"And because all that happened to you, you wanted to drop me off at home? Because it was too painful and impossible?"

He squeezed his eyes shut and turned his head away with obvious shame, unable to say something coherent.

She should have been mad at him, that he wanted to dump her with that foul lie, but he looked so miserable and forlorn, that she just couldn't keep a grudge.

"Oh dear. A severe case of love sickness." She once more reached out for his hand and reassuringly squeezed it, "I know how that feels, Doctor. I really do."

His head shot up, an expression of surprise spreading on his features. She felt an urge to hug and cuddle her tormented friend, but then he'd probably have bolted. Or passed out. So she left it at squeezing his hand, a gesture of affection that he faintly returned with clammy fingers when she shared the moment of pain with him.

"You've been alone for a long time?" She asked him quietly, after a while, "I mean, you don't have anybody, back at home?"

He answered with a small, resigned shake of his curly head. Even if it hurt him, he definitely looked relieved, that what had pained him so much was out now and he didn't have to play hide and seek with her any more. Still she thought it was maybe better to steer their conversation away from his painful personal issues to something more general.

"So how do Time Lord relationships work? I mean in general. Are they different to human relationships? Do Time Lords get married?"

She caught him in surprise with her change of subject. "You know, I'm still a journalist. Ever curious." She gave him a warm, encouraging grin and he instantly knew, why he had fallen for her. Still he was grateful for her affection and understanding. He hemmed and hawed a little but then finally found back to a reasonable conversation mode, just glad that this hadn't turned out to be the total disaster he had expected.

"Uh... a... no." Again, he blushed slightly, and lowered his head. "Time Lords don't marry like humans. They can either forge a link, or have a... well... erm.. kind of... love affair, for... mutual enjoyment. Or they can get together for reproduction only, if the families deem both a good genetic match."

"Oh dear. That sound's complicated," she stated, surprised, but in some way also not so surprised about the from a human perspective bizarre ways of his species.

"So this link is not like marriage?"

"No no, it's rather a psychic thing, most of the times involving... you know...too. But not always." He spectacularly failed at a proper word for the obvious thing, Sarah noticed.

"So you are not, how to call it, linked?"

"No," he breathed, involuntarily giving away the sadness that was connected to that fact for him.

"You have children?" She asked him. He knew so much about her, now she honestly wanted to learn more about him and his background.

"Yes," he breathed, for a moment a flash of melancholy softened his features before he quietly continued. "But my family and her family are not very fond of my...erm... lifestyle... I think, my son is ashamed having me as his father, actually. He doesn't talk to me... and my granddaughter..."

He left the sentence unfinished. Gosh! He was a grandfather! This revelation shattered some of the concepts she had entertained about him!

"So unlinked Time Lords have love affairs?" That question had to come! She tried to look him in the eyes but he shirked from her gaze. With a little gasp, he lowered his head.

"Bad experience?" she asked after a while, softly, interpreting the hurt look in his eyes. A kind of shaky nod was all he managed. She couldn't help it. She moved closer, and then gently pulled him into a hug. He tensed at first but then buried his head in her shoulder and awkwardly hugged her back, breath racked with dry sobs, draped his arms clumsily around her. Who would have known. Her fearless hero. Brought down by the fair sex!. She held him, rubbing circles into his back until he calmed down and his breathing became even and relaxed. She wondering what kind of mean creature had done this to him. Well honestly she knew a few mean human creatures capable of such things too. She watched his distressed expression ease and some part her simply melted, touched by his unusual openness, honesty and completely unexpected vulnerability.

The Doctor had never in his wildest dreams expected that he would spill out so much of his more troublesome past, something that he usually kept covered up so well. Actually Sarah had done most of the talking, he had no idea how she had gotten him into revealing all this. But to his surprise it was such a relief that it was out. The ease she had with his emotions astounded and confused him. It was one of those qualities he found so endearing and captivating in her species. Today he was just glad that he had found understanding, that it was a human, it was specifically this human that he could pour out his hearts and feelings out to, not one of the the cold, calculating members of his own species who looked down on this kind of troubles as primitive and uncivilised.

Holding him in her arms, being so close to him, Sarah took a little time to make up her mind and then took heart. She released him from the hug, leaving only a hand on his back and brought her lips close to his ear.

"You know, for a while I had a bad schoolgirl crush on you, in your previous incarnation. I found that really odd because usually I'm not into older men. But you were awfully sexy and stylish in that velvet, I mean, a lot more than you are now."

She felt his body tense under her hand when she spoke those words.

"But I think you might be somebody one could certainly fall for on second glance," she whispered on, with a little twinkle in her eyes, her face growing hot, "when one is able to get a look behind all that bravado and clownery of yours. You can take me home if you want, I'd understand it. But you don't have to. It's up to you. If Time Lords and humans generally... are ... how to say... sort of... compatible. I mean, if we could... you can.. you know...technically have a relationship with a human that is beyond mere friendship, I wouldn't mind giving it a try." She hoped that he understood without her going deeper into the birds and the bees and such things. And she hoped that she didn't shock him all too badly with that confession.

She got him completely unprepared, his eyes began to shine bright with a mixture of longing and fear. He gasped and stuttered, gulped down a big lump in his throat and still nearly choked on each single word.

"You want to... you really want to?"

Sarah replied with a shaky little nod, she was glad that she was sitting, otherwise her own weak knees would have shown.

"Well, um... yes, physically...pretty much, not all that much physical differences. Genetically,... ah... no. You wouldn't want a child from me!" He burst out, near hysteric, his head was glowing red like a tomato.

She just shook her head, dispelling his worst fears and he carried on awkwardly, "see, I can't link minds with a human. And I rather wouldn't want you for a Time Lord type affair! I don't want to hurt you. And if you wanted to get married and have children, as humans usually seem to do..." He talked fast but then was entirely unable to finish the sentence and fell silent.

This amount of consideration he put into this surprised her and warmed her heart at the same time, it was certainly more thought than a lot of human men invested into their relationships. "Don't worry, for the moment really I don't want children," she assured him. " And you know, whatever this link business is, it's surely not something I'd expect. Or miss. I mean, if that's enough for you? It surely is for me. I've had my fair share of awful lovers and it didn't kill me. And I can't imagine the experience with you worse than... well... erm... let's say William," she giggled, "I just wouldn't want this experiment ending in a horrible breakup, losing you as a friend, you know."

She talked so freely about relationships! He turned a shade redder if that was possible and then nodded with a big sigh, he didn't want to lose her either.

"I know that you probably won't marry me, build a house, settle down and have children, stay with me for the rest of my life. I wouldn't expect that from someone like you," she continued, more serious now, "but if we try to give each other just as much as we can, you know, if we talk about our needs and wishes and racial quirks, we might just manage to get something out of it without turning it into a disasters. Does that make sense?"

She honestly hoped it did. She realised that if this didn't work out, she had to leave him, because it would be too much of a torture for him to have her around. She didn't want to leave him, just she realised how fond she was of him, now that she had seen this totally different side of him definitely fond enough to be able to see him as more than just some friend and travelling companion, even if he was an alien.

"I don't know," he replied with small voice. He was flattened by Sarah's obvious amount of experience in such matters and her ability to talk about it. And he was flattened by her wisdom. And he was utterly flattened by the chance to have a relationship with her, to be close to her, to... . He silenced his thoughts at that point because certain hormones threatened to launch a massive strike against the more logic parts of his brains. He'd never expected her to react the way she did. Of course this was stupid, he scolded himself. For a human she was in the best reproduction age, other human women her age had a husband and three little children and she had grown up in the flower power 60ies, so maybe she'd had a dozen lovers before she had met him. He felt like a complete idiot next to her.

Noticing how rattled he was by all this, Sarah leaned forward to pulled him into another comforting embrace, pulling his head down onto her chest, realizing that she was heading towards a love affair with her best friend. Who by chance happened to be an alien travelling the universe in a time ship. It was a tiny little bit crazy and sent her own thoughts and emotions haywire too.

That hug didn't do much for him in terms of comfort though. He couldn't resist the temptation of the warm softness of her body, to be caressed by her hands and... for a moment he just allowed himself to relax into her tender embrace, then he pulled away, breath constricted, a feverish expression on his face.

He was definitely a tough case, she decided. And she had to be careful, she had no ideas what kind of booby traps he had in store for her, being not exactly the brand of man she had experience handling.

"We'll give it time, Doctor. Rome wasn't built in a day either, was it?"

Some of the acute disarray cleared from his face. He made a few stammered excuses and left, hastily, before he unravelled completely, right in front of her. He made his way straight to his own rooms, he needed another long, ice cold shower to clear his brain.


	4. Chapter 4

4

The next two days he tiptoed around her, making sure that she had anything she needed to recover, stubbornly pretending that nothing had happened. Not that he was very convincing at it, so he avoided her wherever he could.

Afraid he might feel cornered Sarah decided to give him the time and space to sort himself out and get used to this new situation. She spent her time watching movies in the Tardis library, she distracted herself with gardening and long soaks in the whirlpool, but nothing really seemed to work, her thoughts found ways to stroll back to him no matter how hard she tried not to. With growing dissatisfaction she watched his jumpiness and his distinctively unhappy face around her getting worse and worse instead of better. He had parked the Tardis in the time vortex and Sarah realized that if she didn't do something to end it, this odd game could have continued indefinitely. If any kind of relationship between them was ever going to happen, she had to take the initiative, or she had to ask him to bring her home. She was somewhat at a loss what exactly to do and and if she was honest to herself she dreaded the confrontation almost as much as he did. He wanted her, obviously, but in this case that fact alone wasn't enough. She was afraid to lose him and this thought was hard to bear.

In the afternoon of the third day she meandered aimlessly through the Tardis, her steps echoing through empty corridors and halls. One or two times she thought she was lost but shortly later found herself somewhere familiar. Almost as if the ship guided her, she wondered. Surprisingly she found herself right in front of the doors to the console room. She hesitated for a moment but she couldn't bear the tension anymore. Something had to happen. Holding her breath she opened the door, only to find the room abandoned. A little sigh of relief escaped her. Of course! At that time he might be busy preparing dinner. Leaving behind the console room and trudging to the kitchen suddenly her legs felt more and more like lead. Finally she came to a halt in front of the door, nervously fondling the zipper of her waistcoat to give her restless fingers some place to stay.

She swallowed down the lump in her throat, stopped thinking and pushed open the door.

When she stepped into the room she was welcomed by the the delicious smell of fresh pancakes. The Doctor was preparing one of her favourites for dinner, she fondly noticed. He was working at the stove and turned his head when he heard the door, almost dropping the turnspit, stuttering some inarticulate syllables, and then quickly returned to his work. The last few days he had been feeling rather wound up herself, but that was obviously nothing compared to what he had been going through. The lost look in his eyes blew away her petty insecurities and worries, the only thing she wanted right now, right then was to put that dear friend out of his misery. Leaning with her back against a worktop not too close to him but also not too far away she quietly watched him working.

"You know, for humans it's sometimes not easy either," she quietly addressed him after some time.

"Ah..." He took a few moments and then looked up and into Sarah's face for the first time since she had confronted him two days ago, an eerie intensity playing in his eyes.

"Really?" he asked with hushed voice.

"Yes, definitely. When you fancy somebody. And with your background, I think your reaction is pretty much understandable and normal," she replied softly, hoping that what was normal for humans might be normal for a Time Lord, too.

"Sure?" He let the finished pancake slip onto the stack to the others.

"Sure!" she assured him. "Stop worrying so much."

He just cleared his throat, nervously looking down at his vest and fussing over a stain there. „So erm... what would a... a human suitor do now? Just in case he wants to... ," he asked after a while, a glint of hope lighting up in his haunted gaze..

"Well, cooking one's favourites for dinner is something a human suitor would definitely do. And it's really appreciated," she encouraged him softly, watching his cheeks flush and giving the stain some more attention.

"You are still recovering from a serious condition. It's the proper thing to do," he brushed off her appreciation, embarrassed by her gratitude.

"Still I'm not taking it for granted," Sarah softly replied. "Now a human suitor would start with relatively harmless things, you know, like holding hands," she explained, watching how his eyes grew large as saucers. Okay, obviously holding hands wasn't harmless according to Time Lord standard. "Inviting the chosen to the theatre, or cinema, when it's supposed to be a bit more intimate would be appropriate. Spending time together on a holiday is also very good. You know, at the ocean, beautiful nature, sunbathing, a little sight seeing, having walks, no Cybermen and Sontarans. Oh, and candlelight dinners. Yes, definitely romantic candlelight dinners." She spilled out all her fantasies of a romantic holiday, watching with satisfaction how a tiny spark of intrigue crept into the Time Lord's rattled expression.

"What do you think? What would a Time Lord do on the battlefield of romance? A dry discourse about temporal physics to impress his beloved?" she asked with a cheeky grin, in an attempt to loosen up the tension.

"Well, ah... a Time Lord would send his love interest a written invitation to one of those ball style dancing events. Composed in hexameters. If he or she showed up it means interest. It's very formal. And then you'd have a huge amount of very polite conversation. Of course that's all without any physical..erm.. contact. And then, ah...later..."

"God!" she interrupted him, "that sounds boring." And it explains why you nearly jump out of your skin every time I touch you or hug you, she mentally noted. "I think, at my home they did it similarly some time ago, didn't they?"

He nodded. "Mmh, yes. But on earth customs change so very frequently, and they are very different from one culture to the other. On Gallifrey it has been pretty much the same for the last couple of hundred thousand years."

"Oh my! It's not a miracle that you ran away. We don't have to follow that example, do we?" she replied cheekily. He just looked down at his shoes to hide from her view that his face had by now turned crimson red. He attempted to reply something, stuttering and stammering to a halt and then, finally he shook his head with an animated expression of dread.

"What a relief." With a small grin she looked him in the eyes, moved closer and for testing purpose laid her hand on his.

He swallowed hard.

"Don't worry. I'm not going to eat you. I promise. We do this nice and slow," she consoled him, gave his hand an affectionate pat and then released him. "And I will never, ever, ever do whatever these horrible people back home have done to you. Whatever it was. You don't have to be afraid of me. Not ever!" His face became vivid with emotion again and finally he replied with a very shaky nod, but clearly relieved.

What she had just told him obviously worked in his mind and she felt what he needed most now some space to digest and adapt. She didn't push any further conversation so they ate dinner in silence, but the silence wasn't the unhappy, charged silence of the last two days. She watched him, he was still looking uncomfortable, but not so utterly confused and frightened any more and when she dropped the last bits of her concept of him as the Time Lord, as the fatherly mentor and authority, as the childish tramp, her mind practically began to glow and she realized, how much she loved that impossible man.

"Is everything all right?" he inquired, tilting his head, suddenly jerked out of his absorption, his fork coming to a halt in mid air.

"No, it's nothing, really," Sarah assured him half heartedly, a tiny little bit uncomfortable, not sure if he could hear her thoughts, or at least sense an echo of her emotions.

"Oh I thought...," he trailed off, eyeing her quizzically and then returning his attention to his plate and his own thoughts.

When they had finished she got up, started to clear away the dishes, but he stepped in.

"No, please, Sarah. I'll do that."

"Well, thank you." Her precious Doctor! She gave him her the fondest of smiles.

"Well... no. Don't thank me. I have to thank you. For everything." He cautiously reach out with his hand but then hesitated and retracted it.

Sarah nodded and yawned heartily. She tired quickly, still recovering from the aftermath of Eldrad's possession. "I'll go to bed early. I think we can postpone a discussion who has to thank whom more to tomorrow, can we."

"I'll bring you back to your room," the Doctor insisted, quickly dropping the plates into the sink and rushing to Sarah's side. He walked her the short way, watching over her her every step as if there was a danger that she might faint again any moment, but he still kept a respectful distance. With his predecessor this kind of gallant attitude had been so very natural, with this Doctor it was just off and strange, but at the same time oddly endearing in the earnestness of his efforts to please her. With one word, he was cute.

She opened the door and he followed her into her living room. "So. Do you have any plans from here on?" Sarah asked him.

"Mmh," he replied, rubbing his cheek, "yes..well...I'm working on it," then continued, almost anxiously, "I'll come to look after you later. Okay? And don't hesitate to call me if you need something. Anything. Please." He almost tripped over the words, sheepishly as he was.

"I will," she whispered, her emotions welling up again. But she was quite certain that he was too afraid to do what she was right then yearning for, that he hopped into her bed with her and let her cuddle him. When he had left her she wasn't sure if she felt giddy because of the after-effects of the illness or because of him.

Later, when he came looking after her Sarah was was already sound asleep. Looking so happy and peaceful and lovely that his hearts jumped with joy. He watched her for a little while but those disturbing emotions started to build up again, so he left rather hastily before it had a chance to sweep him away. This night he took apart the temporal stabilizers, meticulously cleaning each one and inspecting the buffers for any damage under the tachyon microscope. He was so nervous that he almost smashed one, at the last moment catching it with sweaty fingers and sighed, strangely high on a mixture of anticipation and fear.

He didn't remember any time when his beloved ship had been in better shape, considering the amount of time he had spent on maintenance work lately, taking apart every last bit of the ancient machinery to keep himself busy. Not that Tardis technology usually needed much maintenance, being semi biologic and self repairing in most cases. Nevertheless, the Doctor could feel her consciousness humming merrily at his attention, being glad that his broody mood of the last few days now finally started to clear. It gave her the equivalent of a headache when her Time Lord was so unhappy so it was in her best interest that he was in a good mood.

So instead of giving his ship a headache he pondered on a variety of hopefully peaceful human holiday resorts in time periods with little hostile activities. Not that he had that much first hand experience with beach holidays, being much too domestic and boring for his taste. Previous, half hearted attempts with companions had somehow always gone wrong spectacularly. But this time he was more than eager to choose a destination that suited Sarah's taste. A grin spread on his face when he thought about it. In this case some of the boredom of a beach resort could be dispelled with very interesting activities that for a change didn't involve nasty creatures or scientists. A wave of heat rushed into his head. Hadn't he entertained exactly this fantasy quite for a while now?

The idea that he might botch this, killing off the tender plant of romance by dragging Sarah into the middle of another alien invasion or a war at this point was something he didn't like to contemplate too much. He weighed the pros and cons of a variety of worlds and time periods while he worked, reassembling another buffer, then he flopped down on the couch in his lab without bothering to change into a pyjama. Restlessly he tossed about until he finally fell asleep.

He found himself in an operation theatre,. He was lying on a table at the centre and when he tried to move he found himself strapped to the table in the centre. Around him his classmates from the academy, his family, and many more, were gathering in a silent crowd and stared at his disgraceful nudity with nothing but disdain and loathing. In panic he began to fight his restraints but couldn't move an inch.

"Mother, what's going on here! Please! Help me!" he cried out in his dread.

"I'm sorry, my son. I'm so sorry, but there is nothing I can do. You have brought this onto yourself."

The pity on her beautiful face pierced him to the marrow. Suddenly the disembodied voice of the old academy custodian, the one who had been in charge of the punishment of delinquent students, a sour old man who took a perverse pleasure in humiliating them in every way he could as he painfully remembered boomed through the hall.

"Today we have gathered to witness the punishment of the Time Lord Theta, also known as the Doctor for a disgusting and severe crime." He heard the excited rustling and whispering in the crowd. " We always knew that he is rather too fond of all these alien creatures, especially the human race. But this time he has taken it too far. Now he has degraded himself to the point where he mated with one of them."

A rush of outraged chattering swept through the crowd.

"He even claims to love this creature. There is only one punishment for this abomination," the cold voice declared.

The Doctor, helpless and exposed to their mercy broke out in icy sweat.

"Castrate him! Castrate him!" the mob started to chant. A certain ex of his stepped out of the crowd, closing in on him. She held up a scalpel and smiled an all too sweet smile down at him. He fought like mad to break free from the restraints, without success and whimpered in despair when her caressing fingers closed around his testicles. He felt how she lasciviously kneaded them for a moment, the pleasant sensation bringing up a raw flash of old memories. Then she lowered the hand with the scalpel, he felt cool metal pressing sharply against delicate skin.

He woke up screaming his lungs out, covered in cold sweat. It took him a few moments to realize where he was. Safe. In his lab on the Tardis. It took him another ten minutes to get over the shock and the unpleasant memories this dream had stirred up. That ex, several centuries had passed since they had been together, had shared a bed. And of course, on Gallifrey nobody was castrated as a punishment. There wasn't even an explicit law against mating with an alien, possibly because everyone found the idea so far out that nobody thought a law against it would even be necessary. But he knew very well that if he crossed that line and if they ever found out it would be the final and ultimate disgrace.

This dream was terrific material for one certain human named Sigmund Freud, the Doctor mused. He tried to shake it off but it didn't quite work, some part of his mind stubbornly continued to dwell on it. He got up to make breakfast, they ate once more in silence, still, Sarah noticed that something was different.

"What's wrong?" she asked over her steaming cup of tea, spooning some more scrambled eggs on her plate.

"Oh,..." Nothing, he reflexively wanted to brush off her caring inquiry but caught himself. Sarah really deserved better than more lame lies. "I had a bad dream," he confessed after some moments.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Erm... ah... no!" he stuttered and swallowed. He was desperate that those stupid fears threatened to destroy this before it had even begun. He looked up and took one long look into Sarah's warm, wonderful eyes and couldn't help starting to melt into an inexplicable, elated, blissful state, as if all the stars around him had suddenly begun to dance. He gathered together all his courage, got up and held out a hand. "Come on, Sarah, I've got a surprise for you." She got to her feet and took the hand that he impatiently offered her. Stiffly clasping at her fingers he lead her up to the console room.

Thoughtfully, very meticulously he set coordinates. Then he looked up at Sarah, who had taken a safe position at the railings. She was standing at the exactly same spot where she had fainted, only ten days ago. It had only been a dream. He shook off the rest of these petty doubts and broke out in the first truly happy Cheshire Cat grin for quite a while. Exhilerated he hit the dematerialisation button.


	5. Chapter 5

5

The Tardis was giving them a good shake, until a thud and then calm announced the arrival at their destination. The Doctor checked some readings on the console monitor and when he found them being to his satisfaction his eyes wandered up to Sarah, a look of utter glee in them, practically begging her with his eyes to ask the question.

Excited, she played along. "So where are we?"

One of his trademark toothy grins spread on his face and with a lavish gesture he pointed to the doors, smugly self-confident like a rooster on his midden.

"Go have a look."

She had a little suspicion. Praying that she was right she crossed the short distance to the doors and pulled them open with the jittery anticipation of a little girl opening her Christmas parcels.

The breeze that rustled through the trees was mild but had the crispness of the early morning. Sarah inhaled the wonderful scent of salty moistness and stepped out of the ship. Above her there were stars still blinking in the sky but a blue grey haze crept up over the sea below and a stripe of pale orange was lightening up the horizon. Behind her, in the darkness she recognized forest and mountains. The Doctor had landed the Tardis in a clearing on the slopes of a mountain, high above the ocean.

He silently approached her from behind. "Your like it?" he whispered into her ear.

"Hmm". She turned and happily beamed up at him. "Are we on earth?"

"No. It's New Polynesia. Terraformed to resemble the tropical regions of earth. We are a little more than one hundred thousand years in your future and 45000 light years away from earth, at the opposite side of the Milky Way galaxy."

"And there are no Sontarans, no, Cybermen, there is no war or cruel dictator and there are no mad scientists?"

"No, not that I know of. By this time humanity has become the dominant power in this quadrant of the galaxy and it's politically stable at this point in time. This here is an expensive holiday resort for the rich and the famous. A bit like the Bahamas or Hawaii of your time."

"You mean, we are here for a holiday? And you really want to... ?"

"Yes. Wasn't that what you wanted?" He took her by the shoulders and turned her to face him, peering down at her very gravely, the light from the console room and the sunrise bathing his face in shadows and pale light. He suddenly had something passionately intense about him, something she had occasionally glimpsed on him before, but never directed at her with such raw force. Her gentle, funny, light hearted and -yes- humane friend suddenly looked the centuries she knew he had lived and she realized, just how not human he actually was. Suddenly she felt very small next to him, not only in the physical sense.

"Yes, yes. It is," she stuttered, unsettled, not certain what to make of this, not certain what she wanted any more at all.

He unhanded her, suddenly becoming awkwardly aware of his outburst and that he startled Sarah, that spark of nervous uncertainty back in his eyes. "You have to promise me, Sarah. You can't talk about this to anyone. No chat at one of your hen parties. Or elsewhere. And nothing, ah, all too obvious in public. It might not be safe for you and I'd be in more trouble with my people than I can really afford. Can I trust you, Sarah?" He bore his eyes into hers with an unspoken plea.

Sarah realized that what for her was simply an adventure, okay, maybe the adventure of her life might be far more serious for him. She knew next to nothing about his people, his cultural background, the ties he still had with his home. She had asked, he had been more than vague and evasive. Right now he looked almost afraid of his own courage.

"Have you ever been with a human?" she cautiously inqured.

She watched him answer with a slight shake of his head, lights and shadow dancing on his face, while in the forest the first animals stirred and began to screech and squabble to greet the day. "No," he replied with husky, trembling voice. "Never."

She grasped for his hand. He didn't pull away so she took his it in hers. "You can trust me, Doctor. Always. You know that."

He shot her an incredulous look and then, slowly, his features started to relax. He shut the Tardis doors, then took off his coat and spread it out on the ground. Sitting down at one side, leaning his back against the warm fake wood of the Tardis, finding comfort in the steady presence of his ship. With a little gesture he invited Sarah to settle down at the other side. To her utter surprise his fingers sneaked to her hand, lightly covering it. She hardly dared to move, she certainly didn't have the courage to do what wanted to come to her most naturally, to lean into him and bury her head in his shoulder. Her innocent Doctor, a being capable of passion and desire, but also of anxieties. This was still something so new to her.

The tropical sunrise was magnificent, setting the sky ablaze for a few short minutes. The sun quickly rose over the horizon and the heat of the day set in, not yet the searing intensity of the tropical midday but enough that she wished, she had a pair of sunglasses and she broke out in sweat in her pullover. The Doctor noticed her stir, got up, offering her a hand to help her to her feet. A brief moment they stood face to face, he opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it, obviously unable to find the right words, gasping like a fish on dry land. He picked up his coat, nervously wiped his hands on his pants. When he became aware what he was doing he buried them deep in the trouser pockets. He gave Sarah a look of despair, like quite a few over the last days, but this one left her with the impression that a little part of him, somewhere in there, had begun to accept and surrender.

"I'll better get changed." Sarah looked down at herself, then ran her hand along the Doctor's arm and affectionately tugged at his sleeve. "I'll be back in a moment." She disappeared in the Tardis. With a little sigh the Doctor followed her, made up his mind and set new coordinates.

Shortly after the Tardis came to a halt Sarah stormed into the console room. "Where did you take us now?"

"Hm, don't worry, we are still on New Polynesia."

He savoured in the splendid view of Sarah in a knee long, sleeveless white dress with large blue flower ornaments and a matching sun hat. It definitely showed off her curves very nicely. His eyes wandered down her cleavage and some part of his brain took that view as a welcomed reason to switch into drooling mode. He knew perfectly well what she looked like, he had even seen her naked, so he called that wayward part back to order before his mouth hanging open and a blank stare could betray what was going on in his mind. He rather liked that a lot of alien native cultures were so exhibitionistic about their naked skin, even if Time Lords weren't. Usually it neither bothered him nor did it stir up arousal, that is, as long as no personal interest in the female in question complicated that matter. This was ….. distracting in the worst possible way. He tore his gaze away from her sensual form but this stubborn part of his brain didn't give up on it's plan to turn him into Time Lord pudding so easily.

"Just a short hop to the capital. Ah... you have been talking about restaurants and all that..." He wanted to slap himself for the goofy grin that had spread on his face and the coy smile that was Sarah's answer didn't help him to keep his countenance either.

The Doctor had parked the Tardis in the shrubbery in a sparsely populated public park, so he and Sarah had to squeeze through dense vegetation before they stood on the lawn, looking down at a wide valley that was strewn with buildings up to the slopes of the surrounding hills and stretching as far as the coast line. At the centre there was some monumental architecture with dome shaped structures and spacious avenues. A river parted the whole ensemble in two halves and in the air, the traffic was organized in neat patterns. Sarah straightened her rumpled dress. She looked at the Doctor with some envy, his clothes had protected him against the branches. But on the other hand he was definitely not dressed for a tropical island.

"Doctor, you are dressed too warmly," she stated matter of factly.

He looked down at himself, giving his beloved tweed jacked a scrutinizing glare, then gave her lopsided grin. "Oh rubbish. I didn't take the scarf, that should do. Come on, let's see what this place has to offer."

"You haven't been here before?" she asked, falling into stride with the Doctor.

"No. I read about it in some gossip rag at that space station back at..."

"You read gossip rags, Doctor?" Sarah snorted out.

"Yes, I do," he replied indignantly. "I had to wait at the hairdresser."

For a moment she envied that hairdresser, wanted to sneak her hands into his hair and tousle the mess of brown curls under that hat he was wearing. "So was that hairdresser at least pretty," she asked saucily.

"Nowhere nearly as pretty as you are," he breathed, finally the Time Lord pudding party struggling free.

He flinched when he realized that once again a blush was adorning his cheeks, he decidedly avoided to look at her as they walked in silence for a while, leaving Sarah to her own thoughts about that compliment, trying his best to coerce some control over his mind. But to his utter embarrassment he began to enjoy this immensely.


	6. Chapter 6

6

Down the hill, behind a little grove of trees that practically exploded with bright orange flowers Sarah spotted the first houses. The Doctor cheerily pointed at a little plaza with a glass pavilion and a large sign that showed an emblem of tangled arrows. "Look! I bet this is some sort of public transport station. Now what do we do first?"

Side by side they strolled down to the plaza. "I think we need a proper accommodation," she decided, after a little consideration. "And then, Ice cream. Lots of ice cream. Somewhere by the beach!"

"Ah... erm... But we have the Tardis! Why do we need a hotel?" the Doctor sulked, visibly dejected by the fact that Sarah wasn't content with his beloved mobile home.

"Yes, Doctor, but I like the morning sun and the breeze and the birds. What I miss most on the Tardis is looking out of the window to see the sky, the nature outside," she complained.

"Oh!" The Doctor looked oddly deflated when he heard that. "But I can arrange that the Tardis does all tat for you, you know. Quite realistically. You could even move to one of her gardens. And I can park the her somewhere by the beach," he tried to persuade her.

"But that's not the same," Sarah retorted.

"Hmph," the Timelord grumbled on, still a bit hurt that his friend seemed to prefer some anonymous hotel room to his beloved ship.

"You see, the reason you go on a holiday trip is to take a break from your everyday life. And by the way, we can have the Tardis in our hotel room, can't we? I'd really love that," Sarah suggested softly, in an attempt to appease the Doctor's moody fit, with success, his face brightened up at that prospect.

They stepped into the pavilion where they found a city map and a bus timetable. Together they began to study their options.

"I guess they'll have a tourist office at the space port," Sarah mused, when suddenly the Doctor's gaze fell on an innocent dustbin in the corner and his face contorted to a frowned.

"Anything wrong?" Sarah reflexively asked. Being a bit jumpy had become her second nature travelling with the Doctor, and for a good reason.

He scrutinized the dustbin for a moment, then turned back to her. "Erm, no. I just thought I had seen something. Maybe a rat. I must be getting paranoid." He shook his head and returned his attention to the time table.

"But Doctor, how are we going to pay?"

He dug in the depths of his trouser pockets for a moment and then showed Sarah a few coins. "The change from the hairdresser." He grinned at her. Promptly the machine spilled out two day tickets. "Then let's visit the space port. " He steered her out of the pavilion and stepped into the circle marked with Line 111 to flag down a bus.

Maybe 10 minutes later an air bus landed for them. When the aircraft had spilled out a few passengers, most of them lightly dressed, almond eyed, black haired New Polynesian natives they climbed into the sparsely occupied vehicle. Enthusiastically Sarah headed straight to the back row of seats, followed by the Doctor and slumped down in the seat by the window. The Doctor settled down by her side, to Sarah's utter surprise, very carefully, he reached over. The softness of his touch sent a tingle over her skin when he helped her adjust the straps of her seat belts. When he was done he quickly withdrew and fastened his own belt while the bus picked up speed and height, giving Sarah's stomach a jolt.

One of these universally samey female voices made announcements but Sarah was quite oblivious to it, or the alien suburbs that passed by the windows. She watched the beautiful architecture but her mind was on the man in the seat next to her. She couldn't help it. She felt him stiffen slightly when she leaned her head to his shoulder, snuggling her cheek to his coat. After some moments, he lifted a trembling hand and ever so gently ran a finger over her temple.

He had sometimes hugged her, or snatched her up to put her out of harm's way, but he had never touched so tenderly. Sarah couldn't see how he watched her, mesmerized, an odd, almost timid expression of rapture on his face.

Until the too smooth female voice yanked both of them out of their dreams.

"Next station Alahuna Crossing, change here to the city lines 1 and 11 and suburban lines 4, 6, 7, 9, 14 and 16, spaceport line and continental and intercontinental connections. Thanks for riding Manaluha public transport, we wish you a good day."

Sarah came back from her own personal cloud nine and gave the Doctor's hand an empathic pat. He awkwardly cleared his throat. They freed themselves from the safety belts and exited the bus into a huge plaza strewn with terminals and were immediately swallowed by a bustling crowd. The magic of the moment was lost when they had to shove through groups of chatting, shouting, map studying, luggage loaded throngs of travellers.

The spaceport line was subterranean, they took an escalator down into a spacious station and had to squeeze into a compartment of the train with sun tanned families and couples and mountains of luggage. Sarah giggled and grabbed the Doctor's arm to hang on to him when the train picked up speed, nearly knocking her off balance and into a pile of bags and suitcases.

"So do you like New Polynesia so far," he tentatively asked, cocking his head to look down at her, using a long arm to hold onto the railing above.

'"Mmh. It's lovely. And it really feels like holidays. So much better than Castria or Karn or that space station or 14th century Italy and..." She couldn't help adding that little complaint about their previous destinations.

"Oh come on, travelling with me isn't that bad, is it," the Doctor pouted, a pair of little kids playing hide and seek around them and the luggage.

"Well... Sometimes... ah, yes. It is," she confessed after a moment of hesitation.

"But... but you should have told me!"

"I have told you. But sometimes I think, you don't really listen," Sarah retorted.

"Oh," was all he got out, his face working, visibly processing this bit of information. Then he looked Sarah in the eyes for a long moment. "Sorry," he replied with small voice. "I really thought you liked it."

"I do like it. Just sometimes it's a bit, well, too much."

"Hmm.. But not this time," he encouraged her, a warm, comforting smile spreading on his face. "Promise!"

"Are you sure, you can keep this promise?" she frowned, idly running a finger down his lapel.

"Sarah, ah... erm.." He wanted to rebut her wariness, but in the end he didn't really know what to say and his head drooped. He wasn't actively seeking out trouble. At least not most of the time. But somehow trouble had a bad habit of finding him. He desperately hoped that this time it was different. Just this once.

More people crammed in at the next station and when the train arrived their destination, about 15 minutes later they were spilled out on the platform along with the masses of departing tourists. They swam against the tide of people pouring into the huge glass dome building to the teleport facilities, found their way to an information point and were directed to a travel agency by a polite young hostess in revealing native dress.

Fifteen minutes later they were comfortably seated and served fresh fruit juice by the assistant of the travel agent, a fat, balding man, who studied them from behind his desk with his beady eyes.

"How may I serve you?"

Sarah and the Doctor looked at each other, the Doctor encouraging her with a nod.

"We came here for a holiday, we need a place to stay," Sarah began.

"I'm sure we have just the right thing for you," the man replied cheerily. "May I know, what price range you have in mind, madam?"

Sarah shot the Doctor a quizzical look.

"Oh, money isn't an issue, Sarah. Just pick whatever you like."

The travel agent's eyebrows shot up at that comment, then a servile expression crept on his face. "Well, currently we have a hand full of mansions for rent, if you want to see...," the agent started eagerly but Sarah cut him off.

"I was rather thinking of a quiet cottage, somewhere by the beach, not too far from the capital."

The agent flicked through holographic images of a bunch of houses and cottages. In the end Sarah decided for a lovely bungalow by the sea, on a small island just off the coast of the capital. The travel agent's eyes widened with astonishment when the Doctor paid the rent for the house and a sports air scooter cash, with a few Tyredion crystals he produced from his coat pocket. 10 minutes later Sarah sat in an air scooter on the way to their new domicile and the Doctor was on his way to get the Tardis.

Sarah reclined in the luxuriously comfortable back seat of the craft, fidgety with anticipation she watched the palm lined coast rush by, then they sped out over the glittering tropical ocean. Half an hour later, her pilot gave her a short tour through the house, handed her the keys of house and air scooter and left. Sarah went out to the terrace, she leaned her back against the warm, cream coloured stone wall, enjoying the shade of the awning in the tropical heat that had set in. She deeply inhaled the warm breeze. This was a dream come true! She listened to the wind rustling in the palm trees, the sea birds, the waves washing up the beach. Until the distinctively, asthmatic wheezing of a materializing Tardis made her heart leap in her chest and she rushed through the large glass terrace doors into the living room.

The doors of the Tardis creaked open and with a bag in his hand the Doctor stepped out, regarding the living room with it's large windows, a few low sofas and a fireplace.

"That's lovely," he approved. "Now look, what I've got!" With a shy grin, he set down the bag and produced two big bowls, holding one of them out for Sarah.

She took the bowl, opened the lid. "Ice cream! They still have ice cream 100000 years in the future," she exclaimed. There were about a dozen big balls of varying colour. She quickly disappeared to the kitchen and came back with two spoons. Handing one of them to the Doctor she sat cross legged on the next sofa and started to dig into the most delicious and exotic varieties of ice cream she had ever eaten.

"So. What do we do now," the Doctor asked, sitting down at the edge of the seat of a comfortable recliner. What he wouldn't tell her was that besides buying the ice cream and visiting a bank to get some local currency, he had taken a little detour to temporal orbit to do some research about human courtship habits. He had taken some time to watch the movie Titanic from the year 1997 and the scientific publication "Ethology of the human race" by the Cashprd xenobiologist Raxh Cashrp that he had found in his library. Ususally he didn't bother too much for books, being a man of field studies. But in this case he wanted to make sure he knew everything that was to be known. Truth to be told, the cold facts of the scientific publication had rather confused him. All this had come so fast. He felt crushed in a roaring storm of emotions. Only a few days ago, he hadn't even dared to think of the two of them, a Time Lord and a human, being what? A couple? Lovers?

A bit queasy in his stomach and weighted down by all this stuff spinning in his head he thoughtfully started to spoon his ice cream.

"When I'm finished with this I'm going for a swim." She beamed at him. "You want to join me? You can swim, can't you?"

"Eh, erm.. ah.., yes. I can," he stuttered, Sarah noticed that she was about to tread dangerous ground.

"Okay, okay. Don't worry," she backtracked. " There are deck chairs in the store room and I've seen a nice spot under the palm trees, down at the beach, you can take two of them down there. You know, Doctor, if you don't want to swim, a little sun tan couldn't hurt you either." She grinned at him but his expression didn't show any signs of approval for this suggestion either.

"Sarah, Time Lords don't sunbathe," he stiffly explained. "Because Time Lords don't have any interest in changing their natural skin colour." Whenever with female human companions, the discussion came to the topic of visiting a beach, what they seemed to enjoy immensely, it ended in the same frustrating discussion!

Sarah licked the delicious, creamy substance from her spoon, carefully avoiding to let it drip it on the sofa, more than a little sobered by his declines. Obviously here the cultural differences set in.

"But you don't mind keeping me company, when I do?"

"Hm, no. Of course not," he appeased her and they ate their ice cream in silence for a while, until he stuck his spoon into the rest of his ice cream. "I'm full. I'll get us the deck chairs."

"So what do you have in the wardrobe for a holiday," she asked him. Already half out of the room, he turned back.

"Oh, sure you'll find one or two bikinis your size there. And there are enough dresses to choose from," he replied cheerily.

"I mean for you, Doctor!" She gave his old burgundry coat a pointed glance that he didn't like at all.

"Um... what's wrong with my coat? I love my coat," he sulked.

"Nothing. It's nice and warm and it suits you. Just nobody in his right mind would wear it for a beach holiday."

"No human," he pointed out in an attempt to wriggle out of this. She registered the sullen look on his face and decided to step into action. Sometimes discussions with men were a complete waste of time. Purposefully she jumped up, deposited her ice cream in the fridge to finish it later and headed for the Tardis.

The Tardis wardrobe was a dazzling place where one usually found whatever one wanted or needed. When she had equipped herself sufficiently, she dug up a few colourful short sleeved shirts, t-shirts, shorts, straw hat and sandals in the Doctor's size. After some more searching she even found him some bathing trunks. She couldn't help grinning, she definitely looked forward to seeing him in these! She didn't take his `no` for an answer. If not today then another time. She stuffed everything into a bag and carried it up to the living room where the Doctor was inspecting the IT system.

"I've set up the deck chairs."

"Great! Now look what I've found for you, my darling Time Lord." With a twinkle in her eyes, she held out one of one of the shirts, a pair of shorts, sandals and the straw hat.

"What?" He needed a moment to realize what she wanted from him. "Oh no, no, no! No, it's not going to happen!" He stared at the pieces of clothing as if she'd asked him to swallow a living toad.

"It looks ridiculous!" he finally declared, silently begging Sarah for mercy with his eyes.

"Well," she retorted crisply, pointing at his coat, "that looks ridiculous at the beach. I don't want to be on holiday with somebody who sticks out of the crowd like a sore thumb. And it's too warm anyway. And it's not sexy," she finally teased him.

He rolled his eyes at this argument and stammered a little, but then decided it was useless to argue. He had promised her to do his best so now was the moment show some good will and make a little sacrifice. He cringed when he imagined to show so untimelordy much naked skin in public. He had broken many taboos of his people but curiously he had never ever questioned the fact that male Time Lords were not supposed to go without the proper covering of their skin. On the other side, a small voice in his head leered to him, he had also never paid attentions to a female of another species, probably the utmost disgraceful downfall for a Time Lord and definitely much worse than one or two embarrassing square feet of bare skin. So he put up a brave face, grabbed the clothes and vanished in the bathroom before he could blush in front of her once more. He had done that far too often for his taste lately. He didn't bring himself to putting on the shorts and decided that the shirt, sandals and hat were a suitable compromise. Minutes later, very hesitantly, he emerged from the bathroom, dressed in a wide pink and orange Hawaiian shirt over his light cotton trousers and with the straw hat on his head. He looked down at himself with a distinctively unhappy expression.


	7. Chapter 7

7

Not exactly knowing what he was supposed to do he cleared his throat.

"It looks really good on you," Sarah encouraged him.

"You think?" He felt far too exposed for his taste.

"Oh yes," she confirmed enthusiastically. "Come on, lets go down to the beach." She grabbed her bag, and the Doctor's arm and practically dragged her baffled companion out to the terrace, down the stairs and the path to the beach, to where the Doctor had set up the deck chairs. She dug up a large towel from her bag and spread it on top of one.

The Doctor chastely turned away when she unzipped her dress.

"Doctor, I'm already wearing my bikini. And you have seen me naked before. There's nothing new to be seen," she giggled.

He slowly, coyly turned back to her, and couldn't help finding what he saw quite inspiring.

"Erm, but that was a medical emergency. That's not the same," he vindicated himself.

Sarah was about to reply something very, very saucy, but at the last moment stopped herself, it didn't seem very wise to embarrass him even more. She settled down on her chair and the Doctor, after a few moments of consideration followed her example.

"Yes, it was. It must have been really hard. I mean, if you would be very ill and I would have to treat you and look after you, not knowing if you recover, that's such a horrible thought," she mused. "Actually, how did you cure the damage?" She had no conscious memory of those days but she had a vague feeling, somehow, something must have happened during that time.

"Ah, I had to persuade certain synapses of your brain to do their job properly." He struggled to find an innocuous explanation. He had planned rather not to give her all the details about the days she had spent unconscious in the sick bay. But now she was asking...

"How? I had no idea, that you are a Doctor of medicine too." She idly picking up a hand full of the soft sand and let it run through her fingers.

"Well, I'm a Doctor of many things." He squirmed and started to babble something technical that sounded suspiciously meaningless.

"Doctor, why is it so embarrassing for you to talk about it," she interrupted him impatiently, "did anything bad happen? Am I still in danger?"

"Oh, no, no. You are not in danger. Don't worry. It's just... you know..."

"I know what," she insisted.

"You know, it's just, us Time Lords, we are... we are... telepathic..." He finally spilled it out, quite unable to lie to her. He had never before told one of his human friends of this ability because he knew all too well that non telepathic species were usually more than a little uneasy around telepaths.

"You mean, you've been in my head? You can read my thoughts?" Her eyes widened at the outrageous idea.

"Yes. I was. And no, I can't read your thoughts. Well, yes. I can. But I wouldn't because it's unethical without consent. I haven't looked. I swear, I didn't," he pleaded, his shoulders sagging, when he saw how she involuntarily cringed. "Please, Sarah, I had to act quickly. Your life was in danger. I'm no threat to you and I will always respect your privacy."

"I always thought it's hypnosis what you do," she stated.

"No, not quite," he admitted. "It's a problem for you, isn't it."

"I... I don't know. I've never had a relationship with a telepath." She stifling a nervous giggle. "Does that make it in any way... different for me? You can read my thoughts, but you won't, right?" Her brain racked through all the implications this bit of information had for their future. "And how about you? I mean, isn't anything, I don't know. Missing? For you?"

"Sarah, If I found you in any way lacking I wouldn't have taken you here." He took a deep breath and continued, very seriously, looking her in the eyes. "You know, most Time Lord minds are, it's really hard to explain, imagine them like Gothic cathedrals. Immense and beautiful. But also cold. You are like a log cabin somewhere in the forest, there is always a warm fire and a good meal. I rather want to live in a warm hut in the forest than in a Gothic cathedral."

Sarah flushed, oddly touched by this unusual compliment.

"So you Time Lords communicate telepathically," she carefully inquired further.

"Only sometimes. We are not primary telepaths. Most of the time we talk, just like humans."

"And what's not most of the times?"

"Well, with your parents when you are small for example, in an emergency, or if a problem is very complex and you don't have time. And of course if you bond to someone," the Doctor admitted.

"And you wanted to keep this a secret from me?" Sarah frowned.

"I... I.. ah," the Doctor stuttered and let his head hang low. "Usually I don't tell anyone because most non telepaths find it disturbing. And you have never asked."

"Well, now I've asked."

"And? What do you say?" He tilted his head, waiting for her verdict.

Sarah spent some moments to digest these news. "Mmh," she picked up another shell, "is there anything else funny or weird I have to know about Time Lords? About you?"

"Well, I'm allergic to pulses, beans and lentils give me a rash. And Aspirin. Aspirin is toxic for my biology. But you know that, and..."

"No, not that, Doctor. I mean things that are important in a relationship," she interrupted him.

"Ah..." He took some time to think it over," as far as I know humans, no,nothing really bad in a way two reasonable people couldn't handle I guess. You might get a culture shock if you got involved with one of those citadel potato Time Lords though." He gave her a lopsided grin. "But I think, I'm acclimatised pretty well to western European cultures and customs."

"As well as your obviously very Gallifreyan dress code," she mocked him.

The Doctor noticed with utter relief that her tone had softened to gentle teasing. "I know, I know," he squirmed, relieved that she didn't hold his abilities against him.

Sarah looked him deep into the eyes, deeper than he was comfortable, then took off the sandals and got to her feet, enjoying the softness of the warm, golden sand. "Come on, this is such a heavenly place, I'm dying to take a swim." She grabbed her towel and strolled down to the water, followed by the Doctor. Minutes later she was enthusiastically splashing in the warm waves.

Half an hour later a broadly grinning, happy Sarah and a dripping wet Doctor with her towel draped around his shoulders returned home. He had to admit, that he had really enjoyed watching her frolicking in the shallow water, being splashed from head to toes. Even if he had indignantly protested at her childish antics in a half hearted attempt to protect his Time Lord dignity.

"Shall we try one of the food delivery services for lunch," he asked her on the way back to the house.

"That's a great idea. Will you just order something for us? But nothing too hot for me,okay?" With these words and her clothes over the arm she vanished in the bath room.

When she had taken a shower and returned to the living room the computer terminal was on and the Doctor just emerged from the Tardis. His hair was as wet as hers, and her critical eyes noticed that he had changed into another short sleeved shirt.

"You've ordered lunch?" Sarah wrapping the towel more tightly around her head.

"Yes I did, it should be here in about half an hour."

"Great. I show you the rest of the house then, come on."

There wasn't so much to show him. Apart from the automatic slide doors and oval windows it was surprising how the house resembled a 20th century holiday home. They inspected a fitness room, laughing about the totally hilarious gym machines there. Neither Sarah nor the Doctor had much intent to use them so they continued their tour with the eat-in kitchen and two smaller bedrooms, leaving out the large bathroom with the luxurious whirlpool that the Doctor had already seen.

"And this is the large bedroom," Sarah stated matter of factly when they stepped into the last room. "What do you think," she asked, suddenly she couldn't stand the thought of sleeping here alone, while the Doctor disappeared in the depths of his Tardis every night.

The Doctor eyed the tasteful, ochre-coloured wood furnishing and the large double bed in the middle of the room.

"Nice. Very nice." He looked at her with round eyes, he couldn't help guessing, that she wanted to tell him something that he was obviously missing. "What is it," he finally asked.

"Well, I thought, I take it. But it's a double bed, it's not meant for one person alone," Sarah suggested softly, laying her hand on his arm.

When the penny dropped he froze, staring at her for a long moment.

"You know that I don't need as much sleep as you do," he stuttered apologetically, inching backwards.

Sarah instantly regretted having been so straightforward. "Sorry! Sorry, Doctor. I didn't want to..."

"No, it's okay. It's fine," he declared rather unconvincingly, his gaze piercing Sarah to the marrow.

He spun on the heels and fled the room.

"Doctor, wait!" With a curse on her lips she sped after him. The last thing she saw of him was the shutting Tardis door. She sighed with relief when she found that the door was not locked and quickly crossed the console room. "Sorry, Doctor! Please, let's just talk!" She shouted down the corridor in despair, but didn't get a reply. She knew all too well that if he didn't want to be found on the Tardis there wasn't much of a chance. She wandered down a few corridors. To her surprise after about ten minutes she found herself at the door to the planetarium and had a distinctive feeling that she hadn't ended up there purely by chance. She was glad that in this case she seemed to have the Tardis on her side. She opened the door and slid into a large hall that was almost entirely dark, the only light coming from the breathtaking holographic images of galaxies that floated in black space.

"Doctor," she softly asked into the room and saw a dark figure stir at the other side of the hall. Quickly she crossed the distance.

"Doctor, talk to me. What is it? Please! Don't run away from me."

"Sarah," he choked, surprised to see her written on his face. "I think... I think... maybe... this wasn't such a good idea."

"What do you mean, with 'this'?"

"All this." He nearly sobbed." Maybe we just stop here and... and..." He took a deep breath and pulled himself together. "I take you home."

Sarah swallowed hard hearing this. "Have I insulted you, or hurt you?" Sarah asked gently.

"No. Not insulted... But offering me to ... is... you... it's...," he stammered . "I know, you didn't mean it, it's a Gallifreyan thing, but somehow, I..."

A faint suspicion grew in her mind and she could have slapped herself for her carelessness. "It is something intimate for Gallifreyans? A woman offering to share her bed. One of your cultural conventions I didn't know of?"

He flinched and mumbled something unintelligible, his eyes large with panic.

"Sharing a bed for humans does not automatically mean sex, you know, it can, but it's a lot more," Sarah tentatively explained.

"I know, but..." He fell silent.

"Doctor, I would be really sad, no, beyond sad, devastated if you took me home. I would miss you. You know that."

"I would miss you, too," he whispered, voice shaky.

"So no more shared bed talk until you feel comfortable with it. Okay," she suggested softly, praying that he got over this emotional crisis.

"Erm...," he replied and laboriously cleared his throat, "you see, it's just now that I fully realize what I'm actually doing here. And I'm not sure if I really want this," he objected.

"I know you want this. Looking at you tells me that every last cell in your body wants this. And is it such a bad thing?"

He swallowed down the lump in his throat. "I don't know. My upbringing tells me it is."

Sarah reached out and carefully took his hand in hers. "I know, it's your decision, but I'd be so happy if you allow me to continue to be part of your life."

He gave her a shaky nod. "Sorry," he finally apologized with small voice. "I must be such a pain for you."

"No, you're not. And I wouldn't want to spend my time with anyone else, no matter if human or Time Lord. Now come on. Probably our lunch is waiting. Let's talk about this over some food."

For a few moments he just stood there, then he did something she least expected. He closed the distance between them and slung his arms around her, pulling her into a fierce embrace.


	8. Chapter 8

8

Sarah cradled her head in his chest and inhaled his musky, sweet scent that had always oddly reminded her of caramel. She clutched him tightly, the idea that every time he was getting emotional he might make good on taking her home unsettling her.

"I don't want to lose you," she finally sobbed into his chest, her emotions breaking the dam.

"You won't, Sarah. You won't. I'm so sorry," he breathed into her hair, then he let go of her and took her by the shoulders, locking gaze with her, reflections of the galaxies and regret glowing in his eyes.

"I panicked. This is all so... new to me." He cleared his throat. "You really want to have lunch with me?" he tentatively inquired.

She gave him a relieved nod and without a further thought wrapped her arms around him and pulled him into another hug.

They walked up in silence, both too emotional to speak and arrived at the bungalow just in time for the delivery service. The heat and glaring sun was a stark contrast to the controlled environment and lighting of the Tardis. They settled on the terrace and spread bowls with curry style dishes, fried dumplings, vegetables, fish and fresh flat bread on the table.

"Now that looks delicious!" Sarah exclaimed.

"Yes. It certainly does," the Doctor replied with a rueful grin.

"You know, after this holiday I'll really need a diet, the way you are fattening me up. Is there a chance that Time Lords like chubby women?" Sarah asked the Doctor after two helpings, sprawling on the comfortable rattan sofa and gazing down at the reminders of the delicacies on the table.

"Um, well... no. Not specifically. I just thought you enjoy good food," he replied, lazily contemplating the dumpling he held between his fingers and then stuffing it into his mouth. He leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes.

"Yeah. Too much. I'm really full. And that doesn't take into account the ice cream still waiting in the fridge," she snickered and grabbed a piece of the spicy fried fish. Watching the Doctor, suddenly she realized, that despite the two years of travelling with him, she knew so little about this man. Most of the time they had been running, or exploring or fighting monsters. He had a way of using a crazy profusion of words to say not much at all and he had a habit of cutting off any conversation he didn't want in a sometimes gratingly imperious fashion. Contrary to how anarchistic and crazy he usually behaved, it appeared to her that losing control was something he really didn't appreciate too much. He hadn't in his last body and he didn't in this. And he was clever and stubborn enough that he usually got what he wanted. She sighted. She had to acknowledge it to herself, there was a chance that a relationship with him might not be as easy and painless as her romantic infatuation wanted to tell her.

"How about a little siesta now and later we have a trip to the capital," the Doctor suggested, eyes firmly closed now, tipping the hat over his eyes. Truth to be told, he wasn't that sleepy. On the contrary, thanks to the fact that human pheromones were all too compatible to Gallifreyan ones and Sarah offering to share her bed with him. Not that Time Lords easily fell into a state of arousal. But if it happened, it was definitely harder to get handle on it for a Time Lord then for the average human male. And in addition to that Sarah had this incredible talent...

That was a fact he felt was entirely beyond anything he could confess to her, even if he wished nothing more than somehow being able to let her know what her presence and especially touch did to him.

This time he had chosen a different strategy for his problem instead of running off and taking cold showers. He had been the one who had hugged her and on top of that had also made that promise. So he was a bit stuck here. He withdrew within his mind, closed down his senses and took measures to counterbalance his brain chemistry as a fresh wave of hormones washed through his veins.

Until a panicked "Doctor!" screech successfully ended his meditation along with his libido problems very effectively only moments later.

His eyes flew open and he rushed to Sarah who was staggering backwards, away from the table. His gaze fell on a formless, grey substance that crawled and bustled over the remains of the food like a swam of attacking dust bunnies.

He took her by the shoulders from behind, affectionately squeezing her and with a frown contemplated the scene the table. "Don't worry, it's no danger to us, not as long as it's such a small colony and if it's busy with better food. Wait here for a moment and stay away from it." He instructed Sarah, who was relieved that he seemed to know exactly what to do.

"As if I would touch that disgusting stuff! What is it" She shouted after the Doctor, her eyes trained at the table, but he just vanished in the house with long strides and shortly later emerged back with a very large clay baker, latex gloves and two turnspits. He put on the gloves and with the turnspits carefully started to transfer all the infested food containers and plates into the large pot and waited until all the remaining grey substance on the table had made it's way to the food source.

"Now would you please enlighten me what that that is, Doctor?" Sarah insisted.

"Ah, it's Czrymr wandering mould," he replied with a frown, when all the infested food containers were in the pot, finally throwing the turnspits into the pot too, and then covering the crawling grey mass with the lid. Wordlessly he picked up the pot and headed to the kitchen, Sarah in tow.

"It's a very common pest in some places, but I have no idea what it is doing at this time, here on this planet," he ranted, placing the pot in the oven, turning on the microwave and watching the pot with some satisfaction. "Usually it's found on run down space stations and in dirty refugee camps. At the other end of the galaxy," he huffed.

"We've got to complain about this to the travel agent. He has to send an exterminator. This is his fault!" Sarah huffed.

"Hm, yes. But I believe with a few traps around the house and it's going to be just fine," the Doctor consoled her. Now the little cylindrical objects he had seen on the floor around the ice cream parlour made a whole lot more sense to him.

Somehow the incident, no matter how harmless it was, unnerved Sarah to an extent that it was close to ruining the day for her. "Doctor, is it just impossible to have a that a single trip with you that works out fine, where nothing disgusting or dangerous is crossing our way," she nagged.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Sarah!" He turned to her and laid an affectionate hand on her shoulder in an attempt to humour her. "But traps and the exterminator sterilizing the place will really help. Promise! It's just a pest. I'll inform the travel agent and then we have a trip to the city. What do you think?" he suggested, in an attempt to cheer her up and save the day and possibly the whole holidays.

Sarah's pouty gaze wandered from the oven with it's disgusting content to the window and he was relieved to see that she relaxed a little. "Okay. Hopefully we can just forget this... this... whole thing here and there are just no more surprises," she grumbled. "Otherwise I feel, we have to have our holidays locked up in the Tardis, where it's safe for a change."

The afternoon in town turned out to be a success, he was so eager to humour and entertain her and at the same time so stiff and formal that sometimes it almost got too comical and she realized, just how hard it was for him to handle anything romantic. She had promised to give him space. After her accidental invitation to have a shag she was determined to be more careful. Whether they had a stroll at the waterside promenade or browsed boutiques and jeweller's shops, she kept a chaste distance and her fingers off him and he relaxed considerably when he realized that she obviously, even without telepathic senses understood him. He loved her even more for that.

It got dark by the time they returned, they found that the management had sent the exterminator who had set up a battery of traps around the house. They also found a big bottle of an alcoholic beverage in a cooler and a large basket of fruits and sweets on the living room table with a card of apology for the inconvenience. Sarah furrowed the brows when she inspected the portable traps and the instructions how and when to use them that went with the food basket. More food, she sighed, but the fruit looked awfully delicious and when she put one of the pink, strawberry like things in her mouth it practically melted, bathing her taste buds in intense flavours of vanilla, mango and melon. It made at least partially up for the obvious necessity of counter measures against the pests on this lovely planet.

The Doctor decided to set up a camp fire down at the beach. Sarah's heart jumped with joy at the idea. In her view the one thing that made camp fire bliss perfect was a guitar and she knew where to find one. In the Tardis music room. She hadn't practised much lately. But back in university days she had played decently enough to sting together a few chords to accompany a very home made version of the songs of Bob Dylan, Joan Baez and the Beatles.

Leaning against a palm tree, a mug of the intoxicating coconut champagne next to her she watched the crackling logs.

"I never knew that you can play the guitar and you have such a lovely voice," the Doctor quietly admitted when the last chords of `The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down` had faded away. "And such a sad song!"

Sarah started tuning the strings of her instrument. "I guess you were to busy with Daleks and Cybermen and guys like Solomon. I've been playing sometimes, when you were busy tinkering with the Tardis. But you always told me that you don't like domestic."

"Oh. Then I've really been missing something," he mused throwing another log into the fire.

"So, how about your singing skills? Do you play an instrument?" Sarah poked him.

"Ah.." he squirmed, "this body didn't come with a good singing voice I'm afraid. Really a shame. My last body had a lovely tenor and when I was a boy, at the academy, I've been singing in the boys choir," he replied melancholically, dwelling on some old memories.

"You wouldn't sing something from your home for me?" Sarah inquired and watched him squirm, "all right, all right, I know one or two more by heart," she appeased him. "I'll leave you. For now," she added saucily. She tried out some new chords until she was satisfied and then stroked up 'Let It Be`.

"Well, that was a wonderful song, really marvellous!" The person that belonged to the voice, an elderly lady in a plain blue tunic stepped out from a little palm grove into the moonlight when Sarah had ended. "The two of you must be our new neighbours, am I right? How splendid. My name is Teria." Her gaze wandered from the Doctor to Sarah and back, "oh, I'm so sorry. Have I interrupted something, erm, " she uttered a guttural little giggle, " intimate?"

"Ah, no, nothing really intimate going on here. Just a completely harmless little camp fire, that's all. I'm the Doctor, and this is Sarah," the Doctor introduced themselves to their guest.

"Where have you run off, honey," they heard a male voice. A moment later a portly gentleman appeared behind their visitor and affectionately draped his arm around her shoulder.

"Oh I see, we have new neighbours, " he stated, looking down at the Doctor and Sarah. "But I think, Teria, we shouldn't intrude on the young folk here."

"But no, you are not intruding. Please, don't you want to sit down and share some of our coconut wine?" The Doctor suggested good naturedly.

The gentleman introduced himself as Jegor Harfouche. They settled down while Sarah sprinted up to the house to get some extra glasses and the rest of the sweets.

"So you are here for a holiday too?" Sarah addressed the elderly couple.

"Oh no. When we retired and got our pay-off we bought the house over there. We are both from Nermela but we have worked most of our lives for a mining cooperation, we have earned a little good weather in our old age." Teria replied, "Where are you two from?"

The Doctor raised an eyebrow and shot Sarah a stern glance as a reminder not to start babbling about earth or time travel. "Oh, we have been travelling a lot, I'm a nomad, nowhere really at home and Sarah accompanied me for a while," he grinned apologetically, named a few random places and planets and filled Teria and Jegor a pair of glasses.

"Oh, you poor things, I know how it is, life on ship board, and then the stasis chambers, I think you two really deserve a long holiday," Teria sympathised with them, "what field are you working in?"

"Ah.. erm.. theoretic xenosociology," the Doctor hastily made up, hoping that xenosociology was boresome enough to discourage any further inquiries. "And Sarah is a journalist I picked up on some underdeveloped backwater planet. What have you been doing for a living?" he asked the couple, ignoring Sarah's glare.

"My husband was a mining engineer and I worked as a physician. He had to keep the drilling machinery running and I did the same with the workers," she mused. Soon they were engrossed in pleasurable small talk and fortunately they were satisfied with a short but rather dry and complicated lecture about xenosociology.

Sarah offered more sweets to their guests.

"You brought a trap, didn't you?" Teria asked, wrinkling her eyebrows.

"Oh, yes. I haven''t forgotten. We had an encounter today."

"Yes. We`ve seen the exterminator. It's really a shame what happens here these days." Jegor groused.

"What exactly happenes here these days?" The Doctor, suddenly ver alert, raised his voice.

"Oh, that grey plague is not the only pest here. We had poisonous algae blooming regularly, we have those strange mosquito like things they fortunately managed to exterminate, then we had a completely new and very nasty influenza outbreak last year and on the main land they have trouble with those flying things and eels and whatnot."

The Doctor's mouth hung open by the time Jegor had ended his explanations.

"Has nobody told you? Didn't you know?"

"Ah, no. I have to confess, this was a bit of a trip into the blue. I had no idea," the Doctor admitted.

"Now how does this concern us, beyond those traps," Sarah huffed, shooting the Doctor her darkest 'not again an alien threat` look.

"Oh, don't worry. At the moment the authorities have it under control," the elderly lady explained.

"Well, all that explains why there were so many houses for rent," Sarah remarked with a frown.

"Indeed." Teria replied dryly. "Oh, I'm so sorry, we seem to have just ruined this lovely evening for you." She looked outright downcast. " I assure you, there hasn't been anything new for the last 4 months and the authorities have it under control."

"Mmh," Sarah remarked a little subdued,her gaze wandered to the Doctor, who had gone into broody mode.

"Now don't worry too much. Keep placing a trap whenever you have food around and you'll be fine!" Jegor encouraged her.

Sarah gave him an unconvinced nod.

"You two can come over to our place for a game of cards or a boat trip any time you like," Teria affectionately invited the Doctor and Sarah. "If you care for the company of some old folk like us."

"That's very nice, thank you." Sarah replied, her worry about the pests washed away by the warmth and hospitality of their new neighbours. She suddenly realized, how much she had been missing something as simple and normal as a chat with the neighbours on the Tardis. Sarah yawned. She was quite tired by then, she guessed still due to the aftermath of the Eldrad affair.

"I wanna go to bed."

When they had bid their farewells and promised to drop in for a visit the next day they put out the fire and walked up the short way to the house. Sarah turned on the light in the living room and out of the corner of her eyes observed the Doctor's countenance as he deposited the glasses and bottle on the table . She registered a certain nervous twitch there, a restlessness that she knew all too well.

"Doctor, you will not investigate these pests, this is our holiday," she ordered.

Judging from his reaction she had obviously hit a nerve.

"Mh, but..."

"No but, Doctor. This is none of our business. They can handle it on their own," she declared, shooting him her most stern glance.

"Okay, okay," he reluctantly gave in. "It's none of our business." He grinned appeasingly.

Later, when she lay in bed, reading a few pages before going to sleep there was a rapping at her door. At Sarah's surprised "yes," the door opened and Doctor's tousle-head appeared in the door frame.

"I've made tea, you want some?" he inquired.

"Mmh. And preferrably in your company."

"Erm, the non sharing a bed version of company," he gingerly replied and took Sarah's smile as an invitation to come in.

He made himself comfortable on a chair. They had a little conversation and when Sarah's eylids finally fluttered shut he put away her book, tucked her into the blanket. He planted the softest kiss on her forehead before he switched out the light and headed for the terrace to watch the stars.


	9. Chapter 9

9

The next morning Sarah woke up to the rustling of the wind in lush palm trees. With a little sigh she opened her eyes and observed the bedroom, the scenery outside, the events of the of the last few days came to her mind when she watched the sea birds from her cosy bed.

She shuffled to the bath room for her morning necessities, donned the light kimono style dressing gown and went to see what a fresh day on New Polynesia with the Doctor was about to bring. It brought more food she realized, when she saw the Doctor preparing breakfast on the terrace. It seemed to her that for a Time Lord the way to a woman's heart was indeed through her stomach and she was happy to play along.

But the whole morning something kept nagging at the back of her mind. "I have thought about the pests when I took a shower this morning," Sarah declared, spreading some jam on her bread. "It looks like somebody wants to ruin the tourist business on New Polynesia."

"Mh, yes. So it seems, the Doctor agreed thoughtfully, having come to the same conclusion much earlier. "Why are you bringing it up now?"

"Well..."

"Journalist, eh? Unable to keep your nose out of strange events?" he teased her.

"So what do we do about it then?" Sarah asked, then took a bite of the toast.

"Well. As you suggested yesterday. Nothing. We are going to have a nice holiday. It's none of our business." He beamed a toothy grin at her.

"It's none of our business," she merrily agreed.

…...

They spent the next days at the beach, in town, with trips to natural monuments, paying visits to their neighbours. Though Sarah hadn't dared asking the Doctor to take dance lessons with her because the local dances were completely beyond what she felt he could handle. As time went by, very slowly, and to Sarah's utter relief the Doctor had gained some trust and got more comfortable and relaxed around her. They had come to a stage where holding her hand no longer caused him a hormonal shock plus emotional crisis and he was quite at ease to sit next to her. He had confessed to her that holding hands in public was not exactly Time Lord customs, but he had started to develop some like for this earth habit.

There were no more pest incidents, the days passed quietly and uneventfully if you didn't count Sarah gaining two or three pounds weight and the fact that they had the harmless fun one typically had at a holiday resort.

But it turned out that quiet and uneventful for more than a few days was not without a challenge for a restless Timelord. One early afternoon, maybe ten days into this life Sarah sat in the shade, a book in her lap. Her careful efforts to coax him into putting on the bathing trunks and go swimming with her had so far been fruitless and at the moment she didn't want to insist any further. She wasn't sure if she could ask him to do her back with sun lotion either without causing him another emotional meltdown.

He had been dozing under the sunshade for a while. Now he had a towel spread on his lap and he fiddled with one of his little gadget while he tried to teach Sarah a few sentences in Calafraxian, roaring with laughter when she repeatedly said `his sock shot the president` instead of 'hello, my name is Sarah.`

But after a little while the conversation ran dry. He jumped to his feet, strode up to the house to return after some time with a few spare parts for his little contraption. Moments later he was staring at the thing with utter frustration. He headed back to the house, but Sarah stopped him.

"Wait, Doctor! What is it?" Sarah asked softly.

"Oh, it's the sand. It's just impossible to assemble electronic parts, on such a sand heap," he fretted.

"No, Doctor. It's not just the sand, isn't it?"

He grumbled on like a petulant five year old.

"You are getting bored, aren't you? You've been getting more and more edgy over the last few days."

He squirmed under her gaze, but she was right. He was getting frustrated. He enjoyed rest and relaxation and lazing about but for him there was a limit of how much of it was enjoyable before his restless brain kicked in, demanding some distraction. He had just spent extensive time at the beach because Sarah liked it so much, it bored the hell out of him, Sarah realized sadly.

"Come here, sit down," Sarah insisted.

He did so, reluctantly.

"Doctor, can I touch your feet? Do you mind?"

His eyes widened, reflexively he pulled up his knees. "Ah, erm... why would you want to do that?"

"Because I want to do something that humans usually find very nice and relaxing," Sarah replied softly. "I want to massage your feet." With satisfaction she observed a spark of intrigue creeping into his otherwise doubtful features. "Just if there are no cultural taboos around a foot rub in Time Lord society of course." she quickly added, holding her breath, a tiny little bit afraid of his reaction.

He stammered a little and his expression changed from awkward to longing to incredulous. "You want to..."

Sarah gave him an fond nod and took it as a yes when he cautiously stretched out his legs.

"Relax and let me do the rest." she encouraged him, it took a load off her mind that he hadn't panicked. "Tell me to stop if you want me to, okay?" She unbuckled the sandals and slipped them off his feet, carefully watching him for any signs of reluctance, but his expression was just a wide eyed mixture of curiosity and wariness.

"So female Time Lords sometimes do this, too?" she inquired, taking her time to rub some of the sun oil into the delicate skin between his toes.

"Ah,only if they are in an exceptionally good mood I suppose," he replied with a rueful grin, indulging in the sensual experience. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes when Sarah started to knead his toes with surprising strength. What Sarah did to him was pure magic. Of course this wasn't the first time he got a massage, but not from the hands of someone so enchanting and close, he clenched his hand around the armrest, struggling with his feelings.

Sensing the Doctor tense under her hands Sarah paused kneading his long, slender toes. "You want me to stop," she cautiously inquired.

He stammered and his fazed gaze gave away the conflict raging in his mind.

"You like it, right?" she asked softly, retreating her hands.

"Mh.," he agreed with an almost feverish haze of desperation in his eyes.

"It's completely okay to feel like that. To have those... well, kind of more physical reactions. There is nothing to be afraid of." She lightly laid a hand on his shin.

"It's ... I can't...," he stammered.

"Ssh, it's allright," she soothed him. "Just don't suppress your feelings. There is nothing bad or shameful about them."

He winced, turning his head away, but the fact that so far he hadn't run gave Sarah some hope. She moved to his side, took his trembling hand in hers and did what she had been doing for the last week, giving him time, giving him space, and most of all, giving him her love.

Slowly, slowly he calmed down, wrapped his fingers around hers and shyly looked her in the eyes.

"Can you... please..." He fell silent, his large, impossibly blue eyes timidly trained on her.

"What do you want me to do?" she softly asked.

"Continue." He summoned up all his courage to whisper the word.

Sarah gave a little nod and lifted his hand up to her face. He uttered a little gasp when she brushed the back of his hand against her cheek, then she quickly laid it into his lap and resumed her former position. Mesmerized he watched her when she continued to work on his feet. Slowly he leaned back and then with a heavy sigh closed his eyes, giving in to her touch, savouring the sensation.

When she finished he blinked at her, his half open eyes oddly bemused.

"Thank you," he breathed. He sat up, stretched out a hand and ran a trembling finger along Sarah's temple, brushing a strand of hair out of her face. He withdrew his hand and swallowed hard.

"It's... I...," he stuttered sheepishly.

"It's quite all right." Sarah felt a flush creeping up around her nose at the intimacy of the moment.

The Doctor gave her a jittery nod. "Yes. I guess, it is," he whispered. He got up, took one long, quizzical look at her, then picked up his shoes and strolled back to the house.

Sarah wished that there was anything she could do to make this easier for him. She got up and headed for the water and let the waves wash over her feet, each wave erasing the fresh foot prints in the heavy golden sand, spraying her with a refreshing, salty mist.

"Sarah, darling!" She heard Teria call her from her patio when she passed the neighbouring house. Jolted out of her thoughts she looked up and waved back at the elderly physician. "You care for a glass of sugar cane cider?"

Sarah struggled with her longing to be alone with her emotions and the desire to have some company other than the Doctor for a change. After a moment the second prevailed.

"Oh, always, thank you!" she shouted and walked up to the patio, where Teria was repotting some flowers.

"Where did you leave your friend?" She wiped her dirty hands clean at the blue apron.

"Oh, I think he needs a little time on his own," Sarah mused.

"Mmh. He's a funny guy. Definitely not like any other man I've ever met."

"No, he definitely isn't," Sarah agreed with a little giggle

"Oh, men. It's not so easy sometimes, is it?" Teria replied emphatically and ushered Sarah to the kitchen. "And you picked a particularly headstrong and difficult specimen as I see it." She fetched a bottle from the freezer, opened it and filled two goblets, handing one of them to Sarah.

"Hereby I raise a toast to all the men," she declared, raising her glass, a mischievous little twinkle in her eyes."The handsome and the ugly. In good times and in bad. May they live long!" She took one long swig. Sarah followed her example, the sweet, sparkling, lightly alcoholic beverage running down her throat like a cool breeze from within. Soon they were engrossed in a lively conversation about men and other hazards and pleasures life had to offer.

…...

When Sarah returned home two hours later she found the Doctor in the console room of the Tardis, once more tinkering with some panels.

"Ah, did you have a nice cup of tea with Teria?"

"Not tea, something a bit stronger," she chortled. "How did you know where I was?"

"I've cobbled together a scanner," he admitted, scrutinizingly observing Sarah's elevated mood.

"So now spy on me?" Sarah inquired playfully.

"No, of course not. I just want to know that you are safe, that's all. Ah, I hope I haven't offended you. By just walking away, after... It was... erm... very nice, you know." He flushed profusely. "I haven't thanked you properly, have I? I thought, we could continue with more... ah... nice things," he exuberantly babbled on. "I've booked us a table at the best restaurant in Manaluha."

"So it's food again," Sarah grinned and rolled her eyes.

"Well, yes. I guess, ah... a lot of us Time Lords are a bit culinarically obsessed. Not much else to do apart from political intrigues, scholastics and food in a boring place like Gallifrey." An apologetic grin spread on his face. "I thought after that we could either go to that concert, or... erm... dancing," he suggested a bit sheepishly. "You like to dance?" he timidly asked, oddly cocking his head and squinting down at her. The Doctor's sudden romantic outburst left Sarah speechless for a moment.

"Oh I love to!" She beamed at him, hot and cold with anticipation. After all, it seemed the foot rub had broken the ice to some extent.

"Then get dressed and all that stuff that women usually do. And pick something really special from the wardrobe for tonight." He glowed with a beatific grin. "I've booked us a table at 8."

…...

Sarah took a luxurious bubble bath. She found a ruby red silk cocktail gown with lush ruffles along with a matching stole that fitted her perfectly. Giddy with anticipation she did her hair, got dressed, put on make up, perfume, a necklace and earrings.

The Doctor, who had been sitting on the sofa, waiting, ogled her from head to toe and back when she stepped through the Tardis door. He got to his feet, gaze hefted on her cleavage.

"Erm.. You look beautiful!" he admitted with a bashful little smile, nervous like a teenager.

Sarah's mouth hang open when she inspected the Doctor, who wore a midnight blue silk frock coat not unlike the ones he had worn in his last incarnation, along with black trousers and a black silk scarf. It reminded her so much of the old Doctor that a broad grin spread on her face. It looked definitely good on him she decided.

"Thank you and the Tardis wardrobe. But I've hoped that you put on something Gallifreyan," she teased him pointing at his coat.

"Hm, you can't dance very well in Gallifreyan robes and...," he squirmed, rolling his eyes.

"It was just a joke," she consoled him. "You look really... erm... aristocratic in that suit. It looks good on you."

After a few moments he broke out in his toothiest grin. He offered Sarah his arm, led her to the air scooter garage and helped her up onto the stubbly wing of the craft. Night was falling when the Doctor locked in the navigational system and the automatic pilot neatly steered the vehicle up to the traffic corridor, the Doctor leaning back, watching the instruments. They didn't talk much. In the distance they perceived the brightly lit city and 15 minutes later the automatic pilot parked the scooter in a public parking hangar. They strolled the short way to the nearby Galaxy Plaza Hotel past illuminated fountains and huge marble statues. When they stepped through the door into the columned lobby they were received by all the elegance and luxury of a royal palace. To Sarah's amusement a liveried bellboy bowed deeply when he pointed them the direction to the restaurant.

"Doctor, why have we always ended up with with Solomon and the likes when the galaxy has to offer wonderful places like this, where we get a royal treatment," she whispered to him.

She was surprised when the Doctor frowned at her with a sideway glance. "Don't be so impressed. Usually they bow to you only if you have money or if they are afraid of you. Or if they think, you are some kind of messiah,." he added a lot sharper than he had intended.

An awkward silence hung between them as they continued to walk down the gallery.

"Sorry, Doctor, I didn't mean to upset you." For a moment he stared at her, then he exhaled audibly, his expression softening to almost apologetic.

"No, it's just... I didn't mean to upset you," he began and took a deep breath. "You know, on Gallifrey, the normal citizens have to bow to us Time Lords. Since my initiation at eight they have done this. And I can't stand it. Never could." He looked Sarah in the eyes, and the disdain but also openness she found there really got to her.

"You hate the customs of your people?" she softly asked.

"Well. Some of them," he retorted. "Sorry, I wanted this evening to be romantic and pleasant," he ruefully carried on.

"Ssh, it's all right." she shushed him, linking arms and taking his hand in hers, gently squeezing it. He gave her a lopsided little smile, tracing his thumb over her palm and they continued their way in silence.

"Do you have a table reservation," another bowing lackey asked when they got to the doorway to the restaurant.

"Yes. For 8 o'clock. Smith is the name," the Doctor replied.

The man worked a data pad for some moments and then bowed. "Will you please follow me."

He led them through the indoor part of the restaurant and out to a large, partly roofed terrace, the tables that were discreetly shielded from view with bamboo in large tubs and painted folding screens. They headed down a few steps to another level of the terrace that was much more sparsely lighted, to a secluded little pavilion in one corner. A low, oriental style couch along it's walls encircling a table with lit candles in the middle.

"I hope this is to your specifications, sir," he addressed the Doctor with another elegant bow.

"Oh yes, indeed, it is." He raised an eyebrow, inspecting the place more closely. "What do you think, Sarah?"

"It's lovely!" She let go of the Doctor's arm and settled down. The Doctor slipped onto the sofa on the other side when the first waiter discreetly disappeared and a second one brought an aperitif and left.

Sarah shot the Doctor a quizzical look. "No menu?" she wondered.

"Erm, I booked everything in advance." He grinned at her, flushing profusely.

"Doctor, why am I under the impression that you are up to something." Sarah gave him a friendly little nugde, when he picked up the elegant little glasses and handed one of them to Sarah.

"When have I ever been up to something," he protested rather unconvincingly. "I'm completely harmless," he added with his best innocent face.

"Yeah, I buy that," Sarah replied snickering.

"Sarah, stop making fun of me. It's...it's not fair," he squirmed and Sarah suddenly realized, just how much this invitation really meant to him.

"Sorry," she breathed, looking deeply into his eyes, ready to drown in those wonderful, deep blue abysses. She held out her drink, in silence the Doctor clinked glasses with her and both took a sip of the fruity, oddly spicy liquid.

Soon the waiters returned. The first placed one large plate on the table, laid out a set of silverware at the Doctor's place, then he opened the lid of the plate, revealing a variety of little starter nibbles. The next waiter served one glass of what looked like red wine. The Doctor gave the waiters an approving nod and they retreated, then he eagerly unwrapped the cutlery.

"Doctor! The waiters forgot a second plate and glass," Sarah pointed out with a little frown.

"Ah, no. Not really." He looked up, a bashful little smile playing around his lips. Then he forked up one of the little morsels from the plate and with an expression of eager anticipation held it out for Sarah to eat.

Sarah was so baffled that her mouth opened as if in protest, but no sound came out. Instead, very cautiously, and with a quizzical look in the direction of the Doctor she took the bite, what to her amazement seemed to fill the Doctor with childlike glee. The little pastry with a fish filling practically melted in her mouth. He moved a little closer and offered her the glass to drink, she took one sip of the not quite wine and flushed down the fish with it while the Doctor held out the next bit of food.

"Is feeding the female some kind of Gallifreyan courtship ritual," she inquired, astonished by his odd behaviour.

"Erm... Yes, it is," he admitted, letting the fork sink, cautiously eyeing Sarah for her reactions.

"Does that mean, that in your company I'll never again be allowed to eat on my own?"

"Oh no, no, no. Not at all. It's just for romantic occasions," he hurried to explain. "For Time Lords," he added. "Of course you are not a Time Lady. You want a plate and glass for yourself?"

"Well, I haven't been fed since I was three," she mused, realizing that he enjoyed this bizarre ritual tremendously, "but you have my permission," she added with a sweet little smile. "So how are we going on about this?"

His reply was a beatific grin. "You just lean back and let me...erm... regale you," he suggested.

"Now that sounds good." Sarah sprawled comfortably against the back rest as much as her dress allowed. "But speaking of regaling, if we are too full, how are we going to dance later?"

"The night is still young, isn't it?" The doctor breathed, intoxicated with anticipation.

"It definitely is," Sarah whispered, taking the next bite from the fork, getting a little more lost in the blue of his eyes. `Kiss him` a voice in the back of her mind urged when she beheld his soft, quivering, oh so inviting lips.

His gaze became a slightly hazy. He cleared his throat and shook off the hypnotic moment, gave her a sweet, apologetic grin. "I think, I think..." he started coyly

"Ssh, Doctor, don' t think. Thinking is vastly overrated in nights like this."

"You are right. It probably is," he whispered flushed. Picking up the plate from the table, he leaning back in silence and started to share the nibbles with her, to her surprise always holding out the just the bit she wanted. Telepaths, she mused, involuntarily inching closer to him. His looks, his awkward charm, his smell. God, she wanted him, no, she ached for him and the idea that she was so close to him but couldn't just snog him senseless and slip her hands under his shirt to feel his bare skin suddenly drove her nuts! Softly she leaned into his shoulder, something that by now was within his boundaries and breathed a sigh.

"Are you allright?" the Doctor tenderly asked, concern lacing his voice.

His care gave her gooseflesh. "Oh yes. It's a wonderful night."

The high pitched shriek that suddenly disrupted the peace of the tropical evening gave her gooseflesh, too. The noise of shuffling feet and upset voices that followed it didn't bode well either. Electrified, they looked at each other, romance forgotten. Simultaneously they leaped up from their seats and rushed in the direction of the turmoil that had erupted on the upper terrace.


	10. Chapter 10

10

Sarah swore when she realized that with her footwear she was clearly at a disadvantage here. They passed tables with startled guests and waiters as they followed the direction of more clattering and shouting.

When they arrived at the source of the turmoil they found a table in complete disarray, an intense, stinging stench was hanging about the whole scene.

The guests, a young Asian couple were standing back, the man vociferously dragging a young waiter over the coals. The rest of a little mob of guests watched the scene from a distance, egging on another waiter who was with one arm protecting his face, striking with a broom handle in the other at a greyish, warty, two foot long creature that looked like a disgusting cross between a slug and a ray that wriggled between plates and glasses. Helplessly it flailed it's winglike protrusions and shot at the waiter with some secretion from it's tail, the obvious source of the stench. Another waiter came running with a bucket.

The Doctor took one moment to overlook the scene. "Stop it! Stop!" he boomed but nobody reacted. He jumped between the outraged man and his victim. "STOP IT!" he once more yelled at the him and finally, flabbergasted and intimidated because the Doctor was easily one foot taller than him, he let up on his victim.

The Doctor ignored the now silent crowd of onlookers and the waiter and cautiously inched closer. The creature tried to scuffle back and lifted it's tail end threateningly when he cautiously extended a hand to touch it but then it held still and let him stroke it's oozy skin. "Oh you poor thing," he whispered.

"Sarah, I need a wet towel or something," he told her with a frown on his face, his professional disaster manager mode kicking in where he had been all infatuated only moments ago. Sarah who had been watching the whole scene hurried off to an abandoned nearby table and soaked the table cloth in water from a crevet. Curiously she watched how under the disapproving gaze of the crowd the Doctor carefully picked up the quivering creature, wrapped it into the cloth and cradled the dripping bundle in his arms.

He picked up a bit of fish that had dropped from one of the plates, folded back the cloth a little bit and held it out. The creature extended an eye stalk then a second and then a beak that had been half hidden under some skin folds of it's head section.

"It's completely harmless. It is just hungry. Hungry and frightened and confused and now you hurt it!" he angrily hissed at murmuring crowd.

"What is this creature, Doctor," Sarah whispered.

"It's from a planet in the Shama quadrant, quite far from here. In the biology course at the academy they called them species Shama 3836/24.6. Where they come from they live in little colonies on the rocky seashore, farming mussels."

"Farming? Is it intelligent? She peeked under the cloth.

"Oh yes. Pretty much. It was out searching food for it's pregnant mate. There is a little colony of them somewhere out there that was apparently abducted to New Polynesia." She gave the bundle in the Doctor's arms a closer inspection. The creature had huddled into a lump, greenish liquid oozing from its wounds.

"How do you know that?" she asked incredulously.

"Well, the Shama communicate. Telepathically."

It took Sarah a moment to take that in and then observed the creature with new awe. "Do you think it's going to heal? And what about it's mate?" She returned her attention to the creature and extended a hand lightly touching it's skin.

"I hope so. We've got to help them before more of them get shot down or beaten to death on their desperate search for something to eat."

"Excuse me, Sir," an incredibly stiff, tall man in an elegant, colourful tunic interrupted them. "I can't tell you, how sorry I am for the inconvenience," he addressed the Doctor with a servile little bow.

"Oh, I think, the inconvenience is much more on his side than on mine." He frowned at the man, who was obviously a member of the hotel staff, and pointed at the bundle in his arms.

"Sir, let us deal with the creature."

"No, I certainly won't let you deal with it. You want to kill it. I'm not going to let that happen!" He wrapped his arm protectively around the bundle. "They are an intelligent species and SOMEBODY has brought them to this hostile place where they struggle to find anything edible at all."

"So... ah... you know more about them?" he asked, taking a baffled closer look at the Doctor and the bundle in his arms.

"Mmh. Yes. And I would really really appreciate if you stop hunting them. They are completely harmless. Unlike the wandering mould, which can give you quite a rash as you probably know."

The clerks eyes rounded when he mentioned the mould. "Yes, very well. You seem to be quite... knowledgeable about the... ah.. pests we are plagued with lately." He gave the Doctor a calculating glance and another of his stiff bows. „Would you please follow me, I think the hotel manager wants to talk to you."

"Why would I want to do that," the Doctor asked irritated.

"The pests are a case of the authorities, I'd have to call the police if you would insist on keeping it, any case has to be reported to the public health department, captured creatures are quarantined and destroyed by the authoriteis. But the manager has connections of course.." The Doctor glowered at the man, but of the two evils, the police and the manager with connections the second sounded more managable to him.

Sarah, who just for once wanted a peaceful holiday with the Doctor, not one of their usual monster runarounds gave him an exasperated 'why does it always have to end like that' look. He just shrugged back apologetically, then she had no choice than to follow the clerk and the Doctor out through the staff entrance of the restaurant. They took a little hover vehicle for the short way to another building and then a lift up. The clerk disappeared in an office, politely asking them to wait. After a few long minutes, Sarah got more and more impatient, he emerged from the office.

"Director Paldevan wants to see you. Will you please follow me."

A few corridors later they were led into an elegant office that had a spectacular view out to the nightly bay.

"Please wait a moment," the clerk excused himself. "The director will be here very soon." With another servile bow he retreated and left Sarah and the Doctor alone in the office.

Sarah took a look around, marvelling at the elegant wooden inlay work of the furniture. "Doctor, I'd rather like to be somewhere else," she complained.

The Doctor approached her from behind and assuringly laid his free hand on her shoulder. "Me too. I'm so sorry, Sarah. Really," he muttered.

She turned, nodded at him, tugging at the his wet sleeve. "How is it, ah he?"

The Doctor lifted the cloth a little bit to get a better look. "He's in pain, but I don't think the injuries are life threatening." She had been furious, she had been utterly disappointed about this disruption of their holidays, but when she watched how tenderly he cared for this injured alien she just couldn't help but smile. He had a big heart, no, hearts for anyone who needed him. She wrapped an arm around his waist and leaned into him.

"We have to help them, Sarah."

"Of course we have to."

The door opened but in came not the director but a servant with some drinks, requesting them to make themselves comfortable until the director arrived. Exasperated Sarah let go of the Doctor and grabbed one of the glasses. "Can't we just get out of here and evacuate the Shama?"

"Ah, I'd prefer that too, Sarah. But we might in for more trouble if we don't play nice. Maybe the Shama too. And maybe the people here need help with the actual pests."

"Doctor, as long as it's not abducting intelligent beings or outright animal cruelty, I don't care for their pest problems. We are here for a holiday. Forgotten?" Sarah urged him.

"Erm.. Yeah. Right," the Doctor sniffed. "Holidays," he sighed, "it's a bit hard to get used to." He beamed an apologetic grin in Sarah's direction.

Moments later the door opened and in came a stout native in a heavily embroided tunic who wore his graying hair in the remarkably complex braidings typical for the upper class of this planet. He stretched out his palm in greeting.

"Doctor John and Sarah Jane Smith, welcome!" His perfectly white teeth blinked with the professionalyl jovial grin of a banker or politician. "Please, take a seat." He offered chairs with a grand gesture and vanished behind his ridiculously huge marble desk.

"I'm so very sorry, that you got involved with our little problems here."

"Well, it doesn't bother me, I'm always glad to help," the Doctor gave the man one of his open hearted grins and earned an indignant sideways glance from Sarah for it.

"To come to the main point straight away," a pair of melancholic eyes scrutinizingly scanned the Doctor ".You seem to be very knowledgeable about these alien life forms, my restaurant manager told me. You are a doctor of xenobiology?"

"No, not really, lets say I get around."

"Well, I think, you might just be humble. What do you plan to do with this creature?"

"I want to organize relocation to it's home world."

"So you know indeed, where is originates from?" the director asked, his now very vivid eyes hefted on the Doctor.

"I have an idea, yes," the Doctor admitted.

The director leaned back and considered his visitor for a moment, nervously tapping his fingers on the dark marble.

"I want you to see the other specimen and tell me what you think." He decided, emerged from behind his desk and signalled them to follow him.

"There have been more attacks?" the Timelord asked with some curiosity.

"Yes, there have been. Don't you ever watch the news? We could cover up some, but others..."

"Erm... no, I hardly watch news, sorry. I must have missed that piece of information," he replied and grinned sheepishly. A few doors and corridors later he laid his hands on a touch pad at a door. With a whirring sound the slide door opened and the Doctor and Sarah entered a small room, where on shelves bizarre creatures were preserved in tanks.

"What do you make of these?" the director warily inquired, after having given the Doctor the time to have a look around.

"Mmh, that's interesting!" he exclaimed enthusiastically, his nose only an inch away from one of the tanks. "Umbin cockroaches! Now they are really a plague. Oh and look at that! A screeching eel from Pysh . What has that one done?" he asked when he observed the occupant of another tank.

"It has been living in the sewers. Attacked one of our most prominent guests when he was in the bathroom," he replied stiffly, only partially able to gloss over the embarrassment this incident obviously caused him.

"Has it bitten him into his dangling royal privates?" sarah giggled from behind them? Suddenly two pairs of male eyes turned to her to give her the 'this is not even remotely funny' look, silencing her.

"Yes, basically that's what happened," finally the manager spoke, "the financial compensations for the temporal loss of ah... fertility tore a huge hole into the finances of the company. This incident was so embarrassing for all involved parties that it has been kept top secret. Although there are unfortunately wild rumours..." He sighed and with a theatrical gesture he dabbed sweat from his brow with a large silk hankerchief. "What do you make of these creatures?"

"Well.. I recognize three or four of them. That's all." He scratched his head, when he inspected the other containers more closely, and after a moment of hesitation continued. "All I can tell you is that the ones I recognize are from planets all origniate in the same area in the second arm of this galaxy. I think your culprit must be a citizen of the United Empire of Aulea or somebody with connections there. Does that help you?"

"Aulea, Aulea.. never heard of it !"

"Hm, maybe you know it by it's other name, the glorious Human Empire of Upper Hand?"

"Upper Hand, Upper Hand! But that's nothing more than some old stories and legends," he dismissed with a wave of his pudgy hand.

"Well, no, it isn't. I think just the knowledge about the subspace routes through the void between the arms of this galaxy are not really well known since the war against the Upper Hand. Lost in the chaos, hm? But I guess, some smugglers might still know them, keeping them secret. Most Aulean citizens are rather dark skinned. So maybe you look for such a person with a doctored CV, or somebody with connections to smugglers, who wants to ruin the tourist business here and then buy that place for chicken feed and take it over," he concluded his deliberations, his gaze falling on the pin that the held the man's tunic together.

"Are you going to help me here? Apparently you are the only person I can trust with this," the manager warily inquired, gauging the other man with his gaze.

"No. I'm going to help these. I'm neither an exterminator nor a security expert nor the keeper of your private little zoo." He went to a container in the corner and lifted the covering to reveal a cage that held two quivering Shama crammed into the narrow space. "And I will take these two with me, too."

"But those two are meant for the university...," he began to protest.

"Yes. And I can guess for what. To dissect them to find out how they fly. That's not going to happen, or I inform the ethics commission of the governing body of this quadrant about these illegal activities. Because these are not some animals, like the eels and roaches."

"There is no way that money could change your mind?" the Director asked obligingly.

"Money you say? No, I'm very sorry, I'm not after money," the Doctor turned him down.

"Very well, as you wish," director Paldewan huffed disappointeldy. "Then take these... things... Pease let me know if you change your mind," he added, his jovial businessman veneer back in place.

"Of course," the Doctor replied politely, handing Sarah the bundle, he had a closer look at the cage and pulled the cover back in it's place. He picked it up at the handles, and after a very polite farewell, the offer of another dinner on the house and greetings the clerk brought them to the entrance

"Sarah, I have a very bad feeling about this. We better get to the Tardis as fast as we can," the Doctor muttered under his breath as soon as they were around the corner of the next building, persuing the direction to the public hangar where their scooter was parked.

"Why?"

"I might be wrong, but I'm fairly certain that the pin the director is wearing is Aulean in design. Did you notice how easily he gave in when I insisted to get these two Shama?"

"You think..?" Sarah left the sentence unfinished.

"Yes, I think," he stated matter of factly.

She took a cautious look over her shoulders but could not detect anything out of the usual and swallowed hard. "That had to happen."

"Yeah," he replied ruefully, clutching the cage more thightly.

The boulevard was crowded with people seeking amusement, but neither Sarah nor the Doctor had sense for that kind of entertainment anymore. Neither of them spoke. The Timelord striked a brisk pace and Sarah, the bundle with the injured alien in her arms hurried to keep up with her companion.


	11. Chapter 11

11

They turned into the the side road leading to the hangar. "Doctor, wouldn't it be better to take a taxi?"

"With these?" he asked grimly, lifting up the cage a bit.

"But if they have sabotaged our scooter? Or if they manipulate the navigation system?"

"It's not very likely. They hardly had the time for that."

"But if they have access to the traffic control databanks?" she hurried to remark, as soon as they passed another group of young folk ready to plunge into the night life.

The Doctor just frowned at her as a reply. "Sarah, you are getting paranoid," he hissed under his breath.

"But what if this Paldevan guy has connections, he found out about our scooter and teleported a bomb on board, just for example?" Sarah insisted. "Maybe we should go to the police and inform the authorities that the Shama are a sentient species, not a pest and our suspect that Paldevan is behind all this."

"Ah. But here you forget that we didn't enter the planet legally." He gave Sarah a grave sideway glance. "And they do indeed put any species classified as pests down. And with the Shama, they could easily end up dissected in some lab, they have some very interesting properties. And Paldevan might have his people with the authorities anyway."

"Okay then, I really hope you are doing the right thing," she gave in rather unhappily when they passed the entrance of the hangars, swimming against a tide of people. They didn't dare to take the elevator with their precious baggage. The Doctor flinched when Sarah nearly stumbled, struggling with her shoes.

"Careful, careful. I don't want you to go flying."

Catching her balance, Sarah shot him a dark look. "This is the last time I'm wearing pumps with you."

"I'll give you a foot rub when we are safe, okay," he ruefully suggested.

With some satisfaction Sarah observed the Doctor's obvious contrition and the corners of her mouth twitched upward with that prospect. " I'll take you up on that."

He was about to reply something but Sarah wouldn't let him. "First we save the Shama. I guess, our holiday here is done and over anyway," she huffed.

"We'll find something better, and we always have the Tardis," the Doctor tentatively suggested.

"Yes. And I'm already curious what kind of menace that better place will have in store for us."

Taken aback by Sarah's sarcasm the Doctor fell silent, they hurried on to parking space where their scooter was waiting. With a grim face the Doctor set down the cage, whipped out his sonic screwdriver and opened the engine cover. He gave the engine a thorough inspection. Then he did the same thing with the four force field generators.

"I can't find anything wrong here," he turned to face Sarah and wiped his fingers clean with his handkerchief. Sarah replied with a sceptic nod. He opened the cabin and took a little time to search it. "No, nothing that I could detect. The navigation system seems not to be manipulated either," he muttered from behind the back seat and squeezed his tall frame out from the narrow space.

"Good," Sarah replied rather unconvinced. The Doctor packed the cage on the rear bench, Sarah wanted to jump into the craft but the Doctor stopped her. Carefully he took the bundle and laid it to the cage, observing it for a moment with a raised eyebrow.

He noticed the large stain on Sarah's red dress. "You are all wet, Sarah," he shook out of his jacket. "Here, take this." He helped her into it, when again she wanted to jump onto her seat he held her back, took her hands in his.

"I'm sorry. I really am. Please, believe me," he cautiously lifted up her right hand. Sarah took a deep breath when feather light lips brushed her palm and he looked deeply into her eyes, begging her for absolution. She touched his cheek, let her hand linger on his skin for a moment.

"This isn't your fault, Doctor," she finally replied softly, and sighed. "Those poor Shama really need our help." She lightly grazed his arm when she climbed into the craft with the Doctor's help. "I would just have hoped..." She eyed him sadly and fell silent.

"I know. I feel exactly the same, Sarah," he acknowledged.

"Come on then, let's not waste time," She suggested quietly.

He swallowed hard and gave her a little nod. Then climbed into the pilot seat, locked the doors, gave the navigation system a second check up. A low hum ran though the craft when the engine sprang to life. The force fields gently lifted it up through the exit shaft, into the night sky. To Sarah's utter surprise the Shama in the cage started to communicate with low whistles and clicks. The Galaxy Plaza Hotel nearby was brightly lit. For a short time it had been paradise. Now it gave Sarah the creeps to watch it fade away behind them.

The Doctor fiddled with the navigation system, He didn't want to crash land somewhere over the ocean because of a sabotaged automatic pilot so he had to find a way to circumvent the automatic pilot. In the sparsely lit cabin Sarah watched how his brow furrowed with concentration as he worked, she sat quietly, keeping herself from nail biting with some effort, wishing herself very very far away. After a short while he gave the helm a light touch and the crafts reactions told him that he'd been successful. His relieved grin gave Sarah a little more hope. So far there was no reason to alarm traffic control by switching to manual steering. The automatic pilot nicely held them on course and in their traffic corridor out to the island so the Doctor had time to apply his attention to the Shama.

"Sarah, can you please creep to the back seat and open that cage," he asked, attentively watching the night sky and instruments for anything out of the normal, knowing very well that if they were for example fired at, there wasn't much of a chance to survive.

"Do you really think that's a good idea?" She cast a curious glance at the cage.

"Being locked up is absolutely horrible for them. I promised them that I let them out as soon as possible. It would definitely help them to believe that we are friends, because so far they are not entirely convinced about our motives. And they start giving me a headache with their worries."

"You talk to them?"

"Yeah. And they are awfully emotional in their communication," he whined, rubbing his temple.

"Here, that might help to pick the lock," he thrust his sonic screwdriver into her hands and continued to keep an eye on the instruments.

Sarah crept to the back seat and removed the cover of the cage.

"Doctor, can they understand me?"

"Erm, they can read your emotions a bit, they can't hear your thoughts. But I can translate if you talk to them."

"Hi there. I'm going to let you out, please keep still,okay?" Sarah approached them, squeezing through the opening between the front seats .Two pairs of eyestalks that stuck out of a very quiet, greyish heap were trained on her when she searched the cage for a door. She soon found that the top part was kept in place by two locks, she opened them using the Doctor's tool, lifted it up to create an opening and retreated to see what was going to happen.

The creatures slowly disentangled from one another and one of them, wings folded tightly above it's body glided up through the opening in an elegant move. It came to sit on top of the back rest, uttered a shrill whistle and then floated down to the cloth bundle that now quivered and squeaked.

"They are very very happy and thank you, I've explained to them about the Tardis and that we will pick up the whole colony and then take them home. I also told them that we are in danger because we are helping them," the Doctor summarizied his conversation with the Shama.

While the second also left the cage, Sarah watched mesmerized, how the first and the injured started to exchange trills with their antennae, then it slowly crept into the bundle and huddled up with it's injured colleague. The second watched the scene for a moment and then with a gracious, undulating movement of it's wings floated forward and came to sit on top of Sarah's headrest. Sarah stretched out her hand. The Shama whistled, then softly prodded her with his antennae and let her stroked it's head.

With a happy grin she looked at the Doctor. "I think saving them is worth a holiday."

"Oh, saving someone always is. But I wouldn't mind holidays with you either," he replied with a fond smile in Sarah's direction.

"I'll be so relieved when we are back in the Tardis. We should have taken the Tardis right away."

"I've told you to stick to the Tardis. It was you who wanted something else for a change, you remember?"

A rueful "yes" was all he replied to that. Sarah snuggled deeper into the comfortable seat, counting the seconds and minutes. The lights of the island came into view. Without any irregularities the automatic pilot steered the craft into a descent and then decelerated in the landing approach. The Shama started to chatter and rustle when the Doctor parked the scooter in the garage and then shot them a stern glance, silencing them.

"Sarah, Doctor, are you there?" They heard their neighbour calling when they climbed out of the scooter, the two healthy Shama floating around in the garage.

"Sarah, quick! Take the Shama to the Tardis."

"But.." Sarah suddenly felt heartbroken to take their leave from their neighbours in such a haste, she had grown fond of the old couple and the idea that they would just steal away without even a goodbye gave her a pang of sadness.

"No but, get the Shama out of sight, hurry," he urged. Sarah picked up the bundle from the back seat, torn between her friends and what had to be done she rushed to the house.

"Is this you, Doctor?" Footsteps and Jegor's voice cut through the concert of the cicadas into the garage.

"Yes, it's me..." the Doctor responded.

"Don't go into the house," Jegor interrupted him, "I think something is wrong..."

They heard a blood curdling shriek from the house, followed by a yelp and howling. For a split second the Doctor and Jegor looked at each other with terror. Spurred by Sarah's cries for help, the sounds of smashing furniture and more angry yelping they bolted through the corridor to the living room.


	12. Chapter 12

12

Spurred by Sarah's cries for help, the sounds of smashed furniture and more angry yelping they bolted through the corridor to the living room.

"Sarah!" the Doctor cried out. He skidded to a halt and peeked around the corner. What he saw made his blood run cold. A creature that would have remarkably resembled a blue-brown striped hyena hadn't it been for it's gigantic ears was snapping furiously at the two Shama who were circling above it's head. The familiar stench from the restaurant hung heavy in the air.

"I'm here, Doctor, I'm here," Sarah pleaded, her brittle voice coming from behind the now battered recliner.

The creature turned it's head, pricking it's ears and made a few soundless barking movements in the direction of the Doctor. It ducked with obvious recognition, ignoring the Shama, now it had found better prey

"Get back," he urged Jegor, realizing what the creature was doing. In a split second he whipped up the sonic screwdriver and frantically switched through the frequencies. The predator squeaked angrily and shook it's head. Powerful hindlegs propelled it forward like a black, furry shadow. Frantically the Doctor brandished the sonic with yet another setting. Time around him froze to slow motion, in the fraction of a second the Doctor realized that this might very well be the most shortlived of his incarnations, an inexplicable pang of regret flooded his mind as the creature crouched low, it's fangs bared. The Doctor tried the last setting, a sense of detachment set in, the whole universe reduced to him and the predator. Thecreature jumped and in mid jump it uttered an eardrum shattering cry. It landed next to the Doctor on the floor, the momentum sending it slithering over the tiles, writhing in pain. Time returned to normal and only now he realized that his heart's rate was up to 240 and his hand was shaking..

Jegor watched the Doctor, who was still brandishing the sonic at the staggering beast. Panic-stricken it fled, knocking over a lamp, running into a chair and then smashing into the wall in it's disorientationAn agonized howl escaped it's jaws and it began to paw it's ears and scratch the floor and wall with it's claws in utter despair.

Sarah crept out from behind the recliner. The Doctor hurried to her, the sonic still trained at the beast and bent down. He ran a shaking hand over her cheek, "are you okay?" he asked with husky voice, watching how Jegor, face white as ash, slipped to the kitchen.

"Sarah, sweetheart, come on, we have to get out of here," he muttered to Sarah. He pulled her to her feet and dragged her in the direction of the Tardis.

"Jegor? Sarah? Are you there?" he heard Teria's call out in alarm.

"Teria, stay outside, it's not safe, Jegor, what are you doing! Come here, help me!" the Doctor hurried to shout. Jegor returned to the living room, something metallic blinking in his hand.

"No," the Doctor shouted, but the engineer didn't listen. Moments later he hovered over the disoriented creature, evading the claws and fangs, waiting for the right moment, then he bent low. The beast gave a horrible wail, then gurgling, it's voice trailed off. It thrashed about a few more moments, then the pulsing blood stream out of it's slit throat turnedinto a steady little trickle and the only sound that was to be heard was Sarah's quiet sobs.

The sight made the Doctor sick in his stomach. He let the arm with the sonic screwdriver sink, it slipped out of his hand. Without thinking he pulled Sarah to himself, wrapping her into a tight embrace, felt her tremble against his body.

"Hush, dear. It's over. You are safe now," he crooned with barely veiled sorrow, cradling her head to his chest and rocked her, needing the contact to calm himself, to assuring himself that she was still there, alive.

"What are we going to do about these?" Jegor demanded to know, pointing at the Shama that had settled down next to the bundle with their injured comrade. Alarmed thy floated up under the ceiling when Jegor menacingly approached them.

The Doctor snapped out of his absorbtion. "No, no, Jegor, leave them alone, they are our friends," the Docto shouted and Jegor, the bloody knife still in his hand stopped in his tracks.

He held his gaze firmly fixed on the two aliens. "You're sure?"

"Jegor, please, they just bought us the time to save Sarah. You scare them, they are afraid of humans, put away the knife," the Doctor insisted.

Nobody noticed when Teria quietly slipped into the room. Taken aback, she took in the view of the dead beast. "I guess the pests are getting more vicious these days," she muttered with toneless voice.

The Timelord caught sight of the doctor's bag she was carrying. "You are a practical woman," he approved, releasing Sarah from the hug and eased her to the floor.

"If you have worked a 10 year contract in the mining colonies, grabbing the medical kit becomes your second nature," she explained with a dry little laugh and kneeled down next to Sarah. Her gaze lingered on a nasty scratch on Sarah's ankle. "Although back then, in most cases my patients wouldn't have been victims of animal attacks," the elderly physician explained, taking a closer look at her patient.

"Sarah, darling, how do you feel? Do you remember what happened?"

"I... I... that horrible thing," she stuttered, "and look, my dress, it's ruined!" she blubbered out.

The Doctor's gaze trapped hers, tenderly he stroked a strand of hair from out of her face and tugged it behind her ear. "Yes, I know. I'll find you another one." He gave Teria, who now ran a portable scanner over her patient a pointed look.

"A mild state of shock, and a few bruises and the grazes on her leg, that's all. You were really lucky, Sarah," she patted her arm and started digging in her bag for some more equipment.

"I wasn't lucky, I had two guardian angels," she croaked turning her head to see how the Shama were doing.

Jegor, who had washed off most the blood joined them. "How is she?"

"She'll be all right." The Doctor heaved a sigh of relief and gave the man a warm smile. "Can you stay with her for a moment?"

He went over to the carcass and gave it a closer inspection. Even in death it was formidable and the Doctor felt a pang of regret for the it's suffering and death. A predator, a night hunter using sonar and scent, he had no idea where it was from, but he couldn't help but sympathise with the poor creature that had been abducted and abused by those criminals. He turned to the Shama, who were busy over the bundle that lay discarded on the floor, he quietly knelt down next to them.

"Thank you for saving her," he whispered and sent them a warm wave of gratitude. The Shama looked up, it quivered when the Doctor gently touched the velvety skin of it's wing.

`Please help us, please help us, please help us!` The Doctor lowered his mental shields a bit and it's distraught thoughts flooded his mind.

`I will, don't worry," he gave his best to console them.` We have to get away from here. Just do as I say,` he directed at the Shama. He picked up the bundle and carried it over to the Tardis, where he unlocked and opened the door.

`Come on, in here, it's my ship, it's safe inside!` He coaxed them into the console room and laid the bundle down on a shelf. `Sit down here with your friend, and don't leave this place,` he instructed them and set his mental barriers back in place. He ran a quick scan of the environment and his brow furrowed when he found confirmed what he had already suspected.

He returned to the living room and joined Sarah and the others.

"Teria, Jegor, we can't stay here. They are surveilling the house," the Doctor urged, laying a hand on the other man's shoulder, "and I suggest, that you are coming with Sarah and me."

"And who would be `they`, Doctor?" the elderly engineer snapped at him, his husky voice giving away how rattled he was.

"Well, I'm afraid I've tread on the corns of the people who are behind the pests. And that's one of their pets. Now come, quickly!" the Timelord urged.

Teria finished the bandage around Sarah's leg. "And what's your plan to get out of here? If whoever is behind this is surveilling the house, how do you want to get us all out of here alive and without them noticing?"

"Ah, now fortunately I'm the owner of a Tardis." A loony grin spread on his face. "Sarah, they patched you up really nicely, ey?" He bent low, tenderly patting her head, then picked her upin his arms with one swoop and got to his feet. Sarah wrapped her arms around his neck, hanging onto him for comfort and protection.

"Now come on, just trust the Doctor," he encouraged them and then vanished in the large blue cabinet that sat in one corner of the living room. Dumbfounded, Jegor and Teria looked at each other, when moments later the Doctor's tousle-head re-emerged in the doorframe.

"Will you two come now? We don't have all the night, you know." With two, three long strides he was behind them and unceremoniously steered the perplexed couple into the Tardis, then slammed the doors shut. He turned, with his back leanign heavily against the doors and with a rattled breath exhaled the tension that lingered in his chest. His gaze wandered from hurt Sarah in his wing chair to their ex neighbours and his head sank. Wherever he went, he left a trail of chaos and blood and once more his friends had suffered.

"Doctor," Teria demanded with steely voice locking gaze with the Timelord. "I think, you owe us an explanation. For all this."

"We've found out who is behind the pests. Accidently." Sarah's explained, her voice still shaky. "It's some bigwig named Paldevan."

"So senator Sem Tahun Paldevan is behind all this trouble? I'd never have thought that he..." Jegor mused and gave the Time Lord an uncomfortable glance.

"Yes. And, I don't believe you'll be safe if you stay on this planet. Not after those folks know that you've help us. I'm so very sorry." His large, soulful eyes met Teria's. She swallowed hard and nodded.

"Doctor, what is this place here?" Jegor queried, looking around, "is it an optical illusion?"

"Well, it's my Tardis, my ship" the Doctor replied, walking over to the console, "and no, it's not an illusion. Well, of course in the end every kind of material reality is in some ways or another an illusion and so is transdimensional engineering," he rambled, while checking a few settings of the scanner and initiated a continent-wide life form scan for Shama, "Let's say, it's a very solid illusion."

"It's a space ship? But how did you land a space ship in a living room?" Teria marveled.

"Well, I just let her materialize here. I can let her materialize anywhere." He explained with a smugly self satisfied grin.

She cautiously stretched out her hand and ran her fingers over the console."A ship that can just materialize anywhere? Where do they sell machines like this? Who are you that you own such a thing?"

"Well, I nicked her from a junk yard on Gallifrey. She was to be scrapped and I was on the run. Perfect match." Affectionately he laid his hand on the warm wood of the console, then he picked up his burgundry coat, put it on and dug in his pockets. "You care for a jelly baby?" He stretched out his hand with the little paper bag. Bewildered, Teria took one of the sweets.

"You know, Doctor, the political situation here has lately become more and more, erm,... unstable and hostile towards the offworlders who are living here," Jegor started cautiously after some moments, wearily he rubbed his temples. "The point is, we have already thought about leaving...," he added uncomfortably.

"Oh, no problem there, I can take you anywhere you want. Is there a particular place where I can drop you off?" their host cheerfuly replied.

"Well...," Teria started out, quite baffled, then let her head hang low, continuing much more subdued, "well, there is Nermela, our home world, isn't it, Jegor?" He gave her a court nod. "But we... we don't have any money. Everything we had we've invested here." she finished uncomfortably.

"Oh," the Doctor said softly. "But there I can help!" A grin spread on his face. "Wait a moment."

He rummaged through a drawer until he found what he was looking for. "Here. I think that will do." He handed Teria a little wooden box and expectantly folded his hands behind his back.

Sarah searched his eyes with her gaze. With a bright smile he moved to her side in the chair and lightly laid a hand on her shoulder. Grateful for the contact her searching fingers found his and he smiled a fond little smile down at her as Teria opened the box.

What she found was several hands full of small, rather unimpressive greyish stones. Jegor's jaw dropped. "That's... but that's Tyredion crystals, isn't it?" He picked up one of the little stones, "That must be fortune!"

"Weeell, in some places of the universe, in others not so much," the Timelord merrily replied. "You can have it, I have no need for them. And I can get more of it anyway. It's the least I can do for you."

"But we are old, it will take 20 years in a stasis chamber to get to Nermela," Teria interposed.

"But definitely not with a Tardis," Sarah consoled her with a little chuckle. "It's rather a matter of 10 minutes."

Jegor and Teria looked at each other, stunned and speechless, when the Doctor confirmed this bit of information with a cheery nod.

"But first erm... I take you to your house, to pack a few things?" he cautiously suggested,

"Ah,... Doctor... ah..," Jegor stuttered.

"Speechless, ey? Speechless is good," he replied with a big grin. "Right then, hold onto something," he stepped to the console, operated some switches and levers. A raptured little smile played on his lips when a shudder ran through the ship and then the engine started to groan and wheeze. Unsettled Teria clasped her husband's hand, who in turn wrapped his arm around her. A moment later the ship was steady again and the Doctor observed the readings of the scanner.

"No, they are not scanning your house. Pack up what's important to you."

Jegor looked at his wife, who was barely able to gulp back her tears. "Oh Jegor...," she sniffed. He wrapped his arms around her and they clung to each other like for dear life, Teria sobbing into her husband's chest. After some moments she composed herself. "Okay," her voice was still constricted but she was determined. Amazed, she peeked through the door, out there was no longer the Doctor's and Sarah's living room. She stepped out into the house that had been her home for the last 5 years. She took a deep breath and together with her husband she started to dig through cupboeards and wardrobes. The Doctor found them a few large, empty boxes from one of the Tardis store rooms, then left them to their work and returned to the Tardis. The scan would still take some time, the Shama had made themselves comfortable too.

"Now that was a romantic dinner that will be etched in my memory forever!" Sarah mocked him softly.

He sniffed in awkward agreement, then lowered himself to the floor in front of her and took her hands in his. "Your ankle still hurts?"

With a little smile she shook her head. "No, it's fine." She lifted a hand, ran her fingers over his cheek and then stroked his soft curls, she just did it, without any second thoughts, like back in those days, when they had been the best of friends, nothing more and he didn't flinch back. She just looked into a pair of old and yet so young eyes filled with tender concern, eyes that were like doors to his unfathomable soul. "And by the way, did I hear you calling me sweetheart, Doctor," she gently teased him.

"I guess, you did, didn't you," his bashful little grin was just too sweet, she gave his hand a fond squeeze.

"I'll take you to your bedroom," he suggested, he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and slipped the other under her knees.

"No, please. I'm not half dead, I can walk!"

He paused, observing her with disapproval for a moment, then let go and held out his hand to help her get up. She was still a bit wobbly on her feet, not so much because of her ankle, but because of the shock so she gladly took his arm as they walked down the corridors that lead to her rooms.

"Can you help me to unzip my dress," she asked him when she had picked a leisure suit from her wardrobe, turning her back to him..

He was so busy worrying about her wellbeing that for a change his hormones didn't jump into actionwhen he pulled the zipper down over her bottom, revealing a little bit of her black lace lingerie.A tiny little blush crept on his face at the sight and he chastely turn his back on her when he had finished the task and she got changed.

"You finished?" he mumbled when he didn't hear more rustling of cloth.

"Yes, I am."

He closed the distance, stepped over that gorgeous dress that had turned his Sarah into a princess and that now lay ruined on the floor. Eagerly he walked her to the bathroom, where he sat down on the rim of the tub, watching her washing off the smudgy rests of her makeup, slightly worried that she was so taciturn.

"Sarah, you okay?" he tentatively asked.

A fresh wave of horrible memory of black fur, snapping teeth and ghostly howling became vivid in her mind. She wanted to be strong and as unaffected by dangers as he was, but she just couldn't. Her hands were shaking and the tears that welled up in her eyes mingled with the water. She wanted to reply with a cheerful `of course`, but all she got out was a little gasp and her emotions broke the dam. Sarah felt his arm wrap around her shoulder, he dried her face with a towel.

"Doctor, it was so horrible. I switched the light on and then... and then..."

He pulled her to himself until she stopped shivering. "It can't hurt you anymore, it's just the shock," he whispered into her hair. He lead her to the sofa, the same where not so long ago she had urged him to confess his feelings. So much had happened since then, what were his feelings now? He knew he would do anything to protect her, literally anything. And still, today he had nearly lost her again. He knew he couldn't confront Paldevan because a ball of the white hot rage that built up in his chest at the mere thought of him, and for the first time in his life he felt he could not guarantee for what he would do to that man.

He sat down and Sarah nestled up to his side, one hand flat on his chest. Soothingly he stroked her back until her breathing got deep and regular and her slender frame was limp as a noodle against his body.

"Sarah, dear, I have to return to the console room," the Doctor whispered after a while, softly and with some remorse.

Reluctantly, Sarah lifted her head, her gaze found his. A sweet smile grew on his face when he observed her dreamy eyes.

"You've sneaked into my head," she mulled loudly

"Oh no. No, I haven't, I would never... Hm, maybe there was a little emotional interference?" he admitted, eying her curiously.

"Hm, maybe," she agreed with a little grin. Then she wrapped her arms around his neck and and before he had a chance to do something about it she had planted a kiss on his cheek.


	13. Chapter 13

13

Sarah found his baffled expression priceless and couldn't quite suppress a chuckle. Backing off he laboriously cleared his throat.

"Sarah, that's quite.. erm..." he stuttered arching an eyebrow at her.

"Yes?"

"It's... ah...okay. Quite okay. But I've got to go now," he stiffly told her, trying very hard to keep his composure, the longing to become more deeply acquainted with her red, delicate lips battling the boundaries he had set around that kind of desires.

He got up and Sarah eagerly followed him. "No, I think it's better if you stay here..."

"But..."

"No but. I'm just going to help packing and check on the scanner, it's better you get some rest," the Doctor insisted. "We'll manage, you don't have to help."

Sarah looked utterly deflated at that prospect but didn't protest. He was right. Still, irrational as it was, the feeling that he didn't want to have her around hurt.

The one thing the Doctor hated was to disappoint Sarah, but what better solution did he have? "We can have a snack with Jegor and Teria later, if they want, before we take them to Nermela. What do you think," he suggested.

"Mmh," Sarah agreed, noticing her still empty stomach. The prospect to spend the evening with her friends somwehat improved her mood.

When the Doctor was gone she stopped by at the kitchen for sandwiches and tea and retreated onto the large oriental divan in the library. To some soothing classical music she huddled into a blanket and continued with her favourite computer strategy game, but found it hard to concentrate. She turned it off after a few minutes and instead grabbed herself a romantic tear jerker from one of the more remote shelves. She was in the mood for the kitschy story of a knight and his lady but still she couldn't quite shake off the disturbing images of fangs and blue-black fur, the shrieking and splintering of wood. She tried her best to direct her thoughts to the more pleasant notion of the Doctor's tender loving care and must at some point have dozed off to her more adult fantasies. The next thing she became aware of was the faint groaning and the vibrations of the engine running through the ship.

She was strangely exhausted after her little nap and that creepy fear still lingered in the darker corner of her mind. Spending the evening alone suddenly became unbearable. At least her scraped ankle was doing really nicely with Teria's ointment, it felt almost as good as new, so Sarah hurried the short way to the console room to find out what was going on.

Her heart stopped at what she saw when she pushed open the doors to the console room. Jegor was on the floor, his wife busily hunched over him. The Doctor leaned against the console dabbing his forehead with a blood stained handkerchief. He looked up when Sarah came through the door.

"Hi there," he greeted her with a huge grin.

"My god, what happened?" With a few long strides she was at his side.

"No, it's nothing, really. Just a scratch," he tried to comfort her.

"No, it's not nothing, you are bleeding!" She pulled him away from the console to the chair and made him sit down. She took the handkerchief from his hand, he closed his eyes when she considered the gash at his hairline and carefully wiped the blood from his face. The Doctor bemusedly blinked at her and then his head sank to her chest with a heavy sigh.

"Teria, I think he needs help!"

The elderly physician looked up from her husband. "He told me it's just a cut, give me a moment, I'm mending a broken bone!"

Sarah cradled his head to herself, he whined a little when she parted his curls to see the complete damage and sagged a bit more against her. Tenderly she petted his cheek and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"I think it's not that harmless. Can you just come," she urged, exasperated with worry.

"Finished. Just lie still for a while, it'll be better in a moment, okay," Teria mumbled to her husband, got to her feet and crossed the room.

"Now, what do we have here?" she had a closer look at her new patient. "Doctor?" she addressed him.

She raised an eyebrow when a grumpy "mmph" was all that she got out of him. She gave the wound a closer look. Then she fetched her scanner, it beeped softly when she ran it over the Doctor's head.

Her face fell when she went through the readings a moment later. Reluctantly the Doctor opened his eyes and turned his head sideways, bemused he looked at Teria. "It won't really work on me, you know," he declared. " And by the way, you are disturbing me," he indignantly exclaimed. "I have no idea, why you are doing that."

"What!" Sarah exclaimed. Bewildered, both women looked at each other, then it dawned onto Sarah. She frowned down at the Doctor.

"Doctor, acting more injured than you are is not even remotely funny," she scolded him, abruptly taking her arm off his shoulder. "I was afraid you might change again!"

He lifted his head from her chest, "but it was so cosy," he explained with his best innocent face. "I just couldn't resist... "

"You..!" Sarah just gawked at him, opened her mouth and closed it again, lost for words.

With a meek "sorry" the Doctor trained his puppy dog eyes at her. While Teria was trying to make anything at all of the data from the scan, running the scanner over her own hand to check it for malfunctions, Sarah contemplated if she was ready to forgive the Doctor this prank so easily.

"Let me see!" He grabbed the roughly brick sized device out of her hand and curiously looked over the display. "Oh, that's my brain," he commented. "Mmh, sometimes I forget that I have such a beautiful brain," he muttered.

"Sarah, what's going on with him? He is not human, is he," Teria whispered to Sarah.

"Oi," he exclaimed, interrupting Teria, "what are you two whispering! Of course I'm not human," he retorted, then the subject was done for him. "It's hardly more than a cut. If you can stitch it up it'll be just fine," he imperiously added. "How is your husband doing?"

"The collarbone is broken and a few ribs are contused. He just temporarily had problems breathing, because of the impact trauma. So. Do you have a headache? Do you feel dizzy? Nauseous?" she insisted.

"Mmmmh," he commented, closing his eyes for a moment. "A very faint headache. No dizziness, no nausea. Satisfied?"

"Well, I have to believe you if you say so, I'm hardly an expert on your physiology. So you are not human! I have always been wondering what it is that you are hiding, but I'd never in my wildest dreams have thought..."

"Well, thank you for that compliment," he replied with a toothy grin and cheekily twinkled at her from under his mop of curls. She shook her head and got a few items from her medical bag.

"You are not a shapeshifter, are you?" She took her time to clean the area around the wound and cut off some of his hair while Sarah held his head.

"Nah. Can't shapeshift. I'm a Timelord from Gallifrey."

"Doctor, now could you please tell me what has hurt you two," Sarah chimed in.

"Ah, they used a matter transmitter to teleport a bomb right over our houses to make sure we are dead and there are no traces. If you operate that kind of matter transmitter without a receiving platform there is a slight tremor wave and light phenomena from the extruded matter for a few seconds. The same that Jegor had noticed at our house when they teleported the beast there. We just made it to the Tardis but the shockwave knocked us into the door. Teria was inside," he explained.

"You could have died!" Sarah exclaimed.

"I know. And there is no regeneration if my body is destroyed in an explosion," the Doctor replied thoughtfully and winced when Teria pressed the edges of the wound together and fixed it with some sort of medical staple gun."

"Sorry, but as you are not human, I don't think I have an anaesthetic that works for you."

"That's fine. I guess now you really don't want to stay on New Polynesia, do you?"

"No," she replied with coarse voice. "Do you know if the bomb destroyed more houses?"

"I don't know. Probably," the Doctor replied softly, taking the staple gun from Teria's shaking hand. "I'm sorry."

She tried to bite back the tears but they just kept coming. "I want them to pay for this!"

"Teria, vengeance isn't a solution," he kindly replied, her hazel brown eyes found his and he gave her a consoling smile. "Don't go down that road, it's not going to help, you know."

The Doctor grabbed Teria's hands and for a moment his gaze found hers. In one instant she knew why Sarah had fallen for this oddball alien and she knew that if she'd been Sarah's age she would have reacted exactly the same way. She swallowed hard and looked to her injured husband.

"Isn't there anything we can do put a stop their activities?"

The Doctor got up, Sarah was quick to support him. He didn't need help, but it was good to feel her hand on his arm, to have her at his side. Wordlessly he leaned over the console and spent some time with his instruments, Sarah's hand comfortably rested on his back while Teria returned to check on her husband, not knowing what to think of the Doctor after all this. After a while she rejoined him and Sarah at the console, curiously eyeing what he was doing.

"I triangulated the source of the teleport and have made a little report about all this. I sent it to all members of the New Polynesian senate and other authorities and let them know where they can find the illegal teleport equipment and more bombs. You want to stay with me and return to New Polynesia when they have cleaned up that plot?"

"I don't know," she mused. "I guess the political turmoils will explode now. Paldevan is very popular. He has tremendous infulence. And some of the natives have become more and more xenophobic. I guess on New Polynesia we'll never again be safe, Paldevan has too many supporters."

"Mmh," the Doctor agreed with a slight nod. "We pick up the rest of the Shama and then quietly disappear," he suggested.

"I guess, that's the best solution," she mumbled, again tears welling up in her eyes.

"I'm so, so sorry. I wish we hadn't dragged you into this."

"I know," she sobbed.

The Doctor shot Sarah an an apologetic glance, then he wrapped an arm around the elder woman's shoulders and let her cry her despair into his shoulder.


	14. Chapter 14

14

"Better?" he asked her softly after a while, when she had calmed down.

Sniffing she wiped her still wet eyes with her sleeve, then pulled herself together. "Yes. I am." She put as much determination into her voice as she could muster and the Doctor rewarded her spirit with a warm grin. He patted her shoulder, "then let's rest a little and look after Jegor and later we can free the Shama that are trapped in the university laboratories."

"Those poor sods." Her gaze wandering from the her old carved sideboard and boxes piled up in one corner of the console room to the creatures that had huddled together in a rack.

Jegor was able to get up with a little help. Teria fitted him a makeshift sling for his arm and soon they were sitting, or in Jegor's case resting on the divan in the library with mugs of hot tea in their hands, Teria and Jegor doing their best to get accustomed to the shocking changes in their lives that the Doctor had so suddenly brought upon them and making plans for their future.

"You see, there is one good thing to all this, Doctor," Jegor said, about two hours into their conversation, " With your ship I'll be able to see my younger brother and his family again. It was my one big regret when I left home to work for the mining cooperation. With all my travels, my brother is about my age now and by the time I would arrive on Nermela in one of our ships he would be dead. So I have to thank you for the opportunity. You know, when I compare this to the gas explosions on Perax 5 for example or the outbreak of the Jeganian fever this was really not a big thing, but in a mining campaign you are always aware of the danger and we moved to New Polynesia to leave that behind." He took another sip of the strange beverage the Doctor had served him. "And then we get a Time Lord as our new neighbour," he added with a little chuckle. "But I guess it was worth the trouble, just for the chance to set foot on board of a vessel like this! I worked for an archaeologist for a few seasons and we found awesome remains of ancient civilisations but I always considered stuff like this to be space travellers yarn. Until today."

The Doctor grinned from one ear to the other in response. "I think by now the busy university folk will have gone to bed and I can free the Shama there," he changed the subject away from his person.

"We can," Sarah corrected him cheerfully, the prospect of some action dispelling her tiredness after this long day at once.

The Doctor just frowned back at her.

"Oh come on, my leg is as good as new, it's just a superficial wound and some bruises. You have never been so overprotective," she nagged, realizing that her status as his love interest might change his interaction with her in more ways than just by frequent blushing in her presence.

He exhaled audibly and pulled a face. "All right, all right," he gave in and got up, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I'll come with you, too," Teria declared.

"But be careful," her husband urged, sitting up.

Teria took her husband's hand and gave him a little kiss. "Of course we are." she assured him. "Like back in the old days."

In the console room both women expectantly watched the Doctor when he checked the scanner readings.

"I never knew that the Tardis has a scanner," Sarah mused.

"Well, the Tardis can sense the Shama with her telepathic receptors. And the scanner is what I've been working on for the last nights."

"To spy on me," Sarah stated.

"Sarah, I'm not spying. I simply want to know that you are safe, that's all," he retorted. "And the scanner comes very handy now. Will you now let me work, please?"

Sarah rolled her eyes. Obviously she had hit a sensitive spot and he was as patronizing as ever. Some things hadn't changed all that much between them and she felt, that they suspiciously sounded like some old couple from a soap opera.

"It appears that someone holds two of them in an estate, in some kind of private zoo," the Doctor carried on, ignoring her irritation. "We get these first. It's going to be easy, we materialize within their compound and our friends here will convince them to get into the Tardis," he declared, giving the Shama on the rack a pointed look.

"Okay," Sarah relented. "Then let's do that." She ran her hand over the Doctor's back and their eyes met. The insecurity that flared up in his gaze melted away her irritation, she figured out that he needed that kind of control to be sure that she was there for him. "It's okay," she whispered, continuing to rub his back while Teria discreetly turned away to leave the two of them their moment of privacy.

The Doctor wrapped an arm around Sarah's shoulders and rested his chin on top of her head for a second, then he cleared his throat, he wanted to say so much, but he doubted, that he could and the presence of another person made it impossible anyway. Vigorously shoving his silly emotions to some remote corner of his mind he took one step back, focussing his attention to the console and the task ahead.

This rescue was an easy one, everything went to plan and shortly later they were off from a large holding tank in the basement of a mansion with a bunch of Shama soaring about in the console room, exchanging greetings with obvious enthusiasm.

"Is the coast in the university lab clear, too," Teria inquired when the Doctor turned to check the scanner.

"Mmh, yes it is," he agreed. "Off we go!"

He operated the console. Moments later the whining of the engine died down, indicating that they had materialized. He peeked out of the Tardis doors, one of the Shama and the women on his heels. An instant later he recoiled with a yelp of pain, staggering backwards clutching his head with both hands.

Teria had the presence of mind to lunge forward and smash the doors shut while Sarah took the Doctor by the arm to steady him, reaching up to his face, tenderly covering his hand with hers.

"What's wrong, Doctor, what happened? You need help?"

"No, no...," he swallowed hard and rubbed his face, trying to get his racing hearts under control.

"I had my barriers down and they are... they are... torturing one of them." He blew out a puff of air, trying to shake off the experience, now he was shielded by the Tardis force field. "I hadn't expected that, just give me a moment," he uttered, then swallowed again, closing his eyes, concentrating, collecting himself for a short while until the acute pain vanished. But his face still showed a nauseated expression.

"I I'm ready to go."

A lot more cautious he opened the door. A row of simple glass tanks held about ten Shama, most of them curled up on the floor of their cages. They became alive when they noticed the intruders, some of them were floating up in their tanks, others hardly reacted at all. In a hurry he unlocked the cages with his sonic screwdriver..

"Teria, get them out of there and into the Tardis, Sarah, come with me," he shouted and vanished in a passageway Sarah on his heels into a little hall, where the quiet crackling of static didn't bode well. Quickly he assessed the situation. A massive machine at the centre of the ceiling held a Shama suspended in a force field, stimulating it's antigraviton emitters to an extent that the slowly burned out, causing the Shama excruciating pain, he realized. He forced himself to look away from the gruesome scene and the creature that had moments ago screamed in his head. His gaze fell onto the fuse panel of the energy supply, kicking his thinking mind back into function.

"I take care for the machine, you catch the Shama when the energy field shuts off," he ordered, with a few long strides he was at the controls, frantically running his hands over the panels, realizing that there was no way to shut off the energy but didn't have time.

"Sarah, it doesn't work the way I planned, I have to redirect the beam, catch the Shama, and then I might need your assistance!"

"What do you mean," Sarah blurted out.

"Do as I say. If a Shama can live through this for hours, it won't kill me in a few seconds," he cut her short and grabbed into the beam.

"No!" Sarah screamed. But it was too late. He didn't utter a sound but his whole body shook and his when the wide open eyes of her beloved friend latched onto her in sheer despair it hit her like a sledgehammer. The force field failed and there was no time to think. She lunged forward to catch the writhing creature. "I got it," she cried out, "let go!" but the Doctor was paralysed, breath ragged, his eyes begging her to do something to free him. Sarah set down the Saama on the floor.

"Teria, help me!" she shouted in anguish, hoping that the woman in the other room could hear her. She took a run and rammed into the Doctor with all of her little weight, in her despair hoping it was enough to break the contact. On impact a hot surge of raw energy ran through her and then they both toppled down to the floor, the force field cage back in place, but this time without it's prisoner.

"Doctor! Sarah!" Teria called hurrying to them.

"Ouch, that hurt," the Doctor whimpered, panting, and looking up at Sarah who had come to land right on top of him. "But I think I could get used to this," he gave Sarah a weak, albeit quite suggestive grin and then his head sank back to the floor with a groan.

"Doctor, come on, we have to get out of here," Sarah urged, exchanging a grave glance with Teria and shaking the Doctor.

"What?" he moaned.

"Doctor, you have to get up, I can hardly carry you." Together the women helped him to sit up. With much protest he staggered to his feet. "The Tardis, Doctor, we have to get back to the Tardis," she edged him on. Teria picked up the Shama, resting it in the crook of her arm and offered her other shoulder as support for the Doctor. They dragged him back the short distance to the smaller room. Rummaging and shouting voices from the hall announced that they had been detected. With joined effort they reached the Tardis. Sarah let go and with a huge sigh of relief smashed the doors shut.

"Do we have all the Shama on board?" She returned to the Doctor's side who leaned heavily against the console, activating the dematerialisation then his knees buckled under his weight and he sank down to the floor, back to the console and closed his eyes.

"I brought all the sick ones on board, our guests here didn't have any problem to persuade those captives. I think they are absolutely terrified." Sarah looked up and watched a dozen Shama zoom around in the croweded console room or hover with soft chirps over the rack where Teria carefully put the latest injured one to the other disabled.

"Have to... scanner...others," the Doctor mumbled.

"Oh, no, you don't. You rest now, at least for a little while," she ordered him, wrapping her arms around his shoulders. Then she pulled his head down on her chest, her hand buried in his curls, and winced a little when the hard console painfully pinched the bruise on her back. The Doctor looked up at her with a raptured little smile and then then his eyes fluttered shut, snuggling against her warm breast, not thinking, just relaxing in her arms.


	15. Chapter 15

15

He loosely draped his arm around her. In some corner of his mind a red warning light flared up, struggling to get his attention but due to the energy overload on his synapses he couldn't really think a straight thought. And some other part of his mind had just waited for this. Sarah's all too supple bosom, her hands fondling his hair was the only thing he was thirsting for, right now and right there. The pain subsided more and more and left an odd, elated fogginess in his mind. Craving for more of the pleasant sensation he slipped his hand under her jumper and was quite satisfied with the tender warmth of Sarah's skin under his fingers. He was dreaming, yes, most definitely he was in the middle of one of those particular dreams and he would...!

"Doctor, Doctor, can you hear me?" A voice somehow got through to him. Female. He knew that voice, somehow.

"This time he really got hurt," he heard another voice. Oh how he loved to hear that voice. Sarah's voice, he realized and possessively wrapped his arm more tightly around her.

Through the fog in his mind he overheard some soft beeping and more conversation between the two women and couldn't have cared less. Until a hand patted his cheek in such an unpleasantly harsh manner that it left him no other choice but to emerge from the depths of his half conscious state.

"Leave me alone," he whined, struggling against a maelstrom of dizziness.

"Doctor, you have to get off me, my back starts to hurt," Sarah urged. "We have to get you to the med bay!"

The dizziness subsided a little and he fully opened his eyes, once more looking up into Sarah's face. She disentangled herself from his arm, rolled him off her, something soft was slipped under his head. He blinked at the faces that hovered above him.

"I'm in the Tardis?" he marvelled, he heard a voice ring in his head, a croaking voice that he hardly recognized as his own.

"You grabbed into that beam and redirected the energy with your hand, you remember, we barely made it back here." He felt Sarah's hand on his brow.

"Yes, I remember," he echoed, the details of what had happened slowly coming back to him, he closed his eyes. The dull throbbing in his skull was more bearable without any visual informations to process. His body ached as if he had been beaten up, when he tried to wriggle the numb fingers that he had so foolhardily stuck into that beam, they started to feel like pin cushions. Painful as it was, the Doctor took it as a good sign that his nerves were not damaged too badly.

"What can we do to help you," he heard Teria ask, feeling a hand on his chest.

For a moment he pulled himself together and forced his mind to assess the damage the energy had done to his body.

"Rest. A few hours," he finally muttered. There was just one place where he longed to be right now. "Zero room, get me to the zero room." He sensed a Shama hovering right over him and allowed himself to feel it's worry. He had to strain himself to lift his good hand up, the ghost of a smile creeping on his face.

Sarah fetched a stretcher from the infirmary, one of those with an anti gravity unit. Both women heaved the Doctor onto it and strapped him down. He liked to be strapped down by two attractive women, an idle part of his brain commented. He noticed that another part of his mind, the one with the flashing red warning light took immediate measures to stop that train of thought. He experienced some more harmless amusement when he watched their astonished faces when he insisted that he didn't need a bed in the zero room and instead floated up two feet above the floor. He did his best to thank them and convince them, that this was all he needed. With some regret he sent even Sarah away, marvelling what wonderful things they could do in here. He knew he could heal much easier without distraction though, even if she was the most pleasant of distractions.

There was more work to do tonight, with the urgency of this thought he withdrew deeply within himself and let his body do what it needed to do.

…...

When he woke up he quickly assessed his body functions. Satisfied he found that apart from his bad left hand, which would still take a day or two to heal fully and a stiff neck he was nearly as good as new. He yawned heartily and stretched. Two hours, seven minutes and 42 seconds had passed and he was ready to take care for Shama evacuation. He floated down to the ground, got up, and with some spring in his steps pushed open the doors of the zero room.

"Doctor!" Sarah exclaimed, startled up from a light slumber, jumping up from the folding chair in which she had obviously kept guard while he had been asleep.

"Sarah, you shouldn't have.." he stuttered, stopping dead. Sarah closed the distance, her tired face lined with concern, and then cautiously, as if they were very fragile, took his large hands in hers.

"My god, you're okay?" she whispered.

"Mmh," he agreed with a nod, realizing with profound sadness how exhausted she looked after the long day and realized, that she must have been besides herself with worry while he had slept .

"Oh no, I was never in danger, Sarah," he muttered, beating himself up for not not having had the presence of mind to communicate that to her more convincingly. He gently pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her.

"I don't want you to change again," she sniffed into his chest.

Oh how he was tempted to make that promise, make any promise she wanted to hear, but he knew that this was something he just couldn't guarantee. Realizing that his hearts sank. "I know," he replied with constricted voice.

Holding onto each other they stood there in the hallway for some time until the messages the Doctor got from the Tardis became unmistakeable.

"I think I have to look after our Shama guests, the Tardis keeps telling me that they are getting a bit erratic in the console room," he whispered into Sarah's ear.

She gave him another squeeze and let go. He held out a hand and took her small hand in his big. A smile lightened up her tired features when he carefully, fondly laced his fingers with hers, watching her response to his affection. He began to move but she stopped him.

"What?"

She looked down on him "You are barefoot," she stated, with an irrational fit of giggles, pointing at his feet and velvety tone of the soft chuckle that was his reply melted her heart.

"I think I'll get changed, these silk trousers are elegant but awfully uncomfortable."

He picked up the shoes that Sarah had placed next to her chair, once more carefully laid an arm around Sarah's shoulder and padded down the corridor to his quarters with her. In front of a door he stopped, looking down at her a bit nervously but determined.

"You know, I've never taken any of my companions here. Well, except Jamie, when we had the occasional bottle of Scotch after one of our adventures. But that was... um... different."

Sarah knew that he had travelled with humans before, she made a mental note to ask him about this Jamie later, when they had time. She had always wondered where he went when he disappeared in the Tardis and now she stood right in front of the door, a completely ordinary Tardis door, that she had maybe passed a hundred times when she had wandered the ship.

"You want to show me?"

With a quick nod he opened the door. Touched by this gesture of trust, she cautiously, curiously followed him into a dusky hall littered with a mess of crates and boxes and shelves with exotic technical stuff through an equally messy Tardis hallway with several doors, and came to a halt in front of one of them.

"That's your bedroom," Sarah inquired. "Sorry, I don't want to appear nosy."

"Well, Sarah, as a matter of fact, you are nosy. But I.. erm... like it... so, yes...,that's my bedroom." Some part of him regretting his courage to take her to this place. "I think it may not be to the standards of …. erm... a lady, I've never had any female visitors, so... ah.."

The Doctor calling her a lady somewhere deep down within her stoke a chord, in her whole life, nobody had ever seriously called her a lady. Judging by what she had already seen of his rooms she had an idea what was to be found behind it.

"Messy batchelor's den?"

"Um, I guess. Would you please wait here?"

Secretly she had hoped that he would... She heaved a little sight and shook off the disappointment. "No problem," she replied with a grin. He noticed how she suppressed a yawn. "I will not risk a shared bedroom discussion tonight, I'm too tired for that," she teasingly remarked.

He nodded, colour rising in his cheeks at the mention. "I'll hurry. But please don't touch anything." With these words of instruction he vanished behind the door. Sarah could cast a short glance at a narrow bed and and armchair in a room that was as littered with, well, stuff. She took a closer look at a crate full of dusty alien books and scrolls when not even a minute later he reemerged from his bedroom in his usual baggy trousers, shirt and coat.

"And now I'm going to take you to your bedroom. And we stop by at the pharmacy to get you something to make sure that you won't have nightmares. You need sleep," he ordered gently but firmly.

"But rescuing the rest of the Sama, come on, I can't miss that!" Sarah insisted, "we just hop forward in time to the morning, pick up the rest of them and take them to their home. That can't take more than half an hour! Please! I don't want to miss the best part!"

He hesitated for a moment but then gave in.

…...

What does the scanner say," Sarah asked, she, Teria, Jegor and a dozen Shama on the rack intently watching him work on the console.

"I get 84 dots, moving back to two hiding places with another 95. And, hang on..." he readjusted the scanner, " and one faint stationary signal in the mountains. We get that one first." He started to run his fingers over the switches and levers and a moment later the Tardis became alive under his guidance.

Sarah suppressed another yawn and shivered, she could hardly keep her eyes open. For a moment she considered going to bed, but in the end she was too proud to admit to the Doctor had been right. He opened the Tardis doors and the travellers stared out into the moonlit night. A few Shama soared out, their low whistles blending with the concert of the crickets. The Doctor followed them with a torchlight, the light cone roaming about on the rocky ground.

Soon enough they found it. He could have mistaken it for the shrivelled remains of a dead plant or a rag, as it lay there, hidden in a crevice in the barren slope, two feet below him. It showed no reaction when one Shama prodded it, then wriggled underneath it. The other started to pull from above with it's four retractable arms.. As soon as they had reached the surface, they sandwiched it and soared back to the Tardis, followed by a worried Doctor who profoundly regretted not having picked up this one first.

All the Shama fell silent when the rescue team returned to the console room. In lack of a better place Teria draped her waistcoat on a large box. A Shama disentangled itself from the little knot sitting on the rack and zoomed down as the two rescuers carefully laid the woeful creature down on the makeshift bed.

"Water," the Doctor mumbled to himself, listening to the upset chatter of the Shama, "it's completely dehydrated." He glanced at Sarah, who had snuggled into the chair. she looked as if she was about to doze off any time now. Gently he touched her shoulder when he passed her on the way to the next bathroom and was rewarded with a little smile.

He returned with a mug of water and placed it next to the ailing creature and it's two carers.

"Is there anything we can do?" Teria asked him.

"No, there isn't," the Doctor replied softly. "They don't want us to stick needles into him or hook him up to one of our magic machines, they want him to die in peace, in the company of his tribe and relatives if his time comes. They are urging me to take them home, that he can see his mate. That's his only wish." For a moment they watched how he was rolled onto his back. One of the carers dribbled water into his beak from his own, very much in the same way as a bird feeding a nestling.

"Then let's go and pick up the rest of them," the Doctor grimly muttered to himself and started to program a new course.

"For that we have to wait for until morning. I think, we should go to bed and get a few hours sleep. If you have a bedroom for us..." Jegor, suggested.

"Well, no. We don't," the Doctor interrupted him. "We just hop forward in time a few hours."

"You hop... forward... in time..." Jegor gasped.

"Well, yes," the Doctor acknowledged."That's what a Tardis is good for. I told you..."

"Mmh, yes. But I had thought, that's maybe just tall tales...so it is really true? Time travel?"

"Yes of course it is true," the Doctor sulked.

"This is really a time machine?" He observed the console with new awe, "Then let us see, how that fabulous time machine of yours works!" He leaned forward to get a better view of what the Doctor was doing.

"Of course, but don't expect something spectacular," he replied with a toothy grin. "It's not much of a difference to hopping around in one linear time."

At that moment the Tardis engine began to wheeze and groan.

...

In the first light of dawn they picked up a few lonely stray Shama from their hideouts and a smaller lot hidden in a cave, then he set course to the large cave system in the mountains, where the greater part of the colony hid during the day.

All eye stalks were on him, when the Doctor left the Tardis, many scuttled back deeper into the cracks and crevices of the cave, a few fled it. In the light of the Doctor's torch many of them were a pathetic sight. His heart sank when he spotted children in bad condition, old ones, sick and injured ones, who couldn't fly staring at him in sheer fear. He and his human companions observed the greeting of lost friends and family, reunited families soaring about in the cave and the gentle greeting of the sick ones. They were scared of the two legged ones who had so suddenly intruded their lair but soon the rescued Shama convinced them of the Doctor's sincere motivation.

He ushered the whole flock of nearly two hundred into the Tardis corridors and let out a gasp of relief when he had successfully brought some order to chaos there and headed back to the console room.

`Now we are travelling to your home` he consoled them, `don't be scared about the noise, it doesn't take long.`

In an instant the Shama fell silent and the one he had rescued from Paldevan's cage, who still sat on the rack carefully prodded at his mind, `what about the others?` He queried.

`There are no others. I've used the machine to look. I'm very sorry, there are no more survivors` he formed as a thought in his mind and projected.

He could feel a wave of sadness wash through their collective minds as their hope for friends and relatives shattered. The Doctor flinched back from this distressed cacophony, closed his mind to the sheer force of their collective emotions.

"What's wrong," Sarah asked, observing how their antennae drooped and they and the Doctor became very still.

"I had to tell them that the ones who are still missing are all dead," he quietly told her.

"Oh," she replied and fell quiet for a moment, "then let's take them home quickly, maybe that will comfort the survivors." Sarah suggested, "And then I go to bed or I drop dead right here in the console room."

He softened and gave Sarah a court little nod. It took him a little while time to set coordinates but then everyone was holding onto something when the Tardis spun through the vortex. They materialized in orbit, where the Doctor had a little trouble to identify the right island, but then, finally, they materialized at their destination.

"That was it? We travelled to another planet system at the other end of the galaxy?" Jegor marveled.

"That's right," the Doctor proudly replied.

Three curious humans and a group of excited Shama were right on his heels when the Doctor opened the doors and then the only thing they could do was to step aside as a the flock zoomed out of the Tardis doors and soared up into the clear, azure sky of their home world.

They stepped into a bizarre world of corkscrew trees, lavatory brush trees, something that reminded Sarah of fern trees with fans softly swaying in the breeze and a myriad of other plants in shades from deep green to turquise and blue straight from the palette of an expressionistic painter.

"Oh this is beautiful," Teria exclaimed, admiring the forest. Her husband caught sight of the vast lagoon glittering in the distance and couldn't help but agree wholeheartedly.

Through her exhaustion Sarah grinned. Obviously with all their travelling their friends had never been able to visit amazing places like this. She had seen too much to be completely awestruck at the sight of an alien forest but some of the Alice in Wonderland feeling was definitely still there. Particularly if the forest looked so beautiful and enchanted as this one.

While the three humans admired the scenery the last Shama quietly left the Tardis and were quickly out of sight over the tree tops. The Doctor opened his telepathic sense a little and was flooded by a buzz of voices and emotions that broke at the boundaries of his mind like waves on the shore, probing, curious, trying to pull him into the choir of voices, their celebration and their mourning. He recoiled at so much emotional static. But a smile spread on his face, not one of his smug grins, but a quiet little smile. Moments like that gave his travels the meaning and the strength to just carry on, even when things got awry.

He quietly approached Sarah from behind. "They are very happy to be home, Sarah," he whispered into her ear.

Sarah pointing at tiny little dots moving in the sky. "It's so beautiful, Doctor. Look, that's them, isn't it,"

"Mmh, they are curious about us and a little scared," he replied, assessing their emotions for a moment.

Sarah shuddered. She leaned into the Doctor for comfort, her eyelids were so heavy now that she was afraid she might fall asleep right where she was standing. She watched the dots grow bigger. Moments later a little flock of deep green Shama circled the Tardis. The Doctor carefully took Sarah's hand in his.

"My god, that dull colour is not what they normally are!"

The Doctor embraced her from behind, resting his chin on her head and idly rubbed her hand for a moment with his thumb, when he spotted the elderly couple examining the epiphytic vegetation on a nearby fern tree plant.

"You don't touch anything, we don't know if something here is poisonous, and don't wander off, stay close to the Tardis" he ordered.

"Of course, don't worry!" Teria cheerily waved a hand, then she and her husband spotted the flock, gaping at their elegant flight.

"Come on, Sarah, those two are busy and you need a bed very badly."

He didn't get much of a reply and slung an arm around her waist.

"Ouch," she cried out when he tried to lift her up to carry her to her room.

Startled he set her down. "What is it, Sarah!"

"Don't know," she mumbled. "I think it's the bruise."

"Come, let me see." He bent low, lifted the edge of her jumper and was quite shocked at what he discovered. Just below a bruise he found a tiny little wound, not much bigger than an insect bite, surrounded by a patch of angry red inflamed skin that radiated a reddish rash over half of her back. The Doctor turned pale as ash.

"Teria, Jegor, can you come," he barked. Alarmed they responded to his request.

"Jegor, you touched the creature. Did it bite or scratch you? Show me your hands!"

Taken aback by the Doctor's sudden gruffness he stretched out his hands," No, it was too surprised." The Doctor furrowed his brow, when they spotted a blotch of red skin radiating upwards on his left ring finger, just above the nail. With a frown he grabbed his hand to inspect it more closely, then let go.

"You two come with me, next stop sick bay," he ordered, got hold of Sarah from the other side and lifted her up.

"Doctor, what is going on," Teria demanded to know.

"Your husband had contact with that creature. Just as Sarah. Something is wrong with them."


	16. Chapter 16

16

The engineer stared down at his finger, then his gaze wandered back at the Doctor. "But you've got a cure, haven't you," he asked, rather unconvincingly covering up his worry with fake confidence. The Doctor didn't reply to his question, the blank expression on his face unsettling him even more.

The Doctor got a better grip on Sarah's slender frame. "Come, follow me," he insisted, then lead them along familiar corridors and then down a flight of stairs. A few moments later he ushered them through a door and an antechamber into a large room with an examination table in the middle and a jumble of cabinets and technical equipment.

"But that's the sick bay, is it really so bad," Sarah mumbled, when the Doctor carefully laid her onto the table and under the scanner.

"No, you'll be okay in no time, you'll see," he lied, covering her with a blanket. "How do you feel, sweetheart," he whispered.

"You calling me sweetheart again? It is so bad, then" she weakly joked, but her trust in the Doctor was infinite. She winced, a stinging pain shot up her back when she tried to move into a more comfortable position.

It almost physically hurt him to see her in pain. Quickly he got another blanket from the rack, rolled it and slid it under her side as a support and was rewarded with a warm smile. He wanted to run away from this place, he wanted to escape the sight of her, the prospect that once again he had to take care for her health and her possible death. Horrible memories of the week with unconscious Sarah in the sick bay so recently were running amok in his mind.

He pulled himself together. "Naah, it's not that bad. Don't you worry," he whispered, straightening her blanket. "Just running a scan."

"Doctor," he heard Teria's voice from behind, felt her hand on his arm, "It's normal, quite normal."

"What?" He turned to face her, noticing that his hands were trembling.

"Having to work without the luxury of professional distance it tough," she soothed him. "Let's do this together!"

He let out a heavy sigh. Grateful for her support a weary smile spread on his face. "I'll ready the scanner, you can take blood and tissue samples from the infected wound on Sarah's back and from your husband. But protect yourself."

Teria gave him a court nod. Hastily he equipped her with everything she would need and then fired up the scanner, cursing it under his breath for taking so long.

…...

Half an hour later Teria was sitting in the lab, brooding over Sarah's and Jegor's scan when the Doctor returned from the treatment room, the acute disarray on his face barely concealed.

"It's progressing," Teria stated too matter of factly.

"Yes it is," he replied with constricted voice.

"Let's see how the antibiotics are doing."

The Doctor scuffed over to the incubator, put on gloves, took out the first sample, dripped a few drops of it onto a glass slide and placed it under the microscope. Muttering an invocating of Rassilon under his breath he took a look through the ocular, watched it for a moment and let out a frustrated groan.

"These germs are in excellent health," he huffed, and got up to ready the second sample while Teria was pondering over a three dimensional scan of the molecular structure of the germs and a chemical analysis., silently cursing that her knowledge of biochemics was so rusty.

"Same for number two," the Doctor stated shortly later,

"You think we waited long enough with those cultures?"

"Teria, we don't have endless time, in about two days they will be dead," the Doctor snarled back at her.

She gave him a very pointed look, but he had already gone back to work.

"So plan B, we take them to a hospital with medical stasis chambers and the lab equipment to whip up just the right antibiotic."

"Just that waking up from stasis is not exactly good for a someone weakened by an infection, even in the far future. And I really don't know a place that does miracle cures." He jumped to his feet, snatched up a sample of the germs on the way out and left the room with long strides. Teria swallowed hard and continued to examine glass slides under the microscope.

When she was done with number six the Doctor returned. Grim determination lined his face when he prepared a new culture dish, dripping liquid from a glass vial that gleamed golden for a short moment.

"What are you trying now?"

"Something I wouldn't even consider under normal circumstances," he gloomily replied, putting the dish into the incubator.

"Something experimental?"

"Something that will definitely kill those little bugs but was never meant for humans," he corrected her, slamming the door of the incubator shut with a frown.

Teria found it not very wise to inquire what exactly meant. "Do you have rats on board?"

"What do you say? You don't seriously think my Tardis carries hords of ship rats like some common..." He burst out but then fell silent, suddenly aware of the inappropriate tone and realizing what she intended to say.

"Oh...," he muttered.

"I know where and when to get lab rats." Teria stated. "When I was at medical school, we had to breed them for experiments. With your time ship we can get some from there."

"Good idea!" The Doctor's mind brightened up a tiny little bit. To be honest, he was relieved to have Teria with him, taking the initiative, right now she was the one who kept him going.

"And we can raid the pharmacy, too." Teria suppressed a yawn. "Let's go."

"Teria, you are tired," the Doctor emphatically suggested, sorry for his acrid behaviour.

"So?" She asked.

"You need rest," the Doctor stated. "It's about four o'clock in the morning for you in relative time."

"Are you kidding me? Rest? When my husband and a friend are...are.. dying?" She had not allowed herself to speak it out loud, or even dwell on the thought too much, now she nearly choked on the word.

"They are not going to die, now let's go," he replied soberly, stretching out his hand. Carefully, cautiously he laid a hand on her shoulder.

"Teria, I.. I.. have to thank you," he muttered, lowering his head to look her in the eyes.

"For what?"

"For everything. For not being mad at me because I dragged you into this. For.. for being there, keeping a level head," he softly replied, noticing how tears formed in the elderly physician's eyes. The stress of the last hours poured out of her when they that started to run freely over her face. For a moment they stood there, then he folded his arms around her and they clung to each other in their shared anguish.

After a moment Teria pulled away, biting back the tears. "We need the rats!"

He brought his emotions back under control and gave her a rather shaky nod. They hurried to the console room, "so what's the exact location and date. And it has to be a date when you are not hanging out at that place. I can't have you causing a paradox by meeting your younger self."

For a moment she pondered over the possible implications of such an incident, and the complications of time travel in general, then in short, breathless sentences described the location and gave him a date during the holidays.

The Doctor rushed into the console room, running a few last calculations in his head, ready to hammer the coordinates into the wood paneled console. He stopped dead when he beheld the still form of some Shama sitting there, their eye stalks on him, calling out to his mind.

"What are you doing here," he muttered under his breath, cautiously opening his mind a little bit. He flinched when a mixture of awe, curiosity, distress and affection poured into his mind.

`We hope your consort is well,` the Shama sitting on top of the console addressed him, sending out a concerned tendril of thought.

He flushed profusely. `No, she isn't,` he hurried to project back, quite uneasy to acknowledge the term consort for Sarah, realizing that this bunch of primary telepaths was obviousky able to read emotions like an open book, despite his mental shields. `She needs medicine, we have to leave to help her.`

A wave of sympathy and concern, mixed with anxiety was the reply. `We have hoped, that the traveller from beyond the sky can help him, too.`

The Doctor's gaze fell on the little group of Shama sitting on the stack of boxes.

`Please,` one of them nudged his mind. He took a closer look, it was a healthy looking dark green Shama sitting there, supporting one of those they he freed from the laboratory, one the humans there had used for their cruel experiments and that now lay motionless except for his eye stalk that turned in his direction.

The Doctor stretched out a hand but a tremor ran through it and he felt it's terror. The other one protectively huddled to it.

The Doctor's mind had already been light years away from this planet but the misery of these creatures brought it abruptly back to this place.

`I'll come back. We'll come back,` he promised after a moment of hesitation, completely against his long standing habit of quietly disappearing and never returning. `But I have to leave now, and I can't take you with me. Do you understand that?`

When another wave of emotions hit him he had already raised his shields. They wished his consort a quick recovery, thanked him and then, reluctantly they left.

…...

Fifteen minutes later they were back in the med bay lab, standing at a work bench, two cages with rodents in front of them.

"Teria," the Doctor wavered, swallowing hard "I'm not sure I can do this."

"I know what you mean. I'm fond of animals, too. But it's either them or Sarah and my husband." With these words she turned to the incubator took out the latest dish. The Doctor wasn't surprised when they found that there were hardly and germs alive in the sample. Cautiously, he plucked out a few hairs of a spotted rat and left the laboratory.

In the meantime Teria looked after their patients and was more concerned than ever.

The Doctor thrust an injector into Teria's hands when she returned. "Here, some antigene, imprinted on that spotted rat there,"

"If this doesn't show any results soon we bring them to a hospital?"

The Doctor took a rattled breath and nodded in agreement.

Carefully she took the spotted rat out of the cage and injected an anaesthetic, then the germs and a minute later the antigene, then she placed the animal under the laboratory scanner and returned to the treatment room to tend to her husband and Sarah.

Mesmerized the Doctor watched how the antigenes finished off the germs. But then the breathing of the rat became erratic and shallow. The readings showed that an allergic reaction set in and the blood was flooded with toxins from the dying germs.

"How is it going," Teria, who had quietly slipped back into the room anxiously asked.

"Not really good. Human biochemistry is too different." he huffed, massaging his face and temples to alleviate the dull ache, that started to spread behind his eyes.

Teria took a blood sample of the dying rat and analysis proved that the scan had been accurate. Crestfallenly the Doctor watched the rat draw it's last breath, then it lay motionless. He ran a finger over the smooth fur, asking the little critter for forgiveness for what they had done to him.

"We better take them to a hospital, we've already lost an hour with this foolish experiment," he mumbled.

"What? Why? All we need now is a good immunosuppressive to handle the allergic reaction and a system to filter the blood to control the toxin level. Do you have something like that on board?" Teria blurted out.

"Ah, no," he muttered, overrun by Teria's sudden outburst of activity.

"But I know where to get them. With your miracle antibiotic and a little help for humans to survive it we cure them. It's not the antibiotic that killed the rat, it's was an allergic reaction and beginning toxaemia. And that can be helped. Off we go!"

Electrified by that prospect the Doctor followed her out of the door to the console room.


	17. Chapter 17

17

"So where to," he breathlessly asked her.

"Same place, same time. In the large, L shaped building next to the laboratory wing, that's the hospital," Teria explained. "In the cellar there are several large store rooms, one of them is for spare intensive care equipment."

"Now that's exactly what we need," the Doctor muttered between clenched teeth.

They landed on the hospital roof to sound out the situation. Then the Doctor materialized in two storage rooms in vain until they found what they were looking for in the third. Hastily, with the help of anti gravity clamps they dragged two washing machine sized portable dialysis units and two slightly smaller respirators into the now quite overstuffed console room. Hemmed in between Teria's antique sideboard, a dialysis unit and the console he hit the dematerialisation button.

After a short argument they decided to buy the necessary drugs and literature along with everything else they might need instead of stealing it form the hospital. Seconds felt like minutes and minutes like hours until Teria was through with her lenghty shopping list, the Doctor provoked another tedious discussion when he paid with a Tyredium crystal. When they finally closed the Tardis doors behind themselves both heaved a heavy sigh. Teria looked seriously exhausted but she didn't bother. With her large bag full of medical supplies she hurried to the med bay, the Doctor slowly following her, the first machine in tow.

…...

"There you are. Did it work," Jegor quitely asked his wife when she entered the only dimly lit med bay room, his voice giving away how edginy he was.

Teria dropped her bag on Sarah's night stand and hurried over to her husband. She turning on the light, put on examination gloves and lightly took his infected hand in hers. Wearily she observed how the red blotches had spread up his arm.

"Yes, we got everything. How do you feel?"

"Ah, a bit feverish, parched and my hand hurts. And I've missed you."

She gave him a weary smile and stroked the back of his hand, praying that the haphazard cure was going to work without killing her patients. "Okay. You can take off your trousers. I have to catheterize you, but I'll do Sarah first."

"I think she fell asleep," he whispered, sinking back into the pillows.

Teria reassuringly patted his arm and turned to Sarah. With a frown she glanced over the latest scan and then softly touched her reddened cheek.

"Sarah, dear, wake up," she addressed her patient with gentle urgence.

After a moment Sarah opened her reddened eyes and a low moan escaped her.

"Pain?" Teria inquired, folding back the blanket.

"My back," Sarah whispered.

"Don't worry, we've got a cure. And I'll give you something for the pain." She folded the blanket and put it away. "I have to get you out of those trousers. I'll use the vein in your groin to catheterize you."

"What are you going to do," Sarah mumbled drowsily.

"I'll hook you up to a machine that will detox your blood. And then you will get a drug cocktail."

"And that's going to help? I feel as if I'm going to die," she croaked.

"I'll get you something for the pain," she replied with her best professionally optimistic voice, pulled down the tracksuit pants and underwear and cast them aside, then generously disinfected the groin region. "I'm injecting a local anaesthetic now," she warned Sarah, then shot her twice with her injector, once for local anaesthetics and the second time with a pain killer and watched with satisfaction that her features relaxed. She turned her attention to her husband for the same procedure when the Doctor arrived with the first machine.

"Leave it at the foot end of Sarah's bed," she instructed.

The Doctor cast a worried glance at Sarah, then reluctantly tore himself away from her quiet form and hurried to fetch the second machine.

Teria returned to Sarah's bed, put on fresh gloves and took two long, transparent tubes and a few more items from the bag. She was drop dead tired, exhausted and her nerves were raw. She had to put herself together only for a little while longer she told herself, willing her hands to stop trembling and blocking out what could happen. Death was always a risk in her job. She closed her eyes for a moment, switched into her professional routine and let her hands do what they had done a hundred times before in the emergency room, when workers had been poisoned with dangerous chemicals or when someone had tried to alleviate the back breaking routine of a mining operation with drugs and was found overdosed with the cheap crap the dealers smuggled in.

Sarah didn't feel anything at all when Teria punctured her skin, carefully pushed the catheter up until the end came to lie into her caval vein. She fixed the whole thing with translucent adhesive tape and then quickly unpacked the two tubes from their sterile wrappings and fastened them. She hooked a unit of blood into her IV line and then switched the machine on. With satisfaction she observed how the translucent tube turn red.

"Sarah, with the catheter you have to lie quiet. If you toss about too much I'll have to restraint and sedate you," she instructed her, hoping it wouldn't come to that, covering her and tucking her in. Then she headed to her husband to repeat the procedure while the Doctor manoeuvred the second machine to the end of Jegor's bed.

"Prepare the antigene, Doctor," Teria ordered him not looking up from her work.

"But don't you think we should try it out on another rat, first" he anxiously replied, almost as if he was afraid of his own courage to use it on humans.

She just turned and darted him a very stern `we won't discuss this in front of the patients frown. With an awkward nod, he disappeared and returned a moment later with two test tubes. With profuse apologies he plucked out a few of Jegor's graying hairs, corked the sample up in one of the tubes.

Then turned to Sarah and flopped down on the chair at her bedside. "Hi there, sleepyhead," he crooned, running his fingers over her burning hot forehead, realizing why Teria had been so urgent. A lump formed in his throat, there wasn't any time for further experiments, the infection just spread too fast.

Sarah opened her eyes and managed a weak smile. "Hi," she croaked.

"Oh, how I missed that smile," he joked, forcing a grin, cupping her cheek with his hand.

"Doctor, I'm scared," she muttered.

His smile fell flat. What could he say to that? Telling her lies that everything was going to be okay? He yearned to tell her something comforting, he wished he could believe that everything was going to be okay himself. But it just wasn't the truth. And she knew that anyway.

Locking gaze with her he tenderly took her hand in his and bent low. "We are all very afraid," he whispered with brittle voice. "We are going to try something that should work, but it was never tested. So nobody knows what exactly is going to happen."

"So I could die?" With some difficulties she reached up and buried her hand into his curls, savouring in the soft touch, through her fevered haze realizing it could be very well the last time.

He swallowed hard and nodded. Then bent even lower, the longing to be close to her becoming unbearable and the fear of loosing her shattering his hearts. He didn't think, just gave in to his emotions and allowed himself to lay all of it into the long, tender kiss that he planted on her cheek, tasting the salty sweat on her skin with his lips.

His eyes started to fill with tears about the fragility of her human body.

In response a bashful little smile lightened up Sarah's face and her eyes became moist as well.

"Doctor, don't waste time!"

Teria's stern voice brought him back to reality. He awkwardly patted Sarah's cheek. "I need a few hairs to prepare the antidote, Sarah," he whispered, stil quite overwhelmed by emotion.

"What, are you so desperate that you resort to voodoo to cure me," she chuckled softly.

"Of course not," he mildly retorted, glad to see that she hadn't lost her sense of humour. It was a good sign that she still had some fighting spirit in her. He grasped a tiny strand of her fringe. "I need genetic material to program the antigenes. Then they will attack anything in your body that doesn't have your DNA."

"That sounds good."

The Doctor bottled up the strand in the test tube. "Yes. Just it's for Time Lords, not for humans, it's most probably not poisonous for earth mammals but the rat we tried it on was very allergic to it and died. And our best guess is that in humans it provokes this allergic reaction too. So you need a drug cocktail to control the immunity system and then we can only hope."

"OK. Sounds complicated," she wearily replied, looking up at him with glazed eyes.

He sniffed, lost for words, gave her hand a squeeze and got up.

"Doctor," she muttered.

He turned back to her and beheld her tired smile.

" I love you. And I trust you."

For a moment he stared at her, then choking back a desperate sob he turned and hasted out of the door and back to his own laboratory.

A short while later he joined Teria in the med bay lab. Together, they went over the medical text book on the immunity system to figure out the best medication, then they bottled up the drugs, double and triple checking everything. None of them was in the mood to talk more than absolutely necessary.

"We are ready then," Teria finally stated with a heavy sigh, she shuddered when her eyes involuntarily wandered to the tray with the dead rat.

The Doctor didn't respond, just packed the two sets of phials into two little boxes and handed her one of them. "Then let's do this." He tried to keep his voice level and clinical but from Teria's look he didn't succeed to hide his nerves.

"Who first," Teria hesitantly asked him, clutching the box, nearly squashing it.

The Doctor drew a rattled breath and exhaled sharply. "Sarah," he decided. "She can't wait much longer." He looked at Teria, trying to determine what went through her mind, but her face was blank. He turned and rummaged in a closet for a moment.

"Here, that's a mild stimulant." He shoved a pill into her free hand.

She looked at the orange pill in her hand and then up to the Doctor with some gratitude, the anguish on his face reflecting her own feelings. Hesitantly she swallowed the unknown drug, gave him a weary half smile and took his arm.

They quietly slipped back into the treatment room, careful not to wake Sarah who had once more fallen into exhausted slumber in her bed under the scanner, beads of sweat on her forehead, breathing audibly trough her slightly opened mouth. The Doctor hurried to take his place at her head but Teria gestured him to stay with her. "I'm still too tired to guarantee for anything," she whispered.

With a low grunt he joined her at the dialysis machine, his eyes anxiously hefted on Sarah's still form. Teria opened the cap and slipped the phials into a double row of little slots. The monitor on the bottom of the lid lit up. Together they programmed the dose for each drug

"The immunosuppressives needs a few minutes to take full effect. We hold up the injection of the antigene for 5 minutes to make sure she doesn't suffer an allergic shock," Teria suggested

"Better just three minutes. When her immunity system is down, all hell will be loose in her blood," the Doctor muttered.

With a slight nod she changed the programming. Together they checked it one last time.

"Ready?" Teria whispered.

"Just do it," he breathed, voice husky with emotion. He resumed his place on the chair, leaned over the bed, draping one arm around her and covering her little hand lightly with his.


	18. Chapter 18

18

Nothing dramatic happened when she switched on the medication. Teria got herself a chair and turned the screens of scanner and dialysis unit in their direction. Both nervously watched how the toxin level in Sarah's blood rose, slowly but steadily, what was to be expected. But it was far away from an alarming level and slowly the tight knot in the Doctor's guts unclenched.

"It's working!" after a while he whispered breathlessly, gaze firmly hefted on the screen.

Teria bowed her head in approval and let out a little sigh of relief. "You are right. It looks really promising."

"How is it going," her husband anxiously asked from the other end of the room.

"Looks good so far, Jegor, looks good," she replied with a relieved smile in his direction. "Now let's medicate him," she suggested.

Reluctantly the Doctor let go of Sarah, who stirred and opened her eyes.

"It's working?" she muttered.

"Mmh," he confirmed, vigorously bobbing his head with a huge grin on his face.

"You would tell me if it doesn't, right," she cautiously inquired.

"Yes, I would," he assured her, getting up from his chair.

"Please, don't go." She clasped his hand, struggling to lift her head.

"I'll be right here, in this room, Sarah. I have to help Teria with her husband." He patted her hand and she let go.

"That's my Doctor, always helping others!" With a tired smile on her face she sank back into her pillow and her eyes fluttered shut.

He cleared his throat and mumbled something undistinguishable then shuffled over to Teria who was already busy at Jegor's dialysis machine.

When they were finished Teria rubbed her eyes, she swayed. The Doctor guided her to a chair at the foot end of Jegor's bed and made her sit down. "Easy, easy. You need a bed and some sleep," he insisted.

"What? Sleep? Do you think I can sleep, when still who knows what can happen to my patients? My husband?" she snarled back at him springing to her feet, hoping he didn't notice that she had to hold onto the edge of the bed to steady herself.

"I'll keep guard. And I'll wake you as soon as anything happens," he suggested. Teria pulled a face when she heard that. The Doctor observed her for a moment, then twirled on his heels and rushed out of the room, to return pushing a spare bed with a pile of blankets and pillows into the room. With a broad grin he shoved a chair out of the way and then parked the bed at the foot end of her husband's.

"What do you say?" Expectantly he cocked his head.

She gave the bed a disapproving glance but couldn't help to admit that her body screamed for it. "You are not sleepy at all?"

"No. I don't need quite as much sleep as humans do, and I had some rest in the zero room" he replied softly.

She couldn't help but give in to her weakness under those kind, concerned eyes. "Okay. But I need a bathroom first!"

He lead her to a door in the neighbouring room. When she returned the lights had been dimmed down and a freshly made bed with blankets neatly folded back waited for her. The Doctor gave her an encouraging nod from his place at Sarah's bedside. She darted her husband an anxious glance, but he was resting peacefully and the data on the screen showed nothing alarming or unexpected whatsoever. She huddled under the blankets. Exhaustion took it's toll and despite what they had been through and the strange place, the monotonous murmur of the machinery soon lulled her to fitful sleep.

Until something touching her startled her awake.

"Teria! Wake up, we`ve got a problem," the Doctor whispered, his eyes shining bright in the half dark.

"What! How long have I been asleep?" She threw off the covers and leaped out of the bed. It couldn't have been long but she still felt somewhat refeshed.

"About an hour. It's Sarah! The toxin level is still rising. I cut back the antigene as soon as it became apparent, but the germs that were exposed to it still die too fast," he spilled out on the way back to Sarah's bed.

Wordlessly she glanced over the screens and then she took a closer look at Sarah who restlessly tossed about. She whimpered when the Doctor laid a hand on her forehead and started to babbled something unintelligible.

"Doctor, she has to lie quiet," Teria urged him, lifting the blanket to inspect the catheter.

"I've already given her something for the pain," he replied helplessly.

With a low moan Sarah doubled over and started to heave. The Doctor wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in his lap. Teria leaned over her legs to stop her from thrashing. Helplessly he watched how with a few more torturous convulsions the content of Sarah's stomach landed on the his shirt and trousers.

"It's all right, sweetheart, it's all right," he breathed into her hair, his eyes filling with tears of despair. Her breath came in shallow gasps and he tightened his grip to stop her from shaking.

When the fit was over she took a deep, rattled breath and went limp in his embrace. He continued to gently rock her, tears tickling into her messy hair, as if holding her physically could make sure that she was safe, she would never, ever leave him.

Something tugged at his sleeve. Surprised he looked up at Teria, who held out a stack of towels and a wet washcloth for him, the compassionate smile on her face a welcomed anchor to hold onto, but not quite able to save his soul from the abyss of sorrow that threatened to swallow him whole. Carefully he wiped Sarah's face clean and then, very reluctantly he loosened his grip and eased her back onto the pillow.

Sarah blinked at the Doctor. "Feel …. miserable," she breathed, stretching out a hand that he eagerly took in his.

Teria approached the bed from the other side, pressed the injector to her upper arm for a short moment, then looked up at the Doctor.

"The rising is still slowing down but I think she'll be in for a rough day. Go get the respirators. Some oxygen will do both of them good," she addressed him with low voice.

"What did you give her," he asked, voice laced with concern.

"Something for the pain, cramps and nausea."

For a moment he bore into her eyes with his gaze, then he sniffed wetly and turned to do as she had told him. The respirators! They were still in the console room. What a fool he was! In all these years he had never had the presence of mind to set up proper intensive care facilities for humans in his sick bay and now Sarah had to pay for his lack of consideration and interest in medicine. He picked up the anti gravity clamps that lay discarded next to the door, hurried up to the console room and returned with the machines.

"The rising is still slowing, Doctor. Her brain is okay and her heartbeat is steady," Teria greeted him.

Moved with gratitude he took her hands in his and looked her deep in the eyes. "Thank you, Teria, thank you for helping us," he mumbled.

"Well, that's part of my profession, isn't it?" She pushed it to the top end of Sarah's bed and began to do some programming.

The Doctor again sat at Sarah's side, he felt her stir when he cupped her cheek with a large hand and ran his thumb over her cheekbone. "How do you feel," he softly asked.

She opened her eyes and the corners of her mouth twitched upwards when she recognized him. "Stoned," she slurred and managed something like a drugged grin, before her eyelids grew heavy.

"What was in that injector," he asked Teria, quite puzzled.

"An antiemetic and a cocktail of painkillers. I didn't want her to suffer through this." She quidly, quickly slipped a respiratory mask over her face and switched the machine on. Again Sarah opened her eyes a bit.

"Go to sleep dear. It's just a little oxygen,everything's fine." With a frown she considered her readings, then with a little grunt shuffled over to the nearest chair and uttered a sigh of exhaustion when she collapsed into it.

The Doctor quickly got up and squatted down in front of her. "You think, she is going to.. to make it, do you," he timidly asked her.

She looked up, trained a pair of tired eyes on him and gave him a faint smile. "Yes, I think so. The rising of the toxin level almost came to a halt. I believe the crisis will be over in a few hours."

He heaved a heavy sigh and rubbed his face, the headache was getting really annoying, obviously two hours of rest in the zero room hadn't been enough to entirely fix the damage of that energy beam.

"I suggest you clean yourself up," she addressed him giving his clothes a pointed look.

"Oh!" He looked down at himself, he had completely forgotten about his soiled trousers. Getting up he gave the mess a closer inspection. "Okay, I'll be right back. And then you get some more sleep," he replied, dashing out of the room.

When he returned he tucked Teria into bed in the neighbouring room to make sure she could sleep undisturbed. He had a little conversation with Jegor who hadn't been affected as badly as Sarah, but after a while he was tired and it ran dry so he continued to keep watch at Sarah's bed in silence.

When Sarah woke, she was weak, almost too weak to open those leaden eyelids, but the foggy, drugged feeling had subsided a little and the pain was bearable. In the darkness to her left next to her bed she could make out a silhouette. The owner of the tousle-head was unmistakeably the Doctor, crouched down in his chair. Something touched her hand, it was his hand, she realized, and something else, something moist that was bedabbling her fingers. She observed the sensation for moment until the fog in her mind had cleared to an extent that she could make sense of it and she had gathered enough strength.

"Is that tears," she croaked, her voice muffled by the respiratory mask, lifting her hand, groping for the source of the moistness, grazing his stubbly sideburn to find his cheek wet with tears.

Startled, he looked up and took her hand with both of his.

"Don't cry, Doctor, please." She realized, that she had never seen him in tears and it frigthened her. She wanted to tell him that she felt better, there was no need to be so upset, but talking was hard work and she was so weak, so she squeezed his hand with whatever strength she had to soothe him.

"Sarah, how are you? Better?"

"Mmh," she mumbled into her mask, noticing the unrest and anxiety that shone in his eyes.

He took a long look at the monitor and seemed to be somewhat reassured by what he could find there, but the bewilderment in his expression remained. Sarah knew that look too well. He got up, she wanted to hold him back but there was nothing she could do when he clumsily slipped her hand under the blanket, tucked her in and left the room in a haste.

"Doctor," she wanted to cry out, but nothing more than a hoarse whisper escaped her mouth. She desperately fought to roll over to her side, to get out of that god damned bed, to get to him.

Teria appeared in the doorframe, face furrowed with concern, vigorously rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

"Doctor," Sarah muttered, struggling to get rid of her blanket with fresh energy.

"Shush, don't," Teria gently scolded, wrapping her back into her blanket, laying a soothing hand on her brow, the other on her shoulder to hold her quiet.

"He's beside himself because you are so sick, I've seen that many times,Sarah, it's a normal reaction. You are over the worst now. I'm going to talk to him but you have to rest, okay?"

"No, he.." she struggled.

Teria patted her shoulder and angled for the injector that lay on the respiratory machine.

"There is nothing you can do for him. You go back to sleep now and I'm going to talk to him." With these words she pressed the injector to her arm. Elated fogginess started to engulf her mind and moments later she was back in the land of sleep.


	19. Chapter 19

19

Great, Teria thought, not without some irony. She was on board of an enormous alien space ship. The owner and pilot threw an emotional tantrum and had vanished somewhere in the depths of his ship, leaving her alone with two quite sick patients on an experimental medication. After three hours of sleep he'd been standing there, in front of her bed with puffy red eyes, asking her to look after Sarah and then leaving head over heels. She was still drop dead tired. As much as she understood that life threatening conditions could be even harder for the relatives than for the patient himself, she hoped that he caught himself and showed up soon because she didn't have any desire to go searching for him. Quite unnerved she pushed her bed back into the treatment room, checked the readings of her patients, which were fortunately entirely to her satisfaction. Then she grabbed herself something to read from the lab and made herself as comfortable as possible under the given circumstances. A while later her husband woke up and in lack of nurses she gave him and then Sarah a sponge bath.

Then she retreated back to her bed for a nap but she couldn't sleep. She had just lost her home to death and violence, she had almost lost her husband, she depended totally on an obscure, emotionally unstable, time travelling alien who posed for a human and had a kind of romantic relationship with a human woman from earth. That was enough to rattle anyone's nerves.

When she was half through chapter 2 of her E-book about toxicology the door opened and a to her utter relief a very composed Doctor entered the room, quietly, a tray with breakfast in hands.

"How... how is she," he asked, when the elderly physician looked up from her book.

"Sleeping off the tranquillizer I've given her, she's stable and slowly improving" she replied, eyeing the content of the tray, not recognizing anything she saw there. "You're feeling better," she cautiously inquired.

He gave her a not so convincing nod but she could see that the good news took a weight off his mind.

"You like her very much, don't you? I've seem it before, with parents, when their children were suddenly in a life threatening condition," she cautiously began.

He placed the tray on a table nearby, deliberately ignoring what she had said, struggling for countenance. "Erm... There is a guest room ready for you with something to change and a proper bathroom. I can only tell you again how much I .. we... owe you," he rather awkwardly replied.

Obviously he didn't want to talk, but that was fine for her. "Just try not to upset her, I've added a tranquillizer to her medication, but still."

He let out a little gasp when he heard that but then gave her a resigned little nod.

"I think you need distraction, Doctor and something useful to do," she decided, having a sudden inspiration. "Why don't you take this ship back to the Shama world and see if the tissue regenerator in your lab can help that injured alien get better! As far as I've heard the technology works with for lot of species."

"You don't need my help," he sceptically inquired.

"Yes, I do. Later. I have to change Sarah's clothes. But there's no need for you to stay here 24 hours a day and you have to do the night shifts anyway."

Suppressing a wince and emotionally torn he stared at Sarah's quiet form over there, in that bed under the scanner. He went over to her to find her in a deep, medically induced sleep, the view stirring up painful memories of those remarkable weeks after he had declared, or rather admitted his feelings for her, reminded him of what she had given him so freely, of the last time she had lain here, unconscious and her life on a razor's edge. He ran a finger over her flushed cheek, the same cheek that had been so so rosy only a day ago. Her skin still felt unnaturally hot but her breathing was deep and even. A fresh pang of guilt built up in his mind. `Entirely your fault` a little voice accused him, taking the image in front of him as a witness. `And one day she's going to die just because she spends her time with you instead of living a safe human life where she belongs. Is that what you want for her,` the voice, louder now, insisted. The Doctor staggered under that burden. `You know she can't regenerate. Her life is precious to you? And still you do that to her, drag her around the universe, risking what is most precious to you every day,` the voice carried on mercilessly, `you think you love her? I tell you something, you are just selfish,` the voice delivered the final blow. `Shut up,` the romantically infatuated part of him yelled back when he couldn't take it any more, but somehow he knew, that part of him had a point there and he let his head hang low. Her life was so much more fleeting and fragile than his own and he put her in danger every day she travelled with him. If he took her back to earth he'd just hypothetically loose her. She would be there for him forever, as a potential, so alive. If she died as a result of their travels, the only person who had ever understood him would be truly gone and lost forever. That was something he couldn't allow to happen, for her sake, but also for his own.

He could still feel her kiss burning white hot on his cheek. In his despair he almost wished he had never met her, had never got to know what she had given him. After a while he got up, confused and once more close to tears. He had to pull himself together. He despised to show this level of weakness, running out of the room like a headless, lovesick teenager, breaking down in front of Teria without any dignity, so he strolled to the door, head held high, hoping that his demeanour passed for composed.

"You want me to take over for a while?"

She yearned to stretch her legs. The gloom she observed on his face still gave her reason to worry though. She wondered very much what was going on in that alien mind of his. He described her where to find her room, kitchen and library. She left, promising to return in two hours. So he sat in that chair in the corner, hoping Sarah would not wake up too soon, brooding over the options he had. Time seemed to pass almost unbearably slowly, even if he, as a Time Lord knew first hand that there was no objective reason for such sensations. He counted the minutes and jumped up from his chair like a scalded cat when Teria returned.

She looked refreshed and he decided that the lime green cotton trousers and cream blouse he had chosen for her fit quite well. "I've thought about what you said. I think you are right. I'll land us on Shama," he greeted her.

"Now that's great news!" She had taken an instant liking to the planet of the green, flying creatures and the prospect to see more of it raised her spirits. "I gather that nothing unexpected happened to the patients," she inquired.

"No, everything's fine, Sarah is still asleep, the toxin level didn't change and the germs keep dying slowly but steadily. At this rate it will take three or four days to get rid of them."

She heaved a sigh of relief. It was good news that he had made up his mind to do something useful. Almost everything was better than having him upsetting his sick friend and grating on everyone's nerves with his fits and depressed brooding. She placed the mug with a beverage the Doctor had introduced to her as Earl Gray tea along with an old fashioned paper book, both from Earth, the home of her ancestors on the table and made a mental note to ask him if he could take them to earth for a visit when this here was over.

"But before you land us anywhere you have to help me here."

"Mmh," he mumbled and obediently followed her. He didn't have the usual spring in his steps and the frustration on his face had turned into melancholia. But she took those changes as a sign that he started to get over whatever bothered him.

"What now," he asked.

"We need pyjamas for Sarah and my husband."

Sarah was still asleep and Teria got the impression that he was not that unhappy about it. He helped her with the patients, they were both doing so well that they transferred them from the emergency room to two more friendly and comfortable sick bay rooms, then, again, he left her and a smile formed on her face when a little while later the noise of the ship's engine reverberated through it's structure.

The Doctor opened the outer doors of the Tardis. He had landed on exactly the same spot as last time, only one earth hour later he observed with some satisfaction. Well, one hour and 13 seconds. But he didn't want to get too pedantic with his old time ship. He pushed his worries about Sarah to the back of his mind, then he draped the loops of his scarf a bit more tightly around his neck. Clapping his hat on he stepped out into the bright sunshine, then he buried his hands deep in his trouser pockets, observed the colourful plant life for a moment and then opened his mind to the Shama.

Soon he picked up scraps and pieces of telepathic communication and announced his presence to the members of the the colony. Impatiently he practising with a yoyo that he found in the depths of his coat pockets to keep his thoughts away from Sarah, until a few minutes later a flock of curious, happy, excited Shama arrived and began to circle the clearing in a wide arc, their shrill whistles filling the air. A little group slowly glided down to him, settled down on a blue leaved shrub nearby. Gently the matriarch tugged at his mind.

`We are greeting the saviour from beyond the sky and hope that the consort is doing well,` she formally addressed him.

`She is on the road to recovery, no need to worry, she'll be well in a few days,` he hurried to reply.

`I can see that the mind of the traveller is clouded with sorrow because of her and that causes us great sadness,` the matriarch continued.

`Yes, well,` he telepathically hemmed and hawed, doing his best co cobble together a more efficient selective mental shield to kept his more private emotions what they were- private, even to the sharp senses of those prying folks.

`Yes, I'm very unhappy about it,` he admitted. `I came back because I promised to help the injured one.` He quickly changed the subject, sharing a few of the the more harmless images from the university lab. The Shama shuddered and got very quiet. Obviously the victims had shared their memories with the whole tribe and by now everyone knew what had happened there almost like first hand. `But I'm not a miracle worker. Not a god or something, just a traveller. I'm not sure if I can do much,` he warned them to expect too much.

`We are glad for anything you can do. We are happy that you try, we trust you,` she replied.

The Doctor flinched at that comment. Sarah had said the same thing and she hadn't been the first either. He had to admit that sometimes he found it quite hard to live up to all those expectations and what exactly inspired this level of faith in him had always escaped his understanding anyway.

The chattering of the flock began to make the Doctor's head spin. From the rock formations nearby a strange object soared closer, it turned out to be a palanquin made of dried leaves that was carried by two of the natives and he could sense the panic of it's traumatised passenger, panic of pale, grabbing hands and searing pain.

`I'm not going to hurt you, don't worry,` he addressed him, taking a peek inside the palanquin, knowing it wouldn't be enough to banish his fears.

`Follow me inside,` he invited the matriarch, one of the Shama he had rescued from Paldevan's menagerie and the porters, obviously the wife and a relative of the injured, a bit frustrated because he still hadn't found out how they were named, to keep them apart and address each one of them properly. The Shama cautiously followed him into the Tardis corridors, in awe about the magic, travelling house that was bigger on the inside. He ushered them into the sick bay where they ran into Teria.

"Any changes," he asked her, nervously scratching his cheek.

"No, nothing new. Ah, our guests," she greeted the Shama.

The matriarch soared closer and came to a halt in front of her. `She is not like you,` she stated. `She can't understand me.`

`No,` the Doctor replied. `She is talking with sounds, not from one mind to another. Her kind is from a planet called Earth, I'm from Gallifrey. We look the same but we are not,` he explained.

`She is talking with sounds? Now this is unusual! Are you a spirit being that has taken on a body of flesh,` she inquired.

`Oh no, nothing like that at all. we are made of made of normal flesh and blood, like you. Born like that. Just my culture is much, much older and my people have discovered many secrets of craftmanship.`

`So your consort is like the mute one here? Please, tell them both, that we are very, very grateful for their assistance.` She retreated and made an little bowing movement in Terias direction.

The Doctor translated part of their conversation to the physician, who studies their alien guests with as much interest as they watched her.

"I guess we run a few scans to see what exactly the problem is." She glanced into the delicately woven palanquin, where she found the poor, paralysed alien she had rescued from the university. She pushed a laboratory table under the scanner.

Under the matriarch's watchful eyes, the Doctor turned to the injured Shama, sensing his dread of what was to come.

`Hey, this machine won't hurt you,` the Doctor addressed him but changed his mind when his patient just shuddered with horror. `I guess it's better if we scan a healthy male first, to get a better picture what is normal with your physiology and what isn't,` he suggested to the little group.

`I can volunteer,` a palanquin bearer eagerly declared. `I'm his nephew.`

`Oh, good,` the Doctor replied, spread a towel on the table for more comfort and invited him to settle down on it, right under the scanner.

His antennae quivered, `mmh, but it's not going to hurt, is it,` he timidly asked, almost afraid of his own courage.

`No, maybe a little itch, that's all.` He went over to the switch board, activated the scanner and held his hand into the beam. `See? Not bad.`

Cautiously the green alien floated closer and settled down, the edge of his wings quivering with nervousness, eye stalks firmly hefted on the Doctor. `What is going to happen,` he inquired.

`It creates pictures of you from the inside without cutting you open. But you have to sit very still,` he explained.

`Oh!` he exclaimed. `And it's not going to hurt? That's really magic.`

`No, not magic. Like a very very good tool. You feel something?` The Doctor asked, `it's already running.`

`It is,` the alien queried.

`Mmh,` he replied.

`It's... It's like a little tickle.`

`Not bad?`

`No, not bad,` the Shama confirmed, wriggling enthusiastically.

`You have to sit quietly,` the Doctor reminded him.

`Okay, okay!` He froze on his place `Better?`

`Yes. You are doing great,` the Doctor chuckled.

`And then you can help my uncle,`he asked.

`Maybe. We'll see.`

When the scan was finished, the test subject, that, as the Doctor had found out went by the name Two Moons floated to his still utterly scared uncle. Together with the Doctor he persuaded him to undergo the scan and finally, they moved him from the palanquin to the table. His wife stayed with her panicking husband when the Doctor initiated the scan. Slowly, slowly his fear eased when the machine didn't do anything painful to him.

Suddenly something nudged the Doctor's arm.

"Doctor, she's awake," Teria whispered.

He looked up from the Shama, he hadn't noticed that she had slipped back into the room and swallowed down the lump in his throat that was instantly back in place. "Can you finish the scan?"

"Of course. I'll call you if I need you." He turned to leave but she took him by the arm. "Don't upset her, you hear me? I'm very protective about my patients," she threatened him, the friendly twinkle in her eyes taking the edge off the gruff remark.

"I'd never...," he burst out, then he thought better of it, "no,of course I won't. Don't worry," he finished the sentence more subdued, the two parties tearing at his soul in their battle for dominance. He informed the Shama that he just went next doors to see Sarah and a moment later he was standing at her bed.

"Hello," he addressed her, clumsily, once more voice coarse with emotion. He picked up a chair and settle down at her side. She stretched out a hand which he eagerly took in both of his, marvelling how small and delicate it was. In the soft light of the reading lamp at the head of her bed he watched how a little smile graced her face and he wondered how much of his last sick bed visit she remembered.

"No tears," she whispered turning her head to look him in the eyes.

That was very clear. He held her gaze, even if he squirmed with embarrassment at the mention of this utterly untimelordy display of emotion. He sniffed and his eyes went all watery again, once more he felt as helpless as when he had admitted his feelings to her. "Sarah, I... I...was afraid I might lose you. You are so very dear to me, you don't deserve to get hurt," he breathed

"Oh, I'm tough. And I have you to look after me, haven't I?"

"Yes, you have. I'll always look after you and I'll do anything to make sure that you are safe." His voice was barely above a whisper, breath catching in his throat.

"I know," she sighted and closed her eyes.

It pained him to resort to this kind of ambiguous statements but she was too sick to tell her and he didn't want to lie to her either. They remained silent for a long minute, Sarah slowly dozing off, the Doctor tenderly stroking her hand, savouring in the sensation of her hand in his, alone with the burden of his feelings and decisions, until Teria stuck her head into the room.

"Doctor, the scan is finished," she informed him.

He bent down, close to her ear. "Sweetheart, I have to leave. But I'll be back soon."

"I know, Teria told me... sick Shama..," she mumbled.

He whispered sweet nonsense into her ear and tucked her into her blankets before he left to continue with his duties, bound and determined to do the right thing.


	20. Chapter 20

20

The next days went by in a blur for the Doctor. Together with Teria he scheduled a daily treatment routine for their new patient that consisted of a session with the tissue regenerator and careful exercise. His precious time with Sarah was running out but he dreaded to upset her as long as she wasn't well. Once again he found himself waiting for the right moment, for different reasons this time, but this time was even more determined because it was for her protection and safety. Maybe one day she would understand why he had to do it, and maybe one day he would get over it, but right now the waiting drove him nuts.

"I've found out the name of our Shama patient, it's something like Stonefruit Tail. His tail is forked and looks like a Stonefruit because of an accident he had as a small child," he explained to Teria when he returned from the console room, chewing on some jelly babies, shaking off the after effects of prolonged exposure to the chaotic Shama conversaton in his head. "What do you think, how long it will take to have an effect?" Casually he held out the paper bag with the sweets to her.

"I've no idea," Teria mused, picking a yellow jelly baby. "With humans one should start to see some progress after three or four sessions. You know that." She leaned with her back against a cabinet full of laboratory equipment, arms crossed, intently watching her host. The uncomfortable notion that something was was not quite right with him still hung in the air, even now, with Sarah on the way to recovery. When he was not around Sarah he was twitchy in a way she hadn't previously seen on him and he was definitely too quiet. "So, what is bothering you," she asked him.

"Me? Bothering? I'm perfectly fine." He dismissively waved a hand, tossed his hat onto a nearby workbench with some energy and started to tinker with a small contraption that sat on the table.

She let out a frustrated groan but didn't dare to insist any further. The silence that stretched between them started to turn from awkward to unbearable. "Well, I'll be looking after my husband, he has asked for something to eat, I guess that's a good sign."

He laboriously cleared his throat. "Yes, sure," he muttered, relieved that she had decided to stop pestering him.

"Doctor, I need some vegetable broth. No idea where to find it in that mess you call a kitchen."

"What, ah... yes."

He was just physically present, his mind was not quite in the same universe with her. He gave her a glance that she interpreted as forlorn, but could have been as well a myriad of other, more alien things, before something clicked and he slapped on a smiling veneer. In silence they made their way to the kitchen where he dug through some cupboards for a glass with stock cubes and then disappeared, leaving her slightly unsettled.

Sarah had hardly shifted her position in the two hours he had been away. When he resumed his place at her side he found her so heartbreaking and heart warming at the same time that he had to gulp down some fresh tears. When she became aware that he was there she opened her eyes, a fond smile spreading under the transparent respiratory mask.

"How are my germs doing," she croaked, muted by the mask.

"Oh, good, good. No, I mean bad. For the germs." He gave her a goofy grin. "Everything is going according to plan," he hurried to assure her.

"How long," she muttered

"What? Oh, about three days to go. Maybe a bit less." He took her hand and involuntarily lifted it up to his face to lean his cheek to the back of her hand. The idea of giving her up nearly ripped his hearts to shreds and he struggled to keep his feelings under control and well concealed.

"How are Jegor and the Shama?"

"Mmh, Jegor is doing very well, and with Stonefruit Tail, it's too early to tell. Today was only the second session," he recounted calmly, relishing in the sensation of her still too hot skin on his.

"Oh, I hope he recovers," Sarah mumbled. "Doctor?"

"Yes, Sarah?"

"I hate lying on my back," she moaned. "Please. Not three more days."

"Oh, I'm so sorry." He moved closer and eyed the two thin, crimson red tubes that snaked out of her blankets and vanished in the dialysis machine, granting her life. "For the moment you have to, you know that. It's safer with the tubes." With a sudden inspiration he let go of her hand. "Just wait a moment." He leaped to his feet and returned with a duvet in his arms. He rolled it lengthwise and carefully stuffed it from her shoulders down to the legs under her left side, for support. He fluffed her pillow and straightened the covers.

"Better," he asked, sitting back down on his chair.

"Much." A relieved smile played around her lips. He let out a hissing breath when she clasped his hand and sneaked it under the blankets. His fingers found her chest, he splayed them, slowly running his palm up and down her sternum, feeling her chest slowly rise and fall, rise and fall. He couldn't resist. Sarah's eyes widened when he bent low and rested his shoulder next to hers on the bed, she turened her head to look him in the eyes. Cautiously he nestled his head into the crook of her neck, his forehead and mop of soft curls snuggled against her cheek and she felt him rather than heard him heave a sigh. He adjusted his chair for a bit more comfort and closed his eyes.

When later Teria came looking after Sarah, she found them there, huddled together, the Doctor half on his chair, half sprawled on Sarah's bed and under her blanket, despite the uncomfortable posture, apparently both sound asleep and she couldn't help but smile. She went to the kitchen where she prepared a Thermos with Earl Grey tea and a bowl of cookies and fruits and left these on a nearby night stand, along with the pager of her husband and a note that she had gone to bed and wished him an uneventful night shift.

Once more the days passed uneventfully. At least that was the outward appearence. The Doctor was making the most of his remaining time with Sarah, but once more he was riddled with guilt. Barely able to conceal his emotions he struggled to keep up the show. Teria was still wondering why the Doctor had become so quiet and subdued when he thought nobody was watching him and Sarah was getting better and happy because she was living under the impression that the Doctor was slowly overcoming more of his cultural inhibitions.

...

Three days later Sarah and Jegor could be taken off the medication, but both still needed time to recuperate.

"Sarah, you want to come with me to the med bay for Stonefruit's treatment," the Doctor asked her when he stepped into the reading area of the library on day two off medication, a look of the sweetest melancholia crossing his face when he spotted Sarah reclined on her favourite sofa. "I told you not to wander around alone yet," he added, chiding her softly.

"But I feel so much better. Almost as good as new."

"Yes, yes. You are," he hurried to reply, not without a tinge of sadness, now that his time with her had almost come to an end. "Now come on." He approached her to help her up but in an instant she was on her feet. She beamed at him, linking her arm with his and he had to suppress a heavy sigh as they walked down the corridors.

"Doctor, is everything okay with you," she asked after some moments.

"Of course it is, Sarah," he lied, a sudden wave of panic and sorrow threatening to sweep him off his feet. "I guess, to see you at the brink of death was even more of a shock for me than for you," he hesitantly admitted. "Sometimes I really wish, you were a Time Lady," he added quite downcast, shoulders sagging forward.

"Then I could regenerate," she mused, glimpsing his pained features. "But this Time Lady me wouldn't really be me, would she?"

He looked down at her, holding her gaze for a long moment and once more she found all the insecurity of a small boy in those kind old eyes.

"No, hardly," he breathed, averting her gaze. Sarah gently squeezed his hand, what made his hearts all the heavier as they walked the rest of their way to the console room. It turned out that their Shama visitors were already waiting outside where Teria and Jegor had settled down for a little picnic.

Teria looked up from her plate to the Doctor and then to her husband who was idly sitting in the sun, playing with a few curious Shama children.

"You`re not coming?"

"What, me? No. I've had enough of that sick bay, thank you," the retired engineer replied, barking a nervous laugh, he was obviously fascinated by the little creature that zigzagged excitedly when he prodded a finger at it.

The matriarch approached Sarah with a curious gesture that looked like something between a bow and a wriggle and then hovered in front of Sarah.

"She's greeting you, Sarah, and she' s very happy to see you well and on your feet," the Doctor translated the mental transmission for her, while the matriarch prodded her with her antennae in what Sarah knew by now was a display of friendship.

"Oh, I hope the returned members of your tribe are doing well, too, can you translate that?"

The Doctor just nodded. "They are getting better every day, thank you very much" he dutifully carried on to verbalize the matriarch's reply.

Today was different, he had noticed that immediately. The buzz of excited Shama conversation was ringing in his mind as they walked the short way down to in the treatment room and soon he saw the reason for it. Breathlessly they watched how Stonefruit Tail clumsily squirmed and writhed and with the help of his wife almost painfully slowly moved forward, out of his palanquin. He crawled under the tissue regenerators head, where he came to lie quiet, panting heavily, his good eye stalk on the Doctor.

A smile spread on Sarah's face as they watched the previously completely paralysed Shama moving forward in such a determined manner but to see one of these graceful creature so crippled still tore at her heart. She exchanged a glance with Teria, the other woman was obviously as touched by the scene as she was. The Doctor broke out in one of his delighted grins at the view, his face vivid, obviously deeply engrossed in telepathic conversation as he walked over to the control panel of the tissue regenerator. Sarah joined him there, leaning into him while his hands danced over the console. For a moment he paused, cast a glance down at her and Sarah saw the same old insecurity flare up in his eyes. He lifted a hand, his feather light touch to her chin so intimate that she still couldn't believe it, then he cleared his throat and continued his work, shutting down his mind that his rising level of emotion didn't leak through to the Shama, busying himself with the equipment. Teria joinded them and soon both women were engrossed in conversation about Nermela and her plans for their future there.

"Doctor," Teria finally addressed him, when the session was over.

"Yes, what is it?"

"Erm... I wanted to ask you...," Sarah gave her an encouraging smile, guessing what she was about to ask but the other woman fell silent, not quite finding the right words.

"She wants to ask if you could take her and her husband on a trip to earth. And I think after all they have done for us, you owe them," she helped her out, adding her own opinion, giving the Doctor's arm a frienldy nugde.

"Just if it's possible of course," Teria politely added, her shining eyes betraying the casual tone.

"Erm..," he squirmed. At the moment the only thing he wanted was to to travel alone for a long time to get over his grief, and now this! But on the other hand, he liked Teria and her husband a lot and he earnestly wanted to do them the favour. "Okay, okay" he gave in. The elderly physician was overjoyed, but for Sarah his lack of enthusiasm when the topic came to travel destinations was outright alarming.

"Doctor," Sarah finally addressed him as they lead the way up to the console room.

"Mmh," he mumbled.

"Are you unhappy," she asked him quietly, tilting her head slightly.

"What do you mean?" His voice was low and all too evasive for her taste.

"I mean what I said. That I think, that you are unhappy," she replied, closing the distance between them. "I don't want you to be unhappy. Is it because of me, because I'm human," she ruefully queried.

He exhaled sharply, "Sarah, don't say that, don't even think it. You are very, very precious to me."

"Then what's wrong?"

"Sarah, can we stop to discuss this, in front... in front of everyone," he hissed under his breath, promptly falling back until he walked at Teria's side in a desperate attempft to escape their conversation.

"So, Teria, what do you want to see on a trip to earth? And what era of history," he asked, they passed the boxes that were now neatly stacked up in the corridor to the console room. The forced cheeriness in his voice wasn't all that convincing to Sarah. And when she darted a glance back, it seemed that this fact hadn't escaped Teria either.

He held the door open for the Shama and watched them bid their farewell for today.

"I don't know, can you give us a little tour through earth history and cultures? Particularly the pre technological times, when the fastest transport was on the back of a horse and camel, before electricity was discovered?" Both of them stepped out into the bright sunshine. Scratching his head he wanted to reply something but she interrupted him. "But please first sort out whatever is going on between Sarah and you," she suggested softly, raising an eyebrow in such an unhappy manner that the Doctor felt all the worse for the fact that he burdened more people with his problems.

"What, there's nothing..," he lashed out, biting on his tongue in regret for his tone.

She just furrowed her brow to a frown and his cool demeanour crumbled to dust. "I'm not hiding anything, oh no," she mocked him, imitating his mannierisms and voice. "Doctor, I'm married for more than 20 years," she carried on more mildly. "It's too obvious. You are not a particularly convincing actor."

His Adams apple bobbed nervously up and down when he looked from one woman to the other with an expression of sheer bewilderment on his face.

Jegor watched the argument with utmost interest. "Come on, let's have a walk, we have to leave the young folk some privacy," his wife adamantly addressed him, stretching out a hand to help him up.

"What's going on here," he inquired with some concern, struggling to his feet. "Was the session successful?"

"Yes, it was, and we are getting a holiday trip to Earth. Now come on."

"What? Really," he blurted out but Teria steered him away from the Taris.

"Yes, reall. Now let's go," she stopped to shoot the Doctor one last glance, then she lead her dumbfounded husband the way down the mossy hillside until they vanished behind a group of blueish fern trees and their vivid conversation faded away.

"So?" Sarah gathered all her courage, with the other woman gone she suddenly felt alone and exposed. "What's going on!"

"It's.. I'm... ah..," he stammered and then with a wince turned away, looking down the slopes to the ocean that glittered in the distance, quite unable to find the right words.

"Are we are back to zero now," Sarah timidly inquired.

No, erm... I just..." He ran his hands through his curly mane in sheer anguish, then closed his eyes and just choked it out in one short, choppy sentence along with all of his pent up emotions.

"Sarah, I can't carry on like that," he croaked. "I have to take you home."

"But..," she closed the distance between them, tried to grasp his hand, but he shirked back. "No, Sarah, this time it's final," he replied harshly, desperately, but with such tenderness in his eyes that her heart broke. She felt as if someone had dumped a bucket of ice cold water over her head. Lost for words she stumbled a step back.

"I thought... I thought... we were over that," she whispered, stretching out a hand but once more he backed off .

His eyes became moist and the breath caught in his throat when he saw her pain. "Please, it's.."

"It's final?" she meekly finished the sentence for him, her voice hoarse.

He gave her a shaky nod and that look in his eyes, that plea to forgive him was just too much.

A single tear found it's way down her cheek when the full realisation of what was going to come hit her. She beheld the breathtakingly beautiful alien scenery around them as if she was a movie. Her legs started to move, almost as if they had a life of their own, primal instincts taking over. Running! Hiding! Like a wounded animal, curling up somewhere by the roots of one of those great trees, crying out her pain. She turned, fell into a jog, without looking back stumbling down the little path they had taken on their morning walk.

"Sarah," the Doctor cried out. He followed her maybe twenty paces, but then fell back and just stood there, his eyes longingly fixed to the spot where she had vanished between the trees. She wanted to be alone. If that was her wish, didn't she have any right to? Was he really so foolish to think that she wanted to be comforted by him now? Was there anything more to say? It was over and she definitely deserved better than someone who would only hurt her anyway.

Even the Tardis seemed to be troubled. With the last of his strength, head hanging low he trudged back up to his sentient ship, ran a hand over her solid side, grateful for her warm and welcoming hum. His knees buckled, he crouched down on the damp earth, shaken by uncontrollable sobs, leaning into her warm hull for consolation. Her concern washed over his mind like a soothing balm and he gave in to his emotions, buriying his face in his hands he allowed his tears to flow.


	21. Chapter 21

21

In a state of shock Sarah stumbled over the mossy rocks of the fern tree grove, wandered across a slope covered with tough blueish grass and then dipped into the dappled shade of the surreal alien forest, startling up strange little eight legged lizards and smaller animal relatives of their Shama friends. Her mind was blank, she felt like she had been pushed off a cliff, skydiving without a parachute. She was in free fall, no longer here and not yet there, and soon she would hit the ground. Soon she would find herself back somewhere in rainy 20th century England, a place that was light years away in more than one way, struggling to cope after three years of travelling. She was alone she realized, and not just that, she was lonely in ways that she hadn't known before. The haunted look in the Doctor's eyes, his grief stricken voice were etched in her memory, as unbearably as his touch, his tender care.

It was over. A wave of despair built up in her mind and she bit back the burning tears that just kept coming. Having nowhere else to go she strolled aimlessly through the enchanted forest until she was getting tired, she realized that she had lost her way but she didn't care. She found a clearing, the bay spreading deep below her, the impossibly turquoise water a breathtaking contrast to the blues and deep greens of the vegetation but she barely noticed the spectacular scenery.

The moss that covered the ground was just dry enough, so she found herself a spot in the shade of a gnarled old fern tree, she gave in to the pull of gravity and slumped down in the shelter of it's knobby roots, leaning her back against the coarse bark, struggling to process what had just happened to her. The frozen state of shock began to melt into realisation and slowly her thinking mind kicked in. She had been the one who had offered him to take her home if he wasn't able to cope at all, and when she realised that he had any right take her at her word now she couldn't hold back the tears any longer. She pulled up the knees to her chest hugging them tightly and cried her heart out until her hair was tangled and wet and a large stain had formed on her jeans. What had been her expectations when she had merrily plunged into this mess! He was an alien. And if his fickle emotions weren't enough he had a massive problem with womankind, a xenophobic family and he regenerated where she would die. Desperately she clutched the straw of hope that she might once more be able to convince him to change his mind. But even if she could, wasn't it just for now and with his next emotional tantrum it would start all over? Maybe it was better she returned home, but that realisation just caused a fresh stream of tears. She was completely exhausted, physically and mentally. Snivelling she curled up on the the soft bed of moss. She watched a little multi-legged beetle slowly crawl over the pillows of feathery plants. Clumsily she rubbed her runny nose clean with her sleeve, sniffing, little sobs still racking her breath, then with a low wail she sank back onto her soft bedding and more tears found their way down her cheeks.

In her anguish she didn't even notice it at first, the warbling sounds that mixed into the chirruping of the native animal life and the breeze whispering through the palm fronds, but she jerked back when something softly tugged at her hair. Startled she found herself staring at a Shama that hastily retreated and hovered in a safe distance, then uttered some guttural noises, tentatively inching closer.

Despite all of her pain a faint smile crossed her lips at the view of the friendly creature.

"Hi," she croaked, her voice still thick from crying and stretched out her hand. She heard a faint hooting from behind the trees as another Shama soared down to them. Moments later more of them began to gather around her her in a half circle and she began to wonder what she was supposed to do, being unable to communicate with them.

A shrill whistle resounded and instantly the inquisitive crowd froze like a class of conscience-stricken pupils, making space for a Shama that she recognized as the matriarch by the distinctive mottled pattern on her head section. She put up a threat display to chase off the nosy crowd, at first they squeaked and squabbled in protest but then gave in to her authority and backed off. The matriarch inched closer and cocked her head in such an animated way that Sarah was sure that she was trying to talk to her. And she was glad for the company, even if it she was an exotic alien whose language she didn't speak. Slowly she closed the distance and then settled lightly on Sarah's shoulder, flipping her wings over her back. Carefully she nudged her cheek. Sarah felt a gentle probing, adjusting, then the matriarch sent a wave of caring concern and crude images rushing through her mind. The attempt to communicate was so strange that not even the Tardis would translate it fully. There was a general sadness about suffering and disharmony, and a strong desire to mend what had caused her distress washing through her mind. She moved several of the retractable tentacles, the Shama equivalent of arms and cautiously, soothingly brushed over her forehead with her feather light touch.

Mesmerized Sarah leaned into the touch and for a short moment almost forgot her anguish. Suddenly something seemed to click in the matriarch's mind and to Sarah's disappointment she retreated. Two other Shama who had been waiting nearby approached them, settling down on a bush in some distance and the matriarch obviously had a conversation with them. Then she soared up into the sky with graceful undulating movements and was gone in a moment, leaving her with her new gueardians, baffled and once more alone.

...

When the Matriarch arrived at the Tardis the Doctor was nowhere to be seen but she reckoned that as long as his friends were out in the forest he would eventually come out, too. So she decided to lie in wait for him hidden in the crown of a fern tree, and indeed, she didn't have to wait very long. She could sense a crushing sadness in him but at the same time there was a dark, festering determination that made her shudder and just increased her own determinnation to do something about this situation. When he was sufficiently far away from his travelling house she announced herself with a shrill whistle and plummeted down on him. With a yell of surprise he ducked to evade the air strike. He stumbled backwards, but she cut off his retreat, hovering between him and the Tardis, her tail menacingly raised. She usually despised violence but she just saw no other way to get through to this headstrong and stupid male.

"Hey, is this how you treat a guest,` he ranted, `what do you want?` But her mind was firmly closed, he could as well have talked to the next best tree. He tried to dodge her to get back to the Tardis but she flew an elegent curve and and flicked her tail in the his direction.

"Aw! Stop that!" He snarled when a precision shot of stinking, acidic goo hit him at the shoulder. He covered his head to protect his eyes, retreating backwards in the direction of the Tardis but a stinging pain in the back of his neck stopped him. He turned, furiously lashing out, but she evaded him with ease. She had bitten him and now hovered now in front of him chirping angrily.

"What do you want! Get off me," he blurted out.

`You hurt her! Why did you do it,` she demanded to know.

`This is none of your business,` he snapped back falling into telepathic communication, in no mood do discuss his private business with this alien.

`This is my realm, here you bend to our laws, so why did you hurt her,` she insisted.

`I didn't hurt her, I protect her,` he projected back, his anger fuming away, when it dawned on him what had transpired. `Sarah can't stay with me. Please, respect my decision.`

`But she is good for you. And you are good for her,` the matriarch replied adamantly.

`No. It's dangerous for her. I'm not good for her, I will never be, we are way too different. She nearly died twice within the last month. Maybe next time I'll not be able to save her. And I love her too much for that to happen.`

`But she could die anywhere. At any time. Death is a natural part of life,` the matriarch continued much more gently. `It's something we have to accept. Are you afraid of death, Doctor?` The Doctor's head drooped when the fierce determination that had fuelled his actions died down, leaving nothing but a depressing heap of ash and he was lost for words.

`Many children of our clan lost their mates in that place beyond the sky,` she continued. `Do you think their relationships were not worthwhile while they lasted because one of them has died prematurely?`

`No. No of course not.` The Doctor shook his head. `But her body is a lot more fragile than mine. I have a habit of attracting trouble. It's just too dangerous for her,` he stubbornly insisted.

The matriarch uttered the Shama version of a sigh. `The Man of Knowledge, that's what you call yourself, don't you,` she thoughtfully replied to his decline, inching closer, `the man who has dedicated his life to the intellect," she declared, looking far deeper in his eyes and his soul than he was comfortable with and there was no shielding him from this probing gaze. `But that is not who you really are. And you know that, even if you deny your true name, male from the realm of the Seven Golden Columns. You can run away from what you are for a while, but not forever.`

All the colour drained from the Doctor's face. `How do you know that,` he breathlessly projected.

`Ah, you lot think we are primitive, because we don't build magic contraptions, don't you? But those of us who seek knowledge don't disturb their minds with intellectual speculations. They don't melt the ore from the rocks to build travelling houses. We watch life itself with our minds and as we become very still knowledge just comes to us. But that's not something a man of the intellect can easily achieve, or even understand.`

The Doctor stood there, flabbergasted, frightened and lost for words.

`Doctor, she really cares for you, you should honour that! She is the right consort for you. And you are the right consort for her. She will help to put right what is wrong with you, you need her a lot more than she needs you, you know. She loves you and has chosen you, so stop doubting her. And stop hurting her,` she continued very gently.

`But.. we are too different. I don't think it's going to work,` he meekly replied.

`Who says that what is best has always to be pain free and easy?`

„Ah... erm...," he stuttered, falling back into verbalizing. His shoulders sagged forward and he swallowed down the lump in his troat. She was right, it felt right, and this realisation was as unsettling as it was comforting.

„Now go and apologize," she ordered.

He just stared back at her, part of him relieved, part of him realizing what he was putting Sarah through, terribly afraid of her reaction, and part of him was very hesitant about something else...

`Doctor, your secrets will always be safe with me, go on now,` she gently nudged his mind, encouraging him, dissipating his fears.

He gave her a very jittery look, not sure how much she could really see, but deep down in his mind he knew he could trust her. He discarded of his soiled coat and vest. Summoning all his courage he buried his hands in his trouser pockets and stomped off to the forest. After a few steps he came to a halt, turned back, observing the matriarch, who still hovered at the same spot. `Thank you. Thank you so much,` he addressed her. Touched by her concern a wave of gratitude poured from his mind. It was answered with a warming blanket of the most gentle encouragement and it felt as if a heavy burden was taken off his shoulders.

So he set out to do what he had intended to do when he had left the Tardis: To find Sarah.


	22. Chapter 22

22

The the scanner tracings in mind he proceeded into the forest, digging up his pink and blue striped handkerchief from the depths of his trouser pockets, noisily blowing his clogged nose. Getting his nose clear was one thing. His mind was an entirely different business, guilt and worry seemed to have made their permanent home in there and he felt shrunk to the boy who had been called to the custodian for another embarrassing punishment. He stomped through the undergrowth quite unable to handle, or even contain those emotions and suddenly envied species that procreated with spores. Or by division; In any way sex free, elegantly circumnavigating the cliffs of emotional entanglement that relationships unavoidably brought and no matter what the matriarch had said , he was sitting right between the Scylla of his emotional needs and the Carybdis of loneliness as he walked on.

He wavered when the clearing where he would find her was near. He stalked up to some bushes and ducked in their cover. Stealing a glance at Sarah's still form there in the distance gave him a stab in the chest. Trembling he turned away, deciding to make a little detour through the forest, getting closer in the cover of the trees, stepping out of the vegetation and waving or shouting her name would have made him feel like a complete idiot.

Silently he closed in on her and kneeled down in the cover of the shrubbery when he could see her sitting, looking out over the ocean and he knew what the matriarch had meant, that he needed her, and it suddenly seemed so silly to throw away what they could have, so he took a heart. Cautiously he stepped out of the vegetation, clearing his throat to announce his presence, hands nervously clenching and unclenching on his back.

She looked up, stared at him for a long second and then her gaze just resumed it's previous direction, a host of feelings flaring up in her mind. Then she wavered, her gaze wandered back up to him. Something turned cold at the view of his guilt stricken face. It hurt just too much. She had been hurt too often in the past. And it had been decided anyway.

"What do you want," she asked with husky voice when he was too close to ignore him any longer and the Doctor's hearts broke a little bit more for what he had done.

"It's... I... I want to apologize, Sarah. I was out of my mind and said stupid things," he meekly admitted settling down on the grass, her utter non reaction to his confession throwing him into the abysses of hell. "Please, Sarah, believe me, I'm sorry."

"You are sorry? Yeah. Maybe you are," she retorted, plucking a stalk of the alien grass , idly rolling it between thumb and index finger.

"But... but... What else can I say?"

"Yes. Exactly," she snorted and his face went blank at her acrid tone.

"So you won't forgive my... my mistakes."

"Doctor, it's not about forgiving, And it is not about `a` mistake," she huffed. "It's about you making lonely decisions and then forcing them onto people. That's fine when we are standing in front of a Cyberman. But in a relationship it's just unsufferable and egoistic."

"Are you saying that I am an egoist?"

"Well. Yes...no.. You're a loner and I'll never know what you come up with next with that big brain of yours because you don't talk. But don't worry. That's something you have in common with a lot of men from earth, at least in that respect Gallifrey seems not to be so different to my home," she snapped and some fresh tears threatened to well up in her eyes.

"Sarah, I'll try to change." Tentatively he inched closer.

"I guess you really try," she sighed, voice imbued with sadness now. "But give me one reason to believe that you are able to."

"But..."

"Doctor, don't you understand," she interrupted him. "I can't take that on a regular basis," she whispered, leaning her head against the warm bark of the tree.

"You won't have to," he pleaded, quite desperate now.

"You've promised that before, remember? And for how long have you been planning it now?"

"But Sarah... I... I love you," it burst out of him.

"I'm aware of that," she breathed.

"You are not giving me a chance then?"

Sarah's silence turned moments into torturous eternity.

"I want to get back to the Tardis. I'm tired," she finally muttered, entirely unable to answer his question.

He eagerly stretched out his hand to help her up but she recoiled from him and he let it sink with such a forlorn kicked puppy look that she was genuinely sorry for him. Still, she felt entirely unable to have him close. She struggled to her feet and they walked back in silence, side by side, but light years apart. He flinched when she stumbled over a tree root but again she shirked back and he hung his head when he watched from the corner of his eyes how she struggled up the hill, until finally, breathing hard she leaned against a tree, torn between weakness and her hurt feelings.

"Sarah, please. Let me help. I know. I'm stupid and I've been a jackass. But you can't walk back up to the Tardis." With a silent plea he fixed his gaze on her. So much more was written all over his worn face but he fell silent and once more extended a hand, hoping, praying.

Hesitantly, cautiously she took it, but when he swooped her up, he anxiously observed how wooden and awkward the grasp of her arms around his neck was. He clasped his arms around her lean form and proceeded back to the Tardis, gaze hefted firmly on his path. Occasionally he took a peek at his precious burden, her chin rested on his shoulder but she refused to look at him at all and was obviously not in the mood for any more conversation.

"We' re there," he whispered when they approached the Tardis, with a raised eyebrow observing the matriarch perching on top of it.

"Will you please let me down," Sarah stiffly asked him, letting go of his neck and he hurried to do so.

"You're sure you want to walk the rest of the way," he gingerly inquired.

"Yes, sure," she replied with a sad little smile. "Thank you." Without another word she tore herself away from him, walked up to the Tardis and disappeared in the console room, leaving an utterly heartbroken Doctor behind.

Anger began to sparkle in his eyes when he looked up to the quiet form of the matriarch. `So this is supposed to be it,` he snapped at her to vent off his frustration.

`I haven't told you that it would be easy, remember,` she mildly replied, her cool demeanour just further egging on his anger. He was just about to make a caustic remark when from the other end of the clearing Teria and Jegor's laughter reached his ears. After some moments they had closed the distance, Teria eagerly observing their alien host.

"So, have you, erm, found a resolution for your problems," she asked and the innocent question was the spark that ignited all his pent up emotions.

"You humans just leave me alone," he yelled in such an irrational outburst of rage that his friends recoiled with shock.

"Now that was a stupid question, Teria, wasn't it," her husband whispered to her and pulled his gawking wife out of harm's way. "Sorry, Doctor. She didn't mean to be rude."

"Sure. I had no idea," she agreed appeasingly when she was over the initial shock, both hastily retreating in the direction of the Tardis doors.

"Yes, that's obvious, isn't it," he hollered on, face glowing red with anger, when Jegor ushered his wife into the console room and out of the mad Time Lord's sight.

Under normal circumstances he would have just taken the Tardis and vanished to never return, maybe avoiding humans altogether for a couple of decades, but right now the annoying folk was crowding his own ship, his home, his precious sanctuary, and for a split second he contemplated kicking them out and leaving, alone and free from any emotional complications.

What of course he couldn't do. More furious yelling in an alien language echoed through the peaceful forest as he pommelled the the Tardis walls with his fists until they hurt and he sank down on the blue grass with exhausted sobs, rubbing his face and burying his hands in his curls as he crouched low, leaning his head against her warm side for comfort, glad for the steady and unconditional affection of his sentient ship.

Something tugged at his mind and he felt some urge to lash out, but the anger had made place to sheer despair and all the energy seemed to be drained from him. Instead he sat there, a little heap of misery. "Go away," he mewled, huddling closer to his ship. Always misery. He couldn't understand how other people could possible handle something as complicated and frustrating as relationships.

`Do you feel better now?` A wave of tender concern washed over him and when he looked up the matriarch was hovering right in front of him.

"No," he croaked.

`Be more patient,` she softly encourage him, `it's not a lost case.`

Frustrated, he shook his head. `I'm rubbish at relationships.`

`Then you learn it.`

`She won't let me,` he complained.

`Well, there is always a risk in life, Doctor. Don't you know that?` The matriarch retreated slightly and cocked her head, observing him intently. `When the large moon is full, at dawn we will celebrate a Rites of Passage ceremony. You are all invited to join us. It's our gift of gratitude. Now go. You owe your friends an apology.`

`They hate me anyway,` he griped.

`Now don't be silly, why would they hate you? They are confused and concerned, and you are giving them a hard time, that's all,` she gently scolded him. `Tell the others about the ceremony,` she reminded him and then soared up into the sky until she was just a tiny speck of dust and then she was gone.

Mechanically, the Doctor trudged into the console room, pausing for a moment when he had closed the doors behind himself. The matriarch was unsettling him in ways no one had since he had left his home world and he quelled the spark of anger that was flaring up. With how much ease she was patronizing him! Well, his pride had been dented quite a bit since the day he had been forced to admit to himself that he had fallen in love with a human. He leaned heavily on the dark wood of the console, sensing the steady hum under his hands. No matter what happened, she would always be with him he told himself.

He made up his mind and scanned for Jegor and Teria's whereabouts but on the way to their room he took a little detour to the kitchen because he was completely parched, then he decided that his sonic screwdriver urgently needed a new thermonuclear filter, which was to be found in a store room in a seldomly used wing of the Tardis. Then on the way back from there he came across a room that he recognized as the wine vault and seriously considered some Dutch courage, as the English speaking population on earth called it. He opened the door and stepped into the seldom used room that was crammed with refrigerators, racks with all kinds of bottles and other containers. A pang of sentimentality hit him when his gaze wandered to a stack of crates in a corner. Good old Jamie's whisky stock! He picked up a dusty bottle of the amber coloured liquid, and then he noticed some bottles of Djadeela ale. A melancholic little smile crossed his face when he thought about the bizarre circumstances when the queen of Djadeela had urged him to take them as a token of gratitude for saving her grandfather from a sinister gang of Slitheen. Well, that had been ages ago, but maybe today he could put some of it to a good use. He snatched one of the bottles from the rack, along an alien drinking horn, and slumped down in a nearby chair. He had never actually had a taste for too much alcohol, most Time Lords didn't because it tended to impair the time sense. But today he didn't bother, as long as his other senses were impaired, too and as long as it just stopped the pain. He opened the bottle of Djadeela ale, filled the horn to the rim and downed it in one swig, elated by the sensation of the strong, tart liquid running down his throat and seconds later the desired effect hit home.

…...

"I don't know, he somewhat tried to apologize, Sarah."

The Doctor's brain recognized the sound near his ear as words, but why the hell was his head was so damn foggy escaped him. And why was the Tardis in flight, while he was apparently lying on his back, in mortal agony? Speaking of mortal agony, what had happened to him? Daleks? Cybermen? Had someone hit him over the head? With a low groan and a sense of alarm he opened his eyes and tried to turn his head in the direction of the voice. And instantly regretted it.

"What happened," he managed to slur, blinking, realizing that he was in the treatment room of the med bay and had not all that much control over his tongue. He closed his eyes and wisely no longer tried to move.

"You tell me, Doctor. Brandy? Wine? Beer? Something alien?" the familiar voice nearby replied.

Another moan escaped him and some flashes of memory came back to him. The wine vault, picking up a few bottles, and then … nothing.

"Oh no," he groaned. He had no idea what had happened between then and now, but surely it couldn't possibly have been good! Embarrassment so intense that it cleared away at least some of the porridge that scrambled his brain gained the upper hand. If there hadn't been that head splinting pain he would have jumped to his feet. He gripped the edge of his bed and tried to roll on his side, but hands firmly gripping his shoulder stopped him.

"Oh no. You sleep it off now. You are in no state to walk around," the voice belonging to the hands ordered. "And we don't want to pick you up from the floor again."

"Teria, is that you," he babbled. He stretched out his hand and clumsily caught hold of her arm. There was something he urgently had to tell her. He dug his not so very responsive brains for what it was but then he remembered. "I.. I..apologize," he managed.

"Yes, yes. That much we got. And glad to have you back because I have no idea how to treat a Time Lord with alcohol poisoning. Now be a good boy and go back to sleep. There is a bucket to your left next to your bed, just in case, okay?" He opened his eyes to a slit and observed the face of the elderly physician as she pulled a blanket up to his nose. "Thank you. You are so lovely, you know that!"

"Yeah. That's what the drunkards always tell me," she consoled him in a most professional manner, patting his arm.

"Wait! Sarah! Where is...," he babbled on.

"I'm here, Doctor."

He managed to turn his head in the direction of her voice and watched her stand there, his beloved, and promptly the corresponding memories came to his mind. "We are not good, are we," he timidly asked.

"We can talk later. Sleep now." Exasperated she blew out a puff or air and gazed down at the ailing Time Lord. He vaguely noticed how pained her expression was, but his revolting stomach was more urgent, he closed his eyes and doubled up with a moan. He felt Sarah tuck him in and then, for the longest moment her finger soothingly combed through his sweat soaked hair. His longing to feel her arms tenderly wrapped around him became unbearable and he grasped for her hand, squeezing it, holding onto it or dear life. She settled down on the edge of his bed. Teria dimmed the light before she left and then Sarah sat with him until he drifted off and oblivion eased his suffering.

He had been tossing about in a light slumber for quite a while when he woke with a start. It was the Tardis that had decided to end his rest, projecting an annoying hum into his mind. Despite the incapacitating headache he instantly noticed that his time sense was up and running. And he immediately knew why the Tardis had woken him up. It was well after lunchtime. Which meant the next tissue regenerator session with Stonefruit Tail was approaching.

As he assessed his current state he decided that solving his problems with alcohol had been a lousy idea. He found a large glass of water on the night stand and eagerly downed it's content. Then he moved his legs over the edge of the bed. Slowly, with a miserable wail he sat up, closing his eyes to get the spinning under control. When it had subsided a little and he felt ready for more he held his breath and slid off the bed, carefully testing his wobbly legs. He realized that he was almost naked. His shirt and trousers lay in a heap on a nearby table and he could only guess how that had come to pass. Tentatively he let go of the corner of the bed and staggered forward a few steps. He got a bit more confident and moved over to his clothes to get dressed but immediately gave up on this plan when he lifted up his shirt. It was soiled with half dry stains and stank disgustingly of alcohol. He tossed it to the floor, pulled a bed sheet from a nearby wardrobe and intricately draped it around himself in an attempt to cover his modesty.

He heard the door open and when he turned to see who it was he tripped over the the edge of the bed sheet. With a yell he stumbled backwards, struggling for balance. Teria and Sarah jumped to his side but he was just too heavy, his momentum sent them down to the floor with him.

"Ouch," he whined, incurring rather stern looks from his two female wardens and and ducked his head.

"Doctor, we have to get you back to bed," Sarah huffed exasperatedly.

"But Stonefruit Tail, I have to help," he insisted.

"You are joking, right? You are in no state to do that. I'll manage that alone. Don't worry," he heard Teria who was propping his back.

"But.."

"No but. Doctor's order."

Sarah set the anti gravity stretcher down next to him. Both women ignored his protest and assertions that he could walk, made him lie down on the stretcher and he chastely covered himself with the bed sheet. Sarah set out to direct the stretcher to the next bedroom but he sat up and broke out in more whining.

"What is it," Sarah inquired.

"Can you take me to my bedroom? Please?"

After a moment of hesitation she agreed and he gave her a rueful little smile of gratitude when he sank back down onto the stretcher. He gave her the direction as she towed it along the corridors, glad that he didn't have to walk there.

"Sarah?" He nervously addressed her. He had rather preferred to forget the whole affair, but he had to know.

"What," she asked him.

"Have I... Erm.. You know. The point is. About yesterday night...," he carried on, not entirely sure how to address the embarrassing subject.

"You mean, you have a blackout?"

His clever Sarah! He sighed and gave her a timid nod, relieved that he didn't have to elaborate.

"You want to know if you've done anything bad?"

He wanted to give her a very energetic nod but his headache stopped him immediately. "How do you know?"

"Well, you are certainly not my first encounter with a drunk man," she informed him.

"Oh. So... Erm... Have I?" He anxiously inquired.

"No. Nothing really bad," she stated," she causally replied. "You staggered into the library, drunk as a skunk and stinking of booze, babbled apologies, pledges of eternal love, stuff like that. Then you threw up on the carpet in front of the chimney, started to cry, then you keeled over. We took you to the infirmary and made sure you slept" she recounted.

"Sorry," he meekly replied. "You must have the worst impression of me."

"Now don't worry about that. In my old community we had Mike, who freaked out and went on the rampage when he was drunk. Threw the kitchen chairs out of the window, yelling maoist paroles, that kind of thing. You were were pretty tame. I guess, it's... well... you know, human."

"Well, thank you for that." He couldn't help the sardonic comment. And he thought that what he had just heard was embarrassing enough, even if she didn't share that opinion.

"Look, I think we are there," she pointed out, deliberately not hearing his sulky tone. She pushed the stretcher through the corridors of the Doctor's quarters to his bedroom, at the door she hesitated for a moment but then pushed it into his bedroom and couldn't quite suppress her curiosity. It wasn't as chaotic as she had expected. Actually the small room was quite nice in an unusual way, the furniture a wild jumble of different styles and materials. The tables and shelves were just as littered with all kinds of gadgets and souvenirs as the rest of his place but it was much more cleanly than she had expected. She parked the stretcher next to the narrow bed, helped him move over and watched how he reflexively pulled a duvet over himself.

"Thank you," he muttered.

"You're welcome. Now get better, okay." She turned the stretcher and headed for the door.

"Sarah," he meekly addressed her.

She paused for a moment and leaned onto the stretcher. "What is it?"

"You are not going to stay, are you?" He huddled deeper into his blankets and his large eyes gazed up at her with with an expression of utter heartbreak.

Sarah wasn't exactly prepared for the showdown right now but the other night she had had a good cry on Teria's shoulder. They had talked for hours, what had helped Sarah to get some distance and a better idea what she wanted and what she needed.

She took her time, then she moved to his side and sat down at the edge of the his bed.

"Look, Doctor, I had relationships in my past that were not really certain, where I was lied to, even used. And in the end I was left more often than I was the one who ended the relationship. Where I come from we have what they call a sexual revolution, but for a lot of people, expecially men it means that relationships have just become more random and liberation is taken as an excuse to shag with just anyone they feel lust for. I got hurt more times than I wanted to admit to myself."

"Oh, I didn't know that!" he breathed, genuinely shocked to hear what other people had done to hurt her. She certainly didn't deserve that. "But to me you are not someone random."

"No. I know that you won't use me for quick sex. But you share a central trait with those men. You don't know what you want."

"But... but...you are the best thing that crossed my way in a long time. And I know that I want you and nobody else."

"It's the third time that you decided to take me home, remember."

"Sorry. That's just all I can say."

"I know," Sarah sadly replied.

His eyes shone bright with anxiety. "So what now," he whispered. "Is this the end?"

"I want you to take me home. I need time to think, on my own," she softly replied after some moments. Right now I just don't have any idea if I want a relationship."

He took a rattled breath. Sarah saw tears gather in his eyes and involuntarily grasped for his hand. She had hoped that she was able to handle this but now the breath caught in her throat and her eyes were going all watery, too.

"But there is one thing you have to know," she insisted. "You'll always be my friend. No matter what happens."

She sat with him for the longest moment, in the intimacy of the shared pain, then she let go of his hand and she watched him struggle. She tore herself away from him and got up, if she didn't go now, she`d never manage. With a heartfelt "sleep well" she took her leave.

"Wait," he called her back.

"What is it?"

"Erm... The matriarch invited all of us for some ceremonies. It's at full moon, that would be in three days. Please, tell Teria and Jegor. With my apologies."

She nodded agreement. "Anything else we can do for you," she inquired.

"No. Just please leave me alone for a while," he sniffed and rummaged under his sheet to turn to the wall. She guessed that he wanted to hide more tears and left, quietly closing his bedroom door behind her.

Lost in her miserable thoughts Sarah wandered back to the console room where Stonefruit Tail and his party had just arrived. The matriarch whistled at her view and prodded her with her antennae, but Sarah just hung her head.

"Am I doing the wrong thing," she asked her, knowing that the question was purely rhetorical, the matriarch could neither fully understand humans nor could she understand a reply.

The matriarch just settled on her shoulder, huddling towards her

Teria gave Sarah a quizzical look.

"He won't come," Sarah muttered. Silent tears were running down her face and the matriarch's soothing hum was the only thing that kept her upright.


	23. Chapter 23

23

Sarah slumped down in the shade of the Tardis while Teria ushered her patient and his relatives inside with sign language and some obvious encouragement from the matriarch.

"Oh, you two...," she sighed, addressing Sarah. "We'll talk when I'm finished with the patient here, is that okay, dear," she amicably suggested and Sarah gave her an unsure little nod.

So she sat, arms awkwardly wrapped around herself for comfort, a sense of guilty conscious creeping up on her. It was so hard for him to do this at all. But it had been so easy for her to turn him down in a bout of frustration. It started seemed so wrong now. She observed the matriarch who settled down on her knees and she couldn't help it, she was getting a vibe that the alien encouraged this opinion.

"What do you think I should do," she ruefully asked her. The matriarch just gave her a little nudge, emphasised with a whistle. Intrigued Sarah prodded back at her with her finger, more and more the realisation dawned on her that actually they were communicating, just on a more emotional, instinctual level and the matriarch clicked her beak as if in confirmation of this thought.

"I know, you are a green, flying alien and telling you is really crazy, but I don't know what to do. I'm so afraid I'm going to lose him but a relationship with him won't work either," she snivelled. The matriarch crooned and then extended an arm protrusion. She brushed Sarah's cheek and before her mind's eyes images formed of the Doctor, crouching at the same spot as she did now and she sensed her making a connection between the two of them.

"You think that he feels exactly like me," Sarah breathed.

She clicked her beak and once more touched her cheek. Sarah caught an image of him, along with a gush of loneliness and longing and doubts.

"Is that how he feels?" she breathlessly asked her and another click seemed to confirm the depressing image. She gave her a vigorous shove, obviously meant to take the initiative.

"But... but... how is it going to work with us anyway? We are so different and he is a bag of nerves... and... It's just useless, it won't work." Clueless she looked down at the alien wannabe match maker.

The matriarch gave her an energetic shove and when Sarah continued to stare impassively down at her she pinched her in the arm.

"Ouch, stop doing that," she retorted but the matriarch hovered up in front of her, determined to get her moving. "What do you think I should do? I convince him to carry on and by next week there is another reason for second thoughts," she snapped.

The matriarch inched closer and touched her forehead. A sense of insistence and urgency flared up in her mind, along with something soft and warm and fuzzy.

"It's true. I love him. I miss him terribly," she half heartedly admitted. Maybe I should give it one more try. If he is still interested at all."

This reply earned her a friendly nuzzle that went with something like cheery encouragement. Sarah got up and wearily rubbed her face, still not entirely convinced. She entered the pleasant coolness of the console room, her eyes took a moment to adjust to the dim lighting inside. Expectantly she looked back, observing the matriarch but she didn't follow her inside so after some moments of hesitation she made her way to her rooms alone, where she took a shower and then sank down on her sofa, tired but restless and still with a heavy load on her soul. The Doctor had asked her to leave him alone, but she was afraid that he came up with more stupid ideas like getting drunk. He was several centuries old but in all romantic matters he was as inexperienced and clumsy as a teenager.

She got up and headed for the Doctor's apartment, nervous and unsure what to tell him and rapped at his door.

Nothing.

She knocked again, more urgently.

"Doctor, it's me. Please! Open the door," she cried, an almost painful bout of longing for him overwhelming her, but everything she got in return was dead silence. She took a rattled breath, waited for another few minutes, then she heaved a sigh, involuntarily a tear started to gather in the corner of her eye.

She turned and slouched away from the place, aimessly, it didn't matter to her where her strides were taking her. With the spark of hope drowning nothing seemed to matter to her anymore at all.

She wandered the lonely Tardis corridors for quite a while, feeling so empty that part of her yearned do die, until she noticed that she was standing right in front of the kitchen door. Suddenly she realized how thirsty she was and her self preservation kicked in. Quietly she thanked the Tardis for this not quite coincidence. She stepped through the door and started to dig through a few cupboards for the powdered milk to make herself a comforting cup of hot chocolate when Teria came in.

"Oh, there you are, Sarah," the elder woman tentatively addressed her. "I've no idea how I've ended up in this place, I was on my way to the library!"

Sarah thought she knew the effect. Glad for the company she grabbed a pot from the shelf to make hot chocolate for two.

"Yeah. There I am," she sniffed, spooning sugar to the milk and cocoa powder mix and then turned to the tap. "I guess you like hot chocolate." A hand lightly touched her back. There was just nothing more to say, she placed the pot in the sink with shaking hands and turned on the water. When it was full, she took it to the induction heater, knocking it over with a loud clatter.

"Oh shit!" she hollered out, staring down at the mess.

With a heartfelt "you just take a break, I'll clean it up," Teria steered her to the dining table and made her sit down. A minute later the shards of the broken pot were in the trash and she had a steaming cup of tea sitting in front of her. "I guess there is not much more I can do at this point."

Sarah sadly shook her head in response when Teria fetched a plate with sandwiches and put it under her nose. "Thanks," she muttered, forcing herself to take a bite of a ham and cheese sandwich despite her lack of appetite, ruefully thinking back to the old, carefree days on board of the Tardis.

When she had eaten she returned to the Doctor's rooms, pleading him to let her in. Without success. Either he didn't hear her or he decidedly ignored her. She went back to her room and spent the evening with Teria and Jegor, who tried their best to keep her company and cheer her up. After a restless night, worrying what he was up to all alone she she couldn't take it anymore. The next morning she packed a few blankets, something to read and breakfast from the kitchen into her beach bag, made up her mind and added a roll of Sellotape, picked up a folding chair from the store room and headed for the Doctor's apartment.

"You want to waylay him," Teria asked her when they met in the hallway just outside of the large bathroom with the whirlpool.

"Yeah," Sarah wearily replied, stopping for a moment to greet the other woman.

"Good luck!"

"Thanks." Determined she readjusted the straps of her bag and walked on. With a sigh Teria watched her disappear around the corner, hoping the best for both of them.

Quietly, hoping to avoid the Doctor's attention Sarah made camp in front of his apartment. In one corner of the door she adhered a little piece of the Sellotape to doorframe and door, hoping that it gave away if the door was opened when she had to leave her watch. Next she made a quick trip to the Zero room but found it empty, so she commenced her lonely sentry duty, making herself comfortable with one of her books, convinced that eventually he had to leave his place. The only thing she didn't know was what she was supposed to to tell him and she had to admit that she dreaded the moment when that door opened and she was facing him. The more she thought about it the more uncertain she got so she delved into her book to distract herself, in the hope that when the time came she'd come up with the right words

She was about half through the third chapter when she looked up. She wasn't certain but she thought she had heard something.

The Doctor sharp ears detected a faint rustling sound ahead in the corridor, just around the corner, where there shouldn't be one. He stopped in his tracks. This couldn't mean anything good. Warily he inched forward and peeked around the corner. He froze at the view. His apartment was under siege! Sarah looked up at him and in that second it was too late. For an instant her gaze met his. He retreated to the safety behind the corner, and stood there, his back against the wall, his hearts pounded in his chest.

"Doctor?" he heard her call him, softly, tentatively, her voice a deadly weapon on his soul and his knees turned to jelly. A second later she was standing in front of him and he had no idea what to say, much less what to do and a voice in his mind was screaming at him to run.

Sarah was taken aback by the desolation that she found in those expressive blue eyes, that were now puffy and swollen, giving away how he has spent the last night and Sarah's heart went out for him. "Sorry, Doctor," she muttered, stretching out a hand. To her utter surprise he reached out with his large hands, cautiously encasing hers in them, shyly, as if it was the most precious thing in the universe.

"It's... it's... quite okay. It is," he hurried to assert with brittle voice and Sarah could see how each word hurt him, the profound melancholy in his voice nearly killing her.

"No, Iit's not. When I left you, yesterday night, I was really worrying... See, I think it doesn't have to end like that. We just have to give it more time. I know how hard it is for I know that patience is not one of my strengths."

He lifted a hand up to her face and she felt it trembe as he grazed her cheek with his palm, tracing along her temple with his fingers and she closed her eyes.

"Well. I guess it's not one of my strengths either," he admitted faintly . Thank you," he replied, voice low and constrained, "I appreciate that... but..." He fell silent.

"What but," Sarah gingerly inquired.

"I... I... I feel so powerless, Sarah," he whispered. "It just happens to me and I have no control at all, and..."

"But that's the point when you fall in love," she tried to console him but he only shook his head with disdain.

"I'm a complete failure, I can't even handle something as simple and normal as relationships, Sarah. This.. this is just so humiliating. I better stay alone," he stammered with breaking voice.

"But what's so bad about failing, about not being in control?"

He gave her a look of utter disdain, as if she had just suggested to invite a Dalek for dinner.

"Don't Time Lords have their occasional weak moments, like we all do," Sarah softly suggested.

With a sharp intake of breath he turned his head away. Sarah tightened her grip on his hand. "You are not a failure. I think the way you've been talking to me about your problems is far more brave than most of what I've seen other men men do."

"But you have said.."

"Yes I have. Because I have emotions, too. And I'm not perfect either. I'm sorry. I'd like to give us another chance. Please! "

"Really?" he breathed, cocking his head, utter surprise written all over is face.

"Yes. I'd like to," she replied, watching the old insecurity flare up in his eyes and her breath caught in her throat. "You don't?"

"I'm not sure I can. I hate those feelings! I hate being upset and confused and dependent and incapable," he admitted quite crestfallenly. "You don't think that I'm a failure?"

Sarah just did what had previously worked. She wrapped her arms around his waist and felt him tense under the course fabric of his coat. She leaned her head into his chest and held her breath when a finger traced aimlessly through her hair and then his hand settled on her shoulder. She felt more than heard him drew a rattled breath and his chin come to rest on the top of her head. Stroking his back she held him close but the desired effect didn't quite want to come. She looked up and in his face, his expression between incredulous and sorrowful.

"You are not convinced, are you," she asked him.

"Mmh," he commenced but was immediately interrupted.

"You know what? Today I'm going to cook for you," she suggested with a sudden inspiration, linking arms with him and ushering him in the direction of the kitchen. "I bet you haven't had any food since yesterday."

"Sarah, I'm rather not hungry," he muttered, struggling to pull away from her.

Sarah made up her mind. "Sorry, Doctor. I'm not taking `no` for an answer," she replied with the determination of a matron, steadying her grasp on his arm, leaving him no other choice than to walk with her.


	24. Chapter 24

24

Reluctantly he allowed her to shepherd him to the kitchen where she had him sit down at the head of the dining table and stood behind him, placing a hand lightly on his shoulder.

He looked up to her and she resisted the involuntary urge to stroke his cheek when she beheld the sorrow in his eyes, instead she grabbed his shoulders and squeezed them, massaging the painfully tight knots in his muscles for a short while.

"Now don't run off, okay," she reminded him and hurried over to the freezer to fetch all the ingredients for a solid English breakfast. She thought she could almost sense the Doctor's gaze lingering on her even with her back to him when she handled the heavy cast iron pan to fry the sausages, ham, eggs and mushrooms. She turned to give him a friendly, encouraging smile, he shyly returned it for a moment and and then bashfully dropped his gaze.

Sarah hurried to finish his breakfast and then put a plate with delicacies in front of him that she knew he just couldn't resist. She sat down in a chair next to him, but he just listlessly picked at the food with his fork. Sarah covered his free hand with hers and he looked up from the plate, his gaze meeting hers, an apologetic little smile on his face.

"Sorry, Sarah. I don't want to be rude, but ..."

"You've lost your appetite," Sarah finished the sentence for him.

"Mmh," he mumbled absentmindedly and hung his head.

Sarah eased the fork from his hand and after a moment of consideration she picked up half of a little sausage along with some scrambled egg and lifted it up to the Doctor's mouth.

Baffled he looked up at her. "Sarah, thats...that's not really...erm."

"You'll feel better with something in your stomach, believe me, I know what I'm talking about," she encouraged him.

"But you feeding me... that's just not right," he protested.

She tightened her grip on his hand.

"I don't care if it's right, if it helps it's good enough for me," she persisted. "Now come on," she coaxed him until he gave in and opened his mouth. Reluctantly he took the bite and under Sarah's scrutinizing gaze chewed away on it.

"What," he mumbled when she watched with an annoyingly raised eyebrow how he swallowed. She was right. He was hungry. And it was just too unmanly to be fed by a woman so he claimed back his fork and started to eat, reluctantly at first, but soon he found himself gobbling up what was on his plate.

"There is more, you know," Sarah suggested with a disarming smile when he was munching away the last bits.

"Uh-hm," he mumbled with a little nod.

"I knew you would like it!" A twinkle played in her eyes when she patted his hand and jumped to her feet to get him a second helping. Her favourite Timelord had always been at his most placid with a full stomach and the effect obviously didn't fail her today.

She placed the full plate in front of him. "Here, have some more!"

He forked up some scrambled egg and then paused, observing what was on his fork and then Sarah. "You are doing this with a purpose," he pointed out. "What exactly do you want to achieve here," he tentatively asked her.

"Well, erm... see, I think we both over reacted a bit, so I thought it would be the best..." she nervously admitted but he interrupted her.

"You want to fix the fact that travelling with me might get you killed with food?"

Frustrated Sarah blew out a breath. "No. Of course not. I'm well aware that travelling with you is dangerous. Have any of my predecessors paid it with their life?"

"Well. No. Not so far. But it's not just that, Sarah. A Timelord and a human, that's unheard of, and...and...with my longer life span..."

"So you've told me," she sighed.

"Yes, so I've told you," he quietly replied and then stuffed the scrambled egg into his mouth."You're not hungry?" He stiffly asked her.

"I've had some fruits earlier."

"That's all? Come, get yourself a fork, those mountains you have loaded onto my plate are too much even for me."

She did so and a little smile spread around his mouth when she thoughtfully started to fork morsels of sausage and fried mushrooms from his plate. With a pang of yearning Sarah thought back to their romantic dinner the night they had to leave New Polynesia, wondered very much if he felt the same. "So, what are we going to do, now that we are stuck in this place for some more time?"

"Well, firstly, in case you want to continue with your sun tan agenda I'll get you a better ultra violet blocker," he sighted. "The sun here is slightly more aggressive than on earth or New Polynesia. I'm sure our hosts can show us some more native nature and scenery, too. And then we owe Teria and Jegor a trip to earth. And then..."

"And then what," Sarah softly inquired, stopping his ramblings.

"Well. I don't know," he breathed, irritation flaring up in his eyes.

"We'll see then, okay," she soothed him. "We don't need to decide anything right now."

"No. Of course not," he muttered, bashfully watching Sarah dipping the last piece of toast into the gravy and putting it into her mouth.

"So. You care for a walk? This planet is so exotic and colourful, and I've spent most of my time here in bed. I would love to see some of it in good company," she suggested, the fact that he had invited her to share food from his plate, just like in their good old days seemed to be a promising start.

"But just as good friends," he began to squirm.

"Just as good friends," Sarah agreed.

"As the best of friends," he breathed, voice low and brittle and and when Sarah observed him more closely she noticed that his lower lip had started to quiver.

"You know, we can invite Teria and Jegor for a game of badminton, down at the beach, wouldn't that be fun?" she gently asked him, determined to distract him from whatever disturbing thoughts were haunting him.

"Mmh. The day before yesterday you nearly had a breakdown, remember? I'm not sure that's a good idea," he nervously pointed out and Sarah wondered if it was her health that was bothering him or if there was something more fundamental behind this pang of discomfort.

"I'll stop before it's getting too much, don't worry."

"I don't know. Is it such a good idea? I've treated Teria really badly," he meekly replied.

"I bet she'll forgive you. She's got a good sense of humour," Sarah assured him and got up to take plate and forks to the dishwasher.

"Yes. Right." Watching Sarah handle the dishes he tried his best to push any thoughts about the possibility of a future for them to the back end of his mind and struggled to overcome this overwhelming urge to dig himself a burrow where he could spend his time sulking and indulging in self pity. Right here and right now he honestly wanted to apologize to Teria and Jegor, he wanted to spend time with his friends, with Sarah. He longed to do all these wonderful, normal things, if it hadn't been so hard.

"Doctor," Sarah cautiously addressed him, alarmed when she found him staring another hole into the wall. He snapped out of his absorption and gazed up to her. A sad little smile formed on his face but the look of conflict and sorrow in his eyes pierced her to the core. Sarah had no idea why he of all people evoked such an amount of motherly feelings in her, but she just couldn't help it. She closed the distance, wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled his head to her chest. He struggled for a moment but then with a low wail his head sagged against her. What the matriarch had shown her about his emotional life of late came to her mind. "Oh you silly, silly alien," she crooned, burying her face in his unkempt curls, holding onto him as he began to sob and gasp in her arms.

She held him close until he grew quiet and she could just feel his ragged breathing against her body. "Would it be better for you to take me home? Would you prefer that?" she finally muttered, unable to see him suffer and clueless of any other ideas how to help him.

"No," he croaked. But me and relationships, that's just not going to work. It didn't with my own kind and now I drag you into this," he sniffed, breath catching in his throat and at the verge of bursting out in tears again.

Sarah stroked his head and her eyes went all watery, too.

"Then what are we going to do," she breathed.

"I've no idea," he meekly replied.

"Maybe we could ask the Shama matriarch," Sarah suggested, whispering into his hair. "I've got the impression she is quite wise."

"I don't know. Better not. She bit me, and... and... she is bossy and knows things and... he squirmed.

"She did what?" Sarah was flabbergasted and let go of him.

"Well. She attacked and bit me." He reached to the back of his neck rubbed a spot under his shirt collar.

Sarah tugged at the collar to give it a closer look and found a blue black bruise. "Mmh, I've never tried that on you. Maybe I should," she gently teased, softly running her hand over the spot and watched his eyes grow large. "Why did she do it?"

"She was pestering me and I wanted to escape into the Tardis," the Doctor confessed after some embarrassed hems and haws. He startled when she broke out in soft giggles but when he looked up and her face radiated such sweetness, he snivelled and couldn't help it, a lopsided little smile spread around the corners of his mouth.

"Such a shame that I don't have a beak and can't fly." Sarah pulled up a chair and sat down across from the Doctor. "So. Badminton match with Teria and Jegor? And later some counselling with the matriarch?"

"Mmh," he muttered and Sarah took the fact that he didn't burst out in protest for consent.


	25. Chapter 25

25

"We have still almost 5 hours until Stonefruit Tail has his next session. You want to come?" She tugged at his sleeve.

He looked down at himself and the crumpled shirt he was wearing. "I need a shower," he groaned and got up. He gazed down at Sarah for a moment and then slouched to the door, a host of conflicting emotions on the rampage in his head. Sarah followed him to his quarters but when they reached the door he made no move to invite her in, on the contrary, he turned to face her, nervously fiddling about with his sleeve.

Sarah could guess what that was all about. "I have no intention to follow you to your bathroom, Doctor."

He relaxed visibly. "Well, that sounds...erm...good. Sorry. But I feel that is a bit more private than I'd like it right now. I'm glad you understand."

"No, it's fine. I can wait here."

"Ah, you are sure you want to do that," he stammered and inched backwards, audibly blowing out a breath.

"What is it?"

"How about you do whatever you like best and I'll find you when I'm finished," he laboriously suggested, stuffing his hands into his trouser pockets.

"But you will come," Sarah hesitantly asked him, realizing that he was simply uneasy at the thought of her sitting in front of his door, waiting for him. But still part of her dreaded the idea that he might just use this as an excuse to once more lock himself up or disappear.

He faltered. Promises made him uncomfortable but he made an effort to recollect himself. "Yes. Yes I will," he replied rather shakily.

"Okay. I'll go and see if Teria and Jegor like to play Badminton."

"Mmh," he muttered, anxiously scanning her face for clues thatf she was feeling ditched, if there was a danger that she'd hold it against him. But the only thing he saw was an insecurity that very much mirrored his own feelings.

"So, see you then," Sarah replied, her glance wandering to her abandoned chair and bag. She wavered. Was it a good idea to leave him alone? She couldn't help but admit that she had felt a tiny little pang of rejection when he hadn't invited her in. But on the other hand he would definitely feel patronized and beset if she tried to stick around. She assumed a smile and hoped that it passed for confident.

"See you," he muttered. " And thanks for cooking," he added after a moment.

"You're welcome."

She watched the door shut behind him, the thud that indicated that she was alone giving her a jolt in the stomach. Lost in her thoughts she roamed the corridors and ended up in the music room where she practiced on the guitar for a while. But she could hardly concentrate. She made up her mind and walked up to the console room to see what the scanner could tell her about Teria and Jegor's whereabouts. Shortly later she joined them in the med bay lab.

"Hello Sarah," Jegor greeted her, idly playing with a spare lens of the scanner "So you've given up on your plan?"

"What plan? Oh, well, no. I have talked to him, I think he has come to his senses. We both have."

Teria looked up from her work at the microscope.

"Now that's good news." She replied quite relieved and put the sample aside. "I've started to worry."

"Sorry. Usually he is not like that, not at all," she protected him, excusing his behaviour. "I've suggested that later we could play badminton and he promised to come."

"You mean the odd sport with the net and the rackets?"

"Yes. The one we played at the beach. What are you doing here?"

"Oh, I was having a look at the cell structure of the native life of this planet."

"I've never been the biology type," Sarah mused. "At school I was so glad when I could drop it and concentrate on literature and languages. So what is it?"

"It's the organelles and biochemical composition of the cells. It's so amazing. Where we used to work the only alien life forms we encountered were nasty alien germs and the occasional parasite. When I was young I applied for xenobiology. But I didn't have the grades so I had to do med school instead and have spent my life as a company medical officer, because it was the closest I could get to xenobiology" she sighed, her eyes going all melancholic at the thought. "But on the up side I met Jegor there and we could retire at 55 with a good pay-off. And now we have met you two... Well, then. Badminton it is. What a strange name!"

Actually it's named after the country mansion of an earth nobleman who invented it," Sarah explained, genuinely sorry for her friend who hadn't been able to make her career aspirations come true.

"You mean, it's something that is played on earth?" Jegor interrupted.

"Mmh," Sarah agreed. "Though I don't know if they still play it now, I'm not from this time period, remember?"

"How splendid! A sport from earth's past! I wish you would have told us when you showed us how to play it back on New Polynesia!" Teria exclaimed.

Sarah grinned mischieviously. "Back then I could hardly tell you. So what is more interesting? Those cell cultures or Badminton?"

"Well, certainly they are both interesting. But I think I could do with a break, what do you think, oh my loyal husband," she joked.

"Definitely," Jegor replied with visible relief. His interest in cell cultures, even alien ones had it's limits. The task of his wife's lab assistant had started to bore him stiff. He was much more interested in the Doctor's ship but when he had asked him about it, back in his sick bay days he had just laughed and thrown some completely unintelligible explanations at him . He had no idea whether he hadn't understood it because it was completely beyond him or because their Timelord host was telling him some mumbo jumbo to make fun of him. Anyway, the message was clear, the Doctor didn't want him to know and a few careful attempts to find something like an engine room had just lead him to nearly getting lost while inspecting what felt like every broom closet on this ship. If it hadn't been completely ridiculous he could have sworn that the Tardis was making fun of him, deliberately switching rooms.

"Then I get the racket and net. I think the meadow outside will work just fine," Sarah suggested.

"I guess we will find something suitable to wear in the wardrobe, particularly shoes," Jegor replied, looking down at his light sandals.

"Go ahead. I'll get everything else we need."

"I'll come with you, Sarah," Teria suggested and a moment later they were on their way to one particular store room.

"So you said that he is a bit more, how to say, rational now?"

"Yes. It seems he is," Sarah agreed.

"Well, then let's just hope for the best," Together they fetched rackets, net, shuttlecocks and posts from the outdoor and holiday equipment store room. On the way to the console room they met Jegor in his newly acquired shorts and sports shoes. Together they proceeded to the meadow and had had some fun erecting the poles and fastening the net

"Now we just need the Doctor for a double," Teria stated, looking at the net with some satisfaction while a little flock of curious natives settled in some nearby fern trees to watch the strange behaviour of their alien guests..

"Yeah," Sarah quietly sighed to herself, her optimism wavering.

"I've brought something that will make waiting more comfortable," Jegor declared walking over to where he had left his bag. He pulled a blanket from it and just started to spread it in the shade of a small palm tree when Sarah's heart made a leap in her chest. There was a faint creak that umistakeably came from the Tardis doors! She whirled around and watched the Doctor plod down the little slope, hands deeply buried in his trouser pockets. Transfixed Sarah stared up at him until he stood right in front of her.

"You thought I wouldn't come," he quietly assessed, considering her face for a moment, ruffling his hair with a hand.

"No, it's... erm...I...," she stammered. She took a moment to observe that the stubbles had vanished from his chin but his eyes were, albeit looking less tired, still melancholic pools of blue.

His gaze wandered up to the net. "Badminton then," he commented it, stepped past her to where the rackets lay, for a fleeting moment brushing her shoulder with his hand.

"Hello Teria," he cheerily addressed the physician, " I guess you haven't been missing me after, well, lately." He grinned sheepishly, scratching his chin. "I'm really, honestly sorry."

"Mmh. Judging by the show you put up in the library I definitely believe that," she replied crisply, but with a friendly twinkle in her eyes. With some satisfaction she watched the Doctor cringed at the mention, patted his arm and bent down to pick up the rackets.

Me and Sarah against my husband and you, she declared and handed the Doctor one of the rackets.

The physical activity did the job. The tension quickly loosened, some light exercise was just the right thing for the two convalescents and having fun with his friends considerably lightened up the the Doctor's mood.

They were just about to take a break when Stonefruit Tail's party arrived. "Where is the matriarch," Sarah demanded to know.

The Doctor, who had been rather glad about that fact dutifully inquired about her whereabouts.

"She and the other elders have gathered to prepare the ceremonies, Sarah," he reported after a short conversation with Stonefruit Tail and his wife.

"You look like you are relieved about that," she remarked as the little group headed back to the Tardis.

"Am I," the Doctor dismissed her, opening the Tardis doors for his friends, wishing for the thousandth time that Sarah didn't have such an instinct for his sensitivities.

Sarah gently got a hold of his arm and held him back when Teria and the Shama made their way to the med bay. "Thank you for coming." She took him by his hand. "It does mean a lot to me. But I want you to know that I'm fine if you need more time on your own."

"I guess, your patience is more than I deserve, after, well, all that..." He nervously clenched and unclenched his hands. "I don't know what I need, Sarah. It's like reliving the time when the plan to run away formed in my mind. It took me years to make that decision but there are still times when I'm still not entirely sure about it," he admitted. She gazed up in his eyes and got lost in the azure pools of sadness. She wanted to lean into him to bridge the light years that seemed to stretch between them, but she couldn't tell if for him that wasn't too intimate right now so she didn't dare. Instead they walked down to the med bay side by side.

"So what's this ceremony all about," she asked him in an attempt to start a conversation.

Distracted from his own gloomy thoughts he mulled over the information their hosts had given him. "Not sure," he muttered. "They call it the Song of Change. I guess we'll see." They stepped through the door of the treatment room and watched how Stonefruit Tail managed a little hop out of the palanquin and crawled to the spot under the tissue regenerator.

Sarah enthusiastically nudged the Doctor's arm. "Look, he is getting better!"

"Indeed," he muttered quite happily and joined Teria at the control panel.

Sarah felt a bit like the fifth wheel while Teria and the Doctor monitored the procedure, so she sought out a little chat with Jegor to pass the time. In the end she was glad when about half an hour later they were done and on the way back to the console room.

A lone Shama was sitting on the top of the wooden console, waiting for them. `Greetings to our honourable guests from afar,` the visitor addressed the Doctor formally and with a courteous wriggle, watching Stonefruit Tail and his wife taking their leave.

`Greetings,` the Doctor replied with a bow, recognizing the Shama as one of the matriarch's assistants and grabbed his coat from the railing.

`As her magnificence invited you all to the ceremonies I was sent here to make sure that you undertake the necessary preparations.`

`And that would be...` the Doctor, who didn't have all that much interest in religious affairs inquired.

`Firstly, from tomorrow morning onwards you are requested to to eat only plant products to make an effort to show your respect to any form of sentient life. Then after a morning meal that you can take together, if this is according to your customs everyone has to retreat to a solitary place. Alone. There you reflect about everything that troubles your soul and make a serious aspiration to come to terms with it. Then, and only then you are invited into the Holy Communion that will take place in the full moon night.`

The Doctor sensed something that he interpreted as barely veiled reluctance in their visitor's mind.

`You seem not to agree with our presence there,` the Doctor cautiously pointed out.

`I would never dare to disagree with her magnificence,` the Shama evaded.

`Well, we don't insist to take part in it, but why do you feel we shouldn't?`

`Some of us think that children of the lesser races shouldn't be invited into the Holy Communion,` he dryly replied. `We can't know if in the end you aren't just as bad as the ones that came and abducted our people,` he voiced his suspicions of their space travelling guests. `Our elders know for a long time that there are other sentient cultures out there, living among the stars, but the dream walkers tell us that most of them are lesser races that are slaves to the path of the ore. Can we hope that you ever understand our most sacred rituals?`

The Doctor's jaw dropped. As much as he had always despised the ways of his people, he, a Timelord of Gallifrey, being called of a lesser race! `Well, if you are referring to religion, god, indeed most of my people don't think much of it, him, whatever. In all my travels, I've never met god. But I respect the traditions of other cultures,` he replied.

The Shama contemplated the answer for a moment. `It's not my decision to make, anyway,` he decided. `So, you engage in the preparations and then one of us is going to pick you up some time before the sun touches the horizon, the day after tomorrow. Since you can't fly you won't be able to take part in the procession up to the crater, where the ceremony will take place.`

`Thank you for your considerations. It's appreciated. But are these preparations really necessary, I mean, we are just honorary guests anyway,` the Doctor asked, a bit uncomfortable about the suggested two days of ascetic meditations about the more unpleasant sides of life.

`Yes. It is,` the visitor insisted and the Doctor began to regret that he still had an obligation on this planet. The Shama matriarch was definitely telepathic enough to tell how he had spent those two days. He seriously considered giving his human companions a lift if they wished to attend these ceremonies and then pass up the invitation himself. `All right,` he gave in, deciding he could still work out what to do later, keeping these musings all to himself behind a firm telepathic wall. `What about Stonefruit Tail and his treatments?`

`The next two days there won't be any treatment sessions. It's a time of contemplation. To heal the mind, not the body.`

`Is that all,` the Doctor asked him.

`Yes it is.` he tersely replied. `And we request you to take these instructions seriously. You should be aware what an honour it is to be invited.` He performed another courteous wriggle and then soared off, leaving the Doctor dumbfounded.

His human companions gathered around him."What did you talk about? Did he bring bad news," Sarah inquired.

"What? No. What makes you think that?"

"The look on your face was too obvious, wasn't it, Sarah?" Teria interposed.

"So what did the Shama say?" Sarah expectantly stuck out her chin.

The Doctor slid into his jacket and then explained what was expected of them.

"Well, that does not sound like a relaxing holiday activity," Jegor pointed out. "With telepathy and all, the matriarch will know if any of us is cheating, will she?"

"Mmh," the Doctor agreed unhappily.

"What exactly is this ritual good for," Sarah inquired.

He felt quite unable to admit that agnostic as he was he hadn't even bothered to ask. "As I understood it, the ceremony is about processing grief and other emotions."

"But then, maybe it's a good idea to join into their communion or how they call it. I feel we could all do with some grief processing," Teria replied and Sarah nodded in agreement, giving the Doctor a grave look.

The Doctor shot her a pointy glance. "Sarah, religion. Gods and all. In all my years of travelling I've met many mysterious forces but I have never encountered god. Or gods. Just alien life forms. You don't want to tell me that you believe what priests all over the universe tell people to comfort their fears of death?"

"Now you talk like those Marxists who think religion is just opium for the people," Sarah retorted. "People like me don't happen to get a second, third, whatever life if for some reason this body won't do anymore! So stop insulting our coping mechanisms. In some cases they happen to help."

"Okay, okay. Sorry," he backpedaled, realizing how inappropriate his lecturing had been and painfully reminded of Sarah's fleeting lifetime.

"Whatever this is all about, the matriarch has been very kind to me. I don't have a problem showing some respect to her customs," Sarah replied, "and I wish you would do the same because I want to attend these ceremonies, and I prefer to do it together with you," she softly added, training her best puppy dog look at him. Feeling a bit guilty for this act of shameless manipulation and watched his reserve and pride wither.

"What about you," he asked Teria and Jegor.

"Oh, I won't have so many chances to see some alien native ceremonies. I'm not overly religious but I'm definitely curious," he stated. "As long as they don't sacrifice us to their gods of course," he added with a chuckle.

"Well, I'm religious and fasting and reflection is not unfamiliar to me, and I definitely sympathise with the Shama," Teria stated matter of factly.

"I don't think that these ceremonies will end in a sacrificial death for any of us," the Doctor thoughtfully replied. "Okay, you all seem to be determined. The Tardis is quite big, it shouldn't be too hard to avoid each other for a day or two." He pulled a crumpled sheet of paper from his coat pocket, started to scribble a time table for the kitchen and a map to the Renaissance themed spare bedroom, then they made all the necessary preparations for Jegor to move there.

When that was done Sarah and the Doctor walked back to the console room, giving the elderly couple some space to mind their own business for a while.

"Doctor," Sarah addressed her friend, "I don't like the idea that you spend two days sitting in that appartment of yours, brooding over , well, us and everything."

"But you said you want to attend these ceremonies together with me."

"Yes. I do. But this aspect of it makes me worry."

"You think I'm unable to spend two days on my own?"

"No, I don't think that you are generally unable to spend two days on your own, I think at the moment, in your current state you shouldn't stay two days on your own." the softly replied. "Because I know exactly how it is going to end. We will both be sitting in our rooms and crying our eyes out. In your case possibly with some added regressive fits of rage. I'm quite sure about myself that I won't do anything stupid, I've been through love sickness before. But with you I'm not so sure. You are a bit... erm... excessive and extreme in everything you do."

"Me! Excessive!" he exclaimed.

"Mmh. You are," Sarah confirmed very gravely, stabbing him in his belly with her index finger. The concernon her face was just too much for him and his attitude crumpled up. "You worry? For me," he breathlessly replied.

"That's what you do when you love someone," Sarah admitted.

"But..but...I'm a Timelord," he stuttered and came to a halt.

"So what?"

Irritation flashed up on his face and once more that tormented look took hold in his eyes.

"Someone caring for you, that's something you are still not used to, are you?" She cautiously took his hand in hers. "They taught you to be all self-reliant and superior on Gallifrey, didn't they, and then a human comes along and ditches you in the depths of helplessness. And it scares you."

A hot spark of anger flared up in his mind! Who was she to pass judgement on him! His gaze fell on her face and the the spark of rage died down, quenched by the gentle honestness he found there. A nervous little nod was all he managed.

"Well, there is a saying that fear is the dragon that keeps our biggest treasures." She graced him with a soulful little smile that made his insides quiver, he drew a rattled breath and lowered his gaze to his shoes. She took his hand in both of hers. "Please, don't do something stupid. If you don't manage it's better we both don't attend these ceremonies."

Touched he lifted his free hand up to her face and carefully, cautiously ran the tip of his finger over her cheek. "My sweet Sarah," he muttered and took a step backwards, suppressing a snivel.

"So, what do you think," she softly insisted.

"I'll manage," he muttered.


	26. Chapter 26

26

"We'll manage. Okay?" Sarah corrected him.

"Mmh," he replied. Not even he himself thought that he sounded particularly convinced.

Sarah spotted the familiar subtle signs of stress in his eyes. "We have to see that we get away from this quiet and peaceful spot. It's too quiet and peaceful. You need distraction. Something to do. Exciting new places to explore," Sarah suggested.

He let out a rattled breath. "Maybe my Sarah Jane is right once more, ey," he joked. Once more he lifted a shaky hand to her face, hesitated, then ran his thumb over her cheek, a lazy smile spreading on his features.

"Come on. In two hours the sun is going to set. Camp fire tonight." She nudged his arm. "I'll play the guitar."

"As you wish," he replied rather absentmindedly and for the thousandth time Sarah worried if all this was one big mistake, for both of them.

"You don't sound overly enthusiastic," she softly pointed out. Turning away he gave her a sidelong glance and folded his arms in such an obviously defensive way that what was left of Sarah's confidence withered. After a night with little sleep her nerves lay bare, probably as bare as his.

She exchanged a long look with Jegor, who raised a bushy eyebrow and then just sheepishly shrugged. "I've seen firewood in that big lounge with the chimney," the elderly engineer muttered, heading to the door.

"And I'll brew a bowl of fruit punch." Teria added, hesitated for a moment, then gave Sarah an apologetic half smile and followed her husband.

Realizing that now apparently their problems even started to put off their friends, Sarah's brittle morale sank a bit lower, if that was possible. "Doctor?" She closed the distance between them, uncertain what to do, then stretched out a hand, falteringly, lightly brushing the coarse cloth of his coat.

In a sudden outburst he spun around, an eerie glint in his eyes. Sarah realized that this hadn't been a good idea and shirked back but he grabbed her by the shoulders.

"Why, Sarah," he rasped, his fingers boring into her shoulders.

"Why what?" Sarah's voice was barely above a whisper, looking up and in his face.

He audibly sucked in air. "This. All this," he croaked.

"You mean, why people fall in love? I guess it's a mechanism for sentient species to procreate, to form family bonds, to help and protect each other. You know that."

He just stared back at her, his lower lip quivering with raw emotion, the pain that was so openly reflected on her friend's face unsettling her.

"You mean more on a philosophical level? Those gurus in India seem to say that the ability to feel love is a spark of the divine. What do you think?"

"It's a cruel joke," he wailed, unhanding her, clenching his hands to fists in an attempt to stay in control, to contain the emotional chaos that raged in his mind.

"Yes, sometimes it is," Sarah thoughtfully agreed, sadly reminded of some of her own experiences. He looked up at her with surprise. "It's not like I don't know how it feels, Doctor," she continued. "You want to talk?" She watched him for a reaction, any reaction, but he just stood impassively, in the twilight of the secondary console room. He slowly shook his head, expression drained and empty.

From the corner of his eye he observed how she intently studied him, worry etched on her face. She was gauging what he wanted or needed. So much consideration, selfless and honest regard! Not for the first time the desperate wish that she were a Time Lady hit him and he hardly dared to look at her. Of course that was a stupid idea. If she had been born and raised as a Time Lady of Gallifrey, she wouldn't be the Sarah Jane he knew and not for the first time he regretted that he just couldn't be like her. Why was he was craving for the things that countless generations of Time Lords had made such an effort to eliminate from his race? He had to admit to himself that he would never be able to fully socialise with humans. Wherever he went, in the end of the day he was an outsider. In the end of the day he was the one who quietly left. Not only because he wanted. But also because it was the only option that he had and on days like these, this realisation burned in his soul like the fires of hell.

"I'll have a walk," he muttered, voice hardly above a whisper and her heart wanted to break when he saw him slouch to the door, head hanging low. But then he halted, turned back, his head still lowered so his face was half hidden by a mop of unruly curls. "You care to join me," he quietly asked her.

"Of course," Sarah hurried to reply. A few long strides took him out of the console room, Sarah following him. He blinked and shielded his eyes from the light, giving Sarah a chance to catch up with him. With a frown he glanced down at her, then strolled down over the mossy meadow at a more Sarah friendly pace, hands tightly clasped behind the back.

Although he had mentioned that he didn't want to talk he gave her the impression that he was grinding something important in his mind. Side by side they wandered the dappled shade of the forest, the whirring sounds of some native insects and the rustling of dead leaves under their shoes the only sounds to be heard, none of them having the heart to open the conversation.

He paused, reaching out to help her climb over the trunk of a large fallen tree and came face to face with her when she half skidded, half jumped off the enormous remains of what at his time had been a king of the forest.

"Sarah, I have to tell you something," he finally addressed her, plucking a piece of brownish, half rotten bark from her T-shirt. "And I have no idea how you are going to take it, but I feel you really have to know," he meandered rather clumsily around his chosen subject.

She cocked her head, registering the nervous little twitch on the Doctor's cheek. "Okay," she replied rather uncertainly, unsettled by what he might come forward with. Some more nasty truths about himself? A reason why their friendship had been doomed from the beginning? One of his exaggerated fears concerning relationships?

"Good, good," he muttered, picking a little twig from her hair, absent-mindedly tossing it away. "So, where to start.."

"The beginning, Doctor, the beginning would be a good idea." Sarah tentatively suggested, then vigorously brushed some more dry leaves from her t-shirt.

"Okay, erm.. then.." He took a deep breath. Sarah carefully plucked a few reddish burr fruits from his shirt , then a took him by the arm, urging him to walk with her.

"Take your time, Doctor. I just hope it's not something like in their mating season Time Lords mutate into hairy monsters or something," she joked in an attempt to alleviate the tension.

An embarrassed little laugh escaped him. "No, not of that kind... It's..." he stumbled on, then got himself together.

"Sarah, when we first met you wondered why Time Lords are such a spitting image of humans? Or, rather the other way round, why humans look exactly like Time Lords. You remember?" He continued to stomp through little piles of more dead leaves, deliberately avoiding to look at her. "Well, you know, there is a reason to that."

She hadn't seen that coming. Sarah froze, for a moment all the blood seemed to have drained from her brains. "What," she stuttered.

The Doctor watched her pale under her sun tan and he wasn't sure anymore if this wasn't the latest instalment in his run of spectacularly foolish ideas lately. But now it was too late and he began to regret it, but there was no return. Or was it? For a split second he considered wiping the last minute from her memory. It was quite easy to do. But then he scrapped the idea. Toying with people's memories, that was an atrocity.

"Shall we sit down," he suggested.

"Is it so bad, what you want to tell me about the human race," Sarah asked with an awkward little laugh.

"Well, it's certainly... erm... yes, maybe."

"Okay, then let's sit down," she replied soberly, spotting a large patch of turquoise moss. He followed her and they both settled down on the soft vegetation. Sarah breathed in the musty smell of decomposing plant material that was so eerily similar to the smells of an English forest. She picked up a twig, twirled it between her fingers.

"Sarah, I've told you that my race is a lot older than yours, you remember?"

She swallowed hard in anticipation of whatever was to come and nodded her head ever so slightly.

"Well, my ancestors haven't always refrained of interacting with the rest of the universe, " he began, "In fact, a long time ago, they were as savage as, say, the ancient Romans. Not in the sense that they wanted to conquer other worlds. That has never been necessary, birth rates have been low for a long, long time, there have never been more than a few millions Time Lords. But a long time ago the moral code was quite similar on Gallifrey..." He faltered, somehow all the courage leaving him.

"What do you want to say," Sarah breathlessly inquired.

"Isn't it obvious, Sarah? How did they run Rome, how did they keep the citizens entertained and docile?"

"panem et circenses," Sarah muttered after a long moment, foreboding striking her like lightning.

"Exactly. Bread and circuses. There wasn't a lack of bread on Gallifrey. But definitely a lack of entertainment. And my lot was quite above volunteering for the more crude types of that."

"The Time Lords created the human race, as slaves" Sarah gasped, putting two and two together.

"No, no. Not created in that sense. More like tweaking mammalian evolution here and there to get the sentient species on earth to resemble us physically. And not only on earth. There is Traken, and Urgael and a few others where they were successful."

"How," Sarah muttered.

"I better don't go into the details," he whispered, voice raw with emotion.

The twig snapped in Sarah's hand. "Would there have been sentient life on earth without these interventions at all?"

"Yes. In fact there is the Silurians. I told you about them, but only a few of them survived in hibernation. Eventually my ancestors were successful with the descendants of the Synapsids though."

"Doctor. Why are you telling me this? What's your motivation," Sarah wondered.

"Because I'm always feeling a bit guilty around humans? Because I want your absolution? I don't know." He pulled his knees up to his chest.

"I guess I can't give you absolution for something that your ancestors did to my ancestors. So if it wasn't for your ancestors I'd be scaly and have a tail or something?"

"Mmh," the Doctor muttered ruefully. "If you want to put it that way."

"Would you still have the same feelings for me if I'd be green and scaly, with a tail?"

"Maybe," he mused, breaking out in cold sweat. " Although a certain kind of attraction probably couldn't... be the case...with a reptilian. And of course you, as you are wouldn't exist," he made a point, trying to dodge her queries and was most glad when she changed the subject back to the original topic.

"Doctor, do they...do they... still... harvest humans..for whatever," Sarah asked him, shuddering at the abhorrent idea.

"No, Rassilon stopped that a long time ago," he muttered. "Thought a renegade Time Lord tried to revive the tradition. I stepped in and my reward was a forced regeneration and exile on earth."

"You were punished just for stopping slavery? That's the reason they banished you to earth? And they killed you for that, too?"

"Mmh," he muttered uncomfortably. Sarah watched his breath tighten, he hugged his legs and rested his chin on a knee. It was just another glimpse of the hurtful and complicated nature of his relationship with his people. And it gave her the impression that, like him, for all the tea in China she wouldn't want to live in that place, a place where you get punished for doing the right thing.

"Doctor," she softly, queryingly addressed him, still only beginning to stomach these news about her species. "I'm not going to hold it against you. It's not your fault."

"Of course it isn't," he snapped back and turned away from her.

Was all this here another shrewd attempt to put her off, Sarah wondered. Observing the curly back of his head a heavy sigh escaped her. Her brain felt like a sqashed lemon. She was the product of the experiements of a creepy, super advanced alien race, bred to serve for their entertainment! More than ever part of her wanted to punch him in the face for all the alien madness that he had brought into her life. Tension started to build in her skull. She rubbed her temples, afraid that she was in for a nasty fit of stress headache.

"Doctor," she approached him again. When he didn't react she moved over to him. "Doctor, I really have to know. What that means for my race. For me."

"As I said," he whispered, turning back to face her, looking straight into her eyes. "Those times are long gone, Sarah. It just means that you looking like a Time Lady has a reason. That's all. No more consequences."

"You told me because you thought that the truth might change my feelings for you. That it might change the situation between us and you don't have to make a decision," Sarah pointed out.

He uncomfortably eyed her, then shirked her gaze. "No, it's not like that. It's..."

She wanted to shake him, slap him to bring him to his senses. "Doctor, I love you. That day when you died in my arms I realized just how much. Now could you please stop making everything so complicated," it burst out of her, tears welling up in her eyes.

"But it is complicated," he meekly interrupted her.

"No it isn't. You either stand up to your screwed up people, or you don't. It's as simple as that," she ranted at him.

"I'm sorry," he muttered, hugging his knees more tightly, breath hitching in his throat.

Watching her friend cringe Sarah squirmed with regret about her latest bout of frustration. "No. I'm sorry," she muttered.

He vigorously shook his head. "I'll never manage, Sarah."

"Don't say that." She moved even closer. "Please! Don't say that."

He uttered a little wail when she leaned against him, she felt rather than heard his contstricted breaths when she rested her cheek on his shoulder. He reached for her hand, clutching it tightly he lifted it up. Sarah felt his breath on her skin, gasped with surprise when he tenderly, passionately pressed his quavering lips against her knuckles.


	27. Chapter 27

27

There had been only a handful occasions when he had allowed himself to lower the defences that kept him safe from his more feral longings. The magic moments when she had taken him by surprise, the night at the restaurant, when he had huddled up with her in the sick bay, but right here, right now he just couldn't help it. The walls of self control started to crumble and he gave in to the odd mingling of friendship and desire that sent those delicious, dauntingly intoxicating heat waves crashing into his head. He laced his fingers with hers. Pulling her hand in his lap he leaned his head down to rest it against hers. Just a little bit, he told himself, wouldn't hurt. Deeply inhaling the smell of her hair, he felt her light weight sagging more heavily against hm, felt her tightening her grasp on his hand.

So they sat, both revelling in the simplicity of that long moment, neither of them daring to move, in fear of breaking the magic of the moment, in fear what was going to come then, what unavoidably had to come. Because whatever it was, they both knew that it was bound to be complicated again.

Sarah was the first who shifted her weight when the pain of the stone that was boring into her bum was getting more and more acute. Moments like these were rare treasures that she had to guard like a hoard of gems she realized, because it wasn't unlikely that they were the most she'd ever get from him. She felt him stir, too and she couldn't help it. She let go of his hand, wrapped her arms around him and put all the pent up feelings into the soft kiss that she planted onto his cheek. Then she let go, afraid to further embarrass him.

He stared back, flustered, a slight hue of pink appearing his cheeks.

"I'm happy we humans look like your people, Doctor, because otherwise I might find you terribly ugly and bizarre looking with all that pale skin, lacking any pretty scales or antennae, or whatever aliens fancy," she cooed.

He squinted down at her, indignantly first, then, at the view of the sweetness on her face his expression softened to a crooked grin, mirroring his quandry.

He hadn't backed off, Sarah realized. So they were back to square two in confidence-building measures. Though she just didn't have any idea if at the speed of their progress and the frequency of setbacks she would live to the day when he was actually ready to take their relationship a few substantial steps further down the road. He gave her a smile that looked so worn and sore that she could have sworn he had spent the day fighting monsters.

"You've mentioned that there is a beautiful lake down there somewhere. I'd love to go there," Sarah suggested softly, just to distract him from thinking too much about what had just happened between them.

"Sure. Good idea." Slowly he surfaced from the almost hypnotic state that he had succumbed to. "Shouldn't be that far," he declared, looking around to determine the right direction, then got to his feet and held out a hand to help Sarah up.

"Erm, that way!" Determined he pointed down a little slope and headed in that direction, Sarah following him and both of them once more brushed dry leaves and moss from their clothes.

"So, Doctor, what exactly were the Timelord lookalike slaves used for," Sarah asked him after a short while.

"Circus games," he stated with an air of distaste. "In a place that is nowadays called the forbidden zone. It's a barren area on the southern continent. They were pitched against other alien races, in fights."

"Oh,"

"But as I said. That was a very very long time ago," the Doctor hurried to clarify.

"Have there also been, I don't know... Domestic slaves?"

"Mmh, yes," he thoughtfully agreed. "But not humans. Humans can be quite aggressive, Varard were better for that task. More docile." he explained, with a look of utter disgust on his face now.

"And it never occurred that a Time Lord, or Lady, you know... fell in love with one of them?"

Surprised the Doctor looked up from his path and paused. "Erm...yes. it's said that occasionally someone developed a certain, ah... interest and attachment, beyond... beyond purely physical pleasures, yes" he staggered. " That was one of the reason that outsiders were later forbidden on Gallifrey."

"So that part of your story is true."

"Yes, it is," he hoarsely stated.

Suddenly the vegetation opened up and they were standing at the top of a cliff , overlooking a little valley with a creek that was overgrown with dense blue-green shrubbery.

"Doctor," Sarah addressed her friend.

"What is it?"

"If there are any boy scouts on Gallifrey you haven't been one of them," she remarked with a giggle."

"Not funny," the Doctor grumbled, pulling a face. "Definitely not funny!"

She giggled even more at his pout.

"Erm, yes...well. You want to go back," he irritably replied.

"No, why? It's not a lake, but still a nice place." She gave her surrounding a closer look and spotted a young palm fern plant. She plucked one of the large leaves, put it onto her head as a sun hat and then moved to sit down at the edge of the cliff.

"Wait!" The Doctor shook out of his coat and spread in on the ground with a coy smile in her direction.

"Thanks." She sat down on the right edge, gestured him to sit next to her and was a little disappointed when he chose to settle down on a rock, safely out of kissing range instead. She ran her fingers over the soft, shiny lining of his coat.

"So how did the Time Lords become the Time Lords? Your ancestors must have been normal people like we humans at one point."

He pulled an indignant face. "You are nosy, Sarah, are you aware of that?"

"Of course. But so are you. And, this is not nosy. You know everything about humans. I don't know anything about you. So it's only fair if you tell me."

He blew out a frustrated breath and hemmed and hawed for a little while until he gave in and started to speak.

"A long, long time ago," he began, almost solemnly weighing his words, " when there was already a long scientific tradition on Gallifrey a team of applied dimensional physicists went out to find a way to harness the energy of a black hole. They created what is called an untempered schism, a gateway to the very matrix of the universe, time and space itself. Many of those brave men and women died in the process. But the untempered schism could be stabilised and since then it resides in the inner sanctum of the great citadel on Gallifrey. It's this untempered schism that was used by the following generations of Gallifreyan scientists to master time. And through the exposition to it, over the generations to come our civilisation evolved into what we are now, our brains adapted to accommodate the psychic connection to the time space matrix." the Doctor lectured. "That's basically it. In a nutshell."

"So that means, that in the future, humans could evolve into Timelords as well, if they were exposed to such a gateway," Sarah pointed out.

The Doctor took some time to think. "Mmh. Theoretically a lot of species could," he agreed. "But it's not going to happen. Not as far as I've seen the future. And that's a good thing. Humans with the power to destroy universes, that's a very very bad idea."

"So we are not meant to have that kind of power? But it's okay with your people," she gasped, taken aback by the nonchalant way he seemed to dismiss humans.

"Of course it's safe," he snapped back. "My people are are a bunch of extremely disciplined, unimaginative, boring bureaucrats and bookworms and their code of ethics, superiority complex and xenophobia makes sure that they stay where they belong. It's been like that for millions of years. Why would that suddenly change?"

It took a little while for Sarah to stomach that. "Then it's actually a good thing that they are what they are? Otherwise they might have turned our universe into a smouldering pile of cinders?"

He had to admit that she was right, even if he was rankled by the fact that Sarah suddenly seemed to defend the ways of his people.

His sour expression didn't escape Sarah. "Don't you have any fond memories of your time there?"

"Well, yes. There were," he squirmed. Rather reluctantly he started to recount a few incidents from his childhood and academy time. But quite soon, quite inexplicably, they found themselves in a lively discussing about their educations, comparing anecdotes and making fun of their professors.

"So your time at this academy wasn't that bad," Sarah recapitulated his tales when she had recovered enough from a laughing fit about a series of particularly ingenious practical jokes.

He just screwed up his face and threw a few pebbles down the cliff, the crackling when they dashed against the rocks breaking the silence. "Ah, you think. Maybe because I only told you the funny bits?"There it was, back in place, the air of weary guardedness that had lately become his permanent companion, Sarah thought.

Very reluctantly he started to recount how he failed his final exams, cracking a joke about it, but Sarah's instinct told her that this had been a lot harder for him than he wanted to let on. For a moment he wavered, but then he carried on with the story how his love had turned onto him, about the disappointment of his family, the sheer boredom and how he had decided to nick an abandoned old Tardis to leave it all behind, to have a different life. He had never intended to share all this with anyone and he had no idea why now he did now, it just seemed to pour out of him as if he was a pressure cooker and the gasket had finally been worn out, eroded by the discomfort that Sarah seemed to see him as some kind of a hero figure when in reality he was hardly more than a loser who had run for it.

"So, does all this count for not so bad?" He bitterly asked her when he had finished, the memories so fresh as if all this had been yesterday. The only person to whom he had ever opened up about his past, at least to some extent, had been Jamie Mc Crimmon, on a sentimental evening over a glass of Scotch or three. The usual feeling that it was wrong and totally inappropriate to talk about such personal matters and a pang of self loath for burdening his best friend with all of his rubbish was creeping up on him, but whatever Sarah saw in him, he wanted to make sure that she had the full picture.

Sarah hardly dared to look up at him. Of all the possible replies to these revelations that crossed her mind none really seemed to be adequate and when she finally spoke her voice was barely more than a whisper.

"When my mother died I was fourteen," she began, her voice husky. " She said goodbye in the morning, that Tuesday, just like every other day. But when I came home from school it wasn't my mother who opened the door. My father was standing there. He said `Sarah, we've got to go to the hospital.`" She paused, struggling to retain her composure and took a deep breath. "He ushered me to our old blue Ford and drove there. It wasn't that far away but his silence turned these fifteen minutes into the longest fifteen minutes I ever had to live through and the cold composure on his face scared me so much that I didn't even dare to move in my seat.. I followed him through white corridors filled with the pungent smell of disinfectants, and then she lay there, in the intensive ward, unconscious, pale and my world shattered. They didn't tell me anything, just that I shouldn't worry, she'd be better soon, but somehow deep down I knew that it was a lie. The strange behaviour of my father scared me just as much as my unconscious mother in that hospital bed. They arranged that aunt Lavinia looked after me and I wasn't allowed to see my mother after that. On the third day my father called from the hospital and told Lavinia that it was over, that she wasn't with us anymore." She paused for a moment, struggling with tears before she was able to continue. "Only later I learned that they had lied to me, that she never had a chance, the brain damage after the stroke had been so severe that she should have been dead on the spot. I went into some kind of shock state and spent a few weeks with Lavinia, she did her best to humour me and help me get over the worst of it, but of course, how much could she do? Then she had to return back to work, my father too. But it had changed him. The father that I had known had somehow died with her and I had to learn the hard way how to look after myself. Later he gave me the financial support to go to an expensive university. Out of guilt? I don't know. He is still not over it and is getting angry whenever I try to talk about her. The older he gets the more erratic he becomes, especially since he's retired," she sighted, looking up, finding the Doctor intently watching her, his expression unreadable. "The only person who cared for me after my mother had died was aunt Lavinia, my mother's younger sister and I guess if it hadn't been for her I wouldn't be sitting here today," she concluded, doing her best to give her voice a more firm tone. She tipped her makeshift sun hat over her eyes to protect them from the rays of the sinking sun, conveniently hiding the tears that were now freely making their way down her cheeks.

"I had no idea!" The Doctor's voice was coarse and soft with emotion, this moment being one of those when he cursed his Timelord existence, being able to travel in time but not being able to use the ability to put those things right that were so unjust and cruel and hurt his friends.

"We all have our secrets," Sarah breathed, sniffling, wiping off the tears with the back of her hand, leaving a dirty smear on her cheek instead. The sticky lump that had formed in her throat just didn't want to go when she tried to swallow it down.

"Yes, indeed," he muttered, stunned to hear that his brave, fiercely independent friend had such a tragic, vulnerable side. Of course he knew that her mother was dead but she had never talked about it and so he would never ever have imagined what what he'd just heard. Another thought crossed his mind. Was he in the end just some sort of surrogate father figure for her? It had happened before with young, female companions and even her direct predecessor had shown signs of it. He was almost shocked when he realized that he might be taking advantage of such feelings for him. He shifted uncomfortably and then got up, closed the distance and then kneeled down next to her, not too intimately close and not too far away.

When she glanced up their her gaze found his. "Is there anything I can do for you," he asked with soft urgency, vaguely aware of the stupidity of this question.

Miserably she shook her head. "You can't break the laws of time," she croaked.

"No," he breathed. "But I wish, I could." He made up his mind befre he continued. "And I want you to know that I care for you. I always will."

She muttered something unintelligible and lowered her gaze, suppressing another sob. The Doctor inched closer and then gathered her in his arms and pressed the silently sobbing bundle to his chest. He felt close to her in such an odd way and when the more intellectual part of his mind analysed the emotion he found that it was the experience of a painful past was something they had in common and his eyes went all watery, too. This might be what had subconsciously attracted them to each other all along, a common ground, a mutual understanding that had no need for words and that was far beyond plain physical attraction. They clung to each other until Sarah's sobbing stilled and the wave of confusing emotions this insight had triggered in the Doctor's mind began to settle. He let go and they sat there, both too emotional to talk. He dug in his trouser pocket and produced a pink handkerchief that he gingerly offered her.

Sarah blew her nose and gave him a weary smile. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," he replied, in lack of anything more meaningful to say. Silently they watched the alien sun turn blazing orange when it sank down to the horizon. It turned the sky into a symphony of fiery reds and purples, dotted with pale lilac clouds

"The sunsets on this planet are so beautiful, even better than on New Polynesia," Sarah muttered hoarsly.

The Doctor took a deep breath. "Yes, they are," he replied, immensely relieved that Sarah returned to the mundane and much more gratifying subject and allowed the splendour of this spectacle of nature to chase away the ghosts of the past. He fondly glanced down at his friend and companion and as if she had heard his thoughts, she closed the distance between them and his hearts started to race when she once more leaned into his shoulder.

"Sarah," he crooned after a while, quite unhappy to end their peaceful togetherness. "We have to go back to the Tardis," he whispered, calculating the time they had until darkness would fall. "Unless you like to stumble through a dark alien forest, of course."

"That could be very romantic," Sarah mused.

"Or very inconvenient. You could trip over a root and break your leg," he causally suggested and leaned in conspiciously. "Or flesh eating slugs could leave their lairs after sunset to roam the forest."

"What? Flesh eating slugs," Sarah cried out, jumping to her feet, the beautiful sunset forgotten.

Chuckling the Doctor got up, too. "Sarah, I made that up. There are no flesh eating slugs on Shama."

"That's not funny! You know how I hate slugs!"

With a mild grin he picked up his coat, shook it out and hung it over his shoulder. He lead the way up through the forest until they came to the small rivulet that they had crossed on their way down. The Doctor looked at the crystal clear water that dabbled over the rocks, then he gave Sarah a scrutinizing glance. He stopped, digging through his coat pockets and pulled out another handkerchief. He soaked it and then turned to Sarah and very cautiously wiped the smears of dirt from her cheeks. A a grateful smile spread on her face. She took it from his hand and cleaned her eyes that were still a bit puffy from crying. He bent down to the little stream again to wash his own face and eagerly gulped down a few hands full of water.

The sinking sun bathed the forest in a magic light. Through the trees Sarah watched the sun sink further behind the horizon, intensifying the orange of the sky, adding some lavender, deep purples and blue.

"Doctor?" Sarah spoke into the silence that had fallen between them when they walked on.

"Mmh, what?"

"I think that Teria and Jegor are not so happy."

"Oh nonsense. They are having the time of their life," he dismissed her, surprised about her sudden change of subject.

"Doctor, for some humans it's embarrassing to be involuntary dragged into other peoples emotional quarrels," Sarah pointed out with some urgency in her voice.

"You think, it's so bad for them?"

"Mmh," she agreed. "And if I was in their place I'd feel the same," she added and watched the little cogwheels in his stubborn head spin, processing this bit of information as they marched on.

The Doctor's timing had been perfect, it was getting dark when the Tardis came into view. On the way up Sarah noticed a nice pile of firewood ready for lighting, blankets and lawn chairs . When they entered the console room she made her excuses. She was yearning for a shower and fresh clothes, to spend some time alone to allow what had happened this afternoon to settle. She tossed the dirty clothes into a corner and indulged for a while in the stream of warm water, then she took some time to rub in her favourite rose scented skin oil, her mind still lingering on the afternoon and her conversation with the Doctor.

She was refreshed, but realized that her stomach was growling with hunger. So she grabbed the guitar and stopped by the kitchen to fetch some of her favourite things for grilling from the food store rooms. When she stepped out of the Tardis, she found a nice little fire going. The sky was spangled with myriads of blinking stars and in the distance, up in the cliffs flickering lights indicated where Shama colony was to be found. The Doctor was absorbed in conversation with their guests. Sarah didn't feel much like talking, the memory of her mother was still an open wound in her soul so after a short greeting she sat down at the other side of the fire and started to play a melancholic tune that very much mirrored her mood. Later she made some light conversation with the others but when the fire had burned down and her belly was filled with roasted goodies she made her excuses. She was still emotionally strained. Her bed seemed to be the one most desirable place in the universe and the Tardis' consoling hum in the back of her mind made sure that she found the rest that she needed.

The next morning she woke up with a start. She had forgotten to set the alarm clock and the Tardis had decided to remind her that she had an appointment for breakfast. She stretched, bounced out of bed, made an ultra short trip to the bath room and grabbed a light summer dress from the wardrobe. 10 minutes later she was on her way to the kitchen.

"Good morning, Sarah," she was greeted by Teria, who handled the kettle and a pot that filled the kitchen with the smell of some sort of porridge.

"Hi. Did it get very late yesterday evening?"

"Oh no. We didn't stay much longer than you," the elderly physician explained. "Sarah, I wanted to talk to you, just not in front of everyone." She set the pot aside and poured two cups of tea.

Sarah nodded, took her cup and bot women sat down at the wooden dining table.

"The point is, I think you two, the Doctor and you need some time on your own, Teria explained. "So I wanted to ask the Doctor to take us to Nermela after the ceremonies."

"But I thought you want to join us on a trip to earth?"

"Maybe we can do that later? Once you have sorted out whatever there is to sort out between the two of you," she diplomatically suggested.

"To be honest with you, I don't know if there will be a later. The Doctor is someone who hardly ever returns once he has decided something has run it's course," Sarah wearily replied. " And I'm afraid that might not only the case with you, but even with me," she added with heavy heart.

"You really love him."

That plain and simple statement hit her in the core. A shaky nod was all she managed.

"If it doesn't work out one day, don't throw away your life because of him, okay? I've seen that too often," Teria softly advised, those friendly, knowing eyes searching for hers until their gaze locked.

Sarah couldn't bear the honesty and concern she found there. She hunched over her cup and took a sip of tea to hide the emotions that were surely visible on her face like an open book.

That moment the door burst open and in came Jegor and the Doctor, engrossed in an animated discussing some technical problems of the latest generation of gravity generators.


	28. Chapter 28

28

"Good morning everyone," the Doctor greeted them with one of his trademark toothy grins but once more Sarah found that particular look in his eyes that betrayed his jolly demeanour and her mood deteriorated considerably. She grabbed herself a bowl and spooned porridge into it, then poured herself a cup of tea.

"Good morning, Doctor," she greeted back, wondering what was wrong with him. She wasn't overly happy that their friends planned to leave, she realized that Teria's understanding and encouragement had tremendously helped her to cope with her emotional quarrels of the last weeks. She wished she had a friend like that back in England, talking about these events with aunt Lavinia, or even her UNIT friends appeared totally outlandish and impossible to her. "You tell him now," she muttered under her breath, giving Teria a nudge.

"I hoped that you could do that," she muttered back, uncomfortably shifting from one foot to the other. "It's so impolite, it feels like I criticize our host."

"All right," Sarah sighed, her mood going a bit more down the drain. She took the Doctor aside and told him, his reaction first incredulous, then turning to hurt and petulant.

"Is that true, you want to leave," he confronted the elderly couple. That moment Sarah knew that the breakfast was done for her. She buried her head in her hands, overhearing them argue she was entirely unable to handle a quarrel now, in an irrational fit she grabbed the bowl and rushed out of the door, her chest tight with emotion. "Sarah," she heard the Doctor's voice echo through the corridors but she was already around the corner and she was not in the mood to listen.

"Just leave me alone. Please," she hollered out, then hurried down the hallway, slipped into her quarters and set the lock to private mode. Whatever happened outside, she wouldn't have to know unless the Doctor chose to override the lock. And usually, she knew, he had the decency not to intrude. She had no idea where this sudden bout of anger, frustration, sadness came from. She just knew she couldn't take any discord right now. She slumped down on her bed and buried her head in the pillow and soon the pillowcase was soaked with tears. It took her a while until she realized how worried the Doctor probably was. Drying her face she moved to the door and unlocked it, ready to plunge into his arms.

But the corridor was empty and her gaze wandered to a small, Tardis blue box sitting there at her feet and she kneeled down to find a note in the Doctor's loopy handwriting.

_Sarah! There is nothing in the universe that is better to ease mental pain than Jelly Babies and your favourite chocolates! I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have started an argument. Have a peaceful day and see you tomorrow night. D._

She sniffed and couldn't help but smile. That was so him! She removed the lid to find it filled with her favourite treats. An envelop fell out. She picked it up an read.

_I found this in the biography that's going to be written about your aunt Lavinia. I thought you should have a copy. D._

She opened the envelop, to find a photograph in it. It was a garden scene with two young women, a tall blonde with close cropped hair grinning down at a cheerful and very pregnant brunette sitting in a lawn chair who resembled herself to such an extent that the breath caught in her chest and a fresh wave of tears shot into her eyes. She gathered the box in her arms and shambled back to the sofa, careful not to stain the photo of her mother with her tears.

There was a tug at the back of her mind, the ever present hum of the Tardis shifted slightly and then a wave of warmth engulfed her like a comforting blanket. The Doctor's sentient and sometimes quite moody and erratic ship was trying to comfort her. Grateful she stretched out her hand, sensed the wall cool under her palm and sent her her gratitude. Her gaze wandered to the bowl of porridge on the table and she decided that she might feel better if she had something in her stomach. She placed the chocolates and photo on her night stand and sat down on her bed. Listlessly she gobbled down the cold porridge and then turned to the box of chocolates curling up in her bed while tears still kept coming.

Later that day she tried to find the Doctor, desperate for his company, for someone to talk,. She was hell-bent to cancel the ceremonies for that, but the corridors were abandoned and the door to his place was locked. She left him a note, thanking him for the chocolates and photo and headed up to the console room for a walk, to get some fresh air and her mind off those oppressing emotions. She passed the library door and for a moment she was tempted to open it and spend the day watching movies on the big screen to distract herself from all those unpleasant memories, the Tardis seemed just being just too big and too lonely a place without another noisy soul rummaging around in it. But it was almost as if something made her not to, so she left the library and console room behind. When she walked down the little slope of blueish moss it was as if an almost tangible sadness had seized hold not only of her but also of the land. Even the ever noisy insect like creatures that populated the forest seemed more subdued and quiet than before. It had rained during the night and the air was fresh and moist. Clouds still dotted the sky and the cool down should have been a welcomed change from the heat of the last few days, but it wasn't and even the sky seemed to exude that sense of loss.

The day went by so painfully uneventful and slow that she caught herself wishing for some calamities that needed the Doctor's attention, for a space ship, a meteorite, anything. But for once nothing happened.

She wandered through the forest, she even found the little lake. She observed her reflection in the water and recoiled when for a moment when it was as if from the depths of that pool her mother was looking back at her. Shama was the perfectly peaceful idyll she had always been dreaming of when the Doctor promised her a holiday on an alien world. Just that the peace didn't bring relief but plenty of space for the ghosts of the past. Was there in the end a little more to these ceremonies than just some sort of native religious service in the crater of an extinct volcano, Sarah began to wonder.

She spent some time at the cliff where she'd been sitting with the Doctor, then she returned 'home' to the Tardis, to the planetarium, playing sad tunes on her guitar under a holographic image of Saturn in the artificial sky above her. It looked so breathtakingly real, hanging above her with it's majestic rings that it seemed she only had to stretch out her hand to touch it, painfully aware that she was actually half a galaxy and a hundred thousand years away from everything she could call her home.

She was knackered when she went to bed, only to start up with nightmares about hospital corridors and to lay awake for hours, tossing and turning without finding rest.

The next day was somewhat better. She banned the photo of her mother to the side board where she didn't have to see it all the time. More recent calamities in her life, like relationships gone awry and some of her recent more traumatic adventures with the Doctor pushing themselves to the fore. And then of course there were her feelings for the impossible time travelling alien himself.

When the evening of the second day finally approached she was determined not to go about their upcoming nightly excursion Doctor style. She made a list of everything one might possibly need to spend a reasonably comfortable night outdoors in a volcanic crater, meticulously gathering everything together. She chose a large inflatable air mattress, two blankets, a sleeping bag, a collapsible lawn chair, a Thermos with hot tea, snacks, chocolate, her warm jacket, a storm lantern, candles and matches, her notebook, one of these handy 23rd century army pocket radiators, an umbrella, rainwear and a dozen other little things. When she observed the pile she couldn't help but grin. It appeared to her more like the equipment for a week long camping trip, but she decided better than forgetting something. She packed everything into a large backpack, shouldered it, grabbed the lawn chair. Anxious with anticipation she marched to the console room where she was expected by her friends and a Shama that was sitting on the console.

"Hello Sarah," the Doctor tentatively greeted her.

"How are you doing," she anxiously asked him, leaning the lawn chair against the console.

"How do you think I'm doing. I'm a grown up Timelord," he indignantly replied, frowning down on her and her luggage.

Stubborn as ever, and probably trying to hide the fact that his last two days hadn't been all that great either, Sarah deduced from his grumpy behaviour and sighed. She turned to their friends. They, too had brought a large bag and warm coats.

"What about you, Doctor" Sarah queried, when she realized that Doctor was empty handed as ever..

"Oh, I've got this." He grinned and lifted an end of his scarf., then gave the Shama a sidelong glance. "Off we go!" Without giving anyone the chance to make a comment he set course and moments later the ship shuddered and wheezed to a halt.

Sarah walked over to the door, uncertain what she would find outside. Cautiously she opened it to step out onto a ledge of black volcanic rock in a giant natural amphitheatre. In the dusky sky above her the first stars blinked to life and the slopes of the crater below were dotted with a thousand lanterns. The breeze was chilly, but it wasn't the breeze that gave her goose-flesh. She didn't even have a word for it. The closest description would have been alive, a bit like the Tardis' presence, but unlike the Tardis, this place was buzzing, humming, teeming with this invisible force and suddenly it was totally obvious for her what religion could mean for a species as telepathic as the Shama and the idea that Shama ceremonies could resemble anything like the various human religious cults seemed totally ridiculous.

"Doctor, look," she exclaimed when the others closed up to her. The Doctor sucked in a breath and exhaled audibly. Sarah faltered when he didn't share her enthusiasm but knit his brow and shot her a sceptic look.

"You can sense it, yes?"

"Well, yes. I can," she pouted, frustrated that the Doctor seemed to be so intent to spoil her excitement.

A meagre "mmh," was all she got as a reply as he sniffed the air, scrutinizing their new environment.

"What's wrong now?"

He abruptly turned back to face her. "I'm not sure if this is here such a good idea, Sarah," he breathed, with alarm in his voice.

"Why?"

"I'm afraid humans were never made for … something like that." He shuddered, turned to Teria and Jegor. " I won't be taking part in this and I don't want you to be exposed to it. Particularly not you, Sarah and not alone, without anyone to protect you."

"But.."

"No but. I don't meet their criteria. And Eldrad nearly killed you. Remember," he retorted with some passion.

"But the Shama are not hostile. They are our friends. They won't possess me. They won't harm us This here is just..." she closed her eyes and took a moment to take in the exhilarating sensation of life that seemed to pulse through her and all of creation at the same time. "It's beautiful," she objected with a growing sense that the Doctor didn't like the idea of a telepathic congregation of their Shama friends one bit.

A graceful flock of natives approached them, for once they were not `naked` as they used to be but wore what looked like elaborate flower and feather regalia and the lanterns that some of them were carrying bathed the group in soft, golden light.


	29. Chapter 29

29

`Your eminence,` the Doctor politely hailed her and her entourage, bracing himself against the heavy telepathic static that buzzed through his brain despite his mental fire walls and that gave him an all too clear picture what this ceremony was all about. Embarrassed by the wave of affection from the gathered Shama that washed over him he took a deep breath. He was simultaneously awed by the harmony and taken aback by such a blatant lack of privacy as he watched them weaving vibrant patterns of thought into one massive sphere of consciousness, with their collective effort reaching out as far as they could to embrace every living thing into their communion. With growing concern he observed the almost gravitational pull on his mind, determined to be steadfast, not to be mesmerized into it.

`Honourable guests,` she greeted back, her thought iridescent and warm, fierce and tender, ringing in the Timelord's mind like a bell. It took just that one instant to realize with awe why her people used that honorary title, now she openly showed the full range of her abilities. Right at the epicentre of the whole structure of consciousness her mind burned bright like a sun, like a pillar and guiding force in this palace of mind that formed around her and the other Shama patriarchs and matriarchs. If she wanted, just one of her thoughts could do to him, a Time Lord of Gallifrey what Eldrad had done to Sarah. Easily. But she was gentle, cautiously avoiding to turn her power on them, protective like a mother hen guarding her newly hatched chicks.

Involuntarily he backed off, in the direction of the Tardis door, but to his big surprise he found his Tardis merrily humming along with the Shama, shyly, but with steadily growing confidence, just as if she had never done anything else in her whole long life. A wave of possessive jealousy washed through the Time Lord's mind as he watched his no longer so faithful ship.

`You needn't fear,` the matriarch tried to shush the Doctor when she sensed his revulsion, her voice in his head now tuned down to a soft whisper.

`Erm, yes... You see...` He formally replied, breaking out in cold sweat. She could even force him not to fear. Not that she had any intentions of that kind, but the fact alone gave him the creeps. Plus obviously she didn't even have trouble to win the Tardis over. His own, personal, beloved Tardis! He had to get out of this! A tug on his sleeve got his attention, Sarah was standing right next to him, the brightness of the head lamp she was wearing for a moment blinding him when his gaze rested on her face.

"Oh, come on, Doctor! I'll make it comfortable for us. And what was that, you don't meet the criteria?"

"It means what it means," he coolly replied. "That I haven't spent the last two days contemplating every last mishap in my life.."

"You didn't?"

"No."

"But that means..."

"It means that I'm a coward. But I suppose you know that by now," he cut her off.

"But maybe we can persuade the matriarch to make an exception for you," she suggested, her hopes fading when in the unsteady beam of light of her head lamp his features tensed as he slowly shook his head.

"Give me a minute, okay," he muttered, guilty for disappointing her once more, giving her arm an half hearted squeeze and turned to face the matriarch.

`You see, I don't meet your requirements so I'm not going to take part in this. I'm going to leave now and I'll take my friend here with me.`

The Matriarch hovered closer. A wisp of thought grazed him, so quiet and all encompassing that he froze.

`You have honestly tried,` the matriarch declared when she had scanned the Doctor's mind. `Even if you failed we value your efforts. You are very welcome to stay and honour our gathering with your presence. But we see that obviously you do not appreciate our ways. This is sad indeed.`

Sorrow rippled through the Shama's collective minds, he was the hero of the day and they were saddened to learn that he seemed to reject their generosity. Their eagerness to honour him made it even more awkward for the notoriously discreet traveller.

He turned to Jegor and gave him a pat on the shoulder. "You two can stay if you like. But I'll take Sarah with me."

"But why would you do that?" Sarah huffed, arms ostentatiously akimbo in an attempt to defy him.

"Because of the damage Eldrad did to your mind and I'm afraid curing it left your mental barriers even more brittle," the Doctor pointed out, making every effort to sound patient and understanding.

"But I feel as good as new. You are just patronizing me," she sulked.

"It will take a while to fully heal I'm afraid. If it ever does," he declared. "Teria, Jegor, can you sense anything special?"

Jegor considered the environment for a long moment, sniffing the . "It's .. I don't know...peaceful, somehow."

"And beyond that, nothing?"

"No. Should there be?"

The Doctor creased his face into a frown. "You see, Sarah?"

She swallowed hard, but she was not yet willing to acknowledge defeat. "And you can't protect me?"

For a moment the Doctor considered the matriarch's offer, bewildered by the extent to which Sarah seemed to over estimate his abilities. "No. I won't stay. And I couldn't protect anyone from …. that," he snarled and started to dig through his coat pockets. He produced a small, conical cylinder and handed it to Jegor who returned him a puzzled look.

"It's a firecracker," the Doctor explained. "Just in case this here is getting too much, place it on the ground, light the fuse and step back. I'll come and pick you up. If you don't, I'll come and get you tomorrow morning. So have a good time then."

He draped his arm around Sarah's shoulder and steered her to the Tardis door, ignoring her protest when with a thud the doors of the Tardis snapped shut right in front of the Doctor's nose. He stopped dead, staring at the blue fake wood for a few seconds a vein in his cheek dangerously pulsing.

Then the humans became witness of a temper tantrum of formidable proportions that was riddled with expletives in a language none of them could understand.


	30. Chapter 30

30

The sentient ship contemplated the ever churning tides of time in her heart. In 0.452 earth seconds she calculated all the myriad possibilities and found that her action was reasonably likely going to have the outcome she preferred. She rarely ever intervened, if Tardises had that habit they had probably become the most fearsome creatures the universe had ever seen. But this kind of emotionality was not usually in their mental make-up. So why had she developed this unusual fondness of the Time Lord that piloted her? She guessed it was because he was the only one who ever really enjoyed travelling, because of her gratitude that he had spared her a life forgotten in an old junk yard that was what made her so sentimental. And even if he was often grumpy, he appreciated her to be more than a brainless underling. Didn't she have her grumpy moments too, sometimes? She contemplated the gush of rage that flooded through their telepathic connection. There was something else, something he tried to hide. He was afraid! The poor thing! It pained her not to please him but as she watched the time lines she knew it was for his best and also for the young human that held her Timelord so dearly. Dark times were brewing and she was determined to protect him and provide him with whatever happiness she could, and subsequently herself, too.

The native life forms of this planet embraced her and her Timelord into their glorious gathering and she basked in the appreciation and the universal understanding she found there, that opened her a whole new dimension to the universe she held at her heart.

The mental voices around him were dying down. Awkwardly the Doctor realised that all eyes and minds were on him and his behaviour. He fell silent and the fist that had hit the Tardis' door sank down. He looked up to the steep cliffs. Without the Tardis there was no way out of this godforsaken place unless he could sprout wings! He took a long, rattled breath and slowly turned around to face the crater and three terribly apprehensive human faces.

Squirming he put more effort into his mental shields. "S...she decided she won't let me in."

His eyes met Sarah's gaze. There was something distinctively wounded, fearful there that was more than dented pride. Gingerly she tried the door, finding it locked, too. "We are going to handle this. Together," she suggested, linking her arm with his and encasing his large hand in hers, fondly kneading his fingers to comfort him. Suddenly she was not so eager to participate the ceremony any more. "Why did she lock us out?"

He blinked when she looked up and she quickly reached for the head light to dim it down. Unease flickered up on his face. "I've no idea." His gaze wandered to the matriarch.

`You know that this is not our doing,` the matriarch projected, radiating empathy, she seemed so consternated that his suspicion, she could have manipulated his Tardis deflated.

`No. My ship is playing tricks on me,` he retorted.

"Don't you think we can do this together," Sarah suggested softly, unaware of the mental communication.

"Is there another option? As long as this stupid piece of junk doesn't let us in," he griped, painfully aware that the Shama choir had resumed weaving their incantations, closing his mind a bit more as Sarah squeezed his hand more tightly.

`Honourable friend,` the matriarch prodded at the periphery of his mind with a thought, `it's a lot harder when you fight us. Give us a chance to do for you what we do for our sick and mourning.`

`What? I'm not sick and I'm definitely not...` He paused, it was useless to argue anyway. They were trapped. He watched how Jegor was ighting a storm lantern and slumped heavily against the Tardis door. He noticed a sea shell that held a red substance in the matriarch's left hand as she drew closer, it was the same colour as the body painting she was wearing. The Doctor took a deep breath, gave Sarah an uneasy sidelong glance but then gave in and closed his eyes when she reached out to touch his face.

The matriarch fell into a tingling singsong when she ran her fingers over his cheeks and forehead, forming a symmetric pattern. At last she rested her little hand at the centre of her forehead. Before he was able fight her off a drop of warm, golden light melted into his mind and settled just above his navel .

In a moment the eerie sensation faded, leaving him even more fazed.

`It was the initiation,` the matriarch explained when the Doctor had opened his eyes. He stared back at her with apprehension but couldn't help being impressed and even a tinly little bit intimidated by the majesty she radiated.

`My fearful child, now you are initiated and accepted as a member of our tribe and people.` Her mind glowed with joy and she benevolently ignored his fretting like a petulent toddler's. She proceeded to repeat the ritual with the humans and even with the Tardis, which got her special attention and when she was done the delighted trills of joy from all the gathered natives resounded in the crater.

Sarah, who had retreated while the matriarch had painted the Doctor's face resumed her position and began to giggle. "We look like Indians on the warpath. And we are members of the tribe and nation. Isn't that wonderful?"

"Erm, yes. It is," the Doctor irritably replied, considering the bemused expression on Teria and Jegor's faces with some concern. Apparently this was their first encounter with telepathy. It looked as if it had shaken their view of the world quite a bit, but at least it was a rather friendly and gentle encounter, unlike Sarah's.

"Are you two okay," he inquired.

"Oh yes we are, aren't we," Jegor asked his wife.

"Definitely!" She agreed, a big grin on her face and continued to set up two collapsible chairs.

Not quite able to block out the Shama choir he blew out a frustrated puff of air. He was developing a headache from the concentration it took him to fight the hypnotic lure of their weave. He started to feel strangely agitated, in a different, more subtle way than before. "Since we are stuck here anyway...," he rambled and shot the Tardis a final glare before he settled down in the rubble, huddling up at the back of the ledge, bleakly staring into the distance. The disability to control his telepathic rapport was rattling his nerves and the idea that he'd have to spend a whole night in that state sent his mood into a free fall.

Sarah hesitated for a moment. He didn't show any signs that he took notice when she drew closer and squatted down. "You can have the chair if you like," she cautiously suggested.

Abruptly he turned his head to look straight into her face, his eyes huge orbs in the dusky light of the lanterns. "Can't you leave me alone when I obviously don't want company? Please?"

His voice was low and he tried to control the trembling, but it still had enough of an edge to take her aback. She had definitely envisioned this event differently. More pleasant and positive. The matriarch and her entourage had left them and were perching up on a brightly lit ledge at the other side of the crater. As if everything was going exactly according to plan she thought with some frustration. She looked over to where the Harfouches had made themselves comfortable, wise enough to leave the grumpy Timelord alone. She contemplated to join them but something nagged in the back of her mind, kept telling her not to. Suddenly part of her soul was resonating with such a profound sadness that it seemed to rip her apart and she recoiled.

"Sarah, please! I didn't want to hurt you but I can't control it anymore." The muttered apology was soft and his tone gave away his struggle. "I just need to be alone. I can't even block them for myself. The only thing I could do to cut you off is to knock out your consciousness. So if you feel really unwell and strange, please come, I'll see what I can do, okay? Please stay away from me!" He tipped his hat over his eyes and huddled deeper into the shadows..

His voice cracked and somehow, she couldn't quite explain how, she sensed that it was shame. He didn't want anyone to be close to him in such a vulnerable state and she could understand it. She wanted to cry for him. As much as she suddenly wanted to cry for herself, for all those things that had happened after her mother's death, that she had so neatly tucked away in some back end of her mind. There was an overwhelming sense of safety in the presence of her new tribe, that seemed to encompassed the whole vastness of the universe. Shaken by emotion she sneaked back to where she had made her little makeshift camp, slumped down on the self inflating air mattress only half aware that tears of pain and joy had began to stream down her face. She was only vaguely aware that in a distance the Doctor was sobbing and wailing in a strange tongue, in the whirling brilliance of the communion she could sense strands of his pain along with everyone else's sparkling minds, and she knew just like she herself, he was taken care for. She lost track of time. After what could have been five minutes or five hours, or even five weeks the pains of her past gradually subsided and then died down like the embers in a once roaring fire, leaving just a beatific, entirely otherworldly, wondrous sense of togetherness. And he was there with her.

Suddenly his face hovered right above her, he was with her not only in mind but physically, his beautiful face stained with tears, radiating remorse. She wanted to care for him, love him and reached up to brush away the tears. The mental image intensified when she made contact, as if his inside was made of layers and layers of multicoloured glass that shifted and shimmered, vibrant with life. She entirely lost track of everything around her and she didn't care. She just knew she didn't want this to ever end and dug into his mind with the same ferocity and passion as he dug in hers. They got hold of each other, two sparkling specks of cosmic dust whirling about in a universe of life, more and more lost in the rapture of the communion, lost in the desire to mark the other as their own for once and forever.

oooooooooooooooooooooooo

When she woke a blissful peace lingered in her mind. It must have been a remnant of the wonderful dream she had had. She didn't move, afraid to chase it away once she was fully awake and bustling about as it was always the case with those wonderful dreams. But something uncomfortably heavy was resting on her side and she shivered with chills. She opened her eyes to find black rock and a dusky sky above her. She found a mop of tousled curls peeking out from under a blanket where the weight on her rib cage was located. In the afterglow of the previous night a sense of loss mingled with wonder about the Doctor's sleeping form snuggled up to her side. Not a dream! She had never seen him asleep she realized with awe, apart from when he was sick, and shifted a little to take in the beatific expression on his face, to feel the slow rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. Lake a baby she decided, an overgrown Gallifreyan baby. A wave of sweet rapture bubbed up in her mind, then she noticing with a little frown that he lay entangled in three quarters of the blanket while she had to content herself with the edge. Some things just never seemed to change! Carefully she moved to drape the blanket more tightly around herself and extended her hand to stroke his tresses that were damp with dew. Something stirred deep down in her guts as she carressed him, tingling, like an ache, or a strange wound that began to ooze emotion as he stirred, uttering a low groan.

"Good morning, Prince Charming," she breathed as he slowly lifted his head, looked at her with dreamy eyes, then obviously realisation hit him. He hunched up on all four, breathing hard, staring down at her as if she had sprouted an extra head or worse and she could sense a wave of longing and shock wash over her, involuntarily she shirked back from him.

"B...but... That can't be," he babbled. He reached out and she held her breath when his index finger ghosted along her jaw line as if to confirm his terrible suspicion. "It's not possible!"

A wave of confusion about all this built up in her mind that made the Timelord wince in response.

"What do you mean?"

He closed his eyes. "You can feel it, don't you?"

"I... it's odd. Like I can feel what you feel," she breathed after a moment of consideration. "What happened to us?"

"We...we... linked our minds last night," he breathed.

She sat up and stretched out her hand, cautiously, silently asking for his permission to touch him, felt his hesitant agreement. She placed her hand at the centre of his chest, sensing with wonder the double heart beat, the life that pulsed under her palm so vividly that she sucked in a breath and pulled back.

"You mean like in Timelords," she whispered.

He shakily nodded. A strangled "kind of," was all he got out.

A host of his conflicting emotions overspilled into her mind, the most prominent of them love and longing, mixed with fear for her.

She cupped his cheeks with her hands, forcing him to look at her."I love you, too," she soothed him and pulled him close. She draped her arms around him, resting her head on his chest and felt him melt into the embrace as slowly all those petty doubts began to fade.


	31. Chapter 31

31

He couldn't help it. So much had his hearts secretly ached for this, and now, when inexplicably, miraculously it had become possible through the secret ritual of the Shama he should have been worried out of his wits. But he hadn't been and he wasn't now. His mind felt like a clean slate, a serene calm seed to permeate everything. This was the whole purpose of the communion and was the source of it's healing power for the Shama he realized with awe. Under the hypnotic influence of it he had given in to his most primal instincts. As a result he had gladly, eagerly plunged into what Sarah had offered him so freely, intoxicated, barely knowing what they were doing. And as for now, any remaining doubts about it melted away in the warming sun of Sarah's affection. It felt right. No, it was right, even if she was human. It was raw emotionality, and there were so few occasions where Timelords were inclined to succumb to it.

He pulled her closer to him, her consciousness sparkling brighter in an overwhelming sense of wonder. A tiny spark of confusion bubbled up in Sarah's mind and he couldn't bear it.

"My Sarah Jane," he breathed into her hair, then brought her to arm's length to look into those soulful eyes, to give his human friend the reassurance and constancy she'd surely need to cope with this.

The Shama choir had become quiet, reverently the natives huddled together on their ledges, their spirits uplifted and renewed, in unison humming a low, elegic tune to greet the breaking of dawn. He registered that the Tardis doors creaked. Jegor slipped out of the console room and back to his wife, their rustling and muttering the only sounds to be heard. Tentatively he tried to reach out for their presence, but with the completion of the great communion that door had closed for him. Just as it ought to be. They didn't sound in any way distressed so his attention wandered back to Sarah, awed by that sore spot that had formed deep down at the core of their very being, that would from now on tether them together like a set of two secret beacons in all of time and space.

Of course first it had to settle and heal in properly. At least that was the case in a Timelord bonding procedure and he hoped that this was similar enough. Not that he had any first hand experience at it of course. He reined in his excitement and the emotional response to her presence to avoid confusing her and draped the blanket around her to protect her from the chilly morning breeze.

"There you go, everything is going to be just fine," he muttered in an attempt to reconnect her experience to the outer world and to by human standards normal communication. He carefully closed down his mind, shielding off their link a bit more and avoided touching her skin, aware that at that stage it would just enhance the effect.

"So this is how it's going to be from now on?"

As if she had picked up his musings! She leaned into his chest, nestling her cheek in his coat.

"Oh no. If it's as similar to Timelord bonding as I think it's just as intense because it's fresh. You have to think of this as a bit like after an operation. The wound has to heal."

She nodded into his coat. "Is it for the rest of our lives?"

"That depends," he thoughtfully replied.

The timbre of his deep, melodious voice was so tender that it gave her gooseflesh. "On what," she breathed, reveling in the sheer boundlessness of their togetherness, the starlight from a thousand galaxies that seemed to sparkle and enlighten the vastness of his mind.

"On you. And me. If one of us doesn't want to be linked any longer it's very likely going to fade. Timelord bonding does, you know."

It was his best guess, but this kind of thing had never before happened to a human. He doubted that it would ever be completely undone. But he didn't care. It was what he wanted and it was what she wanted. That was all that counted, even if it was stupid and dangerous and irresponsible to link minds with a human.

He sensed how she took a shaky breath. Not wanting to hear anything about this having an end she huddled deeper into his coat. He watched her elation ease to a point where she was starting to lose herself more and more in his presence, with wonder he contemplated how alien her mind was, but at the same time deep down still governed by exactly the same primal emotions and impulses as in his own species. Though emotions burned stronger in humans, particularly that of affection, of idealism. Being bathed in Sarah's emotions was something he enjoyed a lot.

But then something changed. Something began to send a tingling sense of alarm down his spine rather than igniting the desire to consummate the raw physical aspects of their newly found relationship. Startled he forced himself to emerge from the hazy depths of his instincts, pressed his palm to Sarah's temple for a more precise mental image, beyond the emotional overspill that flooded back and forth between them.

"Sarah, dear," he urged her, patting her cheek and when she just mumbled a few incoherent syllables in response, took her by the shoulder and gently shook her, until she lifted her head and her eyes met his gaze. That she was hardly focussing on his face seemed to confirm his concerns.

A wave of confused wonder hit him even before she uttered the question.

"What is it?"

Sobered and suddenly wide awake he got to his feet, pulling her with him, stretching his aching bones, this night sprawled half on the air mattress, half on the rubble had taken it's toll on his body. "Come on, Sarah, let's walk. Don wander off into mindland, keep your attention on the material world around us." He thrust a stone into her hand, closed her fingers around it and lead her the short way that was safe for them to walk, closing down his mind. "You feel the sensation, Sarah? Concentrate! You have to!" he pressed her.

She shivered and as if he had hit her physically shrank back from him. "But why do you reject me," she bleated out.

Bewildered and slapping himself for being so harsh with her he stopped in his tracks and once more gently cupped her cheek with his cool hand, her soft skin like silk under his long fingers, probing, looking her straight in the eyes, trying to insure her that he meant her no harm. Anxiously he observed how her mental barriers wavered in and out of existence and how unstable her mind had become under the uncontrolled influx of just too much input. "I do not reject you, Sarah. I never would. You need help, otherwise this is going to end as a trip to the funny farm for you. I can't let that happen!"

She caught a shred of thought-emotion from him that horrified her so much that she flung her arms around him in sheer despair. "Please, don't take me back to earth. Don't abandon me there."

Frustrated that he hadn't been able to conceal this thought he eased her grip on him, acutely aware of the bond that had formed deep down in the centre of his very being and flinched back from it's unholy influence on his beloved friend.

"Sarah, be reasonable. Without your natural mental defences up and in place you can't live with anything telepathic around." He scowling at the Tardis. This was exactly what he had been afraid of, as if Eldrad and the poisoning hadn't been enough for her. It was her fault alone that it had come to this and when this crisis was over he'd have to pick a serious bone with her. Her hum became soothing and encouraging in response but her obvious oblivion to the seriousness of Sarah's condition infuriated him even more.

At the view of the blue police box another idea popped up in his head, a straw of hope that tempered his anger. He disentangled himself from her grasp, bent low and scooped her up in his arms, holding back the wave of worry and frustration he wanted to scream out to the universe, shielding himself as well as he could. "There is an even better place than earth. I take you to the Zero Room."


	32. Chapter 32

"Teria, Jegor! I need your help!" he bellowed, startling the elderly couple up from their serene early morning tea. "It's Sarah!"

He heard Jegor swear as they staggered to their feet to meet him at the Tardis door.

"Let me down, I can walk," Sarah vigorously objected to being once more carried around like a ragdoll.

The Doctor set her to her feet, draped an arm around her shoulder when she swayed, cautious to avoid skin contact.

"I'm not so sure of that," he dryly replied, voice strained with apprehension.

She creased her face to frown at him, but the onslaught of information her brain had to process was just too much. Leaning on Teria's shoulder she allowed him lead the way.

"What you've been worrying yesterday?" the elderly physician inquired.

For a moment he stopped in his tracks, a grim nod everything he managed.

"Do you have a cure for her problem?"

"Honestly, I don't know," the Doctor huffed and pushed open the second Tardis door with his elbow.

Sarah was baffled when they entered the ship. As the voices of the Shama faded out, her benevolent humming touched her and she couldn't help but clumsily try to reach out to her presence. Where the Shama were chirping away like a flock of songbirds she was a great big humpback whale, enormous, laid back and majestic. She almost regretted that this couldn't last. Hadn't there been the dizzines and a frightening sense that her own thoughts had begun to mingle indistinguishably with the telepathic static around her. Just the Doctor was strangely silent, even if she sensed his presence next to her as much as she felt his body where their arms were linked.

"So how is the Zero Room going to help me?" she meekly asked.

"It's a protected space, shielded from all the rest of the universe. With no telepathic interference whatsoever."

"And we are going to be her caretakers, because you can't to it," Teria deducted, busy holding open the interior Tardis door for Sarah.

"Mmh, right, that's the plan," the Doctor muttered between clenched teeth. " If you don't mind of course."

"Oh don't be stupid, of course we don't," Teria scolded him.

"Good," he sighed, unable to conceal from his human companions how troubled he really was. All of them had a bit of a deja vu of a certain day on New Polynesia not so long ago as they silently progressed deeper into the ship.

He asked the elderly couple to wait outside and lead Sarah through the heavy double doors into the familiar white room with the faint flower scent. She noticed immediately what this place was all about. Her head went quiet, just the Doctor's presence steadily hummed at the periphery of her consciousness

The Doctor cocked his head to meet her gaze. "Better, isn't it?" He let go of her, intently studying her face.

Sarah tentatively reached out to touch him but he recoiled. She let her arm sink and nodded gloomily. "What does this mean. For me, for us?"

"I can't tell you. I honestly don't know," he replied, breath catching in his throat.

"Worst case scenario is still that you have to take me back to earth, out of reach of anything telepathic, isn't it?"

"Mmh. Useless to deny that," he whispered, speaking out loud what he dreaded as much as she did.

She let her head hang low, struggling for words. "After everything...," she breathed.

"Sarah, there is no saying that this is permanent. There is always hope," he desperately objected.

It was almost too much for him to see her hunch her shoulders, involuntarily rubbing her solar plexus, where he knew the physical representation of the link resided, raw and fresh and firmly blocked by his mental efforts. He closed the distance between them. She looked him in the eyes, then leaned her head into his chest cherishing whatever little time she might have left with him, a stray tear trickling down her cheek.

He picked up a loop of his scarf and used it to wiped it off . To have her close was the right thing and blocking the link felt like a crime against his very nature.

"Isn't there anything I can do," she sobbed.

"Oh I wish you could. But humans aren't meant to have deliberate control over their mental barriers. Only very few have a low level of instinctual influence on them."

"That means that theoretically humans can control it.?"

"After a thousand generations of evolutionary selection, maybe. But that's not going to help us, is it," he snorted.

"Can't you put the barriers back in place? Like when you healed the damage that Eldrad had done?"

"Every time I intervene I have to get past those barriers. How is that going to help reestablish them?"

His objection stung, just as much as the notion that there was apparently nothing anyone could do to fix this. "So we can just wait and hope?"

He lowered his head and planted a kiss into her hair, a few of his own tears finding their way into the chestnut tresses.

"Yes. But I can try to give it a head start," he whispered, voice thick with emotion but with firm resolution.

He flinched as he pressed his palm to her temple, the intimacy of this contact equally awing and disturbing him. He had all too much practice in knocking out her conscious mind so she had barely a second to look up in surprise before she went limp in his arms. He lowered her to the floor, cradling her head in his lap and didn't waste time. It didn't take long to get to the source of her failing mental barriers, he coaxed and nudged them back into working order, then he retreated, slowly letting out the breath that only now he realized he had been holding.

She lay perfectly still, the serene look on her face betraying her serious condition. His hands were shaking when he disentangled himself from his scarf, folded it and slid it under her head as a makeshift pillow. The room wasn't cold but there was still a gnawing urge that she needed protection, he kneeled next to her, peeled himself out of his coat and draped it over her.

Just then he allowed the frustrated wail that was pent up in his chest to escape him. It took him some moments then he forced himself to regain his composure and get to his feet.

He stepped through the swing doors into the corridor where he was awaited by a very worried Teria.

Awkwardly he pointed back to the door. "She's much better in there," he assured the visually relieved friends. " She's asleep and we can just give her time and see how well her mental barriers heal," he explained, not mentioning that it was entirely possibility that she might not really heal at all. He didn't give in the urge to flee this place and hide somewhere deep down in the Tardis. Sarah needed him, even more than he needed her. With Jegor`s help he dragged the furniture form Sarah's room to her new temporary domicile, while Teria watched over Sarah's sleep, monitoring her brain activity with her scanner.

The Doctor came to the conclusion that the universe must have been playing an agonizingly bad joke on him. Now that their minds were linked, now when he had managed to overcome his fears, now she might be taken away from him forever!

He packed boxes with her favourite books and electronic gimmicks and then proceeded to prepare breakfast for everyone, even if he himself was too sick and agitated to have much of an appetite, his human companions deserved at least that much. Cut off from it's match the link was like a dead, cold stone lingering in the back of his consciousness and he struggled with the impact of this sudden, even shocking changes. He wrote her a letter to humour her, putting all of his feelings into the words. It was good for him to have something to do, otherwise he would have exploded, imploded, whatever and he was relieved that Sarah had such good friends to keep her company. There wasn't any maintenance work on the ship left that he hadn't already done at least twice over. Humans seemed to enjoy silly activities like knitting or watching TV shows to kill time. Unfortunately as a Timelord, he was quite literally unable to kill time, but this was one of the occasions when he wished he could. In his despair he even considered polishing his rusty Old High Gallifreyan calligraphy skills, copying the first treatise of temporal quantum mechanics, an ancient and sacred art that he used to hate as a boy, just to pass the time. He felt tempted to make camp in a room next to the Zero Room but he detested to give the lovelorn teenager show in front of his friends. Instead he decided to mind his own business for a little while.

...

When she awoke, Sarah found herself in her own bed, but not in her own room. On the night stand stood a vase with a Metebelis rose that filled the room with it's sweet smell but on the chair next to the bed sat Teria, not the Doctor.

"Last night wasn't a dream, was it," she moaned, propping herself up on her elbows.

The elderly physician's lips curled up to a slight smile. "No. Whatever happened between the two of you actually happened."

"I was afraid you'd say that," Sarah whispered, sensing the aching emptiness where that little spark of him had been.

"How do you feel?"

"I guess, you could say totally normal. No funny stuff in my head that doesn't belong there," Sarah sighed with relief after a moment of consideration, but after last night, with the gnawing sensation of emptiness deep in her guts it seemed just too normal.

"Thanks to the the Zero Room," Teria added thoughtfully.

"Yes. Thanks to the Zero Room," Sarah echoed meekly, pulling up her knees and huddling into the light blanket, the full implication of this fact damping down her spirits.

"He said tomorrow he is going to check on your progress," Teria encouraged her, with satisfaction noticing the spark of hope flashing in Sarah's eyes. "Are you hungry? He has made breakfast."

"I need a bathroom," she groaned. "How long have I been out cold?"

"About two hours," Teria replied. "The Tardis has taken care for your physical needs," she added rather pointedly

Sarah noticed a door where she was sure hadn't been one last time she had seen the wall and couldn't help but chuckle. "She sometimes does that, yes. It's a bit unnerving. Like you are a lodger in a big, living organism and you totally depend on her goodwill."

"So it's not just me sometimes feeling like that. This is insane!"

"Oh no. Not at all," Sarah giggled. "Usually she's very sweet. Just sometimes I think she loves to pick on the Doctor."

They broke out in hearty bout of laughter but Sarah sobered quickly at the thought of the beloved Timelord.

"Time for the beauty program," Sarah sighed, looking down at her hands and clothes that were still dirty from crawling around in a dead volcano. She swung her legs over the edge of her bed and got up, immensely relieved that the dizziness seemed to be gone for good

"I left some fresh clothes for you on the cabinet in the bathroom. I'll stay here. Call me if you have any troubles."

The Tardis had moved her own bathroom to this place Sarah realized when she opened the door, glad to see the familiar tub. She drew a bath and indulged in the warm water for some time, doing her best to suppress any thoughts of her uncertain future.

Teria and Jegor were eager to help keep her distracted all day but by the time it turned evening the Zero Room started to feel like her own personal prison cell while elsewhere in the Tardis the Doctor spent his time nervously pacing up and down, in the firm grip of violent mood swings that ranged from fervent hope to self-reproach. It was a long and restless night, not only for him, but for all the residents in the Tardis and everyone was happy when finally the lighting indicated the morning of a new day..

Jegor was just clearing the breakfast dishes from Sarah's table when a much anticipated rap at the door interrupted their conversation. Sarah's heart jumped with joy at the view of the mop of curls that appeared in the door frame. The Doctor quickly crossed the threshold, a broad grin lightened up his face as the dead weight of their link suddenly became warm and began to pulse with life, but the deep lines that fatigue and worry had carved into his features betrayed his jolly demeanour still didn't escape Sarah's keen eyes.

While Jegor quietly retreated with the dishes the Doctor stood still, eyes closed. He opened his telepathic receptors wide to detect any anomalies around Sarah's mind. She realized that this was important so she held very still to let him do whatever he had to do. He registered that she was overflowing with emotion as the link turned alive, but other than that the uncontrolled mental emissions of the previous morning had died down to a soft whisper.

With a content sigh he exhaled and opened his eyes. Quickly he kneeled in front of her, extending a long arm to touch her temple. Again he paused for a moment, concentrating, then the maddest Cheshire cat grin spread on his face.

"It's getting better. Not perfect, still a bit wobbly, but definitely better," he gasped, running his fingers along her temple, hardly able to believe what he just found.

"Oh, it's ..., really? You think," Sarah stuttered, all those fears dropped away and gave room for sheer exhilaration. She lunged at him to squash him in a hug but his extended hand stopped her enthusiasm.

"Ah, ah... careful. I said it's better, not it's okay," he softly scolded. "There is no need to test how much those barriers can take, wonky as they are."

"But you don't have to take me back to earth," Sarah pleaded.

The Doctor took her clammy hands in his, looked her straight in those wonderful bottle green eyes. "Erm, I can't guarantee that, but it looks definitely promising," he crooned, his cheeks flushing profusely and for the very first time he wasn't embarrassed to openly admit his feelings to her.


	33. Chapter 33

He lowered his gaze before he could get seriously lost in those enticing orbs. It was still dangerous for her to have too much contact with anything telepathic.

Seeing his reluctance she couldn't hold back with the question that had been on the rampage in her mind for the last 24 hours, that had caused her a sleepless night. "And what about the link, Doctor?"

"Yes, what about it? It's a miracle," he whispered, a sweet little smile playing around his lips.

"But is it dangerous for my mental barriers?"

"No it shouldn't," he tried to soothe her fears just as much as his own. "Imagine the mind like a fortress. Now a link is like a secret tunnel into the basement. It doesn't violate the fortifications. At least in Timelords, that is," he explained, lifting his fingers back to her temple, tenderly touching her skin. He let his consciousness reach out to trickle along her barriers.

"No, it doesn't interfere with them," he declared with confidence. "At least not directly," he continued more thoughtfully after some moments. "But I think when the emotional connection starts to confuse you, or you put too much emphasis on it, you start to obsessively listen to it, then it might weaken the barriers from within. We still have to be careful, this has never before happened to a human. You have to get used to it, learn to handle it, slowly, carefully." He quickly let go of her hand. "I think we both have to. After all it's a first for me, too, you know."

Sarah closed her eyes and listened inside. "Right now you keep it deliberately blocked, don't you?"

"Yes," he crooned, delighted that she was able to interpret the sensation correctly and it pained him even more that he had to do something as unnatural as blocking her out.

He looked up when Sarah reached out, grazing his soft curls and more stubbly sideburn with the backs of her fingers, still a little bit unsure, testing their newly found intimacy.

"Careful, in the initial phase physical touch is going to heighten the sensation," he warned her.

Sarah paused. "We have to skip the honeymoon then," she jested, defiantly cocking her head.

The Timelord blushed and creased his face into a frown when Sarah expressed so exactly his own fantasies. "Linking minds is not about... the more carnal pleasures," he croaked.

"Carnal pleasures," Sarah echoed, stifling a giggle and picked one of his curls to twist the strand of hair between his fingers. "I thought that was at least part of what you are longing for."

"Erm..., quite useless to deny that, isn't it? But that's ah...not the most pressing problem right now," he murmured, having a hard time to stop himself from revelling in her ministrations.

"Right. My mental barriers and the link. What do you think, how long will I have to sit in this prison cell?"

"Prison cell! Prison cell?" the Doctor snorted and Sarah let go of his lock. "The Zero Room isn't a prison cell! It's a place of healing and peace."

"It cuts me off from you and there is nothing meaningful for me to do. And no, reading books and playing parlour games with human friends is not what I need right now," she vented her pent up frustration.

"My best guess is at least a week. But of course it depends on your progress."

"And you can't keep me company."

"Then the whole exercise here would be rather pointless, wouldn't it?"

Again he took her right hand in his and to Sarah's surprise lifted it to his lips, brushing her palm with the softest of kisses. "But you can be assured that I find it just as annoying as you," he breathed and now it was Sarah's term to blush. He had kissed her! What meant that something really had changed between them, beyond that link that apparently tethered their minds together. She hadn't just imagined that in the aftermath of that crazy night.

"Yes it has, Sarah," he echoed her thoughts, voice brittle. " The Shama ceremony works like a catalyst for painful emotions, with the help of their elders they are shared and processed. Tell me, what comes to your mind when you think of your parents?"

This question took Sarah by surprise, it took her some time to contemplate it and find the adequate words. "It's... I... It's still there. But kind of softened. A very melancholic feeling. Still sad but no longer so desperate and oppressing." With a shy grin she looked up searching for eye contact.

"It's an incredible gift, isn't it?"

"Yes, yes it is," she agreed with hushed voice. "Remember, you didn't even want to come."

"Sometimes I'm a bit stupid," he quietly admitted and lowered his gaze.

"You were afraid. That's not stupid."

A hushed "mmh" was all she got as a reply. It pained him to let her fingers slip through his as he retreated his hand but a tingling in his guts told him that the rapport through the link had started to intensify.

"So what about our relationship," Sarah persisted.

"We will learn."

"A foray into uncharted territory. Just as always."

He beamed at her, a mad thought flashing through his synapses and got up. " Definitely! But I have to go now."

"So soon?"

"Yes, I'm afraid. And I've something very important to do. You will see." With these enigmatic words and a sudden loony grin plastered on his face he pivoted on his heels and rushed through the double doors, leaving a flabbergasted Sarah behind. Typical him! Just as mad as ever, Sarah concluded, shaking her head at his antics and with a sigh grabbed herself the last croissant from the bread basket.

His mind was already a light year ahead with his latest plan so he nearly collided with the unsuspecting Shama that hovered behind the door when he dashed out into the corridor. he came to a halt and found himself surrounded by a group of Shama and humans.

The matriarch drew closer, eyestalks expectantly put out. `I sincerely hope that your and your consort are well?`

After the ceremony the Doctor had a whole new level of respect for the Shama elder. He tried to concentrate on her communication, but Teria was persistantly attacking him with a gush of words. Knocked out of his stride he looked around.

"Hello everyone,"he greeted the crowd, defensively waving his arms. "Now you all stop fretting. She's much better," he blurted out when again everyone started to talk at once, opening his mind so the Shama could understand him.

"Oh, that takes a load off my mind," Teria exclaimed, rushed past him and through the Zero Room doors. The Doctor merrily waved when he got a glimpse of Sarah, flopping down on her sofa, then the unrelenting white double doors once more took her sight away from him.

`This place is wrong!` the matriarch stated and soared an elegant half circle to face the Doctor.

`It's not wrong, it's shielded from the rest of the universe.`

`But why would someone do this, spend time in a bubble of not-universe,` she marvelled.

`Because not all telepathic beings are like you. At times my kind needs this sort of protected environment,` the Doctor explained.

`And Sarah needs this now? Was our gathering so disturbing for her?`

`Yes, well. It was more a combination of the gathering plus my and her affection for one another, plus an old injury that was a bit too much for her.` He uttered a nervous little laugh at the thought of how uninhibited he had acted only a bit more than a day ago. `But I'm optimistic now that there won't be a permanent damage to her mental barriers.`

`This is most satisfactory. It would pain all of us if any harm had come to you or your consort. It is bad enough that for the moment she needs to be protected from us. For our kind this place seems like a horrible punishment.`

`Mmh, I can imagine that a primary telepath would react that way,` the Doctor mused.

`So at the present moment you are sad because you can't spend time with her either?` the matriarch clear-sightedly commented.

`That's true,' he admitted. `But her health has already greatly improved.`

`This news is good! Because in our culture during a gathering declaring one's feelings for one another is what seals a bond of marriage. And because through joining our gathering you have not only become husband and wife but also members of our nation I want to invite you to enjoy the honeymoon month on our sacred Bluewood island, just as the tradition requires. We sincerely hope that you use that time to father some healthy offspring that will proudly carry on your family lineage.`

The matriarch noticed how his facial expression and skin coloration slightly changed and came to the conclusion that by openly discussing something as natural as two individuals finding romantic love she might have transgressed some of the Lord of Time's cultural taboos. His mind began to boil with conflicting emotions so she lifted the mental connection to avoid further upsetting him.

Honeymoon! Wedding night! Something as far fetched as fathering offspring with Sarah! He had just got used to the idea of sharing affections with her, being close to her, but here it got seriously overwhelming and he was not sure how he could possibly handle it. Here he had one more good reason why he had made it a golden rule not to stay anywhere for too long. It was bound to get complicated. His gaze fell on another Shama, one that he identified as Stonefruit Tail's wife and he realized, that he couldn't run, there was still work to do. Oh how he hated obligations and social conventions!

He brought the emotional upheaval under some kind of control and then again he opened his mind that the natives could understand him as he spoke. "Right, we can see that our Shama patient gets some more treatment sessions." Then he turned to face Jegor and menacingly pointed a long index finger at him. "And I could use the help of an engineer for a little project."


	34. Chapter 34

22 hours later:

"Hey, I think now it's going to work!" The Doctor fumbled the end of a power cord into the little metal box and locked it in place.

"By the abysses of Vergo, I hope you are right. As interesting as this piece of work is, I need a good night of sleep, I'm well beyond those days when I could work three days straight and then party to relax." Jegor tossed a scrap bit of wiring into a box with to the rest of the spare parts.

The Doctor looked up from the cluttered workbench and stretched when he got up from his stool. "I'm afraid I still need you. I need a test subject."

"You need a what," the elderly engineer groaned. "You can't be serious!"

"I've never rigged an antique 55th century earth perception filter to one of the Tardis' telepathic circuit inducers."

"And it's better it fries my brain than Sarah's," he snorted.

"What? Oh no! Of course not. It's not going to fry brains, it's just going to... " he babbled and then paused. "You have no confidence in your own hands work?" He stared at the engineer but the older man held his stance. "Oh well. You are right," the Timelord gave in with a sigh. "I try it myself, but it won't really work on me anyway, perception filters give me a headache."

He screwed his face into a grimace when put one part of the contraption on his head where it sat on top of his mop of curls like a mismatched metal crown that was studded with plastic bits and wires instead of jewels. He picked up the metal box and made some adjustments to the setting.

Jegor rubbed his sore eyes. He decided that the Timelord deserved every bit of the headache that was to come, the man was just impossible to work with, smug, erratic and impatient. He watched him switch on the power source and muttered a silent prayer that the hours of work that it had taken him to build the casing, sort out the wiring and solder up all the connections hadn't been a waste of time.

The Doctor creased his eyebrows into a frown. "Yes, I think it is going to work," he huffed after some moments of consideration, then abruptly untangled the steel crown from his unruly hair and and stuffed the contraption into a pink beach bag that he produced from under the table. A weight seemed to be taken from his shoulders and for the first time in hours he flashed a broad smile at the other man.

"Thank you." His hand landed heavy on Jegor's shoulder. "Let's go. I bet right now Teria is preparing breakfast. You have earned every bit of it." He plucked his coat from a sideboard nearby and with a jovial gesture steered the other man out of his workshop.

"Then let's just hope that our effort wasn't for nothing," Jegor sighed.

"Nah, what do you think. You'll see. With an engineer as skilled as you at the task, what can possibly go wrong," he cheerily declared, a shrewd twinkle in his eyes as he winked at him and opened the door to the main corridor.

Truth was, Jegor still didn't really understand how those Tardis spare parts did what they were supposed to do, despite the Timelord's honest efforts to explain a few basics. The semi organic circuitry at the core of this contraption was just too different to anything he had ever seen or heard of. He was eager to see if it worked, possibly sparing Sarah a prolonged confinement in the Zero Room but he was still not entirely convinced that it couldn't fry human brains. He wanted to slip into the Zero Room behind the Doctor, but the the Timelord managed to convince his concerned assistant that this was a rather private situation.

"Sarah, I've got a surprise for you!" He greeted her as he entered the Zero Room with the usual spring in his steps and once more he breathed a sigh of relief when the link began to pulse with life. Only now he became aware how quickly he had become acquainted to it and how much he had missed it in it's absence.

But the reunion was not at all what he had expected, he was taken aback by the wave of pent up frustration that suddenly spilled through the link and washed over him.

"What, more food? Have you spent a full day cooking? It better is a good surprise when you disappear somewhere in the Tardis, abandoning me here and I'm not even able to send you a note," Sarah griped, waving a piece of paper at him.

Involuntarily he closed down his mind and his enthusiasm crumpled when he saw Sarah so upset. He had been so busy finishing the work on the portable telepathy inhibitor that he had completely forgotten that the person it was meant for might actually have other needs, too.

"No, of course not," he hurried to replie in an attempt to appease her. "But if this here works," he quickly closed the distance, settled down on the sofa next to her and deposited the beach bag in her lap, "you don't have to spend the next week locked up in here."

She gave him an incredulous look and then peeked into the beach bag.

"Of course we still have to test it but it should dampen all telepathic static to an extent that it doesn't cause you harm."

"Oh!" It took a moment until the penny dropped and she realized how wrong she had been with her assumptions and fears.. "I thought that you were running away again," she whispered aghast.

"You thought...oh no! Not at all!" He couldn't bear to be the reason of her anguish, even if this time it was totally by accident. He unblocked his side of the link and carefully, cautiously reached out for her. Sarah's eyes widened at the invisible touch of his mind. The night they had forged the link it had been a ravaging storm of emotion that had overwhelmed both of them, now it was a delicate, feather light tap, not more than a whispered request for her attention. He opened the barriers, inviting her to see.

She hesitated. Uncertain how to handle this situation she focused her attention onto that familiar mental space that was swirling with emotion. Affection for her was the most prominent voice in the chorus, along with eagerness to convince her of his loyalty. Encouraged by the beatific grin on the Doctor's face when he inclined his head to a slight nod she allowed her consciousness to wander to other voices, sincerity, the childlike wonder that she loved so much. She found a load of anxieties, too. And then, in a dusty corner, hidden away behind a tight veil of embarrassment for a moment she glimpsed the raw and untamed forces of desire. She returned her focus on the warmth of his affection and allowed him to engulf her in it, instinctively knowing that this hadn't been meant for her to see at all.

`Oh I never had the faintest idea that telepathy is so great!` she mentally addressed him, in an enthusiastic attempt to see if he could hear her.

"Yes, loud and clear," he chuckled and to her dismay began to close down his side of the link. "You are still human and recovering from a failure of your mental barriers. Don't forget that," he softly scolded. "And even Timelords who choose to link minds are not primary telepaths like the Shama, using the link for idle chat."

"But we can repeat this?"

"Oh I certainly hope so," he grinned. "Just not today." His voice was deep and hoarse with affection and sent a tingling down her spine. He reached out an lightly grazed her temples with his fingers, assessing her mental barriers without touching the link. "This looks quite good and we don't want to risk it, do we?"

"No of course not," she whispered, closing her eyes at the sensation of his fingers lightly brushing over her her skin.

"Right, then...," the Doctor announced and began to rummage around in the beach bag that still sat in Sarah's lap, abruptly ending the intimate moment. He produced the crown like contraption and didn't need to rely on the link to know that Sarah was not overly amused.

"It's a perception filter I tuned into filtering telepathic wavelengths," he explained.

"I have to wear that?"

"Mmh, that's the plan."

"You've built it? Is it safe?"

"Of course it is. I've double and triple checked it and I tried it on myself," he encouraged her.

She held his gaze for a moment, then she gave him a court nod.

He placed the metal ring on her head and Sarah leaned in, allowing him to adjusted it with a strap at the back of her head.

"Not exactly comfortable," Sarah commented when he checked the fit.

"I see. I'm sure we can do something about that later, now we just see if it works, okay?" He fitted the power cord behind her back and took the metal box that contained the power source and the control unit in his hands. "Ready?"

"Not really. But is there another chance when I don't want to sit in here for the next weeks?"

He blew out a tense breath. "A holiday on earth is the other alternative."

She just rolled her eyes at that prospect.

"You shouldn't feel a thing," he quickly assured her. "Ready?"

She closed her eyes.

Bracing himself he flipped the switch and as he had expected, it immediate muted the link. "How is it?"

"Not different. But...but...,"

"Yes?"

"It does something to the link, doesn't it?"

"Mmh. That's a sign that it works."

"Then let's see if it really does." She groped for the piece of machinery on her head, took it off and gave it a scrutinizing look. "How is the weather outside? I'd love to have a walk." She carefully placed the crown on the sofa, then grabbed some clothes and vanished in the bathroom.

"I've no idea. But it's quite likely that it's a nice, sunny morning," he shouted.

"Good!" he heard Sarah's muffled reply from the bathroom, along with the water of the shower.

Thoughtfully the Doctor switched off the machine. He could hear Sarah as well sense her presence in the other room when he lightly touched the link and the fact that this was going to change again affected his mood in an unpleasant way. He browsed through her closet and found a sweatband that looked like the ideal padding for the metal headband. It was only for a short while he told himself. After all, right now her progress exceeded his expectations. A totally loony, happy grin spread on his face. To be with her felt totally right in every possible way.


	35. Chapter 35

Hi readers!

Apparently when I updated with chapter 35 the first time, chapter 9 got uploaded instead of 35. No idea how that happened. So here chapter 35 :-))

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She emerged from the bathroom in a pair of shorts and a lavender t-shirt, barefoot and her hair still all fluffy and untamed. The Doctor's gaze lingered on her sensual form, he expelled a rattled breath as he allowed himself to feel what this view evoked in him. Her heart dived when their eyes met, for most of the time she had been the driving force behind this whole affair, now his gaze suddenly had an intensity to it that she nearly shied back.

Through the link he sensed her sudden reluctance and reined himself in. He had to handle this with sensitivity, after all, she was human, not Gallifreyan, there were still differences to consider and the stability of her mental shields had top priority.

He padded the sofa. "Will you please sit here," he crooned, his voice deep and soft and laden with emotion. The amount of reverence she beheld in it, that he seemed to emanate like an invisible aura melted something deep inside her. He drank in the view, acquainting himself to the wonders of what it meant to be bound by a link. He couldn't help but extend a hand and caress her cheek with utter wonder. Her gaze firmly locked on those unfathomable pools of blue, curious, but still a bit shy to wholeheartedly give in to this entirely new kind of relationship. He took another shaky breath when he felt his body stir in reaction to her, he shook it off, clearing his mind of this unwanted surge of desire. She was handling this so unexpectedly well that he couldn't help but break out in the broadest, toothiest grin.

Judging by the emotional overspill that reached her side of the link as well as the expression on his face Sarah guessed that he was blissfully happy and bursting with anticipation. And she got the faintest impression that sooner rather than later the shared bed question might crop up, too. She suppressed a giggle. Quietly she inclined her head, for the 1000th time pondering why of all the women the Timelord must surely have met in his long life he had fallen for her.

"You are still having doubts," the Doctor muttered, while he carefully slipped the sweatband onto her head.

"No, not so much doubts. It's just...I just still don't really get it into my head why me."

He paused for a moment and gave her one of his trademark cocked head indignant looks. "Why not you?" he burst out.

She looked up, perplexed by the forthrightness of this simple counter question. "Because I'm the most ordinary human imaginable."

He bent forward. "Ah, and I'm the most ordinary Timelord. Even less, a Timelord outcast. Sarah, where I come from nobody would even want to do what you did. I'm the one with the second thoughts about this, taking advantage of the feelings of a young human, remember?" he whispered in her ear.

"You are not taking advantage. I had to convince you, you forgot," she protested.

"Mmh," he agreed dreamily, ignoring her objection. "Now can you just turn your head for a moment?"

Sarah did so, curious, mentally prodding at her side of the link, testing what happened when she gave it various levels of concentration while the Doctor used a strap at the back of the contraption to fit it to Sarah's head.

"Sarah, will you please stop poking me! That's the mental equivalent of an elbow in my ribs," the Doctor whined while fiddling with the sweatband to stuff it under the metal, where it belonged.

"Oh, I'm sorry," she meekly replied.

"Oh nothing to be sorry about," he chuckled, testing the fit of the crown. "What do you think, does it pinch? Is it too tight?"

Sarah reached up with her hands, tentatively moving her head. "No, for the moment it's okay. Although I guess that after a few hours I might change my mind on that.."

Her gaze seemed to swallow him whole when their eyes met. Leaning forward he grazed the tip of her nose with his lips, for the most fleeting moment, savouring the resonance of her exquisitely exotic mind.

Then he quickly picked up the brick sized control unit. "Ready?"

"Mmh. Go ahead." Just like the first time she felt the particular spot in her mind dim down and watched how the Doctor screwed his face.

"It's unpleasant for you, is it," she softly asked.

Of course the blocked link wasn't his preferred scenario. His instinct screamed wrongness at him when he touched that hidden point in his mind and he found nothing more than bleak emptiness. "Something that is very dear to me is missing, my butterfly." He cupped her cheek, caressing her as if to make sure that she still existed.

"You said it will not be for long," she consoled him.

He snapped out of his reverie. "No, of course not," he muttered, eyeing Sarah's beach bag next to the sofa. In a moment he had emptied it of all content and instead put it to a new purpose. For protection he wrapped the control unit into one of Sarah's t-shirts, let it slip into the bag and handed it to her. With a coy grin he go to his feet, waggling the fingers of his outstretched hand.

Eagerly she grabbed it and got to her feet. He draped his arm around her shoulder, not in his usual best mate way or in a patronizing manner, but tender and chivalrous. This unabashed gesture of affection was balm for her soul after weeks of his painfully half baked attentions and if she had developed any doubts during her confinement in the Zero Room, that moment they melted away. She was not a travelling companion any more. She was his friend, his partner and the place at his side was righteously hers.

They stepped through the door and the Doctor stopped, ignoring Teria and Jegor waiting there he cocked his head and gave Sarah an inquisitive look, eyes wide with concern. "And? Is the Tardis still all over your mind?"

"No. It's silent, just like in the Zero Room," Sarah marvelled.

"It is!" the Doctor breathed with audible relief, beaming down at her with a loony grin and just the presence of their friends prevented him from anything more impulsive.

"Does it work?" Jegor addressed Sarah with some urgency, eyeing the contraption on her head with vivid interest.

"Yes, I think so. Did you and the Doctor make it for me?"

"Well, I was just the lowly soldering serf to this lunatic Gallifreyan here," he quipped with a little laugh, visibly relieved that the hours of work hadn't been in vain and that their success meant finally a change for the better in the Doctor's erratic moods.

Remembering how dismissively the Doctor had sometimes treated poor Harry Sullivan, Sarah knew just too well what he was talking about. She shot the Timelord a pointed look.

"After all he has been through because of us, couldn't you make an effort to be more friendly with him when he tries to help," she mildly scolded.

"It wasn't that bad, was it," he joked in an all too evasive manner and faltered when nobody seemed to agree with him.

"I am rude, am I?" he dejectedly asked.

"On occasion, yes," Sarah replied, poking his belly with her index finger. "But I think you are not beyond redemption."

An awkward grin spread on his face, mirroring the emotions that grappled in his mind. "As you say, my princess, as you say," he finally crooned in a rather unusually obedient manner and steered her away from the dumbfounded couple.

"I guess we are a bit redundant here, with these two lovebirds," Jegor snickered to his wife as he watched the two turn the next corner.

"Quite so," she agreed. "Isn't it romantic," she sighed, giving her husband a very suggestive mock wanton look.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Is this an invitation?"

"Quite so," she breathed, letting hand trail down from his shoulder to the small of his back and with a sudden inspiration lead him away to where she knew that a sauna was to be found.

…...

"So what are we going to do now," the Timelord inquired when they strolled past the planetarium.

"I think we should go and see the matriarch," Sarah mused. "After a short stop over in the kitchen."

"Doctor?"

"Mmh.."

"A relationship between a human and a Timelord. It has never happened before, right?"

"No."

"It's not going to be the same as with a human male, isn't it? I mean, the feeding ritual for a start, the link..."

"Erm, useless to deny that there are differences between our species," he hurried to assure her. "But I'll do my best not to be a disappointment. Really," he hurried to reply, asking himself if such a promise might include more obscure human practices, for example the one that humans of her era called 'French kissing'.

His expression had turned soft and lovelorn when she looked up in his face. She sneaked her arm around his midriff and pulled him close as the continued to make their way to the kitchen. "I'm not afraid of that."

Cut off from the link he could only guess what was going through her mind. "You find it a bit overwhelming? Is it that?"

Her silent nod was answer enough for him. "Me, too, my butterfly, me too," he quietly replied, pushing open the kitchen door. "But I think it's worth every second of it."

She hugged him more tightly. "Definitely."

Sarah flushed down a cup of Earl Grey and grabbed herself a sandwich. Side by side they strolled up to the console room and then out into the alien forest, talking about this and that, gingerly acquainting themselves to their newly established closeness.

The Doctor began to wonder why the notoriously curious and chatty Shama were nowhere to be seen or heard. On the way down to the lake they crossed at a little meadow when a familiar shrill whistle from above stopped them in their tracks. The whole tribe of close to a thousand souls plummeted down in a joyous swirl. As they began to circle over their heads they showered down clouds of purple, glittering flakes and the Doctor had to close his mind to block out the noise of their cheers.

"What's going on," Sarah demanded to know when the Doctor just stood transfixed.

"They are celebrating our initiation and, erm...new connection," he muttered, then, wiht a sudden move, carried away by the exhilaration of their native friends, gathered her up in his arms and spun her around amidst the cloud of a myriad dancing sparks.

With a yell of delight Sarah wrapped her arms around his neck. After a few rounds he set her down and when she looked up she found him beaming with joy. There was such a softness and peace in his expression. She realized to what extent he had changed, his confidence in their relationship but also this wholly new, docile side to his character. She had no idea whether this was due to a rush of Gallifreyan male hormones or maybe a by product of the link or something else entirely, and if it was a permanent effect, but it made her adore him even more. Digging her hands into his curls she pulled him down until they stood face to face. He brought his hand up and traced his finger along her cheekbone lifting up her chin, contemplating her delicate features.

All she had to do was leaning in until her lips found his. He stood impassively, his eyes fluttering shut under her tender ministrations, so she began to explore his face, trailing kisses along his cheekbone, thoroughly investigating the soft skin of his eyelids with her lips.

She pulled back when he exhaled sharply, realizing that he had been holding his breath. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes had taken on a bemused expression.

"I think it's not the time to..." he muttered, visibly struggling to come out of the trance like state he had succumbed to.

Sarah marvelled about the effect that a few harmless kisses had on the Time Lord. "Too much, too fast?"

"Mmh," he agreed awkwardly.

He was aroused, Sarah realized when her gaze wandered down a bit and he seemed not to be entirely comfortable about it. Sarah was strangely affected by the fact that she had such obvious power over the Timelord, but agreed that this was not the right occasion to get acquainted to him in more intimate ways so she unhanded him and cleared her throat. A slow smile spread on his face at their unspoken consent not to further this situation and he struggled to get the rush or hormones in his bloodstream under control.

They faced the matriarch when the rain of glittering flakes abated, she prodded the impenetrable sphere around Sarah's head. `Does your lady require this kind of protection?` she addressed the Doctor with a tinge of sadness in her mental voice.

`Unfortunately yes. But we hope that it's only temporary. When I tested her this morning it turned out that she is doing much better. But I don't want to take any chances.`

`That's understandable. Then please let her know that she has all our best wishes.`

The Doctor dutifully conveyed the message much to Sarah's delight. She gave him a quizzical sidelong glance."Can you please tell her how grateful I am that she allowed us to take part in the ceremony?"

"She can read my thoughts, butterfly, so she will hear what you say through my mind. It was the least she could do for you, for us and she is saddened that it has done harm to you," he replied with a bashful little grin, obviously touched by the matriarch's communication. "Oh and I forgot, as we are officially husband and wife according to their tradition she is offering us a sacred little island on the other side of the lagoon for our honeymoon. She explicitly asked me to translate this for you," he added after some moments, a blush creeping up on his cheeks.

"We are husband and wife?" Sarah's eyes widened with surprise.

"Mmh, yes."

She involuntarily moved closer and took his large hand in hers, lacing her fingers through his, in response he tightening his grip on her hand, gently rubbing her palm with his thumb.

"I'd never have expected to be married by the time I'm twenty-seven," she mused. "To make one thing clear: I won't do your laundry, I won't clean your rooms and most important of all, I won't mend your socks," she added with sudden determination.

He had to stifle a fit of giggles at her resolute stance. "No, butterfly, of course you won't have to," he assured her.

"So we still get our holidays on a tropical island. In the Tardis, as you always wanted," she mused.

He muttered something unintelligible as a reply, his body again stirring at the implications. Once more he cleared his synapses of unwanted influence. `We both appreciate your invitation and are most happy to accept it as soon as Sarah is sufficiently recovered,` he ponderously thanked the matriarch.

`I'm glad to hear that this arrangement suits you. Now according to our tradition a feast is the next part of a wedding celebration but I am aware that our food is not something you enjoy.`

`How about a picnic, everyone brings his own food?` the Timelord suggested.

`That's not traditional, but still a good idea. Does this afternoon suit you?`

`Of course it does. Here would be a good place, don't you think?`

She considered the meadow for a moment. `Since you as our guests of honour can't fly it seems to be the best choice.`

With those words of their matriarch the Shama soared off to prepare the party while Sarah and the Doctor continued their walk.


	36. Chapter 36

Soon their conversation ran dry. The Doctor was pondering something. Stomping through the moss, hands buried deep in his trouser pockets, head lowered, occasionally giving Sarah an uncertain sidelong glance, until after a short while Sarah couldn't stand it any longer.

"What is it?" she griped, hoping that the whole `marriage` thing hadn't given him another fit of second thoughts.

"What is what?"

"What you are thinking about? You are obviously thinking about something and I'm pretty sure it's not Jelly Babies."

He screwed his face to a frown. "Yes, I am."

"Then what is it that is bothering you?" she softly insisted.

"Nothing is bothering me," he reflexibly shot back, then caught himself. "it's just... oh bullocks, it's just that you can't call me Doctor now we are in... connected in such ways."

"I'm so used to calling you Doctor that I don't see anything wrong with it. We don't have to change that if you don't want to change it," she tried to humour him.

"But, I do want to," he rather uncertainly replied.

"Then maybe you enlighten me why your name it is such a big secret in the first place? Is it something timelordy, or something about you?"

"Erm,...both. You see, out system of naming is different than yours."

"Let me guess, it's more difficult," Sarah mocked him softly.

"Exactly!" he exclaimed quite unnerved, clenching and unclenching his hands behind his back. "You know, in our society we have several different sets of names, for different purposes."

"You mean differnt people use different names for different occasions and it's more complicated than some people calling me Sarah and others calling me Ms Smith?"

"Something like that, yes," he muttered under his breath.

"And The Doctor is one of your names, or is that a description or title?" she asked, her curiosity sparked.

He came to the conclusion that it was the right time to tell her. the full story. "It's not actually a name, but it became kind of a substitute name when I lost the rights to my official name. When I left Timelord society, my official name was erased and I became The Doctor," he explained in his best lecturing voice. "It happens to all of those who turn their back on Gallifrey and their way of life."

"That sounds sad!" Sarah softly stated.

"It was the price I was willing to pay."

The sorrow in this simple statement pulled on her heart stings but she didn't want to press the matter. "So you still have other names?"

"Yes, I have," He regretted that he hadn't put on his fedora, he felt the reflexive urge to hide his face behind it's wide brim, so deeply engraved into his psyche was the taboo of giving information about his species to members of other civilisations. "The true name of a Timelord, that he or she receives at the moment of initiation remains hidden in the core of the matrix. Nobody can ever take that away, but that name is just between the universe and me, you could say," he explained with low vice. "For obvious reasons I can't tell you, but every Gallifreyan has something that in your society would be called a birth name, an intimate name, only used by close family and intimate friends. Would you like to use it, too?" he timidly inquired.

Sarah mulled over his offer for a long moment. "Actually, not sure if I want to call you anything other than Doctor, Doctor. I'm so used to it, it's just what you are for me,"

"So you don't even want to know?" He stopped in his tracks, the hurt in his voice obvious.

"Oh no! I'd love to know, and I will use it," Sarah hurried to clarify. "Sorry, if I sounded as if I don't care. I've just forgotten that `Doctor` isn't even a proper name."

"You have?" he incredulously asked, his stance slightly relaxing.

"It took me a few weeks, by the time we visited Peladon I really liked Doctor. It's eccentric, in that respect it fits you perfectly."

He rolled his eyes. It was the way of his people, there was nothing even remotely eccentric about Timelord culture. Rather the opposite.

"I like eccentric," she added when she saw that her explanation didn't sit too well with him.

"But now you want to change your habit?"

"You said it's only for private use anyway, and yes, I'd feel honoured to know," she mused. "I could save it for special occasions," she added in a conspirational tone, "once there are any special special occasions of course." Her voice went even more suggestive.

"Oh, I'm sure there will be," he stammered rather evasively. Oh why had humans to be so painfully direct! He was aware that he better addressed the subject before the essential ingredient of a honeymoon was about to take off but he was frankly unable to do so, in his society one just didn't talk about 'these matters'. At least not after puberty and the unavoidable sex jokes shared in the communal shower, when you were 30 and suffering from a monumental crush on a particularly attractive classmate. Even the thought made him cringe. He decided to postpone this conversation to another day, nurturing the stupid hope that he might find a bit more courage along with the right words later. With the link still so fresh he was glad for the telepathy inhibitor on Sarah's head. He fervently wished she were Gallifreyan and he could just head on do what all of his biological systems were yearning to do, right there and then, instead of forcing his desires back into the closet yet again.

The tension in the Doctor's stance, the discomfort in his eyes hadn't escape Sarah, in fact she had half expected it when she touched the subject and began to assume that his pathological shyness was more than a personal issue, maybe had a cultural component, too, or entirely other reasons. Linking her arm with his they resumed their stroll through the forest.

Sarah already regretted her saucy tongue because obviously he was no longer in the mood to talk about his name. "Doctor?"

"Mmh.."

"I didn't mean to embarrass you. I'm sorry!"

"It's nothing, butterfly," he replied rather unconvincingly.

"Yes, I did. Don't try to deny it. Let me guess, it's something cultural, isn't it?"

He muttered something unintelligible.

"Isn't there a book I can read?" she suggested.

He looked up in surprise. "No," he snorted. "Gallifreyan society never saw it fit to introduce members of other civilisations to their ways."

"Maybe a Gallifreyan sex education book for children?"

He let out a groan. "Something like that doesn't exist!"

"Then how about a Gallifreyan biology book? Sociology book? Timelordology book?" she insisted.

Bewildered he shook his head. "Hardly contains the information you want. Plus the Tardis is very reluctant to translate Gallifreyan script. Don't worry, Sarah. We'll manage, I will..." With these words he forced the closet door shut.

"I've ruined your good mood," Sarah ruefully remarked, in the distance between the fern trees spotting the turquoise, glittering surface of the lake.

"No, you didn't. Don't even start to think that this is your fault!"

"It's the talking about it, you find it irritating?"

"Erm, yes," he admitted.

"Then we won't talk about it."

"It's not that easy."

"Oh yes, it is."

He desperately wished it was. But maybe it was indeed! An idea started to take form and solidify in his mind, yes, with some luck there was a solution for the one problem he was facing when he started an intimate relationship with a human, that would even save him this horrible conversation. With some luck he could cobble together the necessary equipment and since his human company needed a lot more sleep than he did he had all night to work. His mood brightened up considerably as his plan gelled. He could have thought of it much sooner but until now he had been successfully repressing the subject. He mentally slapped himself for being so stupid. But it was not too late, he estimated it wouldn't take him more than maybe a week.

"It's a pity that the lake is too swampy to have a swim," Sarah interrupted his musings.

"You humans seem to be obsessed to submerge in any body of water you come across," the Doctor remarked with a chuckle. "I'll scan the lagoon for anything hazardous because I guess we'll be spending some time there, eh...," the Doctor sheepishly suggested, taking Sarah's hand and manoeuvring her around a fallen tree.

"Oh that would be great!" she exclaimed, climbing over the rotting branches, relieved that he had overcome his fit of inner turmoil.

A sweet little smile played around his lips at her innocent enthusiasm. Cautiously he encased her hand in his and side by side they walked down the mossy slope to a shady spot with lush moss vegetation, from where they had a nice view over the little lake. The Doctor spread his coat on the still dewy ground and invited Sarah to make herself comfortable. She squeezed on the left side, hugging her knees to leave the Doctor enough space, but he silently shook his head and squatted down in front of her.

"I want to try to teach you something," he explained.

"As long it's not Venusian aikido again," she jested. "Remember the bruises I got when you showed me how to disarm an offender?"

"Erm, yes."

"And remember when you tried to teach me how to make superglue to mend your sonic screwdriver."

"It exploded," he admitted.

"Mmh, it did," she mildly replied. "I just hope that whatever it is, it's going to be more of a success and less hazardous," she chuckled.

"It's nothing like that at all. I want to teach you to close your mind to telepathic influences."

"Oh."

"Yes, and it's pretty simple and not at all dangerous."

"So what do I have to do?"

"You imagine sitting in something that represents an impenetrable sphere, Faraday cage, stone walls, force field, nuclear shelter. Whatever works best for you. This impenetrable sphere has a door that you can open or shut at will."

"That's all? Sounds easy to me."

"Mmh, doesn't it? It's not so easy to keep it up over a prolonged period of time. Once you get the hang of it you have to retain the feel of it without the actual image, though."

"But I'm human, how do you know if it's going to work on me?"

"I've no idea if it does. We have to find out. Now find an image that feels safe for you and that is easy to maintain. And don't get too uptight and strained while you hold the image. Easy and relaxed does it. Take your time."

"Shouldn't I switch off your anti telepathy contraption?"

"No. First you exercise with it," he pointed out.

...

After twenty minutes the Doctor was satisfied with her efforts. "I think that's quite enough for now."

"We don't try it out?" Sarah exclaimed, disappointed that she couldn't immediately put her new skills to the test.

"No. We have plenty of time. Your natural mental defences still need to heal. And you can do with more practice before we give it a try," he explained.

"So how are we going to spend our time until then?" Sarah pouted.

"It's totally up to you. I still owe you a foot rub," the Doctor tentatively suggested.

It took her a few moments to remember what he was talking about. "Oh that!" She waggled the toes in her trainers, delighted at that prospect. "That night was a disaster!"

"Yes it was," he admitted. "But it took us here, remember." Thoughtfully he began to undo the shoelaces. This was virgin territory. Secretly, he had adored her undressed form when he had tended to her, dying a thousand deaths at the sensations it gave him when he longingly ran his fingers along her soft skin. This was different, now he was entitled to every square inch of her gorgeous, enticing body.

"It's not too, erm... inspiring, I hope," she asked, observing the rapt expression on his face.

"This isn't kissing, butterfly" he explained, sobering, putting away her left shoe. With nimble fingers he began to explore the anatomy of her foot. "It's better with a lubricant, isn't it?"

"I didn't bring the sun oil."

"Then it will have to do without." He moved into a cross legged position and with gentle strength, almost meditatively began to work through her tendons, bones.

She practically melted away under his hands. For three years she had lived the life of a celibate and she realized how she was not made for a lifestyle like that, how she was craving a pair of strong hands carressing her body.

"Is that to your satisfaction?" he softly inquired after a while.

"Very," Sarah purred. "And what about you?"

"Oh, I could do thist for aeons! I've really no idea why in my culture sensual pleasures are so disregarded," he dreamily replied.

"Is it a religious prejudice?"

"In a way," he mused. "The Time Lords worship the intellect. My people regard physical pleasures as inferior, reminding us to our feral ancestry, at least that's the official party line. Everyone looks down on the outsiders who don't abide by their moral laws. But most of them are hypocritically enough to secretly indulge in it themselves. Of course everyone knows that everybody else does it. Just outwardly they all pretend..."

"Ew! That sounds awful," she interjected.

"Doesn't it? The longer I'm away from them, the more I get to know other cultures, the clearer I see how deep neurosis runs in our society. That's the reason why my people explore other cultures but have a rule to never stay too long, to never get too deeply involved with any of them. It's because some of their alien values, their sanity could rub off. That's why they loathe people like me, I no longer believe in their indoctrination."

He paused, turning even more serious. "There is just one thing that is important. Don't publicly act as my wife when we visit anywhere. Please! Not ever! For your safety and for mine. I've no idea how they are going to react if they ever find out that you have become so much more than one of my `pet humans`, as they call it."

"You are afraid of them."

"The last time I pissed them off they forced me to regenerate, suppressed certain codes and equations essential to steer a time capsule in my mind and disabled my Tardis, stranding me on earth, hoping that way I'd develop a hearty disgust for alien cultures," he admitted softly.

Sarah pulled up her legs, hugging her knees, shocked to learn of the nasty nature of the Doctor's race. "The Brigadier told me that you've been exiled for a few years. But that your second last regeneration was caused by your own people as a punishment, that's horrible."

"Yes, it was," he admitted, his voice hardly above a hoarse whisper.

"You have asked me once before and I can just repeat what I said back then. I'll do anything to keep us safe," Sarah emphasised.

"I know you will." A contented smile began to soften his features. "Isn't this a glorious day," he exclaimed, slumped backwards and came to lie spread eagled. Closing his eyes he relaxed to the sensation of the planet spinning beneath him.

"It's the perfect holidays."

"Mmh," he agreed.

"You are tired," Sarah commented, watching as the usual enthusiastic energy waned from his face as he relaxed.

"Can't hide anything from you, can I?" He half opened an eye, winked her to bend down to him and after a long moment of considering whispered two words into Sarah's ear.

"What does that mean?" she inquired, straightening herself into a sitting position.

"It's my name."

"Theta and Sigma, that's two Greek letters, not a name." Her expression turning from confused to incredulous.

He propped himself up on the elbows, giving her a very indignant look. "Seriously, it is. It's an abbreviation of a complicated and very beautiful mathematical equation."

"Your personal name, the one your family used when you were a toddler is a mathematical equation?"

"Yours mean princess and god is merciful, a title and a theological assumption" he pointed out. "How is that any better?"

Sarah had never looked at her name in that way. "True," she admitted. "Somehow you never fail to surprise me, _Theta_" she sighed, softly resting her palm on his solarplexus.

He couldnt't help but utter a guttural little giggle, delighted that his Sarah Jane finally used his name, a name that he hadn't heard for such a long time and sagged back into the bed of blueish moss.

"You've been up all night to build the telepathy inhibitor, haven't you? Why don't you have a nap?" Sarah suggested. The urge to curl up besides him became all too tempting, but in this position the crown would not stay on her head, so she just settled down besides him and continued to lightly fondle his upper belly.

"I don't need nearly as much sleep as humans do," he muttered.

"But right now you look as if it will not exactly harm you."

"It's not polite to fall asleep next to your chosen one, " he stubbornly insisted. "And what are you going to do? You will be bored." Again he propped himself up on his elbows, but Sarah intensified the pressure to his chest.

"Will you stop fretting? It's a wonderful place and it's okay for me to just sit here and watch over your sleep."

"Really?"

"Cross my heart!"

A beatific smile brightened up his features and with a contented sigh he closed his eyes. He was glad that Sarah was so much less demanding than the Time Ladies. he knew.

...

By noontime they returned to the Tardis. The Doctor spent the afternoon hours to prepare fireworks for the feast while Jegor and Sarah rounded up delicacies from the stasis pantries. The evening turned out to be a complete success, fondly remembered by everyone.

Sarah went to bed and the Doctor used the night time to start his latest project, browsing his various store rooms for the parts necessary to assemble a molecular synthesizer.

Another item he needed was harder to come by. In the early morning hours the Tardis finally had mercy with him and helped him locate the set of data disks on Time Lord medicine and biology. He had assumed to find it where it belonged, in a locker in the infirmary but it turned out they lay buried under a collapsed pile of Venusian cook books in the library (he had no idea how they ended up there). Quite satisfied with himself he flopped down on his workshop diwan for a kip just to find that he was so giddy with anticipation to go and see her in the morning that he didn't get a wink of sleep.


	37. Chapter 37

The beeping was annoying! With a groan Sarah struggled her way from blissful oblivion to wakefulness, cursing the alarm clock. She groped for the annoying little thing on her night stand to switch it off. With some regret she realized that she had forgotten to turn off the alarm when they had returned to the Tardis, bedecked with bands of handwoven honorary ornaments and wrapped in garlands of the feathery, pink flowers that indicating her and the Doctor's status as newly weds. Exhilarated from the music and the aerial acrobatics of their hosts and more than a bit tipsy from the magnum bottle of Champaign. With the gallant support of the Doctor she had managed to get to her bathroom, she had stripped out of her dress and jumped into her nightie all giggly because her brand new husband was still his old prudish self.

She lay quiet for a while, listening to the perfect silence of the Zero Room, awake enough to recapitulate the events of the previous evening. With a groan she realized how sticky and sweaty she still was. Suddenly she craved for a shower. Obediently the Tardis activated the lighting, Sarah rubbed the sleep out of her eyes, disentangled herself from the sheets and trudged to the bathroom. Twenty minutes later she was feeling clean again and fully awake. She poured herself a cup of tea from the still warm Thermos. The Shama ornaments caught her eye on the chair where she had disposed of them the night before. She moved them to a prominent place on her dresser, taking her time to admire and carefully arrange the beautifully crafted and richly ornamented pieces of handwoven fabric.

The Doctor was going to visit at eight so she still had twenty minutes for herself. With a sudden inspiration she settled down on her bed. All the telepathic stuff that had lately happened in her life unnerved her. What hat she needed right now was mental independence, so she began to practice the imagination techniques the Doctor had taught her. She tried her best to get the right balance between concentration and relaxation, but the anticipation for her beloved Timelord proved to be so distracting that she found herself peeking at the minute hand of her alarm clock with growing impatience. She reminded herself of what he told her, that it was important to be able to keep it up even when distracted so she reckoned that this wasn't the worst occasion for a little bit of training.

She jumped when finally the much awaited rap at the door ended her contemplation, at three minutes past eight.

A very familiar tousle head popped in, a huge grin plastered on his face, then he pushed through the door with his back, hands full with large tray.

"You are late!" Sarah declared, mocking him with her best fake pout, hands to her hips.

He quickly put down the tray on the coffee table. "Ah, but I didn't mean Tardis 8 o'clock, but Shama 8 o'clock," he smartly pointed out. "The Shama day is exactly one hour, fourteen minutes and six seconds longer than standard Tardis time."

"That's a cheap excuse!"

They both couldn't keep it up any longer, in unison they broke out in an absolutely childish giggle, for a moment sharing the pure delight that bubbled through the link. The Doctor sobered somewhat, not wanting to risk Sarah's mental stability he reined himself in and willed the link to disengage.

"Did you sleep well?" he tentatively inquired, closing the distance and sitting down on the foot end of Sarah's bed.

"Oh absolutely, I loved the feast."

"Mmh, I noticed that," he remarked with a cheeky grin.

Sarah moved closer to give him a hearty nudge with her elbow. "I was not nearly as drunk as you were some time not so long ago, remember? I was able to walk back to the Tardis and I have intact memories."

"Yes, but you needed help. And I have to say, you trying to teach Jegor sing God save the Queen, that was quite a sight."

Sarah flustered. "It wasn't that bad, was it?"

"No, of course not," he hurried assured her. "Just a bit out of the ordinary," he added with a chuckle and then sobered. "Now, how are those mental barriers doing today?"

"Go have a look," Sarah suggested, closing the distance between them. She closed her eyes, her skin tingling in anticipation of the fingers that were about to lightly, tenderly graze her skin. For a long time she had secretly longed for the touch of these coarse, yet so sensitive hands, how much she realized just now, when it had become their daily ritual. She realized also that the Doctor could probably hear these thoughts loud and clear when he made contact, so she quickly whipped up the image of the atomic shelter she had practised earlier.

The Doctor allowed his fingers to wander over her temples, let them linger there for longer than strictly necessary until he found the best spots to establish contact. After a moment a soft chuckle ended her contemplation and she opened her eyes.

"I can still hear you," he softly told her, cupping her cheek, eager to respond to her wishes then broke the contact and lifted her chin that she had to look up, straight into his eyes. A bashful smile graced his features. "But I have to concentrate, your attempt to block me out with the image of a bunker has some effect. You just need more practice and confidence in it," he encouraged her. "You may never be able to block out a determined Timelord or a creature like Eldrad, but it's still going to help you, especially now with the link."

"It does?"

"Oh yes! You are doing very well." A huge grin spread on his face, he clumsily patted her cheek and then sat back. "Breakfast?"

Sarah gave the tray a closer look. "Just one plate and cup?"

The Doctor's head eagerly bobbed up and down.

"And I don't have to wear the crown again?"

"Yes, I'm afraid for some time it will be safer if you do. But not right now! Erm, at least if we don't have too much physical contact," he pointed out.

Sarah couldn't help giving him a longing glance. "So it's either the crown, then I'm a bit of an annoying telepathic vacuum for you or no crown and we better don't touch?" she sulked and blew out a puff of air.

"Yes, I know. But it's so much better already. The meltdown was only three days ago, you forgot?" he gently scolded her. "I told you, a week is the minimum I would assume safe. It's not worth the risk."

Truth was, he estimated that he might still need some time to get the hormone cocktail ready, he estimated it might take him at least a week. He was glad that he had a good excuse to keep their contact limited because from what he had got through the link the young human was feeling quite starved when it came to the various kinds of male attentions, after he himself had condemned her to a life of adventurous chastity for those past three years.

"All right, you win," Sarah gave in. "But I still have pressure marks from yesterday." Sarah combed with her fingers through her hair to find the painful spots.

He leaned in and Sarah lowered her head. Carefully he parted her hair, giving the irritated patch of skin a closer inspection.

"I've just what you need!" He jumped to his feet. "I'll be back in a moment, don't start breakfast without me," he exclaimed with visible excitement, already half through the door.

Sarah heaved a sigh at his skittishness. She moved over to the sofa and peeked under the lid that covered the large plate to find sausages, scrambled egg and fried mushrooms. It took the Doctor a bit longer than a moment to return, with a large bag in hand. He sat down next to her and produced a jar with a reddish salve. Obediently Sarah turned her head and parted her hair that he could apply a dab to the painful spot. The Doctor began to rub it into her scalp with small, rhythmic circles.

"Smells awful," she commented.

"Yes, it definitely does," he agreed dreamily, taking a lot more time than strictly necessary.

"You enjoy nursing me."

He leaned close to her ear. "Only if your ailment is as harmless as this one, my princess." He stopped rubbing her scalp and instead whipped up a metallic device the size and shape of a cucumber.

"The portable tissue regenerator," Sarah commented with some disdain.

"It's good enough for smaller skin lesions."

"It itches like hell," Sarah complained. "You know I hate it!"

"I know indeed, but I can't treat you with the stationary tissue regenerator in the sick bay because I'm afraid the field might not react too well with the energy source of the telepathy inhibitor and I don't want you wandering the Tardis without it yet. The salve is going to numb the itch."

"All right then," Sarah relented, allowing the Doctor to run the humming device over her scalp.

"Itchy?"

"Mmh," she moaned.

Quietly he draped his arm around her and invited her to lean into him. He continued to treat the affected patch of skin while gently rubbing her back, glad for the thin layer of cloth between them that still provided some amount of insulation.

"Better now," he breathed into her ear, curbing his longings.

"Much," Sarah mumbled into his brocade vest, loosely wrapping her arm around his midriff. She realized that the link had not just opened a telepathic back door between their minds, the procedure had done something else, much more basic, emotional that she found hard to grasp.

With a pointed 'click` the Doctor switched off the tissue regenerator and put it aside. "Finished, butterfly!"

"So what," she muttered.

"Well, how about breakfast."

She lifted her head from his chest. A slightly bemused smile played around his lips when she looked up at his face.

"I've made your favourites." Invitingly he waggled with his eyebrows.

"I know. The smell is unmistakable." She let go of him and rubbed the back of her head. The pain was replaced by the characteristic odd tingling that indicated the accelerated healing after a tissue regenerator session. She sagged back into the back rest of the sofa while he removed the lid and picked up the plate. "Theta?"

He involuntarily started when he heard his name spoken out loud. "Yes, my dear?" he muttered, making himself comfortable next to her, the sound of his name in her voice filling his hearts with an inexplicable warmth.

She watched him out of the corner of her eyes. "Still having second thoughts in that oversized brain of yours?"

"Ah, no. It's just my lack of practice I guess. I'm rubbish at … relationships." It was no good, obviously it wasn't possible to fool Sarah, particularly not with now with the link.

"You keep repeating that. But so far I didn't get that impression."

A petulant "mmh.." was all she got in reply.

"You are chivalrous and affectionate" Sarah stubbornly continued. "Now I don't know what expectations Gallifreyan women might have, but by my ordinary, human standards you are doing quite okay so far. And what you lack in practice, well,even for Timelords that comes with practice, doesn't it?" she added. Cautiously she tugged at the link. It had changed in the three days she had been living with it she realized, just as he had promised. It had evolved into something that naturally, casually sat in the back of her consciousness, radiating a vague sense of warmth and familiarity but at the same time she hardly noticed it as long as she didn't touch it.

"Practice!" he echoed rather indecisively, scratching his nose, the idea that relationships were something that needed practice just like playing an instrument or piloting a Tardis still felt like an insult to his intellectual abilities.

"Definitely practice!" Sarah insisted. "Doc..erm, Theta?"

"Yes, my dear?"

"What are those expectations that female Gallifreyans have?"

"Oh nothing particular. From what I observed they are on the average just a bit more ah,...demanding and capricious, less patient than human women," he mused, spooning up some sausage and roasted mushrooms with a slight smile. "Of the 20st century, of course," he added. "There are so many different human societies, even some matriarchies later in human history."

Sarah couldn't help wondering what exactly he found so attractive about her. "So you chose me because you found me dominant and capricious?"

"Oh no, not at all. Although, you have the spirit, you are quite independent and intelligent, so yes, these are attractive traits for me."

"You find those attractive?" Sarah snorted. "Sometimes I got the impression that you are a chauvinist from outer space."

He screwed his face into a grimace. "Me? Really?"

"Mmh," she agreed and took the bite, letting him digest her last remark. "I definitely want to see those matriarchies," Sarah declared after some moments.

"I thought you'd say so," he chuckled, thinking back at her adamant refusal to make him coffee when he first met her at UNIT head quarter. "But not right now, I hope." He offered her a sip of tea.

"Oh no. But consider them quite high on our priority list after our stay here."

"Your wish is my command." He huddled into the backrest and began to share breakfast with her. Soon they were engrossed in a very enlightening discussion about matriarchy, Gallifreyan fashion and the advantages that being linked mates might provide on their future travels. Sarah could have spent the rest of eternity lazing on the sofa with him but the Doctor insisted that for the rest of the day she had to wear the telepathic inhibitor. They strolled up to the library where they found Teria and Jegor and decided to joined them in their card game.

"So, are you getting better?," the elderly physician asked the younger woman, dealing out cards with nimble fingers.

"Oh yes, much better, thank you. But my husband here is super cautious."

Jegor raised his eyebrow and exchanged a grave glance with his wife. She paused, then put the cards aside.

"What is it?" the Doctor inquired.

Another grave glance was exchanged. Jegor carefully weighed his words. "I think our time as your guests should slowly come to an end. I know, you promised us a trip to earth, but after all, this is your honeymoon and we certainly don't want to interfere..."

"But you don't..," the Doctor interrupted the engineer.

"We think what you two need is some alone time," Teria intermitted softly. "So we thought that as soon as you can wean Sarah off the telepathic inhibitor you take us to Nermela, and then you are free to do whatever young couples tend to do without us old folks tied to your apron's spring."

Surprised and slightly embarrassed the Timelord's gaze wandered to the engineer, then back to his wife. Until now he had been so busy that it hadn't even crossed his mind that a tourist group was not exactly the fitting scenario for a romantic honeymoon. At the same time the idea that their guests were going to leave suddenly intimidated him, because it meant that there were no more distractions and excuses not to take their relationship to the final step, a thought that absolutely thrilled him but at the same time still boggled his mind.

"Erm..." he began, quite touched to see that they were willing to give up their once in a lifetime chance to visit earth just that he and Sarah could have peaceful holiday, "this is most considerate of you!" he began.

"We can always pick them up sometime later for a trip to earth, can't we, Doctor?" Sarah interjected.

Over the centuries he had made it a habit never to return once he had left someplace, someone behind, but Sarah's request was something he just couldn't turn down. "Mmh, yes, I guess we can," he agreed after a long moment of hesitation. "If you want?"

"Oh, that would be absolutely fabulous," Teria replied. "Then this is settled, you take us to Nermela as soon as Sarah's health is restored!"

Quickly she resumed shuffling the cards. The Doctor's breath hitched in his throat when suddenly he felt the feather light touch of Sarah's hand on his thigh. A wave of heat washed through his brain at this unexpected display of intimacy, his gaze wandered up to meet her eyes and even the numbed link couldn't prevent a surge of feral longing. His cheeks flushed red and and he flashed a dopey grin at his `wife`, then quickly averted his eyes.

He strengthened his resolve to finish his work on the hormone cocktail quickly, hoping it woud ease those hefty reactions, that were quite normal in the initial stages of a relationship with a Time Lady partner but would certainly overcharge his human linksmate if he acted on them. He had assumed these reactions were triggered by the female's hormones, but when he dug into the medical texts he had been shocked to find out that it was rather the opposite, they were natural to male Timelords but were modulated and controlled by the female's sexual hormones, a mechanism that he found was quite alien to human biology. How stupid had he been to skip the biology classes in favour of temporal physics, alien historic studies, computer sciences and arts, daydreaming his class time away and as a result finishing his exams with the most catastrophic marks anyone of his old and noble family had ever got and without even the most basic knowledge about his own species.

He had a hard time to get his attention back to the card game and casual conversation, with the result that he and Sarah lost most of the games to Sarah's disappointment but that didn't matter to him, he was just singlemindedly focused on sneaking back into his lab to see to continue assembling the molecular synthesizer.

Over the next few days both, Sarah's mental stability as well as his project made good progress. The Doctor's days passed in a blur of work, spending his time with Sarah and in the pleasant company of their guests. Five days later Sarah passed the final test by exposing herself to the Tardis and the Shama unprotected, on the same day when Stonefruit Tail was able to fly again and once more. The Shama held another big feat, to celebrate the near miraculous recovery of a beloved family man, the Harfouche's farewell and the beginning of Sarah's and the Doctor's life together.

...

"This was quite an adventure," Jegor adressed the Doctor, summarizing the events of the last weeks when they had landed in the attic of his brother's house on Nermela, in the night of the summer solstice.

"It definitely was, we have to thank you for everything." Grinning one of his trademark megawatt grins the Doctor tipped his hat. With a flourish of his scarf he rushed to the doors and pushed them open. A dusty store room awaited him outside. He sniffed the air, then turned to the humans behind him. "Nermela, 8813 by the Casovarian calender!" he proclaimed.

"Home," Jegor whispered, his voice brittle with emotion, "I used to play here when I was a boy!" He switched on the torch and walked around the dusty compartments. They quickly unloaded their belongings and then it was time to say goodbye.

"You don't want to come down with us?" Teria inquired.

The Doctor shook his head. "Oh no! We wait here for a little while and when you don't come back up we assume that everything is going all right and we'll leave."

"To return some time after you have settled down, to pick you up for a trip to earth," Sarah added with a cheeky gin.

Teria gave her a heartfelt hug and then took the Doctor's hand. "I hope you two have a really really good time and a lot to tell us when we see you again!"

"Oh, I'm pretty sure of that," the Doctor grinned from ear to ear when the link tingled with an echo of Sarah's anticipation. He took Jegor's hand and vigorously shook it. "It was a pleasure to work with you!" He handed him the casket with the Tyredion crystals and to the elderly engineer's surprise and joy a bag of Jelly Babies. "Don't forget these!"

Sarah shook his hand, then linked arms with the Doctor. "We'll come for you when you have settled down,"

They waved goodbye, then vanished down the staircase. Sarah and the Doctor sneaked to the stairhead and listened. After a short while they heard shouting, then shreds of agitated conversation.

"You should have scanned the house," Sarah whispered

"The summer solstice festivities, Jegor was sure..."

"That's what you usually are," Sarah muttered under her breath as they continued to listen. "Maybe we should interfere!"

"No, that was Jegor's nephew," the Doctor replied. "He called for his father, he is a bit upset but overjoyed, and I think right now his brother is introducing them to some other woman of the family."

Sarah shot him an incredulous sidelong glance.

"Superior Timelord hearing," the Doctor excused himself. "Now come on, everything is going according to the plan, we are quite redundant here." Quietly they made their way back to the Tardis, he ushered her in and then closed the doors.

"And now?" he asked her, the question rather rhetorical, giving away his insecurity instead than hiding it.

"Back to is the first day of our honeymoon," Sarah suggested softly, sensing the old nervous tension in her favourite Timelord.

"It most certainly is," he huskily replied, took a deep breath to calm his heartrate, then moved to the console and punched in the coordinates of the Bluewood island on Shama.


	38. Chapter 38

Attention attention! Graphic scene ahead in this chapter. If you can't stand it, don't read it!

...

The afternoon heat was making her drowsy. Sarah stretched out her legs on the carpets that covered the ground, she leaned her back against the blue fake wooden hull of the Tardis, the faint hum of the ancient ship pleasantly resonating through her body. Through half closed eyelids she watched the Doctor, who lay sprawled on the large divan at the other end of the marquee, his focus on the screen of the portable computer on his lap.

"You spend all day in front of that computer, not with me," she grouched after silently watching him work for some time.

Irritated he tore his eyes away from the screen, to Sarah's satisfaction at least a look of barely veiled guilt on his face. "But I am here with you," he replied. "And you still have to practice the techniques I have shown you anyway."

"Now spare me your sophistry!" Sarah griped back at him. "You know perfectly well what I mean and I can't practice blocking you out for 16 hours a day, can I?"

"Oh come on, now you are exaggerating," he replied in a rather lame attempt to brush off Sarah's righteous anger.

"Exaggerating? Me? Day in, day out you sit in front of that computer of yours as if you were glued to it, alternatively you sneak off to your laboratory! Are you seriously calling this a honeymoon?"

"Erm...," he began but Sarah cut him short. "It's not only that I'm not ready. You are not honest with me. Again!"

"That's not true," he grumbled rather half heartedly.

"Yes, it is. It's three days now. All you do is hiding behind that THING! You have shut off the link and you don't even tell me why. You've started avoiding me as soon as I was off that damned telepathic inhibitor," Sarah continued crisply, touching the link to see if it gave away any hint of what was going on in the Timelord's mind, but to her frustration she found his side still closed down and dead. "You got cold feet and want to get rid of me. Is it that?" she huffed with pent up frustration.

"No, not at all. Please! Don't believe that even for a second!" He crumbled into the divan a bit more at her infuriation. "This here is really really important work. It's not only for me, but for both of us. I have to finish this before anything... more... can happen between us," he insisted.

"Then at least tell me why!" she snapped, exasperated, fed up with his cryptic hints. "How am I to believe you!"

"Mmh," he mumbled. "It's... erm...you see..."

Sarah got to her feet, strolled over to him, studied his face for a moment and then, making up her mind laid a hand on his shoulder. "I'll go swimming. Don't you want to take a break and join me?" she suggested, softly now, changing her strategy in her attempt to get through to him.

"No," he burst out. "I can't! Please!" he begged, his eyes large as saucers.

But we are alone here on the island, nobody is going to see you except me," she softly pointed out.

A pained expression flashed over his face, giving away what was going on in his mind. "Sorry, but I'm at a point of breakthrough here," he breathlessly excused himself.

"That's what you already told me yesterday. And the day before," Sarah huffed. She kneeled down next to him, desperate to find an explanation for his erratic behaviour. "Why can't you tell me what you are doing?"

He just stared back at her. Previously evasive behaviour had always been tied to more intimate matters or to the customs of his people. "More secret and embarrassing Timelordy things that are so secret that you can't even share them with me?" she suggested.

"Okay, okay. More secret and embarrassing timelordy things," he admitted and managed a crooked half smile in reply.

Glad that she had finally gotten him to admit that much Sarah peeked at the screen, trying to interpret the three dimensional geometric structures she found there. "Important molecules?"

"Very important molecules!" the Doctor eagerly agreed.

If the first three days of their honeymoon had taught her one thing, it was that some things just didn't change and the dream about an easy romantic relationship with the Timelord had burst like a soap bubble."You've been working all day. How about a break?" she tentatively suggested. "I take a swim, then I fix us dinner and we can do something else? Just for a while, and then you can return to your very important work," she hopefully suggested.

He looked up and the woefully apologetic expression in those orbs of blue didn't fail to soften her temper. "Sounds like a good idea, princess. I think I really need a break," he mumbled to Sarah's relief. He reached over and with a trembling finger traced along her jawline, for a second a hungry expression flaring up in his eyes. Averting his gaze he retreated his hand and cleared his throat. With a faint smile Sarah lowered her head. "Please, trust me," he muttered, voice hoarse with barely curbed emotion.

"I do!" she replied. Moments ago she wouldn't have been so sure about that any more but that look in his eyes, the warmth and concern she found there convinced her. "Just please, don't block me out like that."

Dejectedly he scratched a nonexistant patch of itchy skin behind his ear. "Sorry."

"Finish this super important work of yours. Quickly. And stop revolving only around your own oh so important, self absorbed world," she suggested.

"I will," he croaked, looking quite miserable.

Sarah scrambled to her feet and vanished in the Tardis. Ten minutes later, clad only in a bikini and wrapped in her large beach towel, she nearly bumped into the Timelord when she turned around the corner into the corridor that lead up to the console room. She stopped in her tracks.

"Sarah, you allright?" he inquired, head cocked, his eyes large filled with concern. "You are unhappy!. I've made you unhappy the last three days. I'm sorry! But once this is finished I swear things will change."

"You keep repeating that," Sarah pointed out.

"Mmh, yes," he muttered, nervously rubbing his nose. "I know."

"Doctor, are you sick or something? Those molecules, are they some kind of drug?" she asked him, with a sudden pang of worry.

"It's erm... a condition rather than a sickness," he admitted with some squirming.

"And you need this chemical, to fix it?" she breathlessly inquired. "You are not sick, are you?" she insisted.

He shook his head with resolve.

"It's not dangerous?"

"Oh no, no. Definitely not dangerous," he hurried to assure her.

Judging by her experience with him and his notorious squeamishness about everything too intimate this looked suspiciously as if it might have something to do with Timelord relationship life. Her fantasies went haywire. Maybe an erectile dysfunction and he needed some kind of drug, because a Timelord who didn't get it up had to commit ritual suicide? Maybe something so outlandish that she would never even guess? She decided against probing deeper into the matters of his species for now.

He clumsily pointed down the corridor, "I need to go, check something in my workshop."

"The molecules you are cooking?"

His head vigorously bobbed up and down.

"I could keep you company, you know," she tentatively suggested, still full of concern for whatever this ominous `condition` might be.

"I have some serious reprogramming to do. I really have to concentrate, all you could do is sit there and watch me working, it's boring."

"All right, I don't want to distract you. You do what you have to do. I go for a swim,"

"Sarah, I love you, I really do. It's just..." he tried to apologize when he saw the glint of frustration in those expressive green eyes.

"You need those molecules. Obviously urgently," Sarah pointed out.

"Yes." he ruefully admitted.

"I understand," she finally relented.

"You do?" His eyes widened with disbelief. "You are not mad at me!"

She heaved a heavy sigh, one of so many in the past few weeks. "Sure I'm disappointed, frustrated," she explained. "But whatever it is, it must be so important for you that everything else has to wait, for reasons you can't tell me. So yes, I respect that, if it's a temporal thing. And I respect that as a Timelord you can't tell me the details. But you should have told me that you have a problem. After all, we share a link, we are even married according to Shama customs. But you still don't trust me."

"Yes, I guess I should have found a way to tell you," he meekly admitted.

"And you can promise me it's not something bad and you just downplay some kind of sickness?"

"No, nothing bad or dangerous. And I promise you, once this work is finished, it will make things so much easier for me!"

Sarah caught a link echo of his honesty when he finally unblocked his side of their connection. She gave him a slow nod, an encouraging smile spreading on her face.

"Thank you, Sarah, thank you just for... being you," he muttered, some of the old enthusiasm returning to his voice. He draped his arms around her, pulling her into a fierce hug he couldn't help but pouring all his affection into the wide open link before he unhanded her and swallowed hard.

"I can only hope it's going to work," she softly replied, totally taken by surprise by the warmth that had for a split second flooded her mind, a warmth that was so saturated with sensuality that she had to step back and take a deep breath to stop herself from falling into a state of arousal. Now it was she who had to clear her throat and both hemmed and hawed to find back to a reasonable conversation mode and she was quite certain that he didn't entertain any thoughts to get rid of her..

"Oh, me too, believe me, the last two experiments failed, this time I have to get it right," the Doctor began rather clumsily. "Erm... and you really want to... cook? "

"Why not?"

"Well, on Gallifrey it's quite unheard of that a Time Lady cooks for her...her... chosen."

"I'm not a Time Lady," Sarah pointed out. "So that rule doesn't apply to me, does it? Now tell me, what do you like for dinner?"

"There is still some frozen pizza left, in the second storage room I think." he cautiously suggested.

"Okay. If you don't show up by the time it's finished I'll bring you some to your workshop, how is that?"

Her forbearance took a load off his mind. "Erm... that's... very kind. Very kind indeed! I'll see you later then." He stumbled backwards, then turned on his heels and hasted down the corridor.

"See you later," Sarah muttered but he was already gone, just his hurried footsteps faintly echoed through the corridor. The reassuring hum of the Tardis seemed to grow louder. Sarah pressed her palm to the wall. "You know what is going on with him, after all you are from his home world. If you just could talk! " She patted the wall and was rewarded with the encouraging mental nudge, obviously the sentient ship agreed very much with how things proceeded. If Sarah had spent the last few days doubting, the short glimpse of the Timelord's raw emotions convinced her that it was not a lack of feelings for her but rather the opposite, he was bursting with pent up longing and that insight gave her ample food for thoughts.

She decided to give him the benefit of doubt, she went swimming, enjoying the sunset over the bay, then she took a quick shower, got dressed and moved to the kitchen where she made a bowl of salad and even found some Tiramisu for dessert. She touched the link in an attempt to contact him. Was he going to come? The link was apparently not blocked, but something that resembled a buzzing, excited white noise was all she received back and she wasn't sure whether he had got her `message` at all.

Then while the pizza was in the oven she gathered everything she needed for a romantic dinner and hauled a huge bag up to the marquee. She arranged the low round table with candles and draped a large white blanket and matching sofa cushions on the divan for maximum comfort. She dimmed the light globes and then the only thing that was still missing was the pizza. And of course him. Her heart began to thump in her chest as she walked back down to the kitchen. Was he going to come?

"This looks, delicious, absolutely delicious," the Doctor greeted her when she pushed through the double door, looking up from the oven door, straightening his back. With a flourishing movement he slid the pizzas onto two plates and before she could say something in reply he had crossed the room and hugged her, lifted her up and spun her around in a mad twirl. "It worked, Sarah! Finally," he exclaimed and nearly squashed her in a bout of exuberance before he let her down, a loony grin plastered on his face. "Oh, and I did get your message. I was just busy making a few final adjustments to the synthesizer"

"That was fast," Sarah began, not yet fully trusting the Doctor's change of mood. "So you are free tonight?"

"As free as a bird," he jested. He gave the two plates a frown, then he stuffed the bottle that was sitting on the worktop into his coat pocket, picked up the plates and gestured to the door. With Sarah in the lead they made their way up to the console room and out into their outdoor living room. Surprised he stared at the dinner table then back at Sarah.

"That's nice," he acknowledged her efforts, quickly setting down the plates. "Although it would have been my job to make these preparations."

"You were busy with other things," Sarah teased him, and he didn't object when she draped her arm around his waist.

"But not any longer," he informed her and pulled the bottle from his coat pocket. "Good old Wellington gave me this one, it's Champagne from Napoleon's wine vault. I thought that one day I could put it to a good use."

Sarah gave the bottle with the yellowed, stained label and the colourful past a curious glance while the Doctor began to tackle the bottle top until with a dull 'plop' it gave in and he had to hurry to to contain the precious liquid in two glasses. According to European habit he handed Sarah one of them.

"To good times to come," he muttered, a melancholic expression softening his features and held out his glass.

"To good times to come," Sarah echoed, clinking her glass to his, catching the echo of a phelora of emotion that sloshed through the link. For the first time she got a glimpse of what the Doctor meant when he had insisted that a link with a Timelord could be a challenge for her. She withdrew her attention from the point of the link and promptly the emotional overspill faded.

"Yes, that's it, butterfly, very good," the Doctor approved.

"It is?"

"Oh yes. You are doing quite well."

"You have given me plenty of time to practice," she retorted.

"I know, I know. Sorry," he apologized. "It's still hot out here," he suddenly changed the subject after the fleeting moment of contrition, got rid of his scarf, shook out of his coat and threw both over the backrest. Then he flopped down on the diwan, expectantly patting the cushion next to him.

Still as erratic as ever Sarah mused, taking another sip of the fizzy liquid in her glass, then slipping onto the place next to the Doctor, who had started to cut the pizza on one plate into bite sized pieces.

"You still think I'm erratic," he whined as a response.

It took Sarah a moment to realize that he must have picked up her thoughts. "Honestly, yes," she admitted. "You were in your last incarnation, too. Even if it wasn't as prominent back then. It seems that's one of your basic character traits that's not changed by regeneration. So! Does the link now mean that I'll never be able to have any private thoughts?" she concluded.

"Erm.. No, no, that's not how it's supposed to be! You project fairly strongly. Sorry, I couldn't resist eavesdropping, normally I shouldn't be able to pick up more than your basic emotion without your consent. I guess we both need more training at this."

"Okay..." she tentatively began.

"I'll be more careful," the Timelord softly promised, interrupting her, and his puppy dog gaze didn't fail to have it's usual effect, she melted into a lovelorn puddle. The manipulative git she mused.

They made themselves more comfortable, the Doctor holding the plate on his lap. "Pizza?" he inquired, holding out a piece for Sarah to take a bite.

"Oh, pizza is just irresistible," she mumbled, struggling with a few tenacious strands of cheese and out of the corner of her eye watching the Doctor's smugly self-assured demeanour about his little courtship ritual. On the spur of the moment she grabbed a piece of pizza herself and waggled it in front of the Doctor's mouth.

He gave her an utterly puzzled sideway glance, nibbled at it, then raised his eyebrow so sulkily that she burst out laughing.

"Feeding each other could double the fun," Sarah giggled, watching the little cogwheels in the Doctor's brain spin at top speed as he tried to grasp the idea of her modifications of the ritual.

"But that's not how the tradition is," he pouted.

"So what is this feeding ritual good for? In a Timelord couple," Sarah inquired.

"Erm..." he thought about it for a long moment. "To please and to appease the lady's temper," he pointed out, again holding out the pizza for her.

"So feeding the female is some sort of foreplay in Timelords, to quench her wrath," she snorted out laughing. This bit of information shed some interesting new light on gender roles in Gallifreyan society. "You mean like in spiders?" Sarah jested. "You know, I don't need to be appeased by the man of my choice. I'm usually not the man eating variety of woman, and if I'm angry a plate of food will certainly not do," she pointed out more softly, chewing away on her pizza. "We could do this strictly for fun."

"Mmh, we could indeed," he muttered, a bit put off by the spiders comparison and tried to ignore the saucy remark that indeed wasn't too far off from the truth,d mulling over what she had suggested. Then his features brightened to a toothy grin. "Yes, I think we can. I like the idea!"

Sarah moved closer, leaning into him and this time when she waggled the piece of pizza in front of his nose he took a hearty bite, then another one and soon he was wolfing down the rest.

"I didn't even notice that I was so hungry," he commented his ravenous appetite. Triggered by Sarah's most pleasant proximity a surge of hot, intoxicating lust began to well up. For a moment he was tempted to just give in to it, felt an insatiable desire to move closer, to wrap his arms around her, to feel her bare skin on his, but he bravely battled the hormonal assault on his brain until he had it back under control. Telling himself that very soon things were going to be a lot easier he closed down the link a bit more securely.

"Are you okay," Sarah inquired, the surge of raw need and emotional tension, as well as their sudden fading not escaping her.

"Mmh. Quite okay," he muttered. "It's a lovely evening and I spend it in the best possible company, why would I be anything but okay?"

"Oh, I just thought..."

"Sometimes you think too much," he teased her, distracting her with more pizza, doing his best to embark the nearly feverish anticipation that had by now taken hold in his mind.

And he didn't do so bad. Sarah had the pleasant, harmonious romantic dinner she had been longing for, even if the famous Champagne didn't really live up to her expectations. No alien invasion interrupted them. But although she didn't get any direct hint of it through the link, that certain subtle tension didn't seem to leave the Timelord. When they had polished off the dessert Sarah finally decided to do something about the unfair fact that she had a pleasant evening and something apparently still bothered him to a point where he seemed just unable to relax. She got to her knees

He raised his eyebrows in alarm. "Something wrong?"

"No, my darling, not at all," she assured him, patting his arm as she climbed over the back rest and then laid her hands lightly on his shoulders. "You are totally stiff, you know that? All day long in front of a computer with your shoulders hunched like that..." . Involuntarily he tensed under her hands when she began to massage his shoulders, her delicate little hands vigorously kneading his muscles, but then he simply couldn't help it and gave in to the bliss inducing sensation, his body relenting to her touch. "We need more alien threats, physical exercise seem to be a lot more agreeable to you," she softly jested as he sighed with pleasure and he muttered something in reply that vaguely indicated that right now an alien threat would not agree with him at all.

She decided to move her attention upwards, to do something that she had always longed to do since the night he had died, his head cradled in her lap and then had changed into this body. She buried her hands in his curls, her fingers combing through the soft tresses, then she began to gently rub circles into his scalp. "Baa-baah," she mocked him, "you give the term sheepish a totally new dimension, you know that?"

"What do you mean...," he breathed, then the penny dropped and he noisily cleared his throat. "Oh! Being compared to an earth mammal just because this body happens to come with lush hair growth is a strange compliment. If it's a compliment at all!" he replied, voice husky. This evening was not going in directions that he had anticipated he realized with a growing sense of panic, on the other hand he yearned, he craved, he wanted nothing more than to give in to what Sarah was offering him so generously. Before his sluggish reflexes could do anything about this pickle his indulgence had gotten him into Sarah moved closer.

"Now a human male would seduce his beloved," she playfully whispered in his ear, summoning up all her courage to express her deepest wishes.

"What?" He nearly choked at her comment, he turned his head to face her, the familiar spark of panic burning bright in his eyes, but after such a long time of patience she just couldn't resist, instead of backing off she lifted his chin, then leaned in until her lips ever so gently grazed his cheek, to quench his anguish with the softest of kisses. Taken by surprise a low groan escaped him, unable to do anything but surrender to her ministrations. Encouraged by the lack of resistance she started to bedeck his face with more little kisses and let her hands slip lower. He froze when she started to fumble at the top button of his shirt.

"Sarah, I think.. I think.. we really have to talk about this, before...there is... please, this it not the time!" he rambled, his complexion flushed, eyes glassy and large as saucers when again he looked up at his sweet tormentor. He was quickly muted when she made a decision that he was so obviously unable to make. A gurgling moan escaped him when her lips found his, lightly, for one long moment giving him what he was longing for. She slipped her hand under the fabric of his shirt. He took another rattled breath and his head lolled to the side when she started tousling the hair she found on his chest.

"Sarah, please," he once more begged, voice barely above a murmur.

"Hush Theta, I happen to know you like this just as much as I do," she whispered into his ear, continuing to caress him. "After all, we share a link, you remember? I'm not totally dumb and blind. You've been wanting this for a long time."

"Yes, but... Sarah! Please don't...," he weakly pleaded, but after those years of sensual starvation Sarah didn't feel like letting him go, his desire, the echo of his struggle and her effect on him just further turning her on.

"Sometimes you think too much," she softly pointed out and then, one hand once more firmly buried in his curls, the other draped around his neck she began to explore his face with her lips, smothering his resistance until he was melting into pudding under her hands. Button by button she continued to lay bare soft, ivory coloured skin that had very obviously hardly ever seen the light of day. With a strained sigh his head lolled backwards when she ran her fingers along the delicate skin beneath his collarbone, explored down to his abdomen where she found the beginnings of a little pounch. She climbed back over the backrest, settling down at the foot end of the diwan, right next to him. A squeal was all he got out when she took him by the shoulders and gently shoved him down into the pillows. Keeping his eyes squeezed shut he began to mutter incoherent words in a strange language.

She placed a soothing hand flat on his sternum, sensing a rhythmic double beat thundering under her palm. "You like this!" she whispered into his ear.

"Yes," he breathed, helplessly, the last remains of his self control slipping away.

"Then allow me make you feel good. There is nothing wrong about it!"

So open, so vulnerable, she marvelled. She bent low and gently kissed her way from his deliciously stubbly chin down his neck to the chest, tasting warm muskiness. She homed in on his right nipple, playfully she began to nuzzle it, relishing in his reactions. She continued sucking it and giving it tender bites until she watched with satisfaction how his breath got husky and a shudder of pleasure ran through the link. When she straightened to face him and he finally looked her in the eyes they were dark and hazy with lust, any remaining traces of resistance gone. Her high and mighty Time Lord was clutching at the sheets in anguish! She shortly shifted her attention his other nipple and then kissed her way down to his belly button and his plain physical reaction to her sweet torture became all too obvious, straining the confines of his trouser, the sight of his surrender oddly touching her. His breaths became ragged gasps when her fingers lightly, casually traced over the suspicious bump, rasping her name. Sarah continued to explore and caress every square inch of his chest, then she couldn't help it, her fingers found their way to the waistband and button, her hand slid underneath it, rested it gently on his lower abdomen and he groaned softly when she began to twist the soft hair she found there between her fingers.

„I never knew that Time Lords are so hairy, oh my shaggy bear," she teased him, exploring further and a strangled gurgling was all he managed in response, even in it's sluggish state his brain registered that the animal monikers got a bit too much for his taste but there wasn't much time to ponder about such details as the last remnants of his precious self control slipped away in an avalanche of desire. He sucked in his breath. A feral growl escaped him, when she finally let her fingers sneak even deeper and lightly, tentatively touched him, not without curiosity if there were any differences compared to a human member.

In an uncontrolled spasm he bucked under her fingers when they enclosed the shaft. "Sarah, what are you doing!" he howled, then roughly grabbed her by the shoulders, his hands tightly closing around her.

Sarah yelped in surprise when he flipped her on the back in one fluid motion, in a moment he was all over her, frantically devouring her face and neck with his lips. He wrapped one arm around her, his cool hand under her T-shirt roughly, urgently squeezing her flesh. A hot wave of unchecked desire flooded through the link. Although she had certainly not expected this sudden shift in his attitude she was thrilledt. She placed her palms on his flushed cheeks, trying to get him to focus on her but he was far gone, as if he had fallen into a state of trance. It dawned on her that he had tried to stop this when he still was in control of himself. But she trusted him and although she knew that right now he was not quite himself she relished in his strength, the passion as his large hand restlessly, urgently roamed all over her body, after all this was what she had been dreaming about during many a long, lonely night aboard the Tardis.

His breathing got more and more ragged when he let his hand slip lower, he began to fondle her thighs, grazing the skin above her knee at first, then moving up to her groin more and more forcefully kneading and squeezing his way. The longing that echoed through the link was a surprising sensual bonus to his touch, she writhed with pleasure, her movement further egging him on. Vigorously he shoved up her skirt and soon greedy fingers found their way to her most private places. She closed her eyes and swallowed hard. A wave of arousal flooded up her spine when for the first time he ran his finger over her bud. A soft moan escaped her and she surrendered to his touch when more fingers found their way inside her, probing, examining the slick crevice they found. He abruptly straightened himself, then his other hand gripped her left knee, and she eagerly responded to his demand when he opened her legs. It was obvious now that he had no intention to content himself with a little foreplay. If she had wanted to stop him, this would have been the time, but she let it pass, indulging in this totally unexpected outburst of passion.

He grabbed her at the waist, repositioned her on the bed, then he sat up on his haunches and moved between her legs, holding her in a tight grip, peering down at her like a predator, with a need so unhinged that it made her shudder. Even if she wasn't naked suddenly she felt small, and more exposed than she ever had in her life. Blinded by desire she had manoeuvred herself into a position where she was totally at his mercy, she realized. Indeed she had been entertaining completely ridiculous, chauvinistic fantasies where a mysterious stranger swept her off her feet, undressed and just took her. Her! The avid fighter for women's rights! She had even caught herself day dreaming that one day the Doctor would simply shove her against the console, tell her to open her legs and screw her right and proper when he was in his previous body. Doubts began to get a hold in her mind. Now he was going to make that fantasy come reality there was something truly unsettling about it.

But there was not all that much time to ponder such thoughts. With an abrupt movement he crouched low, he came heavily to lie on top of her, the bulge hard against her belly. He was about to make short work of this she realized, thrilled that her Doctor was finally making love to her, although she had always painted those fantasies infinitely more romantic. Again he shifted, a hand crudely began to grope for her knickers, vigorously shoving the piece of cloth out of his way to lay bare her entrance, exposing her, the mad longing in his eyes a promise what was about to come. She slipped her arms under his shirt and around him, ran her hands over his muscular back, swallowing down a pang of anxiety. For a moment searching fingers were taking their aim, then she felt something warm and smooth and hard demanding entrance. He was a large man and equipped equally so, she gasped at the sharp pain when he suddenly pressed into her.

Reflexively she dug her fingernails into his back, biting back a yell of pain, the full realization what corner she had painted herself into hitting her like a brick. "Theta! Not so rough! It hurts!" she urged him, tugging at the link to make him notice her but she was flooded with a cacophony of greedy, unhinged lust. She grabbed him by the shoulders, shaking him she tried to get him back to his senses, tried to get him off her with sheer force. But it was as effective as as if she tried to stop a freight train, as a response he just draped his arms possessively across her shoulders to insure she couldn't move, ignoring her pleas to stop it. Heaving a shuddering sigh he seemed to collect himself for a long moment. She fell silent. The pain abated, just a dull throbbing, the sensation of being stuffed to the brim, his confining arms and weight remained. She lay very still and took a deep breath to brace herself for what was going to come. She winced when he pulled back and once more drove his flesh into her, slowly, tentatively, as if testing new terrain, then a second time, boring into her most intimate place with more resolve, then once more, this time putting his full weight behind it and she moaned with pain when he dug into her cervix. Soon he fell into a slow but unrelenting rhythm. She clenched her teeth, sucking in a hissing breath at every thrust. She made an attempt to wriggle out of his grip when he slightly changed his position but as a response he roughly grabbed her arms and pinned her to the mattress with more of his weight. Bending low to administer hot kisses he just pounded more ferociously into her. Burying Sarah's slender frame under himself he finally fell into a feverish fervour, raw animal animal instinct taking over, his mind lost to anything but his burning, ravishing need, her begging him to stop unheard. Dull, throbbing ache alternated with lances of stabbing pain. She clamped her thighs around his legs in anguish, there was no getting away from him and the piston that he drove into her with reckless abandon.

Shocked she realized that her kind, gentle, funny, occasionally stubborn Timelord was gone, dead, as if he had never existed. Right now she was at the mercy of a sexually crazed alien. It was intense, she was laid bare to the core, intruded, mercilessly torn open and violated by by what felt like a force of nature, any resistance futile. The only option that remained was to surrender, to ride out the storm, waiting for it to settle, desperately hoping that some of the kind and gentle man he used to be was left after this assault.

Finally, when she gave up her useless struggle against him, the pain and thrill and the link echo of his ecstasy suddenly, inexplicably began to merge into an indistinguishable blend of anguish and lust, fear and pleasure that they shared back and forth, that expanded, grew, began to take shape and fill the whole of time and space in an ecstatic swirl.

Soon, almost too soon it was over, he came quick and hard, grunting with relief when he emptied himself into her with a few long, convulsing thrusts. He broke down on her, still in her, wheezing like a marathon runner. The sensation of a universe filled with unhinged arousal began to fade but Sarah still didn't dare to move. Absent mindedly the Time Lord stroked her cheek with with the back of his knuckles, softly babbling in that guttural alien tongue. Slowly coming back to his senses he brushed a few strands of hair out of Sarah's face. Then, leaning heavily on his elbows, his forehead touching hers he finally slid out of her.

"Oh my, you really had an urgent need there!" Sarah gasped with an flustered little laugh, still out of breath herself, her voice shaky from his fierce onslaught and the abrupt end, not exactly knowing what to make of it. She pressed her palm to his flushed cheek, digesting what had just overrun her.

His eyes cleared of the fog. Suddenly they widened with realisation when he noticed the utter disarray on Sarah's face. "I've hurt you!" Abruptly he took his weight off her, the shock of realization of what he had just done written all over his face.

"No don't! Stay!" she insisted, instinctively reaching out she got hold of his sleeve when he scuttled back, away from her in apparent horror.

He had practically raped her! Was this rabid hornyness and loss of control the `condition` he'd been talking about earlier that day? He reminding her a lot of a frightened little child now, that had broken something and was in for punishment, his eyes pleading for absolution. Tenderly, apologetically, almost reverently he stroked her cheek with his trembling fingers. "Please! I'm sorry! I... I..! Oh I should have talked...I'm stupid! So stupid!" he stuttered.

She was definitely unable to give him the boot when he looked at her like that and decided not to give up on her ungainly alien lover so quickly. With a shaky hand she wiped some of the sweat from his brow. "This was my doing just as much as yours. You tried to warn me, didn't you? I chould have listened to you."

Pain flared up in his eyes at that. "So what now?" he asked with small voice.

She hesitated for a moment but then made up her mind. "What now? Depends on you. But in case we are ever going to repeat this, we have to work on your control and, erm, technique, okay? I mean, if you want to repeat it at all."

Literally his jaw dropped when he heard that. "You want to? You really want to? After..."

"If you are able stop yourself from turning into a sex berserker, then yes," she muttered, the memory of the eerie, almost magic moment when she had stopped fighting him still fresh in her memory.

With a strangled groan he nodded, "That should be possible," he muttered, his eyes all shiny with longing again when he realized, that she indeed made no attempt at kicking him out of her bed. Instead she straightened out her skirt and then huddled into the pile of pillows, relaxing as the dull, throbbing ache between her legs slowly abated.

„All right then, humans often go to sleep afterwards, or smoke a cigarrette, what do Time Lords do, needing so much less rest," she inquired, a bit insecure what to do next.

„Um, well, new couples continue all night... pretty much, with a maiden lover," he answered shyly, looking at her with large eyes, reminding her a lot of a puppy dog. "That's the point of it."

„Oh...!" Her eyes widened with surprise. She had no idea what he meant with 'maiden' in this context and what was the point of what but currently nothing could surprise her.

„You...erm.. I mean, humans, ah...don' t? They are content with just once and then..." he asked, puzzled, taken aback by her reaction, but obviously curious to learn more about the miracles of human mating habits.

„Male humans can't... erm... perform multiple times, usually, at least not in quick succession. Even if they tend to boast with their stamina. You might get a second round later, but usually that's about it," she explained snickering, wondering where this crazy endeavour would take her.

"Oh!" Now the surprise was on his side. „And they are satisfied with that?"

The innocence and boldness of that statement made her laugh out loud. "It's all right, I guess I have to wear you out to get my share of sleep." She sighed with mock resignation as she watched how his eyes widened and went hazy with anticipation at that prospect. „You need a lesson or two anyway. Improving your skills and self control. I don't know if it's just you or if Time Lords are in general such uncivilized animals in bed," she continued with a giggle and gave his nose a playful nudge, ignoring the fresh pang of guilt and bafflement on his face.

"Well, that's what I wanted to tell you … before...,"

"All that matters is what happened," she interrupted him. "Yes, you hurt me. But the moment when I stopped struggling suddenly time seemed to stand still and it was as if the whole universe was reflected in the shared pleasure and pain and all the stars began to dance," she thoughtfully recollected her experience.

"Yes," he quietly admitted. She sensed his remorse when he made an attempt to get up from the diwan, but she again she got hold of him and pulled him close, her lips grazing his cheek, tasting the salty sweatiness of his skin and he couldn't help it, he pulled her close, kissed her back with passion, relieved and in endless wonder about how amazing his human consort was. She watched him for signs of loss of control but couldn't find any. After some moments he broke the kiss and lifted his hand to her temple, lightly stroking her skin and then pressing three points in a way that was all too familiar to her. She held still for a moment when he probed her mind not through the link but the old fashioned way.

"No harm done," he sighed with relief, his face vivid with emotion when he broke the contact and let go. "I'm so so sorry that I intruded on you like that, it just shouldn't have happened with a human. Not like that," he added.

"So this is indeed a Timelord thing?"

"Yes," he admitted.

"Nothing to be sorry about, as I said, I should have taken your warnings more seriously," Sarah assured him, and to his utter surprise began to push the rumpled shirt over his shoulders, pulling at the sleeves to help him shed out of the crumpled piece of clothing and observed him in his full glory. Of course she had seen him without a shirt before but tending to a drunk was not exactly the same thing as undressing your love interest. Tentatively she laid her hand on his bare chest but he took it in his, kissed her knuckles and got to his feet. Then he slid his arms under her knees and shoulder and lifted her up in his arms.

"What are you doing," she asked, draping her arm around his neck but he didn't respond, just wordlessly carried her into the Tardis. For a moment she was afraid that again he was losing it, but his expression was so concerned that she quickly ruled out that possibility. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he padded down a very familiar corridor and let him have his way.

"The infirmary?" she inquired.

"You said you don't like the portable tissue regenerator. I don't want you to be in prolonged discomfort," he muttered into her hair, opening the double door with his back and then proceeded into the room where they had spent so much time treating her and then Stonefruit Tail. He lowered her onto the treatment table where she sat on edge while he quickly grabbed blankets to make her more comfortable. She laid down and he cautiously placing a rolled up blanket under her head, then moved the table until the head of the tissue regenerator that protruded from the ceiling was right over her abdomen.

Sarah giggled,. "And now I'm in the infirmary and the reason why I need treatment is not an alien invasion but an alien sex accident!" she replied, still a bit shaken.

He screwed his face into an uneasy smile at that statement and continued to adjust the equipment. "I appreciate that you are able to see a humorous aspect to it," he dryly replied.

He switched the machine on and in a moment Sarah could feel the characteristic mild tingling sensation, in places where she had never ever expected to ever experience it. The Doctor pulled himself a chair and settled down at the head end, without any second thought he draped his arms around her, encasing her hands in his, resting them on her sternum. Sarah turned her head to look up to him, realizing that the incident had obviously changed something very fundamental in him, he seemed more at ease than he had been in a long time. "You know, while I have to lie here, you could do something for me," she suggested thoughtfully.

"Yes? Whatever you want," he eagerly replied.

"There are these soft foamy mats in the sports room."

"The Venusian Aikido ring."

"That's it. I need a big piece of one of the mats. And I also need one of the little laser cutters from the workshop. Can you get those for me?"

"What do you want it for?"

"You will see," she smirked, reaching up to pat his cheek.

" But I don't want to leave you alone," he whined.

"The Taridis infirmary is a very safe place and I won't go anywhere," she insisted. " Plus it's Timelord consort's order," she jested.

"All right, all right, whatever you want," he backpedalled, "I'll get it for you."

Reluctantly he did as she had asked, leaving Sarah to her musings. She had certainly not expected how this was turning out. Actually she hadn't expected anything, she had just wanted to do something, anything to get some kind of progress. The good thing was, finally there was a progress. And even better, the progress had turned out to be only semi-catastrophic and she saw a good chance for improvement. It had definitely changed something in him, now he was radiating pure excitement, gone was the reserve and awkwardness that had been his constant shadow since the day he had confessed his feelings. And she still longed to share her bed with him, if possible without the mad frenzy and pain. To take care of the the latter she already had an idea.

Ten minutes later he returned, waving with the large piece of pale orange foamy material and a small metal tool. "Satisfied?"

"Yep, thank you."

"And you don't want to tell me what you need it for?"

She mischievously twinkled up at him as he checked the control panel of the machine. "No. You'll see later. How long do I still have to go?"

"Three minutes," he informed her, resuming his place at her head.

"Theta?"

"Yes my butterfly?"

"Can you answer me a question?"

"What do you want to know?" he gravely replied, leaning on one elbow. Absent mindedly he began to twirl a strand of Sarah's hair between his fingers.

"What happened with you when I seduced you, it's normal in a Timelord couple, right?"

"Yes it is," he admitted softly.

"It's the reason why you wanted to avoid intimate situations, isn't it?"

"Mmh," he mumbled, crawling with obvious embarrassment.

"What is it good for? Why does a male Timelord fall into a state of frenzy and...forces... his partner?" Sarah inquired, her curiosity about her alien friend and consort sparked.

"Erm... maiden Time Ladies put up a fight. You have to win her, otherwise you are out of the game," he explained.

"Wow! That's archaic! And now you have won me, there is no more need for violence?"

"Yes, you could say so. Although, the urge gradually subsides, during the first few unions."

"And the molecules, they are some kind of antidote, to prevent this reflex? Why haven't you told me?"

"Because then we weren't united," he squirmed.

"But now we are."

"Yes."

"So because we already had sex you are able talk to me about sex?"

"Yes."

It took a moment for Sarah to digest this bit of information. "But what about the link? We were united by the link."

"Doesn't matter. Linking minds and sharing a bed are two entirely different affairs."

"What? You can have a sexual relationship with one person and link minds with another?"

"Of course we can! It can happen, yes, but we do not necessarily always associate the carnal pleasures with a deeper mental connection," the Doctor huffed with some indignation.

"Complicated!" she sighed.

A little giggle so warm and tender that it melted her from the inside was all she got as a reply, instead he dreamily traced his index finger over her skin, down her neck, along the neck line of her T-shirt until the annoying beep of the machine interrupted him, indicated that the treatment was completed. Sarah sat up, satisfied that the sore feeling had vanished and was replaced by a slight itch.

"What do you want to do now?" he inquired.

"How about you giving me a nice massage. I would say I've really earned it."

"That sounds like an excellent idea," he agreed with some enthusiasm. He got to his feet and stretched out his hand, expectantly waggling his fingers. Sarah eagerly took it, hand in hand they careered up the corridors, through the console room like a pair of children, reaching the marquee laughing with joy.

The Doctor had parked the Tardis at the edge of the forest of the only sandy bay on the island. By now darkness had fallen and the chorus of the animals of the night hand began their concert. They stepped out into the pale light of two moons. Sarah affectionately slung her arm around his midriff, as a response he draped his arm around her shoulder, together they stood there for a long time, watching the stars above them, both finally at ease, at peace, where they always longed to be.

"A wonderful night. So peaceful," Sarah sighed, breaking the silence.

The Doctor wrapped his second arm around her, hugging her close. "And so inspiring," he crooned into her hair, deeply inhaling that very particular smell of her. "I think I heard you mention a massage..."

"Mmh," she muttered, leaning into his chest. "I'd like a nice, long full body rub, I'm still stiff and sore from your foray. You think you'll manage that without doing the rhino on the rampage impersonation?" she teased him, running a finger down is belly.

He replied with an eager nod, although paling a little bit around the nose at the rhino bit. In an hour or so the mating urge would be back, although very likely not as violent as the first time and he reckoned he could control himself. His fingers searchingly wandered to the hem of her T-shirt.

"For a massage you have to get out of this," he muttered into his ear.

She stood very still, the low, sultry tone in his voice thrilling her to the marrow.

"Ah, you like that," he commented her emotional response with a knowing little smile and began to pull up the fabric with one hand, the other comfortably resting on the small of her back. He helped her peel out of the T-shirt and then, taking a step back, he discarded of it, eager eyes drinking in and appreciating the sight he had just revealed.

"Now we are on equal footing," he commented their state of undress, softly he laid a hand on her naked shoulder and lead her back inside. She glanced up at his face, scanned the link, but for the moment there was no trace of frantic madness to be found.

"Not yet" he responded to her unease. "We should have at least half an hour until the urge will start to build again", he whispered, smitten by the view of Sarah's perfectly shaped breasts, the soft curve of her belly, the gracious shoulders. The breath hitched in his throat when he realized that all this splendour of nature was his now. He sneaked his hands to the button of her skirt when they reached the diwan. "This has to go, too," he informed her, undid the button and began to unzip it. The skirt fell away and under the watchful eyes of the Time Lord Sarah stepped out of it. "You are beautiful, you know that?"

"Oh I certainly hope so," Sarah quipped back, quite flustered, even if it was stupid. After all this was the standard male compliment, had probably been for the last 100000 earth years and she had no idea for how many Gallifreyan ones.

"No I really mean it," the Doctor burst out. "You know what? I take you to Leonardo and ask him to to do a portrait of you."

"What?"

"You don't like the idea to pose for him?" he softly inquired.

"Leonardo as in Leonardo da Vinci? You think he would paint me?"

"Well, I certainly hope so!" he retorted, taken aback how Sarah could even think she wasn't good or pretty enough for that. "But if you don't like him we can always find another painter that suits you better. Maybe an impressionist."

She chuckled at the idea that the Doctor let her decide if Leonardo da Vinci was good enough for her. Thrilled at that prospect she settled down on the diwan, kicked a few pillows out of the way . "I think I like the idea," she replied lying down on her belly, expectantly presenting her back to the Time Lord.

He sat down next to her, gingerly placing his hands on her shoulders, reminding himself of the subtle anatomical differences between humans and Gallifreyans. He began to feel for the shoulder blades, then dug his finger tips into her muscles.

"Oh yes, right there, that's so heavenly," she moaned when he hit a particularly tense spot. "You know, there is a bottle of sun oil in my beach bag," Sarah softly suggested.

"Good idea," he muttered, reaching for Sarah's bag to dig for the small bottle. Soon he rubbed a generous amount of the lightly perfumed oil into her skin. She had wondered for so long how those large hands would feel on her naked skin and it turned out that he had that certain balance of the tender and vigorous. Probably he sensed through the link what she liked and what she didn't. For quite a while the Time Lord kneaded his way through her anatomy until her whole body was tingling, her muscles blissfully relaxed. Certainly in the future she would every once in a while employ his service. "In case you ever stop travelling you could do this for a living," Sarah muttered dreamily. "You would make a small fortune."

"Currently I have no plans in that direction," he told her, his voice all deep and velvety. "You can roll over now."

Obediently Sarah did as she was told and was rewarded with a blissful grin on his face. Deliberately she closed her eyes, eagerly awaiting what he would do and was a tiny little bit disappointed when he stretched out her right arm and began to massage her limb with the same long, sweeping motions as before.

Of course her longings hadn't gone unnoticed. A pleasant rush of desire began to flood his body, the adrenaline went up, his hearts began to thump in his chest at Sarah's nearly naked form in front of him. He took a deep breath to calm his emotions, swallowed down his growing anxiety and then stretched out his hand, eager to learn more of the secrets of the female body.

She was at his mercy again, but this time his touch was hesitant and infinitely gentle as he ran a finger over her perfectly shaped little breast. She opened her eyes just a little bit, enough to beam up at him so fondly that he took heart. A complete stranger to this he reminded himself of how she had touched and kissed him and began to mimic her previous motions, carefully watching her body as well as the link for her reactions.

He bent low and began to nibble at her earlobe, then kissed his way down her neck, savouring her delicate taste with his tongue. Never before had he had the opportunity to explore the female body in such depth and he was awestruck. A quivering moan escaped her, she dug her fingers into his curls. An eye half open she watched with some amusement how mesmerized he studied her body, every little movement she made under his hands and lips.

"So I'm your latest scientific experiment" she soft chuckled after a while, when his tongue tickled the skin around her navel,

Instantly his head shot up and he retreated, "Am I not doing it right?" he asked her, an eyebrow raised with alarm.

"Oh yes, you are. You are getting the hang of it rather quickly. I like to be your scientific experiment." His expression lightened up to a relieved, happy grin and he bent low to give the soft flesh of her stomach some more attention.

"How about kissing you there, you know," he finally whispered, quite suggestively.

"Oh! You cheeky boy! You learn really fast!"

Again he looked up and in her eyes with barely curbed passion. "I'm a Time Lord. You forgot? And we share a link."

"And you are a Doctor of everything," Sarah jested when she felt the strength of his hands as they closed around her hips, his breath hot on her skin as he slowly tasted his way down to her groin. Her knickers had to go! He pulled the fabric out from under her bum and down her legs.

"We are in no hurry, right," Sarah softly reminded him as gentle fingers began to caress the hair line and he agreed with a grunt. They wandered deeper to find the moist furrow, slowly moving up and down, indulging in the slick warmth as he continued to kiss and suck Sarah's belly. She quivered with delight. Softly she laid her hand on his, guided it to her most sensitive spots and showed him how to caress her, slow and fast, tender and passionate.

„You know, humans can come only once in a while, so if you rush things you spoil all the fun for me," she whispered her instructions on lovemaking. "I have no idea how it's for female Time Lords, for human women it's not necessarily always about getting to the climax as fast and often as possible, it's about enjoying the sensual experience, being together, giving each other pleasure. You understand?" .

"As you wish, my princess," he murmured, eagerly nodding, an intoxicated gleam once more shining bright in his eyes. He ran his fingers along her most private places as she had shown him, eagerly inserted a finger, another rhythmically circling the sensitive bud, giving her a different type of massage. Sarah's breath deepened and she moaned softly as her muscles involuntarily contracted. She could have lain there forever, savouring his caresses, her body more and more on fire under his cool hands. Ready, more than ready to have him in her fully.

Eyeing the bulge that had once more formed at the front of his trousers she determined that he was more than ready, too. There was something she needed to do, even if every fibre of her body screamed protest when she sat up, ending his heavenly ministrations.

Surprised, disappointed, he looked up at her. And a low groan escaping him when she sat in front of him and began to busy herself with his trouser button. His eyes widened when very slowly she pulled down the zipper. He encased her head in his hands and began to kiss and nuzzle her hair. She helped him strip out of his trousers, Sarah stifled a giggle when she revealed a pair of yellow, polka-dotted boxer briefs style underpants.

"You are not going to attack and overwhelm me again, will you?" she inquired.

Horrified he shook his head so she proceeded. "Lay down and close your eyes," she softly insisted.

Hesitantly he complied. Sarah groped for the foam and cutter she had left under the diwan and settled down right next to him..

He sucked in breath when once more fingers found their way under the waistband. He moved so she could get it out from underneath him when she pulled it down. Now he was at her mercy. As a Timelord the reverse of roles seemed strange to him at first and he struggled with that deeply ingrained urge to take bedroom matters into his own hands. Warm hands caressed his belly, took their time to sneak lower, finally fingers gently embraced the shaft, exploring first, then tenderly stroking up and down a few times until he couldn't help but moan with lust. What she did was thrilling, exhilarating and a pang of dissatisfaction was the inevitable result when she suddenly stopped and let go. A rustle of fabric, then the faint hiss when she switched on the laser cutter.

"Keep your eyes closed," Sarah urged him when he stirred. "Don't worry, I'm not going to cut anything off," she added with a giggle.

There it was again, her touch, but it wasn't the sensual stimulation from before, more a busy fumbling alternating with Sarah working the laser cutter. His eyes still tightly shut the uncertainty what she was doing drove him nuts and his anticipation reached the breaking point.

Again he her hands slid down his most private organ before she unhanded him. "You can open your eyes now," she muttered, a hand lightly resting on his thigh.

He propped himself up on his elbows looking down at himself, incredulous when he detected a ring of orange, foamy material that was sitting at the base of his erect member.

He lifted a very indignant eyebrow.

"It's a buffer," Sarah explained. "As we are not exactly compatible..."

"I can see that," he interrupted her. " And it's ingenious. But I still don't like it," he whined.

"Can you guarantee that you can restrain yourself? Do you even want to restrain yourself?" she softly countered.

Something flickered in his eyes, a petulant protest on his lips. "Erm, not entirely sure," he admitted.

"See? This is the better alternative. It will be more enjoyable for both of us," Sarah crooned. What he needed right now was distraction, so she took action. She stretched right out next to him and pulled a linen sheet over both of them. Then she snuggled close to him, wrapped her arms around his neck and began to nuzzle his cheek.

It did have the desired effect., he kissed her back with passion. Sarah placed a hand flat on his chest, feeling it rise and fall, through the link sensing the arousal that got hold of him. "Sarah, can we, you know, would you want ... " he soon begged, voice husky with longing and forced restraint.

"We certainly can!" Sarah breathed and to her delight in a moment he was once more all over her body, this time eager to do all the things that gave her pleasure.

...

He indeed learned fast. In the early morning hours and after a few initially still a bit rough but a lot more controlled attempts she counted this night as definitely among most interesting and enjoyable ones of her adult life. When she felt him stir next to her she knew she was quite unable sleep with him again, so she slid her hand down his loins, feeling him respond, moaning softly at her touch. Slowly, rhythmically she gave him what he craved for, to her delight he was so much more laid back now, gone was the restless hunger, he just relaxed into her touch, relishing in her caresses. She heard his breath quicken, he gasped her name and shuddered under her hands when he finally came, slow and with a groan of deep relaxation and then went limp, completely spent, snuggling his head to her shoulder.

She grabbed the beach towel to wipe off the mess he had made, then leaned her head close to his and gave his earlobe a tender bite. „Now this was really nice and civilized. Is my darling Time Lord fully satisfied now?"

A soft, drunk moan was all she got in reply.

„That's good, because I'm getting tired and I'd love to fall asleep in my lover's arms."

Wordlessly he draped his arms around her and pulled her close. He rested his head to hers and she could feel a deep sense of warm, blissful content pour into her mind. She couldn't help sending him back all the tenderness and affection, his mind glowing bright in response. So this was how Time Lords share affection she mused.

"It's as close as we can get," he chuckled, "We have to be careful because of your...erm, history. I wouldn't want that any harm comes to you."

She understood, revelling in his warmth. He let the contact slowly fade,until just a faint sensation of his tender presence lingered at the edge of her mind. She snuggled into his arms and after a few minutes she dozed off. With a deep sense of wonder, he continued to stroke her hair for a while, until a week of sleep deprivation as well as the strains of their maiden night took it's toll and he, too was blissfully asleep.

...

...

Sorry folks, that it took me so long to update, but I didn't see where to possibly divide this rather lengthy chapter. And it was the first sex scene that I have ever written. Hope you enjoyed that finally this whole story goes somewhere. ;-))

This scene was an idea I had 2.5 years ago when I was waiting for the train back home from a music festival. When I started to write the story around it I would never have expected that after 2.5 years it ended up at more than 100000 words and still not finished.

I'm glad that there are some readers who are still hanging on. Leave me a note what you liked. And also what you didn't like, it's always interesting to get not only praise but also some honest feedback.


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